Talk Therapy: tales of your pickmeisha past

raindampened · 2019-12-28T11:55:31+00:00

the fact that you cringe about these means you grew as a person. congrats to that!

my own cringy habit that I recently stopped with; trying to emotionally connect with men after 1 casual conversation.

HeroForHire369 · 2019-12-28T15:49:19+00:00

I once said outloud to an ex,

"It's a very scary time in America for white men."

I'm half black.

I'm a woman who has been sexually assaulted twice.

And I was watching the Daily Wire and Ben Shaprio clips daily, among other Youtubers.

That memory came up in the shower a few weeks ago, and I visibly cringed so hard I'm surprised I didn't pull something. If there was a final Pickme Boss, that was me.

You have permission to shoot me, because I want to do it myself whenever I think about that.

11ben478xyz22hrtx12- · 2019-12-28T13:11:57+00:00

Oh too many to list. I know I’ve grown though because recently, a guy I had been dating for a few months broke up with me. He texted me to go to his house so we could talk, odd of him to say so I knew what he was planning to do. I wasn’t going to drive an hour to his house so he could break up w me. I made him do it over text and then I never responded. Before, I would’ve asked for an explanation and I would have driven there and I probably would have tried to talk him out of it. This time... bye. I denied him the closure or satisfaction of seeing my reaction or hearing my response. He got nothing from me as he sent text after text trying to explain, and finally when he realized I wasn’t responding, an apology for doing it through text because I “deserved better.” He was right about one thing, I certainly deserve better.

levelupcleverup · 2019-12-28T14:39:33+00:00

I kept waiting for him to commit: performing sexually, being sexy/cute/pleasant, charming his work colleagues (yes he took me to Bermuda when he had a board meeting as a prop, essentially), not “nagging,” not demanding exclusivity, and not expecting daily communication. He wanted the perks, and he enjoyed not being accountable. FINALLY I wised up. I cringe to think about it.

Corevaloos · 2019-12-28T15:19:21+00:00

Years of being emotionally available to pigs with no ability to recognise value. Dont date anymore unless they are top tier

LeAshow · 2019-12-28T17:34:08+00:00

Playing house with a 26 year old when I was 18. I would cook and clean up after him after I got home from class, after going to work. He told me “This is how you audition to be a wife”. So gross!

osweII · 2019-12-28T17:10:52+00:00

I had my first actual boyfriend going into my adult life and I had barely saved $2500 and I blew it all to impress him. He didn’t have a car so I let him drive my car which had a $400 note and he offered $75 to help and never did. I went to a music festival and the price tag for the both of us was about $1100 including the hotel/gas/food. He said he’d help pay after the festival and I being a dumb ass bitch said okay. So after we came back and it was around pay check time I asked for the half and he said “well you’re the one who wanted to go, you forced this trip on me.” But I still wanted to be with him. Now I’m in a different relationship and I’m watching out for red fucking flags bc I refuse to be treated like that again

usernamewhichisfree · 2019-12-28T12:11:20+00:00

Oh there is sooo much. I shaved my arms because he didn't like body hair on women at all. I made my hair blond because he liked that. I just smiled when he said one day he wants a threesome with two prostitutes... there is so so much more. But I changed gladly!

LifeIsABitchhh · 2019-12-28T18:14:05+00:00

A lot really but when I was like 18/19, I was seeing this guy in another city & I would always come see him. Never once did he come to my city to see me.

My dumb ass would pay for a cab ride all the way there (no car) cause in my mind, he has a place with his cousin & I live with my family, so it makes more sense we spend time there. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Why did he never come see me, even just to go grab something to eat? No! It was always being in his room & fuck & I enabled that. So cringy & embarrassing.

NEETwithAchainsaw · 2019-12-28T17:17:05+00:00

Up until recent years its been a slow improvement I've done really stupid things trying to change myself for men. Back in highschool I dated a guy who told me I should wear short skirts and I hated skirts but I wore what he liked to keep his attention while he embarrassingly groped me in public. I also used to put up with negging and apologize for my faults when pointed out and then apologize more when they'd get mad at me for apologizing! I would blindly believe everything they would say like "she's just a friend" or "she's like a sister to me" or "she's a lesbian" and feel really hurt when I'd find out none of it was true and he was cheating on me. I even got back with a guy who actually confessed "I only asked you out because I was desperate but I love you now" I feel like a total idiot and wish I could kick my own ass for that but its good to recognize and learn from it now. LVM always want women to change for them but no matter how much they do it will never be enough. Lol be yourself, I cant believe I actually had to learn that.

