How should a woman act when she genuinely likes a high quality guy to keep his interest, make him want to commit, get him to like her even more?

ninetiesbaby16 · 2020-06-08T21:27:47+00:00

Is it really “withholding sex” if you don’t sleep with a guy the first 90 days or whatever it is? Withholding implies that it’s something the guy is entitled to, and if you’ve only known a guy a couple weeks he’s not really entitled to much.

Also I don’t think it says anywhere to completely ice him out and show no affection at all...

Ordinate1 · 2020-06-08T20:12:29+00:00

I think that I would drop that woman like a sack of potatoes.

Don't get me wrong, I expect to pay for dinner, and am fine being the "director" of the relationship (I.e. picking a restaurant after asking and she "doesn't care"), but if you never initiate contact with me, I assume that you are not interested.

If you want me to like you, don't "act" at all. Be yourself, because that's who I want to know before committing.

SherbertBacon · 2020-06-08T21:06:33+00:00

Be open and honest about your feelings and desires. No games, no lukewarm attitudes. Enthusiasm should be reciprocal. Have some maturity. That includes not hopping into dating for a rebound/when you're not over an ex yet.
Know what you want in life and be brave enough to ask for it, seek it out, and filter for it. Can't tell you how many times I've moved on from a woman who was stuck "figuring things out" about her life. We're adults now. Have the skills to know your directions or I'll just keep moving on to find someone who does.
Have enough security to not get obsessive, overly jealous, or clingy. Have your own life and independence. Wanting marriage and kids is a huge turn-on for me. Needing it and making me feel like a placeholder is a major turn-off.
Take care or your self. Make your own personal growth—both inwards and outwards—one of your top priorities. I do the same so I expect it in my partner.
Don't be too "nice." I don't trust overly nice people because I'll never know what they're really thinking, and it takes too much emotional and mental effort to crack the code of what they really mean. Speak your mind and let's work together to come up with the best solution.
Play into the biological elements of courtship. Let me do a bit of chasing (but remember, no games), let me pursue while showing you're still interested.

never initiate any connection

That's not true for all of time. It's only in the early stages, and they do this to assess real investment. It's a good point. That said I might lose interest if I never heard from them first. I'm nobody's second choice (and they wouldn't be mine if I want to commit), so if I can't suss out sincere enthusiasm I move on, and quickly.

2020-06-08T22:04:46+00:00

How should a woman act when she genuinely likes a high quality guy

Does he like her back? Attraction can't be negotiated. Is A is not attracted to B, IMO there's nothing B can do.

to keep his interest,

Keywork here is "keep" so we're assuming that he's attracted to her. How to "keep" that? I don't think one can. As cliche's as it sounds my answer is "be yourself" if it's meant to be a longer-lasting attraction than the honeymoon period (whatever long that is) it will... and it takes two. Sure someone could "fake" certain behaviors to keep someone else .. more attracted. For how long? Sooner or later someone's true colors will come out. And... would anyone think that a situationship based n false pretense is a healthy one?

make him want to commit,

For starters.... when the 2 met, was he looking for a committed relationship? Because if he was not and he was looking for something else.... IMO it's practically impossible to make someone change his mind on this matter.

get him to like her even more?

Same as above about being oneself, a good and healthy situationship is a gift that keeps on giving... within the context of the type of situationship.

I am well aware that my thinking goes against what rom-com movies, dating columns, dating subs, dating books , dating coaches want everyone else to believe.

reluctantly_red · 2020-06-08T21:42:45+00:00

She needs to be high value herself. No faking that.

Kentucky_Supreme · 2020-06-08T22:08:05+00:00

Why would this high quality guy waste his time with someone that seems totally not interested? (Never initiate contact, never show affection, withhold sex). That sounds like the woman isn't interested at all.

This high-quality guy they're talking about probably has plenty of other options. Obviously he's going to spend his time with the women that are showing interest in him.

