6 years later - it gets better

Classic_Dill · 2024-01-31T20:08:56+00:00

Damn sounds like me, same situation, I'm 2 years deep now though, but i get it.

I wont ever get an apology though and I'm not looking for one, just working on peace every day and dating here and there.

Lululemonparty_ · 2024-01-31T17:57:47+00:00

I have had my one year divorce-a-versary and it’s been brutal. The ex has been relentless in causing shenanigans. It’s resulted in so much I have paid in legal fees and the stress is leaking into all parts of my life. I hope it does get better.

OkEmphasis5923 · 2024-01-31T01:40:12+00:00

I don't currently see marriage in my future.

To me, this is the most interesting piece of your journey. Why have you come to see it that way?

TNwhiskey901 · 2024-01-31T01:28:20+00:00

I never understood how truly effed up I was after the divorce four years ago. Five years if you include separation. I also never realized how long it would take to move on emotionally as a man. A 10 year marriage is wired into your brain and then all of a sudden it is no longer exists. That’s a hard thing for your body and for your mind to comprehend. I would argue as a man it’s especially hard. You can move on physically most of the time, but the emotional side is what I underestimated. I still get caught up on little anxieties about things that I never dealt with before the divorce. It’s almost like your body gets used to trauma and if there is it anything you subconsciously seek it out or at least that’s what I think. All in all it’s a terrible thing to go through but quite often. I see people gloss over it as if it’s no big deal. But yes, time heals most wounds. I am moved on, and I do not desire her any more. The only thing I get hung up on is the idea of the nuclear family I used to have and how safe I felt in that environment. I still don’t really have a strong desire to be with someone full-time, but I do deal with some loneliness. I try to focus on my kids and work and taking care of myself.. I’m just starting to discover the things I really enjoy and focusing on those things. It’s day by day.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-01-30T23:33:57+00:00

Thanks. I needed to hear this. I hate my cheating and lying ex with a burning passion, but we have to co-parent two kids. We have only just about finalized the divorce, so there's a long road of dealing with her ahead. She has offered a bullshit email "apology" about her affair, and I basically told her to go screw herself and apologize to the kids for what she did to our family.

I have to ask--did your ex end up with her affair partner? If not, how long did it last? I know I shouldn't care about it, but I will be a happier person if/when my ex and her AP are over (even though they claim to be "soulmates" who are going to get married), and that douchebag can't play any role in raising my kids.

euphramjsimpson · 2024-01-30T21:19:40+00:00

I wish I would have given her an ultimatum about her "friend" and left if she kept hanging around him. Perversely, I think it probably would have given me a better chance of saving my marriage but I would have had such a hard time walking away from my family.

bk2747 · 2024-01-30T20:47:18+00:00

Oh, I know it gets better. It’s only been 6 months post separation and I’ve cleared almost $30k of personal debt. I’ll be debt free come March. However, I will never forgive her.

She didn’t cheat (that I know of, but she probably did), but she weaponized our child and tried to bring financial ruin upon me. She is my enemy until the end of time. I hold grudges and throw people away. She’s dead to me.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2024-01-30T20:22:21+00:00

Glad to hear things are on the up and up, I got 4.5 more years to go to get your point! Get 'er done!

Bluerednaz · 2024-01-30T20:16:32+00:00

Wow. Thats amazing!

If my ex apologized for what she did to our family, it would make me feel 1000x better because I would know she still had a soul. I have a feeling I’ll never be getting that apology

RideATX · 2024-01-30T20:03:24+00:00

Different story, but similar outcome. It'll be 4 years on Feb 5th of this year and it does get better... She's still a pain in the ass from time to time if she doesn't get her way, but generally we co-parent well and keep what's best for the kids at the forefront. Hang in there through the storm, if you weather it, it will pass and the sun will rise. Good Luck Brothers.

Lean_BigDaddy · 2024-01-30T19:35:12+00:00

I am doing better already am most ways, but 6 year from now I will definitely be doing good as I won’t have to pay her ‘Maintenance’ any longer!! lol

Reflog1791 · 2024-01-30T19:23:23+00:00

Good job brother. Thanks for posting the update. A lot of people come here and say I’m still depressed and angry two years later. I always try to say I popped out of it in year 3 and thrived in year 4.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2024-01-30T18:44:17+00:00

I think two important components here are time AND “I’m honestly still working through things”.

Also, having your (cheating) Ex sincerely apologize probably helps as well.

We, myself included, need to remember to give it time and to do our own work in processing, healing and improving ourselves where we might need to.

Glad to hear things are going better for you man!

Title	6 years later - it gets better
Author	knight2e5
Upvotes	53
Comments	33
Date	January 30, 2024 5:51 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1aeuj5f/6_years_later_it_gets_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/6-years-later-it-gets-better.1244186 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244186

Comments