TheLastUBender · 2019-12-28T18:50:46+00:00

Mentioned it before, but: legitimately blamed myself for my exes failure to finish his degree because I might have 'taken too much of his time'. I was four years younger than him, not particularly interested in the subject, worked and did extra curriculars and still passed, somehow. Oh, and I also let him saddle me with the full responsibility for birth control.

madamejesaistout · 2019-12-28T17:39:38+00:00

So I had a thing for my recently-divorced boss. He strung me along saying nothing could happen because he was my boss. I found another job and went to a party expecting him to pay attention to me. He brought a date. I was devastated.

I went back to work with him because that other job was terrible. I tried to set boundaries but I wasn't strong enough. We continued to flirt. He continued to date other women and answer their calls and show me pictures from their dates.

When I finally got it through my head that he was never going to want me (after he drove 3 hours to pick up a date for our office Christmas party and she sat in the office while I tried to finish work) I unfriended him on Facebook and stopped listening to his stories and jokes. I started going to the gym and dating.

It took him 2 months or so to realize I unfriended him on Facebook. Then he had the gall to give me a bad performance review! He never wanted me, but when I finally accepted it and moved on, he threw a temper tantrum and pretended it was about my attitude!!! I want to punch his stupid face.

indiaraw · 2019-12-28T16:37:50+00:00

I literally voted for a political party I don’t agree with ... on the grounds that he was very conservative and I reallyyyy wanted him to like me & see me as his equal during the election . (I was sort of brain washed and at the time didnt mind the party I voted for ... but hindsight is a beautiful thing ... ugh.) extremely embarrassing and of course he didn’t end up “liking” me anyways 😇

so yep now I will always remember (+ be ashamed) contributing my democratic right to vote > to the bullshit government we have now , who are literally ruining the country > all because of a FUCKBOY who I stupidly fell in love with and his dumb fuckery political opinions

ruby_radmuppet · 2019-12-28T17:01:58+00:00

Used to go over to his place late at night and spend hours watching him play video games. Once he got tired he'd cuddle and kiss me a little. What a boring waste of time. Now when I see men playing video games I straight up ignore them. I'm not competing against a damn game.

Radtron3000 · 2019-12-28T19:31:10+00:00

18 with a 26 year old: paid months of his rent; he'd openly flirt with other women in front of me. Suspected he was cheating.

26 with a 24 year old, lol: paid for a trip for us, he conveniently "forgot" his wallet. Got stranded, had to ask favors to send him home.

He was insanely emotionally detached. Dated him for nearly 3 years.

Recently 31 with a 36 former addict: Cleaning and cooking for him when he was sick. The way I show love towards someone is by caring for them because, contrastly I never received that kind of care growing up.

Therapy is in the works, yep.

funmisticqueen · 2019-12-28T13:27:31+00:00

very easy to see why you fight a lot.

next time you fight, regardless of who started it, leave the scene with your purse, take a walk outside, hail a cab and find yourself in a random bar or club, switch off your mobile. Dance the pickmesha spirit off like you are being exorcised, crash at a friends place. then go home tomorrow like nothing happened.

infact behave like there was no argument. if he tries to bring it up, look at him all dazed, like you have memory loss

cxllblocktango · 2019-12-28T19:51:21+00:00

i needed this! my ex started drama over the smallest things, multiple times he got angry at me for walking ahead of him on the street and i had to beg for forgiveness over dm. also, i'm very into kpop, and he got jealous of the fact i had photos of my favourite boy groups in my room. he raised hell over the fact i had a photo of one of my favourite idols in my wallet. "that should be me." he said. lol no bitch you're ugly and jin is a god

psychacct · 2019-12-28T19:40:16+00:00

Oh god... Just off the top of my head:

I helped my ex look for BBW women for a threesome (that he wanted way more than I did), didn't react when he waxed poetic about his friends' "super large" breasts and compared them to mine (which are just normal sized), and tried to brush off my feelings when he completely ignored me at parties while he flirted with said friends right in front of me.

