My boyfriend sent me this...he knows I am not trying to live together until marriage. Ladies am I trippin or is this a potential proposal?👀

terribletimingtoday · 2020-06-19T17:18:07+00:00

Don't let him sway you into paying for that place or moving in! Stay firm in your boundaries.

letsberealforamoment · 2020-06-19T17:34:35+00:00

OP- he is buying a house for HIMSELF. Not you. You will not be on the title, or the loan.

Then when he asks you to get married, you will moving into HIS HOUSE. And if, and when, you guys get divorced, this house will NOT be marital property, will not be subject to division, and you will NOT recoup any mortgage payments or utilities that you paid while living there. The only expense you could recoup in a divorce is any fixed improvements on the house that increased it's value. The burden would be on you to prove all of that.

Don't be naive here. This is not a marraige proposal. This is him buying a separate asset that you will never have claim to if you get married.

LadyCoolJ · 2020-06-19T17:20:19+00:00

He better end this house viewing by getting on his knees! I am echoing the gals above in saying dont let him persuade you. Keep to your boundaries and stay strong sister!

girludontbringhome · 2020-06-19T17:27:52+00:00

Might want to be careful with using real name and pic (we can see this on the top of the screenshot).

Based on the texts it seems like he respects your position. Something similar happened to my best friend with her boyfriend and she was proposed to shortly after. But yes be vigilant and don’t let him persuade you into moving in as a gf.

VikingPug · 2020-06-19T18:26:12+00:00

I value your input?

Have you been giving him house advice and letting him know what you prefer? If not he’s buying it for himself. I’d want a man to propose and then buy me a house that I picked out. Not the other way around.

Please update either way.

DallasOMalley · 2020-06-19T19:20:04+00:00

It sounds like he's picked out a place, made an offer, and just wants your opinion. You might find this flattering but it really isn't. It's actually a red flag. If he seriously 100% saw you living in a house with him someday, he would want you to be able to choose a place with him. He would not be picking a place on his own, making an offer, letting the process proceed up to closing, and then fiiiiiinally asking for your input. Rather, he'd be including you in the house hunt from the beginning. Better yet, he'd have proposed before the house hunt even began. There is no "home-buying emergency" that would prevent a serious, financially stable man from proposing to you before looking for and buying a house.

I've owned a couple houses and been married. My ex husband and I shopped for a house together, and he wouldn't have dreamed of choosing one without me and then just asking for input after making an offer. He wanted me to be happy with the home we bought, so he treated me like an equal throughout the process.

There's a big difference between looking for a home as equal partners, and having a man peripherally involve you.

Also, as another poster pointed out, if he alone buys the place and you do get married, you may very well be left at a financial disadvantage if the marriage ends. Please listen to her, she's giving you good input.

prettylittledragon · 2020-06-19T17:16:20+00:00

I feel like he is maybe pushing your boundaries. Maybe he hopes you fall in love with the house and would want to live together without marriage. But if this is a proposal if he says "I'm fine with it" it doesn't sound like a proper proposal with effort being made.

2020-06-19T18:15:27+00:00

If he is expecting you to live there, why hasn't he talked to you about it before he is closing?

BlueJeanMistress · 2020-06-19T19:09:04+00:00

How long have you guys been dating? Have you had any serious conversations regarding marriage/timelines?

I have to agree with the fellow ladies on here. I would not feel comfortable with my man buying a house before we are married. I would want that to be a joint decision. Because if he buys it now it will always be his house and god forbid anything goes wrong he will dangle that fact over your head.

I hope you do get a proposal but if it’s not just be very careful!

ThatsWhat__I__Said · 2020-06-19T22:02:33+00:00

Proceed with caution, my dear. A proposal for marriage involves a ring and a very direct question.

I'm hoping for the best for you!

kwalden2 · 2020-06-19T19:30:43+00:00

I certainly hope this is a proposal for you. Have an answer ready before you see him just in case. If you want him and the house, say "yes, but I want my name on the title." If you don't want those things, have backup because this will get awkward.

Have you seen any pictures of the place? Can you find the address on google?

Please update. This is intriguing.

understatedalways · 2020-06-20T02:20:31+00:00

Red flag. He should have asked you to marry him, and you two should have picked out the house TOGETHER not him making a unilateral decision. Also, you won’t legally own the house if he buys it now. Abort mission.

kaoutanu · 2020-06-20T01:05:32+00:00

If its a house for both of you, surely you'd want input from the very beginning, not when he is closing on it?

