I seriously have no words for this. From r/relationships... wouldn’t let me cross post

(30m)(27f) My boyfriend kept going on about how much he enjoyed his exes during an argument with me about sex.

My fiancée Alex and I have been together for a year now. Excuse me if the following sounds like a teenage argument but I am quite upset.

He has always been a bit of a jealous person, and something he really really focuses on is... getting head. Even before we slept together he was telling me how excited he was to get it off me and he’s constantly asking for it. Which is fine, I don’t mind, he’s not a selfish lover at all. But he’s also very jealous of the idea that I did this way more for other guys, with no real reason to be.

As a bit of context, at one point he was asking me something about how often I used to go down on guys vs them going down on me. I really can’t remember the exact raising of the topic I’m afraid. But I mentioned to him that I’ve never been a HUGE fan of giving head, and in fact remember having a conversation with one of my exes where I discussed that I wasn’t too keen on giving him it when he wasn’t doing anything for me in return (I was young!). I was intending to make him feel better, but!

Since then, he’s taken this to mean that I spent the majority of that relationship “gagging on his penis” for months on end until “I begged him to come up for air” (none of which I said). I’ve constantly reassured him it wasn’t that much, I go down on my Alex way more. He doesn’t listen.

He also went snooping through my old Reddit posts one day when he had my laptop and found a post on r/sex from a guy I was dating BEFORE him where I was asking for tips on sleeping with with a guy with ED, and happened to mention that I’d gone down on him in response to a comment. I saw that guy like, twice. Can Alex let me forget it? Hell no! I’m just a “penis lover” “nothing but a penis sucker” “just a mouth to use and abuse” etc. Obvs with more colourful words than that but I think my post will get deleted if I use those words. Add in how “disgusting” I am, nothing more than a dump for you know what.. the list goes on.

I really don’t know what his obsession with head is. Giving head was a small proportion of those relationships, far less than the amount of times I’ve done it with Alex, but no matter how often I tell him I’m just a “penis sucking liar” who won’t listen.

I get jaw pain because I have problems due to grinding my teeth in my sleep. That means at times I stop after a few minutes because he’s sore. Is he okay with that? No, and I quote “with me you just complain about jaw pain whereas you were just sucking everyone else off for hours” (again not true) and “you only give me head for every 20 times I bang you”.

That’s just the context. Here’s the issue. He’s jealous, I get it. It doesn’t come up most of the time, before you all ask why I’m still with him.. just in arguments. But then this happened yesterday which is what I really wanted advice about.

I decided to broach where his obsession with head came from and whether it was something to do with his OWN jealousy with his exes or if he felt I wasn’t doing what he wanted because it was so excessive.

I got the above in a much worse fashion but then he started telling me how much he liked getting head off his exes. How good it felt to get head off them and how nice it was and how much he enjoyed it. Every sentence he’d drop in how much he liked head with other girls. Now he’s often told me he likes mine more, which I guess was a bit of an ego boost, but then yesterday he kept saying how much he just liked it, how he liked it even more than sex with his exes because it just felt so good. He said I was probably just better off it because I “am a champion of sucking” and have been “doing nothing but sucking guys off for years” and there’s nothing else to me.

Closely followed by another sentence or two about how good it was from his exes.

When I tried to redirect it to me, he’d just repeat how good it was off anyone and the best thing ever.

I got upset because when I say he kept saying it, he really kept repeating it. It was like he was enjoying telling me how good head off his exes was. When I told him I thought it was irrelevant and hurtful he started making fun of me, saying things like “sorry it’s just the truth, head is just so good, can’t you handle the truth haha?”

And then it descended into attacking me for having sucked guys off for hours which he wished his exes did for him.

I feel sick and I don’t know what he was trying to do. Can anyone give me some insight? I feel hurt because I don’t think I needed to know that, especially not in the way he was going on about it - but even more than that, I feel like maybe I set myself up for it by asking a question that I didn’t want the answer to. But then I certainly didn’t ask to be repeatedly told how much he loved head before me only to be told that I just complain of jaw pain and don’t do what I did for other guys (which isn’t true).

If at all possible, I don’t want to be told to break up with him. We’re engaged and I’d like to work things out. I more just wanted an outside perspective on what this all means. Is he upset that I’m not giving him what he’s had before? Is he just trying to hurt me? Am I not good enough? I’m not sure what he wanted me to feel.

This is going to sound pathetic but he made me feel like he preferred them and maybe this has all just been about me not being good enough which is why he was going on and on about how good others were. Does that sound accurate?

Edit: I just want to say thank you so much for the overwhelming and supportive response. I’m sorry I can’t reply to each one but I promise I’m reading all of them. As dramatic as it sounds I feel like my entire world has just been flipped up, I’ve been incredibly naive and I need to make some decisions. Thank you everyone

tldr fiancée has always been extremely jealous of the fact that I gave head to other guys, even though I’ve told him it’s so much more with him. In an argument about this, he decided to spend hours waxing lyrical to me about how good it was from HIS exes and how much he enjoyed it and I’m not sure why he would do that.