I let him "take a break" so he could ask another girl out... and then I got back together with him when he was inevitably rejected by her. And still, I didn't say anything when they continued to chat secretly through tumblr for years after that.

I let it slide whenever he compared me to ANY asian person in the media, regardless of if I had any personality traits in common with them. "Look! It's a chinese girl! It's you!" ... I'm half Korean, and my personality is nothing like hers. Like... come on.

That's not even including me doing his dishes, laundry, taking care of the bills, moving our things into our new apartments, and changing his flat tires... all while he just let me do that stuff. Because I wanted to be a "cool girlfriend" who doesn't get mad about these things.

I paid for almost everything, and I watched all of his favorite movies / youtube videos / played the games he liked / went to the restaurants he liked... and never got anything reciprocated.

Oh yeah, and then I took him back after he cheated on me *during the month my dad died*.

I tried to do all of the emotional work of the relationship. And I wouldn't have left if he didn't get a job that required him to move across state lines.

Ugh. I'm still kicking myself for so many things. Maybe I'm a bit trigger happy with ending relationships now, but I'd rather do that than be stuck in something miserable again.

Agrpscb · 2019-12-28T22:10:43+00:00

Hade a fwb with a fuck boy. Asked him what we were. He ghosted me. Came back a month later, I let him. Had a relationship for 2 years were he treated me like trash until I finally dumped him.

I also once ditched my friend on new year's Eve because I was new in love with some guy. I still hate myself thinking about it.

lostinkyoto · 2019-12-28T22:58:40+00:00

Even writing this makes me cringe, but here we go. After 6 years of marriage, I discovered that he was having an affair. I considered leaving but he said he wanted to make things work, and I believed him. I organized an international trip to help rekindle the relationship. He was distant during the trip, and one night he made a comment that he cheated because he was dissatisfied with his job. Ladies, I actually said out loud to him that I wanted him to be happy, he should go back to school to study whatever he wanted, and that we could live off of my salary. Looking back, I can only shake my head at how naive I was. As you might expect, two weeks after that trip, I discovered that the affair had never actually ended. I divorced him, moved across the country, and began leveling up my appearance and my hobbies (fractional laser treatment, invisalign, ski lessons, scuba lessons, etc). Then I discovered FDS and it confirmed so many things I had suspected. I'm now dating a handsome HVM who would have intimidated me in the past. Here's to 2020!

hilariouslystated · 2019-12-29T01:51:54+00:00

When I was about 22, this guy told me my hair looked terrible. When I reacted he told me I was being "overly sensitive", that he was a "straight forward person and that wasn't changing anytime soon". I then proceeded to go on a date with him, sleep with him on the first date, and put up with all kinds of mental and emotional abuse from him from that point forward. I thought that if I put up with enough, he'd possibly ask me to be his girlfriend after he realized how nice I was. I spent many nights crying about the awful things this guy would say to me about myself. But "love is pain", right?

This did not work and he eventually just cut contact with me but not without texting me a barrage of insults about how much of a dumbass I was and how much he would never want to date me.

I was baffled. I had let this guy sleep with me so many times and he still didn't want to date me. At the time, I just didn't understand how men treat women and sex but I get it now.

I will never again in my life let a man who insults my appearance and personality pursue me. I will never let them touch me. I will never let a man treat me like garbage all so he can potentially "pick me" one day. I will never let a man inflict pain on me for his entertainment. Lastly, I will never let anyone make me feel bad about having high standards for the kind of man I want in my life.

buffysummerrs · 2019-12-29T00:08:40+00:00

I dated a guy when I was 18-19. (I already told someone else on here) but he was about 23 at the time we dated. The dude was gross. I only thought he was cool because he threw parties at the local university and because an “older guy” was giving me attention. Anyway he was sex obsessed and thought beastiality porn was hot. Me being new to sex didn’t want him to think I was a prude, so I agreed with him on the subject. God, he was disgusting. He always wanted phone sex when we were away and I had laryngitis once and he got angry that I couldn’t “give him phone sex” due to it. He told me so many creepy ass stories and he had a fucked up city trash family. The things that guy talked about, I want to punch my younger self in the head and go “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!”. He was a sociopath.