What if you hate it and he doesn't buy it? Will he resent you for making him miss out, or being "picky"?

This would make me very uncomfortable. If your response is anything other than "omgz I love it!", you're going to look like the bad guy. If you do love it, you're going to be starting on an uneven financial footing and a more accelerated timeline than you would have chosen.

woldielocks · 2020-06-19T19:54:12+00:00

He sounds rather dismissive of your previously stated boundaries on living together. "I know and I'm fine with it".

Did you know he is buying a house? And what is his plan for it? He's going to live in it himself?

Blackishcat27 · 2020-06-19T20:26:23+00:00

Don't make assumptions yet. Go see and find out what's actually going on. Also to address what others have said, refuse marriage if he offers unless he puts your name on the title too.

Grimkatov · 2020-06-20T01:41:40+00:00

Listen sis, you can 100% make an opinion on this house - but be clear that it is HIS house and you don’t plan on ever living there without negotiating a contract with a real estate lawyer.

It’s a nice sentiment that he cares for your opinion but I agree with the other ladies that he’s asking your opinion very last minute instead of when he saw the listing 🚩. In his mind he could also set his eyes on it a long time ago, then wanted your final say; but 14months seems like an important conversation was to be had but didn’t 🚩

As a real estate assistant, I’ve dealt with couples who invest in a fixer-upper early in a relationship/marriage and be stuck with a house - in a dead relationship. Just be cautious!

A contract should detail the living arrangements and explicitly outline the utilities and mortgage payments (if you plan to contribute). Also they will include instructions when the other person loses their job or the relationship dissolves.

Flaky_Nobody · 2020-06-20T01:19:37+00:00

would you want this to be the way he proposed?

Tam2kids · 2020-06-20T05:05:17+00:00

I find it really odd that he is buying a home, without any input from you, knowing that you want marriage soon. I think this is a sneaky thing he is doing. He should wait and have you enjoy the house hunting with him. The whole fun part of buying your first home is looking for one together and imagining your life there. I smell something fishy. I personally would ask him why he is buying a house right now, maybe it's just an investment property? I would tell him that I am not interested in seeing his house. Doesn't sound like he really values your opinion at all. That's like going grocery shopping, getting all the groceries on the counter and then saying hey come look what I bought ...quickly before it's paid for and bagged. You have zero say in what's for dinner.

GlassesForSale · 2020-06-19T21:57:03+00:00

Does he cook, clean and take care of his place and is willing to share 50% of domestic work? That's VERY important to know before you move in with any guy. Because most of the time when guys really press for moving in together quickly, girlfriends just end up becoming unpaid maids to them. Don't fall for that.

mermaid1120 · 2020-06-20T05:15:35+00:00

Literally breaching your boundaries and not respecting them. He’s trying to see if you’ll give in if he pushes against your boundaries hard enough.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-06-20T15:22:31+00:00

You've received some excellent advice here. The only way I would like this proposal is if it's just a trick to get you where he needs you to be to propose. I don't think a HVM would be that close to closing on a house if he wants to get married. Like so many said, you two should be house hunting together, it shouldn't just be him.

I can't wait for the update!

Coldpinkhearts321 · 2020-06-20T19:36:32+00:00

He’s probably going to propose

meanemad · 2020-06-21T00:03:44+00:00

dont put a coin in that mortgage if your name is not in the property, dont live in that house if your name is not in the property. He buys the house before marry you???🚨🚨⛳⛳⛳ Hope you will be fine, but i fear he is trying to trick you. ❤

trudith · 2020-06-20T16:25:43+00:00

See the property and yes it does sound like that

cherieblosum · 2020-06-21T04:51:43+00:00

This doesnt sound like a proposal. As others said it just sounds like he's buying a place for himself. If he was going to propose he would've did that and then found a place with you.

Also, please be careful posting your name and photo.

missamourcali · 2020-06-19T19:58:19+00:00

He should buy a good house whether he's with you or not. But it sounds like he doesn't want to make a bad commitment that could jeopardize the one he has with you.

I think it means he wants to, but I don't know if it means right away

Title	My boyfriend sent me this...he knows I am not trying to live together until marriage. Ladies am I trippin or is this a potential proposal?👀
Author	ldonnawho
Upvotes	112
Comments	56
Date	June 19, 2020 5:13 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hc4m3r/my_boyfriend_sent_me_thishe_knows_i_am_not_trying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/my-boyfriend-sent-me-thishe-knows-i-am-not-trying.696343 https://theredarchive.com/post/696343

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