Plus, even if he did want to pursue a woman that didn't seem interested in him at all, isn't that a #metoo case just waiting to happen?

Can't help but wonder what type of logic goes on in FDS.

Matt_Door · 2020-06-08T22:13:06+00:00

Initiating contact is the surest way to signal to me that you are interested. Never initiating would make me think you aren’t interested. I expect to and don’t mind initiating most of the time.

reluctantly_red · 2020-06-09T00:18:41+00:00

make him want to commit

There is only one answer. Be someone worth committing too. Pretty but vapid women are a dime a dozen. Why would a guy who's invested lots of time and effort into becoming valuable settle for woman who hasn't done those things?

wtknight · 2020-06-09T05:58:00+00:00

I think that withholding sex, but not physical affection, until a man shows that he is serious and is emotionally committed is a good idea.

The money thing seems excessive to me, though, and will probably scare away some guys whose only fault is that they are frugal. Just withholding sex should be enough to keep the non-serious guys from wasting her time.

Barely-moral · 2020-06-08T20:12:52+00:00

Any high quality guy has a plan for his life. He has a goal in mind, a destination. He is going there with or without you. So you do what you have to do to prove to him that you are compatible with his end goal.

I can't be more specific because the specifics change from individual to individual.

handklap · 2020-06-08T20:13:56+00:00

[removed]

AutoModerator · 2020-06-08T20:03:06+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

TechnicalMight0 · 2020-06-08T20:28:34+00:00

Choose/vet the right men in the first place...

nemma88 · 2020-06-08T21:53:24+00:00

Never is weird. Relationships are give and take. You give some you take some. I'd assume a man who is only taking, or trickling like 1/3rd isn't that interested. I'm not going to wait several months for sex nevermind making someone else.

The idea of trickling attention comes from RP and I'm not a fan.

psypD · 2020-06-08T22:20:32+00:00

Be a high quality woman.

fakeaccount687 · 2020-06-08T22:33:38+00:00

Just be yourself. Dont act crazy interested or it'll make you look like one of those girls at a party that flirts with every guy just for the attention.

Appomattoxx · 2020-06-08T22:47:31+00:00

FDS says to never pay, never initiate any connection, never give any gifts or other acts if affection and to withhold sex for several months.

FDS is about learning to be alone.

It'd be nice if there was a whole subreddit devoted to your question. But there isn't.

I'd say the #1 thing is... to start young.

FeniZio94 · 2020-06-08T23:44:05+00:00

If a guy is high value... he doesn’t have to “game” any woman... since the supply of pussy is in such huge amounts, why would he bother at a woman that’s playing hard to get ?

darksoldierk · 2020-06-08T23:48:07+00:00

Sexually? You should have sex with him as early as the earliest you've had sex in prior ONS or relationships. If the earliest is first date, then that's when you should have sex with him.

Non-sexually? You should definitely do the exact opposite of what FDS says, in fact, do the exact opposite of everything FDS says, they sound like morons.

gainzgirl · 2020-06-09T01:23:45+00:00

To keep interested make it known early that you're open to a relationship but can function without one. Then read him and ask questions.... their preferences, past, ideal relationship. If it's not a match don't change just to "make him want to commit". Both sides should be able to verbalize what you actually want. Men like knowing you have standards, and you can get insight of his.

2020-06-09T04:21:05+00:00

FDS is right and wrong. It's right in identifying ways in which high-quality men are filtered for, but it's wrong in the degree to which those filters should be applied.

Never paying is bullshit. Never initiating connection is sick. Withholding sex for several months is demeaning.

LittyKitsune · 2020-06-09T04:38:56+00:00

I think I agree with the overall of gist what they're saying: don't chase after high-value men. I have yet to see a case where chasing after a man with options actually ended well in real life. It's better to let those sort of men come to you and vet them.

That said, I think there's a happy medium between all-give and all-take. You can be a prize without making the game unwinnable.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-06-09T04:44:41+00:00

Be a high quality gal.