Oh and he got his license suspended because he didn’t pay a fine, drove his mothers car around, smoked cigarettes, and still posts up stuff about weed on his FB when I last crept on it and I once saw he bought a bunch of skeletons for Halloween, set them up in his HOUSE (aka his parents home) put a big dildo on the skeleton and filmed it and posted it to Facebook and laughed. His mother was mortified.

I remember when he refused to pay a Verizon bill that had an enormous about of money for some excuse I can’t remember anymore. So anyone who is with him won’t ever be able to use Verizon if they marry him. The guy is trash. He had a small tattoo his shoulder that was a sun with his ex gfs name in the middle of it, and it was too “much money” for him to fill in. Lol I think he still has it.

The guy is a manipulator. After we broke up when I was 19, he immediately went out with a 17 year old girl. He was like 24 or something by this time. He actually lied to me about her age and told me she was 20 when I asked. Lol. They’re still together today. And a few years back he told me they were in an open relationship (sounds like a healthy relationship there), he met a couple off craigslist looking for another man and had sex with them. I’ve never told my boyfriend any of this stuff out of embarrassment, but I told my best friend who is a guy and he immediately told me “yeah that dude is secretly gay or bisexual, Buffy.” He’s since gotten fatter and bald. He looks so old.

riseaboveagain · 2019-12-29T06:56:00+00:00

Sadly, I can relate to so many things listed in these stories. But thankfully, the past is OVER - for all of us. Goodbye, Pickmeisha 👋

MsgFromSnail · 2019-12-29T07:49:07+00:00

I learned to play the ocarina so that my ex boyfriend would get back with me (we still had feelings for each other but he didn't want to be bf/gf again). He was a huge Legend of Zelda fan (game series where this instrument plays a role), and I even learned to play some of the game music for him.

It's great that I learned a new skill, but the reasoning was bad and I would beat myself up for not learning songs faster because I wanted to play for him. I also neglected myself and my friends so I could stay home and practise more... I cringe whenever I see the ocarina in my closet tbh.

OsamaBenLadle · 2019-12-29T09:33:06+00:00

Alright, let’s buckle in, girls. I have dependency issues. It wasn’t until a couple of months ago that I started using positive ways to fix them. I used my ex boyfriend as a safety net because I wasn’t quite ready to leave him even though he hurt me. I wrapped him around my finger while attempting to rebound so I can fall back to him if I fail. I knew I had to stop, but i couldn’t. I had him think I was going to stay even though towards me, he’s done some gross shit. He gave me an ultimatum to break up if I forced him to get a job. I just fell back in line so I didn’t lose him. I kept my mouth shut.

He called my mom a bunch of horrible names (and she’s the strongest woman I know) and I let him so he wouldn’t leave me. I never talked about my past relationships minus the big ones because he’d think I was cheating. He victim blamed me many times and I let him because I thought he was my only chance at love and a “good” partner.

And after all that, I was a shitty person. I know I’ve done crappy things in that relationship, but by god I owned up to that shit lmao. He’s crying and blaming me for him not having a job... after almost a year. I’m glad reality hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized I was using him for validation of my choices. I’ll give him hella credit for telling it to me straight up. But that doesn’t make him HVM at all.

Now, I’m in a new relationship. I am watching for red flags constantly. I have taught myself that I got a whole ass life to find me someone that loves me for me. Who has conditional love for both sides and does not see our relationship as a one way street. Even with this person, I’m already prepared to leave the minute I’m not treated the way I know I deserve. Thanks to my mom giving me that advice and confidence boost. I have a lot of schooling I’m excited to do. My path for my doctorate and teaching degree comes before anything else. I do not like how I acted in my past relationship nor like how I allowed myself to be treated. I can’t change it, but I can cringe from it. I can use the knowledge I gained to go to a better and more self-lovable place.

Nonetheless, is it bad that I’m still salty I didn’t receive an apology for the manipulative, gaslighting behavior? What am I expecting from an LVM?

Chiefy40 · 2019-12-30T17:17:38+00:00

Has anyone ever found themselves in a "pick me" situation in a relationship with another woman?

Title	Talk Therapy: tales of your pickmeisha past
Author	fim_de_semana
Upvotes	101
Comments	55
Date	December 28, 2019 10:43 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/egpfdj/talk_therapy_tales_of_your_pickmeisha_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/talk-therapy-tales-of-your-pickmeisha-past.686081 https://theredarchive.com/post/686081

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