Update to the post about 23F who was strangled unconscious during sex by her the 35M BDSM loving boyfriend. SHOCKER: He’s an abusive POS!

TheOGJammies · 2020-05-24T13:56:58+00:00

ORIGINAL POST:

https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gnqq76/my_26f_boyfriend_35m_choked_me_until_i_passed_out/

UPDATE:

https://snew.notabug.io/r/relationship_advice/comments/gphush/update_my_26f_boyfriend_35m_choked_me_until_i/

The last text message she got from him was the image posted above

outside-perception · 2020-05-24T14:00:37+00:00

Whenever I see the words "no one will love you like I do" that's always a dead giveaway they're likely talking to six other women behind your back to set up in case you leave.

Also dead in six months? Sounds like a threat. The first commenter on that thread is a social worker like me and this dude isn't even creative.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2020-05-24T14:40:16+00:00

You mean a guy used BDSM as a legal and socially acceptable to indulge in physical, emotional and sexual abuse?!?!
::Shocked pikachu face::
No really I’m not even going to click on that thread because I already know it’s filled to the brim with “sex positive therapists” 🙄 and kinkmeishas subtly defending BDSM abuse.

radical__daphne · 2020-05-24T15:19:40+00:00

Men like this need to be put on a registry. There needs to be a publicly available registry of male domestic abusers.

blackopium777 · 2020-05-24T14:46:19+00:00

"No one will ever love you like me" SHE BETTER HOPES SO BECAUSE THIS SHIT AINT LOVE ITS TORTURE!

giftofnocondemnation · 2020-05-24T16:10:20+00:00

Malignant narcissist right there. When a man says "no one will ever love you like me" , he is not exalting his great love, he is degrading your lovability. As if no one can love you. Men want you to have to depend on them to live. They hate a strong woman. They find it a personal insult if you stand on your own two feet. Ladies you are precious and lovable. Most men are ice cold, what do they know about love anyway?

gursky0 · 2020-05-24T16:33:56+00:00

I’m legitimately afraid for this woman’s life.

GraveyardH2020 · 2020-05-24T16:42:38+00:00

I had an ex fiancé once tell me no one would love me like he did and other people didn’t care about me like he did. I called him out on that SO hard. His excuse was that he didn’t mean it like that and it came out wrong and he just loves me so much blah blah. I’m no contact with him now. Guys who say things like that are GLARING red flags, and we need to learn to leave immediately. No matter how mad I ever was at him, the thought to tell him no one would love him NEVER crossed my mind.

Buckley92 · 2020-05-24T18:12:33+00:00

The good news is... it’s being handled. She’s left him. She’s taken the second text seriously and shown it to the police, they are also taking it seriously and have given her a protection order. They’re looking at charging him, both regarding the rape and the threats. She has supportive friends who sent male acquaintances to go and forcibly remove her stuff from his home so she wouldn’t have to do it. They’re also hiding her and not telling him where she is until she can escape to family in a different city. She’s gotten away.

RegularStatus5 · 2020-05-24T16:45:09+00:00

I will so glad she decided not to give him another chance and went to the police. I am so relieved on her behalf.

cremeblushers · 2020-05-24T18:33:42+00:00

I feel awful that the first thought that can into my head was “I knew it”. All the red flags were there: large age gap plus coincidentally he’s super into bdsm and took no responsibility for his actions. God I hate them. Now he’s gonna make his way back to kinky sites looking for even younger women bc “older girls are bitches who don’t understand kink”.

Classic500 · 2020-05-24T18:51:12+00:00

The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the victim leaves. The 2nd line is totally a threat.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2020-05-24T20:21:06+00:00

I really hope she doesn't delete these messages. She'll need them for court later as evidence to support a restraining order.

LADIES! When dealing with an abusive POS, remember to keep the texts because you may need them in court. They will save your ass!

sugaredberry · 2020-05-24T17:40:20+00:00

Wow that message is chilling, and like another commenter pointed out, not creative at all. It’s obvious what he is from this short exchange.

positivecatz · 2020-05-24T20:38:49+00:00

There are so many comments on it like “this isn’t rape” and “BDSM isn’t really like that, it’s safe!” Also just random comments like “hahaha you were raped!” Wtf is wrong with people. So scary.

