So when a person states a boundary that makes them uncomfortable, suddenly they’re controlling and insecure. Porn is cancer.

random1329 · 2021-01-28T13:11:22+00:00

Lol if you apply the logic of that last commenter “if they enjoy the food someone else makes, doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy my food too..” by that rationale, what’s wrong with cheating??? I mean if they enjoy having sex with other women doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy having sex with you too!! Why be jealous!!!

szxbxtch · 2021-01-28T13:18:41+00:00

I like how HONEST and assertive this woman is. Like she clearly stated her deal-breaker and if someone's isn't having it , they can leave. If it seems "insecure and controlling" to some men then they can go jerk off to multiple woman and have an ED by the age of 30. But seriously porn is so bad, it really makes people feel insecure about their bodies. I once read somewhere that don't ever look at your bf's porn history because it will have women that are the complete opposite of what you look like. And reading that made me feel anxious and betrayed.

lilneccowafer · 2021-01-28T13:33:13+00:00

something as mundane as watching porn

We've hit peak levels of normalizing this shit. Go to the front page of any mainstream porno site and see what's trending right now. Videos titled "teen abused," "wh@re gets fucked," "forced anal," and soooooooooo many more vile things. The people who think porn is "mundane" are the same people who think all violence and degredation upon women is mundane. It's completely normal for them to hate us, call us wh@res, rape us. Of course those videos are going to look tame to them.

They love to say "they're just actors" as if actors don't have pain centers in their brains to feel the abuse, or self-esteem to be damaged by the constant degredation. They convince themselves that an 18yo being forcibly anally raped and crying profusely asking to stop...is probably just a really good actress. Deep down they know she isn't. They really just like watching violent rape porn.

simplicityduplicity · 2021-01-28T12:21:01+00:00

“It’s no different than watching a movie for entertainment purposes.”

Ooook, then. With that logic, go ahead and masturbate to, say, any Disney movie. Or the news. Or NatGeo...

Porn isn’t entertainment and if you’re watching it so much that it becomes as such... you’re addicted.

howdoilogoutt · 2021-01-28T13:39:28+00:00

I remember being told that I would never find a man who would be willing to not watch porn and that it's manipulative to ask them not to! What a joke, young girls are being taught that they have to put up with this shit!!

Mella_20 · 2021-01-28T14:12:18+00:00

sEEms LiKe yOuRe InSeCurE

Holy shit can people like this stfu? They love to use that word so much. This is the majority of reddit that thinks this way.

super_thinker_ · 2021-01-28T14:38:30+00:00

The comments in this thread were making me cry. It's hard to see thousands of grown men gaslighting a young girl who is trying her best to set a healthy boundary.

I was looking for ONE guy to come in and say something like "This isn't an unpopular opinion, nor is it an unreasonable boundary to set. Stay true to yourself and put your needs first."

Platipus6 · 2021-01-28T11:51:31+00:00

i oNlY sAy tHis tO be hElpFuL

There's so much evidence that porn is evil and damaging to everyone involved. We have good reason to want a partner who isn't porn sick.

I hugged my own uncle and gave him a peck on the cheek at the end of his birthday party when I was 15 and my boyfriend lost his fucking mind in the car on the way home.

feeling jealous, insecure and invalidated over something as common and relatively mundane as hugging a family member may be an issue!

Men's attempts at preference policing and telling us what we can and can't flip out about are absolutely laughable considering how rapidly they lose their minds over truly mundane events. They know what triggers jealousy. They reserve the right to be the only ones who can go on murderous rampages while mate-guarding. We don't get to mate-guard against porn. We don't get to feel anything but self-loathing. Cool.

just kidding fuck that shit. throw the porn and the man in a dumpster.

weekend111 · 2021-01-28T13:59:22+00:00

Right answer is, leave him. Fun answer is, watch softcore porn with extremely hot guys and no women. They can’t take the triangulation themselves.

