Do you think decision fatigue is part of the reasons people struggle to get into relationships?

wtknight · 2021-05-03T18:49:14+00:00

It's just pickiness, selfishness and general dislike of differences, I think. If a person meets someone that he or she actually likes, then they naturally want to spend more time with that person, and then even more time, and then to live together, and then to make a commitment to each other for the rest of their lives, etc. People who are unable do this just have a problem relating to the opposite sex in the way that those who are of a romantic bent are able to for one reason or another. I've never had any problem establishing emotional connections with women and doing what it takes to start relationships with them as long as they want relationships with me.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-05-03T18:58:30+00:00

Chad doesn’t break rules, women break rules for Chad and make up rules for everyone else.
No one is envying Chad (for the most part) they’re just vetting based on how they know women treat men they like (Chad)... that is, if she don’t break rules for you, she don’t like you. That doesn’t mean you act like a woman and start throwing up imaginary tests for her to overlook... that’s how you end up playing yourself. And that’s why TRP calls women the oldest teenagers in the house.

If someone starts making up silly excuses for why they can’t hang out with you, are you gonna keep asking?

On a lighter note, devision fatigue sounds a lot like what happens when I ask a woman what she wants to eat, she then tells me she doesn’t care as she proceeds to say “no” to everything I suggest until we both starve to death surrounded by options.

Sage_Planter · 2021-05-03T18:55:35+00:00

I do think decision fatigue is real (especially during this past year of pandemic living - someone else just please decide what to make for dinner), but I don't think that's what the issue is with dating.

When it comes to dating, the problem is an abundance of option leading us to indecision and the fear that something better could be out there. This is one of the main discussions in Aziz Ansari's "Modern Romance" (which I'd encourage anyone dating to read). We've moved from a society of finding a good partner within our limited circles to having the ability to find a more "perfect" partner virtually anywhere. Because we've drastically increased our options, a good enough partner is no longer good enough. We want the perfect partner who fits into all these specific boxes.

Unfortunately, this has created a system where people are constantly looking for the next best thing. You might have gone on a great date last night, but you know, she doesn't really like hockey which is really important to you so maybe you'll just go back on Tinder and see what else is out there. Your next great love might just be one swipe away! Thanks to online dating, it's so easy to feel like there's lots of options out there, but it's really just an illusion.

The perfect person and the perfect partner doesn't exist. A long term relationship is two compatible, but imperfect people, making the decision to commit to one another day after day. Online dating just encourages you to match and meet with different people while continuing to keep your options open just in case Mr./Ms. Perfect. It's made us all afraid of commitment because we're worried it's closing the door on a potential partner that's way better than the person we're currently dating. We feel more like we're losing something by making the commitment to one person instead of gaining something.

2021-05-03T18:59:11+00:00

The point of “what about Chad” is to demonstrate what genuine attraction looks like. If she’s not treating you like a Chad, then she doesn’t rly like you. She’s simply entertained by you.

LowCreddit · 2021-05-03T18:52:39+00:00

Fatigue is one part but the best analogy actually comes from sales/marketing. Women today suffer from The Paradox of Choice. If given one to four options, humans are very quick to make a decision and move on. Above that number, people freeze because they become overloaded by choices. They are so scared of making a sub-optimal decision that they will refuse to make one altogether. This is absolutely one of the biggest problems with modern online dating. Women have so many choices that they are terrified on missing out on a slightly better one.

DreamsOfWishes · 2021-05-03T19:59:12+00:00

I started noticing (even with myself) that people struggle to makes decisions with minor items.

How about: it's doesn't need to be as specific as decicion fatigue.

Dating is fucking work. I'm tired. I'll date when I'm less tired.

evanstown21 · 2021-05-03T20:25:15+00:00

I don’t think people struggle to get into relationships. People struggle to find other people that they seriously like. And of course it should be hard. Every one is a unique individual and you want to find someone that complements you.

AidsVictim · 2021-05-03T19:56:13+00:00

So now that we got out of the way let’s talk about AVERAGE people..

