I kicked my narcissist LVM of 6 years out of my apartment after breakup and now regret it?

postmodernistweasel · 2020-06-08T18:32:08+00:00

You poor thing. It's a horrible, horrible feeling. But you are deluding yourself. Your life isn't over, it's about to begin. These kinda guys suck you dry and leave you so empty and lost. It will take time to rebuild yourself. Don't regret it, he was cruel and disrespectful to you and will only ever cheat and hurt you. Without him, you will be able to make a happy life for yourself. You just have to get through for a while. Do you want to be 40 and find yourself still with this lowlife, cheating on you and making you miserable? With no friends or hobbies and nothing but him in your life? No. You did the right thing, no question, so please stay strong and start making plans. You have to practice putting him out of your mind and learn to love your own company, doing the things you like. I send you the biggest hugs.

chickennuggetspicyyy · 2020-06-08T18:32:29+00:00

When they show you who they are the first time, believe them. Trust me OP .. being single and away from this toxicity is worth far more than staying in a relationship that consistently tears you down. I have been in a similar situation and I just had to realize that I fell in love with potential rather than who he really was. It’s so sad that they reveal their true selves over time. Consider it a blessing, you dodged a bullet. You’re still young and I think now is the time that you discover yourself.. without him. It’s okay to not be okay, and it’s not going to be okay for a while. But trust me when I say being without him is better than being with him. He can’t love you.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-06-08T19:09:16+00:00

I found out I was pregnant, he cried, begged and pleaded for me to get an abortion.

Ok this might sound cruel and idc how many downvotes I get bc I think you need to hear this...He did you a huge favor. He sounds like the exact kind of dusty you don't want to have children with. You should be breakdancing and doing the running man and a touchdown celebration that you didn't get this far in with him.

I love him I really do, we did everything together. We spent almost every day together, talked every night before we went to bed. Every single place in my city reminds me of him. I feel like my life is over. Through the course of the relationship I lost all my friends, all my hobbies, all my sense of self. I dont even know who I am without him.

Despite all the good times y'all shared something in you told you enough was enough and you got the guts to finally boot his ass out. Be proud! And you can finally have yourself and your energy back again after all these years. Say hello and be glad to see her again.

He seems perfectly happy that this is happening and has had a smile on his face this whole time.

Count yourself lucky. The hardest and most dangerous part about breakups is when you can't get rid of the fool. But he'll probably try to come crawling back. Don't falter.

I wish you luck on your recovery. You'll be fine. It'll all be okay. I've been in your shoes. A lot of us have. You'll make it.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2020-06-08T18:49:02+00:00

Speaking from experience:

This post hit hard. I was in the same shoes about two years ago. I made a reddit post about my toxic narc of an ex and the comments made me break up with him. I owe who I am now to those commentators.

Breaking up with a narcissistic boyfriend like that is tough. He’s all you have. It feels like your body is addicted the highs of the relationship. It’s rough, but I can promise you that you’re gonna thank yourself a year from today.

He will never stop cheating on you. He only loves himself. You need to put yourself and your mental health first. You DESERVE to be in a happy, healthy relationship. Stop hoping that he’ll ever get better.

I broke up with my narcissistic ex almost two years ago. It was bad. I though a lost a part of myself. It took a while to re-establish my social circles, to get my self esteem and self worth back. But boy was it worth it. I’m flourishing. I also had to deal with my mental health and figure out why I was attracted to being treated like shit. There still are toxic men which attract me when they lie or neg me, but now I take a minute and think “why am I attracted to this? this isn’t healthy, I shouldn’t be chasing him” and I take a step back and cut him off.