FewCucumber29 · 2020-05-25T01:10:57+00:00

This is why women need to figure out their boundaries before even thinking about potentially going into the dating scene. They don't need experience in other relationships to establish boundaries that maintain their sense of self respect and personal control. Often times, it's bad relationships that bring attention back to something a woman already knew should have been enforced in the first place. But, so many women could have avoided the wasted time, energy, and destruction that took place had they simply established, and consistently enforced their boundaries of respect. This is why even the smallest red flag is grounds for them to leave a relationship. This is why women do not have the obligation to feel guilty for leaving short or long term relationships when these red flags pop up.

That woman got into a relationship with a man who demonstrated his fetish for her in his sex life, and she may have been so unaware of how relationship dynamics worked that she let it pass. This is why younger women need to be wary of age gaps in a relationship. Seemingly nice men will lie to them about why they're in a relationship in the first place. This is why women need to find out why older men aren't in relationships with women their own age. She even says in one of the comments she left that the last 4 out of 5 years in her relationship felt like she was on autopilot.

That is the most concerning part. Too many women are on autopilot in their relationships. They let things happen if they're not overtly severe things. It starts with something as small as the man not texting you when he said he would. You could have decided to end the relationship. If you stayed, and you didn't confront him or he gave you a phony answer this is indicative of an established power imbalance in your relationship. He now knows he has some wiggle room to mess with you, while you're off thinking that you like him too much to simply get rid of the relationship. It then moves on to something like him buying you food that you don't like even though you've stated in conversation you don't like that food. But, you eat it anyway because he's already spent money on buying it. You could have told him you're not eating anymore of the food he brings that you've explicitly stated you don't like, and if he can deal with it if it's his problem. If you don't do anything, he's seeing that his wiggle room is not just limited to the communication sphere, but to other parts of the relationship. Then it moves on to him trying something risky in the bedroom that you never said he could try, but you let it slide because you happen to like it or it's not that big of a deal. That's when you could have left right then. Even if you do like it, you need to ask yourself why he felt so comfortable doing something with your body without your permission. It's not because he knows you that well. It's because he knows he can get away with it and you've conditioned yourself to not enforce every single boundary you have in your relationships. The time gap between these events does not matter. Whether it takes him 5 years, 60 years, or 2 weeks to do these things. They were all opportunities for you to peace out of the relationship. You would have been better off peacing out at the first of these events as soon as it happened than later.

A woman should never not know what is going on in her relationship with someone, not for one minute. She should never feel like she's just floating with someone. She should never not know where she's headed with a man. She should never let the smallest boundaries slide. If she's uncertain and unable to clarify what's going on in the relationship either due to fear or due to the fact the person doesn't seem to disclose everything, she must leave.

Many people will call you crazy for wanting to know where you are in a relationship all the time. Those people have not faced the realities of relationship dynamics. Those people will tolerate low value behavior from others, and when they see someone who won't tolerate it like them, they don't like what they see. Do not listen to these people.

Don't wait for a man to shove an issue in your face before you ponder your relationship. You could've been long gone and much more satisfied a long time ago.

Unfortunately, this woman experienced something she should have never been subject to. This woman was on autopilot, and even worse is this man knew it and escalated the situation to a point where she was raped, also could have died. It's good that she's away from him now, but I hope she sees the fallacy in her relationship and doesn't go back to it like she says she's been considering doing in her post.

lillunaindica · 2020-05-24T21:05:18+00:00

Hey - totally agree w everyone. The dude is a POS. But: is there any way we can put a trigger warning on posts like this? For those who’ve been through something similar, being triggered esp during a pandemic is rough.

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Title	Update to the post about 23F who was strangled unconscious during sex by her the 35M BDSM loving boyfriend. SHOCKER: He’s an abusive POS!
Author	TheOGJammies
Upvotes	243
Comments	40
Date	May 24, 2020 1:56 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gpq28t/update_to_the_post_about_23f_who_was_strangled/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/update-to-the-post-about-23f-who-was-strangled.675308 https://theredarchive.com/post/675308

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