Average men have few choices so they are affected by it less. Average women have a lot of choices so it's far more relevant for them.

ridderrobby · 2021-05-03T18:44:23+00:00

Yeet the baby

Shirts_Pants · 2021-05-03T19:19:03+00:00

The reason why a lot of men can't let go of CHAD is bc society still pretends like Chad doesn't exist when telling men how to behave with women. Men are constantly shamed for their lack of personality, game, or subpar life situations. Why say men are having problems with women bc they need to be more confident, respect women more, be less sexist, less toxic, etc. when Chad and many other toxic shitty men succeed with none of those things?

The enduring message is much more than just "this is why you suck with women", it's more like "you are insufficient" and "you need to be a better person."

xXx_FireHydrants_xXx · 2021-05-03T19:07:16+00:00

This is an issue that largely affects women as their egos were boosted too much during their hot 20s and then they try and maintain that shit in their not so hot 30s. Like imagine once they're older and "established" they think the fact that they live alone and have a job is a massive positive thing going for them (it's not because most women in their age group have the same fucking things so commonality kills the value) so they become even pickier because they think their value has skyrocketed since their 20s when in reality it's a lot about their looks and she more than likely doesn't exercise worth a damn and fully leans into makeup to keep her looks up, so in reality her looks have degraded and the wall is coming in. Not to mention it's fucking easy to get dates as a woman, even with the wall (makeup and filters hides it), so her picky behavior is something she can actually maintain for awhile and even possibly succeed as she might run into some maxed redpill or wealthy bluepill and settle down with them the poor bastard.

Guys don't get this because they either have to deal with women's shitty standards and having high standards themselves is a recipe for dying alone, that's why most men aim down and only the lucky guys get an equal partner.

2021-05-03T19:02:48+00:00

Not even a little bit.

DREADC0RSAIR · 2021-05-03T19:03:21+00:00

Definitely a huge factor, usually with the more inhibited types.

This doesn't seem to be valid when expressed to women. They commonly regard men as manipulators regardless of why we can't perform to her standards. Oftentimes it's best to just ghost and save everyone the trouble.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-05-03T19:14:08+00:00

Many people suffer from analysis paralysis from overwhelming amounts of options these days.

cuckspace · 2021-05-03T19:22:22+00:00

Interesting term, decision fatique. Dating advice for men says they have to lead, ask her out, pick the place, be funny and entertaining, be decisive, escalate, lean in for the kiss etc. Men have to make decisions from A to Z while the woman sits back and either approves or says no.

It’s funny that men have to make these decisions, because more often than not, women know the dating places in and out, not only because they go on more dates, but they also go to restaurants and cafes with their friends much more than the average man. But I digress.

Decision fatique can be likened to the “mental load” that women in LTRs like to complain about, but it affects men especially in the beginning stages of dating. In fact this pressure for the man to lead and keep up a frame of decisiveness never goes away, if he wants to keep the woman attracted. For men that are mere humans it can feel very tiring to never be able to just relax and be themselves.

NameOfAction · 2021-05-03T19:28:36+00:00

Sounds neurotic

4D-Alien · 2021-05-03T19:32:11+00:00

yes. especially for stuff like dating apps.

for girls, and guys who get girls. its a chore deciding who you wanna meet up with cuz you have multiple choices.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-05-03T19:34:26+00:00

I think it might be real but not an issue unless you're working your life away and don't have time or the will to make decisions that will only further inconvenience you and wear on your overall health. That and some decisions just aren't worth pursuing, like if you work and expect to go on a date but your date is basically a metaphorical obstacle course set up by your date to judge your performance on. They can go screw themselves.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-05-03T20:05:36+00:00

Being awkward with women as a young man is pretty common and not related to decision fatigue. I recall one study that showed men dropped 5 IQ points when working with a pretty woman.

Hell I recall once when I was in my awkward stage I saw a girl my age I was attracted to, I smiled at her, she smiled back and I just had to hang my head to avoid her gaze since I was blushing so strongly. She probably thought I was being an asshole and ignoring her. Still embarrassed by that one.