You need to physically stop yourself from chasing your bfs (exbf?) toxic traits. ACCEPT that he will never love you or anyone else. He only loves himself. It’s easy to remember the first year of the relationship, how perfect it was, but that’s not the same guy standing in front of you now. Get OUT. It will be hard but you will thank yourself!!!!!!

potatodreamspablo · 2020-06-08T18:51:49+00:00

Hun I have been there and I am TELLING YOU, this hoenstly is not going to be as bad as you think, and soon you will see this guy for he trash he is!! sometime soon you are going to be thanking yourself every other minute that you made his decision and stuck to it and you will truly see this is the best decision you ever made for yourself and you have just enabled yourself to have a much bettr life and be available for something a million times better. You are 26 and the world is your oyster now without this total ASSHOLE holding you back and fucking your present and future !!!

Keep coming back to this list of shit he's done and remembering how desperately you do NOT want to end up married / FGF to a man who did all these things to you in the early years of our relationship!!

You will feel an amazing sense of strength and self efficacy knowing that you had he strength and conviction to get out of this shit storm.

You are so young and you have your whole life ahead of you and your a wonderful catch for a HVM. you do NOT want to still be shackled to this asshole when the right man walks into your life.

The main thing I noticed after my break up from similar circumstances was I had SO MUCH more time and energy and peace for my own life and my happiness and my rate of progress sky rocketed. I had no idea how much this had weighed me down!! I looked, felt and was better in myself than I had ever been before and it was so unexpected.

YOU WILL GET THROUGH THE PAIN AND FEEL 100 TIMES BETTER THAN YOU DID IN THIS RELATIONSHIP SO MUCH SOONER THAN YOU THINK.

lean into looking and feeling your best and building up your own life - make your flat lovely and exercise!!

Also, happy ending - I was in a great relationship with a HVM months after my breakup and it's still going strong years later!!!

ontherailstoday · 2020-06-08T19:43:51+00:00

You didn't fall in love with him you fell in love with the guy he pretends to be when he wants something from you.

hopeful_flounder93 · 2020-06-08T18:54:04+00:00

I'm so glad you reached out; we'll always be here to support you 🥰 You are SO young, and the way you're feeling is VERY normal. He literally groomed you to feel this way, lovebombing you in the beginning and then treating you like garbage for years. If you start to slip, try to look at this relationship more objectively - you know any relationship with cheating and abuse like this is irreparably broken. There is no coming back from that... "low-value" doesn't even begin to describe it.

Surround yourself with people that love you, and focus on doing things you enjoy. With time comes clarity.

Lots of love!

Howslap · 2020-06-08T19:24:21+00:00

Ohmygod this honestly sounds so terrible. This is definitely narcissistic abuse. Look up Dr. Ramani and educate yourself on your condition. It is the only way you'll be able to break free from the toxic push/pull of your relationship. You are still so young and have so much life ahead of you. But if you try to continue a relationship with him I GUARANTEE you'll end up a broken shell of a person. You can't imagine feeling worse than you do now but trust me there are always fresh levels of hell with narcissists. You need to stay firm in your decision. It'll be hard because narcissists make you addicted to them. They are your drug, they make you feel amazing highs but also the devastating lows of withdrawal. You must block him on everything. Go on YouTube listen to Narcologoy Unscripted, listen to Dr. Ramanis videos and interact with the community there (they are lovely people). Just stay away from this man, he sounds so toxic that I'm truly scared for you and your well-being. Please feel free to DM me if you need any support. Just stay away from this man. Stay strong sis ❤

tellmesomething11 · 2020-06-08T18:50:58+00:00

I mean, you’re out of your comfort zone right now. Even if it was toxic, and he cheated, you are familiar with him. You are now navigating a new territory without him. Honestly, I’d consider therapy. To allow a man to cheat multiple times and still want to be with him shows really allow self esteem on your part.