Failing that, join FDS and use promiscuity in a vain hope to hook a Chad.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-06-09T05:25:41+00:00

Show competence, maturity, kindness, integrity, honesty and intelligence.

And of course, you have to be attractive to the man. Attraction can't be negotiated. If you he isn't attracted and he doesn't see you as a woman he would be proud to show to others, he's not committing

Play childish mindgames and you are out.

FDS has no fucking clue in anything.

2020-06-09T06:39:18+00:00

Act classy and respectful in all public venues and then deepthroat him like a maniac each and every evening. He’ll hang around.

barbodelli · 2020-06-09T07:49:44+00:00

Withhold sex for several months?

That is horrible advice. If the guy has any value whatsoever (has options) he will just walk. Even if he likes the chick. Mainly because he will see it as a sign that she is not into him. Regardless of whether she really is or isn't.

Edit #1 Wait holy crap just read the whole thing. "Never initiate contact" and "never give affection". This shit will only work on men who are madly desperate. It will work pretty well on them actually. This is not a guide to keeping a high quality man. This is a guide on how to get a simp to keep simping.

Edit #2 Man I can just imagine this. Some cute chick in her 20s. Finds a good looking guy who has a great career. Treats her well they have a fantastic connection. Then she proceeds to run him off by following this god awful advice.

SeemedGood · 2020-06-08T20:14:43+00:00

That FDSers value simping.

Mimoxs · 2020-06-08T20:26:29+00:00

The issue of FDS inherently is that they're on a unicorn hunt for the mythical "HVM" and reach for impossible goals. No men are high quality by general standards because these women don't understand how men work.

So basic answer: there is nothing you can do because male nature is not easily influenced. You have to choose a man good enough for this purpose, who already has qualities you're looking for - even then, keep in mind it is a gamble, there is no guarantee as men are prone to complete 180s in personality once they are comfortable

Men's degree of how much they like you is entirely dependent on his individual personality. Some men you could practically sacrifice you life for, and they'd barely look your way, others will adore you for no reason.

Male loyalty is a gamble - there is nothing you can do that really increases your chances.

Men will never keep interest in one woman, it's just not possible. Commitment, maybe. The vast majority of men who don't cheat do so out of lack of opportunity, or fear of consequence, so you must maximize these things.

Choose a man who will not have opportunity (read: ugly guy) or a make him afraid of the consequences in some way, or a religious man.

DangZagnut · 2020-06-08T21:17:53+00:00

FDS says to never pay, never initiate any connection, never give any gifts or other acts if affection and to withhold sex for several months.

Sounds perfect with no possible downside.

I'd go with their advice. Women would know best how to make a guy commit. I'm sure they have some side bar reading that explains precisely how to do that.

Doomzdaycult · 2020-06-08T21:33:12+00:00

Here's the truth:

At the start of a relationship we assume everything you say is just you telling us what we want to hear so that we will keep the "relationship" going. (I.e. "I'm not looking for anything serious" "I love watching you play Call of Duty" etc...)
Because #1 is full of "I'm the perfect match for you" stuff we know you are not, and eventually when the facade drops (eventually it always does) we move on.

My fiance and I got together just before I started lawschool. From the start she told me what she was looking for in a relationship, and I could either take it or leave it, and I did the same.

For me: No marriage and no kids until I passed the bar,

For her: Our relationship had to be a team effort and not be taken for granted (her last BF gained a ton of weight and played Warcraft 24/7).

We agreed, and a couple years after I passed the Bar I proposed.

My advice: Be honest about what you want, and who you are (from the start), and if the "High Quality" guys run then lower your standards until you find the one. Stop hunting out of your league, and trying to learn "tricks" to "bag a good one."

TLDR: If you sound like the perfect girl for us, then we assume your full of shit and just trying to snag us, so we feel no remorse when we "lose interest" after the truth starts to come out.

KapteeniJ · 2020-06-08T23:15:16+00:00

[deleted]

Comments