Barely-moral · 2021-05-03T21:43:04+00:00

I don't know about people in general. I know that I hate and always hated making any kind of decision. I had way less stress when I was a mindless drone doing mindless work and following a strict routine.

But I hate being an incel even more so I had to change and start making decisions, got a career, got a not mindless job that provided me with status money and stress. I had to get used to make decisions while interacting with people, specially women.

A total pain in the ass but in the end it was worth it.

I have to add that one of the main reasons it is worth it is because I found a way to systematize most of the "decision making" I do so I follow a meticulously designed flowchart instead of actually thinking/deciding and because the deal I have with miss moral allows me for one day per month to drop the mask and be myself. That includes reduce the decision making I usually do to zero.

If I didn't got suicidal out of loneliness I don't think I would date anyone. Decision making is required to be attractive and I just wouldn't bother with being attractive.

superlurkage · 2021-05-03T19:25:10+00:00

Some people can’t handle responsibility, autonomy, and freedom

Sucks to be them

alberto-hoff · 2021-05-03T20:14:07+00:00

Or maybe people have realised they can live fulfilling lives without a partner so they can afford to be more picky?

O have a lot of female friends in their 30s and 40s who just never had the baby rabies. They scroll tinder and doll themselves up to go to the bar but there's no strong desire to find a boyfriend/husband.

Kinda like 'if it happens cool, if not..it's fine'.

goatismycopilot · 2021-05-03T19:20:13+00:00

No. I don't think decision fatigue is a thing. I have a super high stress job with a lot of moving parts and a certain amount of unpredictability . It is loud and chaotic and I DO need decompression time and a certain about of peace in the valley.

But I have very struggled with " minor " decisions, I do not find it hard to figure out the small stuff. I have never had a problem for example if we were going to dinner the "where " at any given time I can think of a restaurant for food, or drinks, or something I want to do. I don't get bored. I can always find something to do.

If I am having a hard time picking between two things then chances are I do not want do either either.

People who want to get into relationships get into relationships. People who don't, don't. If somebody has decision fatigue about a relationship then they are not into that relationship.

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duffmanhb · 2021-05-03T23:12:27+00:00

100% I think that's the case. Due to OLD, there is ALWAYS a chance to upgrade, always.

ogres_r_like_onions · 2021-05-04T04:33:49+00:00

I think you don't have a solid grasp on the average male's brain, male brains don't get decision fatigue because they don't make as many decisions, or at least put 0.0001% the amount of effort a female brain takes to make the same (largely irrelevant) decision.

Which shirt did I grab out of the drawer this morning? The one that was closest to me. Which product did I buy from the store? The first brand I saw. Where did I eat? The first result that came up when I typed in restaurant.

Which chick did I continue to date? All the ones that kept having sex with me.

No thought or struggle involved. Easy and smooth. A quiet relaxing tropical beach with the waves rolling in on a lazy summer's day. That's the male brain.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-05-04T05:15:36+00:00

The average frustrated chump gets fatigued by women's decisions, not the other way around.

classicliberal1 · 2021-05-05T00:22:24+00:00

We get it Chad can break the rules.

Chad does not break the rules. Women make rules to beta bucks and break rules for alpha fucks.

SUEDE2BLACK · 2021-05-05T16:03:00+00:00

Hmmm I don't think in men it's decision fatigue it's generally do they really like the girl that much.

I have only been with one woman that I thought was physically perfect...every other woman I always thought I could probably do better.

This one girl was a solid 10 her body was flawless her personality was good too.I still think about her years later.

When I talk to other guys the main theme seems to be the girl isn't as attractive as they would like.Shes not the weight he prefers or her breast are to small, she doesn't have a butt or has a lazy eye,a weird birthmark somewhere,guys are always looking for the most perfect looking to us woman.

But most will settle for close enough,especially if they get attached to her

Title	Do you think decision fatigue is part of the reasons people struggle to get into relationships?
Author	KickKathleeenKennedy
Upvotes	12
Comments	86
Date	May 3, 2021 6:35 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/n43nts/do_you_think_decision_fatigue_is_part_of_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-decision-fatigue-is-part-of-the.759334 https://theredarchive.com/post/759334

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