He escalated, too. Became more insufferable and even cheated with a friend the last time. No. Now is the time to start caring about yourself. I’d block him. It’s hard but it really helps to not check for him. If he contacts you, tell him you’ll go to the police if he contacts you again. Be the woman that doesn’t take him back and just move on.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2020-06-08T19:04:01+00:00

Sorry that your BF was a turd. I know how you feel, it really does feel like life is over. Now is the perfect time to clean all the junk out of the apartment and find new hobbies.

veruscka · 2020-06-08T19:31:43+00:00

This really reminds me of a break up I had in my mid 20s, although it only lasted a fraction of the time yours did.

It’s normal to feel what you’re feeling now, but please don’t give any more time to this guy! He does not respect you and he isn’t kind. And when he comes crawling back asking for forgiveness and acting charming (and he will - probably when you’re just starting to move on), you have to put your foot down and say no.

kwalden2 · 2020-06-08T18:25:40+00:00

From personal experience, I know the lease is yours, but nothing can clear your head from LVM like moving across the country. Or at least out of the apartment you used to share. How's your career? Has he been messing that up too? If your job isn't enough to keep you around, sublet and explore options.

BaffledBazaar · 2020-06-09T00:21:35+00:00

You just ended a 6 year relationship. It's gonna hurt, but you will be better off.

I dont even know who I am without him.

Rejoice in this opportunity you have. You're 100% free to find out who you are and this man who does not love you can't hold you back.

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-06-08T23:20:18+00:00

You may love him, but you gotta love yourself. You gotta love being respected, listened to, appreciated, you’ve got to love not needing to hear a single thing from him. You have to love seeing your future as investing time and money and effort into yourself as you pursue your dreams. You have to love coming home to your apartment that you consistently pay for, and work for. You have to love listening to music and buying yourself dinner and flowers and not listen to any arguments. You have to love not thinking you owe men anything if they never give you respect. You have to love peace and not fighting over something not worth winning. When my narc broke up with me, I had to rewrite my letter of why I broke up with him, to give me a sense of control. So if roles were reversed and he broke up with you, would you give him a second chance? No way. We love you.

Hhjjuuy · 2020-06-09T05:21:09+00:00

Through the course of the relationship I lost all my friends, all my hobbies, all my sense of self

This is love?

Of course you are hurting, he has hurt you. He has hurt you repeatedly for years. Why would you not be hurting after enduring that?

But it will get better. You will be ok. You will find yourself. You will love yourself. You will be loved. Please, reach out to your family or the friends you think you have lost. You can heal from this. Make some plans, big plans and small plans. Stop looking at his face. Wash him away from your mind and from your life.

throwawayitst · 2020-06-08T21:41:28+00:00

Read how to heal a broken heart by guy winch and men chase women choose. Ofc its going to hurt for but in 3 months youll feel more alive than ever, i promise. You’re going to realize you scared you were and how easy it feels now and you’re going to thank yourself

radical__daphne · 2020-06-09T06:38:20+00:00

This is what happens when you leave an abusive shitbag who sucked your life in like a black hole. This is what happens when you leave a 6-year relationship that you started at 20 years old. You're going to have to start all over again.

You get to start all over again. The future is wide open. Maybe make a positive playlist and hype yourself up? Make a list of things you would like to do now. Find some fun stuff to do. Make some friends.

It's going to suck for a while and then it'll get a lot better.

wootykins · 2020-06-09T06:11:45+00:00

Being with him (and with narcissistic men) is like heroin. Studies have shown that women recovering from narcissistic men exhibit the same level of pain as recovering drug addicts (read the book Power by Shahida Arabi). It’s because the lovebombing (showering of affection in the beginning of the relationship) is an attempt by the abuser (your ex) to lure you in. Once you’re hooked, he starts withdrawing affection, devaluing you, only doling out affection every now and then to keep you hooked. You’ll keep chasing that love “high”, wishing he’d be the same as when you first met him. That ain’t gonna happen, sis. How could someone who said they loved you so much in the beginning, treat you like shit? He showered you with affection in the beginning to lure you in, and what you see now are his true colors.