IgetUsernameScraps · 2021-01-28T14:33:33+00:00

It’s so damaging that they think the people in porn are “just actors” when a lot of those women are victims of sex trafficking, are being coerced, etc. Why is this not common knowledge?!

shoo_coworker · 2021-01-28T14:59:09+00:00

'Porn is just like watching a movie, the people are just actors'

Yeah that totally explains why so many men have mental breakdowns when they find out that their girlfriends or wives have done porn in the past/have an OnlyFans or filmed sex tapes with their exes 🙄

misszazie · 2021-01-28T14:09:30+00:00

Many comments ripped her apart for being 18 and possessive. I just hope she keeps that energy for life.

Eat_Pant_b0ss · 2021-01-28T15:02:01+00:00

I'm dead at all the pickmes lining up to go, "UM AKSHUALLY SWEATY, PORN IS HEALTHY, I USE IT, MY BF USES IT!" like please stfu Handmaiden

datthingy · 2021-01-28T14:58:57+00:00

For me it’s not “cheating” or because I’m insecure. It’s because I’ve seen first hand how porn melts a persons mind and they have to keep seeking out sicker and sicker shit to get off to.

Or how ED is the highest it’s ever been in men in their 20s because now they can’t get off to real partners.

Or the fact that a man with no prior communication or consent thinks it’s okay to slap or spit or choke me because he saw it in a porno.

Or let’s talk about the women coerced or trafficked into porn.

There are so many factors that ultimately prove that porn is incredibly harmful.🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

berned-out · 2021-01-28T14:50:11+00:00

Slave labor is great for the recipient! It's so much less work! It's so easy! It's so accessible!

Late stage capitalism at its finest, where anything that can be bought and sold should be out there on the free market. Earth and humanity be damned, new fresh free porn is a necessity as far as these apologists are concerned.

For my whole half century, all of progress has to carry this wet blanket of "maybe the women need to reconsider their opinions a bit, let's settle down and think about this". While women are choked, beaten, in tears, children raped, so johnny and jane can "easily get off".

Saying you don't want to see someone who doesn't share your views is fine. Boundaries is your right.

JiltedGroupie · 2021-01-28T15:43:22+00:00

So “go ahead and watch porn if you like but I won’t date you if you watch porn” is controlling, but “you have to date me even if I watch porn and you find porn morally repugnant” isn’t controlling? That’s Reddit for you, always mistaking “setting boundaries” for “being controlling”

Diamond_fairy · 2021-01-28T15:13:01+00:00

NVM and pickmes just can't respect boundaries and feelings: wtf with all the condescending gaslighting in those comments, wtf with telling people what's right to look for in a relationship... It's called "unpopular opinion", not "take it personal and change my mind with cheap arguments".

And the joke about her boyfriend watching porn in incognito? Projecting. Just a way to make her feel insecure and drag down to their low bar anything she may have.

I also feel nothing more than pity for the bangmaid that was going on about the "me time", trying to convince herself about how useful porn is in her relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if she's also into some sort of abusive and humiliating kink, without even realizing.

CelebrationKey · 2021-01-28T16:04:36+00:00

Porn is a bad habit than can all too easily turn into an addiction with consequences that range from e.ds, emotional disorders, to insatiable and dangerous fetishes and expectations.

Another thing that urks me, because of porn anal is normalized and considered vanilla sex now. Its so dangerous with long term lasting issues if done even remotely regularly.

Fresh-Presentation76 · 2021-01-28T16:07:09+00:00

I just don't understand how porn is simultaneously no big deal and something they can't be asked to live without.

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GrapeJuiceEnthusiast · 2021-01-28T14:56:42+00:00

[removed]

Title	So when a person states a boundary that makes them uncomfortable, suddenly they’re controlling and insecure. Porn is cancer.
Author	szxbxtch
Upvotes	161
Comments	43
Date	January 28, 2021 11:23 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/l6udi6/so_when_a_person_states_a_boundary_that_makes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/so-when-a-person-states-a-boundary-that-makes-them.738777 https://theredarchive.com/post/738777

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