I’m also recovering from a narcissistic ex. I can tell you, it really feels like a drug withdrawal. But I can tell you, with no contact, over time, the pain will subside. Four weeks ago I was a sobbing mess who couldn’t eat and just slept all day. Now, I still think about him but it’s been replaced by feelings of anger. And someday, it be indifference. I trust that with a soul-crushing experience such as this, you will find the inner strength to rebuild into the next, better version of yourself.

lomolola · 2020-06-09T12:45:41+00:00

I’m in your exact shoes right now. 5 years of dating, 5 years of him talking to women behind my back, 5 years of him spamming women with likes on social media, 5 years of him being addicted to porn and cam girls. The cherry on top was him cheating with my best friend. YET I’m so fucking excited to finally be single and you should be too! The past 6 years you’ve spent crying and begging for him to change, and somewhere along the way you’ve completely lost yourself. Spend this time to now rebuild yourself into someone you’re proud of. Because I don’t know about you, but I am sure as hell not proud of the things I let that man get away with. Shame and embarrassment is not what I want to see when looking in the mirror. So it’s time to fix it. I’ve found that writing letters addressed to him helps. Get your feelings all out there, let yourself feel the emotion and don’t leave anything out. But please don’t ever actually send it to him, he doesn’t deserve to hear what you have to say. I wish you the best of luck girl. We got this ❤️

xlillinxysx · 2020-06-08T22:32:12+00:00

I promise you you'll feel amazing in a month when you've grieved and realise how much better off you are. Keep distance, no contact, and seek therapy. I promise you it gets better. It really really does. I'm sorry you went through all that.

crystalspringspace · 2020-06-09T01:55:12+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this. All of my three failed relationships have been hard in different ways each lasted around 3yrs:

First guy: first love, first everything. I truly thought I was dying when he broke up with me. I was young, about 19 when it happened.

Second: he was a lot older, rich and possibly saved my life. I was on Craigslist and sleeping with men to make money. At the time I didn’t understand how dangerous this was. We met on seeking arrangement, he shortly paid for all my bills so I didn’t need put my life at risk anymore. I broke up with him because he was going through a messy divorce and I couldn’t accept his priorities.

Third: this was the weirdest of them all. This guy was also older and our relationship was plain toxic. He had two separate personalities. On paper, he was trash, emotional/verbally abusive. I also suspected he was seeing escorts. If I didn’t move across the country, I would probably still be under his spell.

My point is that you should do whatever you can to cope. Get a cat, move apartments, focus on your job. As soon as your heart can stand it, start flirting with guys online to start envisioning yourself with someone else. It’s not easy, but the day will come when you don’t think of him at all.

Mean-Head · 2020-06-09T11:17:13+00:00

Wow okay first of all I am so truly sorry that you have had to put up with this. You do not deserve this kind of treatment. Your story hits so close to home, I swear I could have written it myself. I was in your exact shoes a year ago. I had thrown my whole adult life away for a man who treated me like dirt and cheated on me every chance he got. I forgave him for every awful thing he ever did to me because I was so desperate to keep a man. I had no friends, no life, no ambition for myself, nothing other than him.

If you choose to take him back, you need to realise that this is as good as it’s ever gonna get. If he hasn’t changed before, then this time is going to be no different. Do you want to spend the rest of your life living like this? With a man who says he hates you? Cheats on you? That’s your soulmate?

If you leave him behind then your life can only get better. Rebuild yourself - make friends again, find out what your interests are, work on your career. Another man will come along who you don’t have to literally force to be kind to you.

Title	I kicked my narcissist LVM of 6 years out of my apartment after breakup and now regret it?
Author	verysadgirly
Upvotes	50
Comments	35
Date	June 8, 2020 6:10 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gz4ixg/i_kicked_my_narcissist_lvm_of_6_years_out_of_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-kicked-my-narcissist-lvm-of-6-years-out-of-my.674180 https://theredarchive.com/post/674180

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