Costs?

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-12-07T03:57:37+00:00

Definitions make a world of difference.

Money out of my wallet to people who have passed the bar exam: about $30k

A lot of other things hemorrhaged money tho. Realtor fees. 2% to 7% interest rates. Selling stocks low. Losing 50% of all assets. A job change directly related to depression. It's hard to calculate some of it. But it's easily six figures if not more.

Gattsama · 2023-12-07T03:46:47+00:00

Google claims $15-20k, but I think that includes the few $500 DIY people. Every case is different, but think of divorce as proportionate to your income and ability to pay. The attorneys will somehow make it work out that way...

In my case, no kids, she didn't work, married 12 years. She spent about $65k in legal fees, and I spent about $23k. It should have cost us about $1-2k to get it done. I told her what the rules were and that no matter what she will get the same deal in the end, we can do it ourselves or we can waste a ton of money by giving it to the attorneys for the extra same outcome, which will hurt both of us.

She lawyer-ed up and proceeded to waste about $400k of potential wealth. And got the exact same deal (with far less money than I originally proposed). Bottom line, it costs as much as one party chooses to make it 🤑

life-is-short- · 2023-12-07T04:27:16+00:00

$35k still going. Keep in mind even if divorce is final it is not final.

domo_roboto · 2023-12-07T05:15:52+00:00

About $6k because it was amicable and didn’t let emotions get the best of me. Had to actively prevent escalation, had to play chess and do a lot of research myself.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-12-07T11:28:40+00:00

Amicable means the wife keeps 80% of everything and you get left in the worst possible financial condition. There are exceptions where people act like adults and fairly divide assets but that is not the norm.

Mine cost me $17k, unsure what she spent.

On a funny note - I actually gave her a super low offer back in June because I just wanted it over with. She ended up settling this Oct for an almost equal split in mediation which was 40% more than my June offer. Plus legal fees. She threw a fit in front of three lawyers.

Mine was on the cheaper side because I got the custody agreed to immediately so the fight was strictly about money.

techrmd3 · 2023-12-07T05:23:49+00:00

20k is probably about average for my state and area

(I'm talking about kids and assets divorces, if you don't have kids and assets it can be done for a few hundred)

jimsmythee · 2023-12-07T14:04:08+00:00

Mine came out to $5000 on each side because we went to trial. But AZ courts don’t allow the shenanigans that other states allow, like continual motions for discovery, GAL, continuances, appeals, etc. But in the end, I had to pay $3000 of her divorce atty’s costs.

It was worth it to get out of that marriage, keep my house, keep my car, $0 alimony for her and 50/50 custody for me.

SkeptiCynical · 2023-12-07T14:38:53+00:00

Divorce is inexpensive when decent, agreeable people have nothing to gain by continued combat with their STBX.

Divorce is really, really expensive when just one party is an unreasonable, immature, indignant, vindictive asshole. I'm going to put the old notes from the sidebar into the new layout - the short of it is that divorce lawyers are bottom feeders with absolutely no interest in providing you the services needed to achieve a reasonably-priced, expedient divorce.

FWIW I had an uncontested no-fault divorce, no assets and custody was agreed upon. Still cost over $60k.

Brilliant-Tomorrow55 · 2023-12-07T18:47:43+00:00

Haha, cute. Try 6 years and over 100k

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2023-12-07T14:26:31+00:00

$60k (at least) and still going, and I have both of the children!

Jojothereader · 2023-12-07T13:05:48+00:00

Half plus 20%

ABBucsfan · 2023-12-07T16:07:32+00:00

$70k for me over 100k for her and hoping we can somehow get this resolved soon. It's so damn frustrating how one person can drag it out and theres not a damn thing you can really do about it if they don't care about costs. She switched lawyers a couple times, did the false accusations thing, ran off to a shelter one time, made us switch mediator/arbitrator erf. If we have to do arbitration for this last stuff the retainer was supposed to be 15k each but I think our scope has been reduced a lot.

thro281 · 2023-12-07T23:44:41+00:00

My divorce is at $27,000 on my end and 7 months in. She wants to go to court because her lawyers are grifting her and she blatantly believes any woman in power. She wants to give me 50/50 custody because she can’t handle the kids. Now it is an asset fight. We have tried to settle twice and they don’t respond.

IllustriousMistake13 · 2023-12-08T00:04:08+00:00

About 30k plus

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2023-12-08T00:16:23+00:00

$500k:

false rape accusations
not allowed to see kids
kicked out my home
had to get professional supervisors to watch me with my kids

marriage in this day is a scam for men

FUMoney · 2023-12-07T11:47:48+00:00

The cost will be directly proportional to how outrageous either side makes it. And with outrageously stupid demands, both sides lose. This is what makes the marriage/divorce industrial complex so insidious as well as financially ruinous.

Having said that — you must fight. Your ex’s legal BS is failing? Superb. You must continue to win these little skirmishes. It adds up to a very solid foundation to a fair, successful divorce resolution. Do not give in or “settle“ for lopsided or blatantly unfair demands — this is a terrible pit into which too many male divorcees willingly jump.

Remember: once your divorce is done, either via settlement or judicial order/decree, it’s very likely done for life and the result will echo for years, if not decades. It can be exceedingly difficult to ”fix” or “undo” a shitty divorce settlement, which will seriously impact you, and not in a good way. Do not do this. You must get it right, and right now.

All this to say, sounds like you are on the right track and correct path. Unfortunately, this path can be expensive. Expensive, but necessary.

Throwawaysi1234 · 2023-12-07T17:55:05+00:00

Out of my pocket was probably 16k out of hers maybe 7

But it was all essentially out of the same pot of assets.

It might be a bit conspiratorial but I think some lawyers are sleepy enough that once you hand over your Financials to them then they start getting ideas about what services you need in your divorce because both our lawyers essentially took us to the last dime. A lot of it was definitely not necessary like my ex's attorney filing discovery when I would gladly have just handed over all the documents they needed without discovery being filed.

CRobinsFly · 2023-12-07T22:49:48+00:00

The legal costs from my parentage lawsuit has cost me 2700 dollars so far.

My ex has lost 1k. I shielded her from it being 2.5k by convincing her that we can just settle this out of court (requiring dismissal without prejudice) and she can fire her lawyer, which she did and I gave her 1.5k.

We are both pro se at the moment.

Here's the wild part - all of this money has been spent on only serving me with the lawsuit and responses. We're not even at the motion for DNA test yet (it's my daughter, I snuck a test that my ex doesn't know about).

I think what got my ex to 'give up' was realizing that attorneys were evil (hers and then one she consulted with additionally advised her to completely cutoff all contact with me and our child until the court ordered contact) and just wanted to run up the billable hours without caring about the damage that was wrought by destroying our parenting relationship. Also, her boyfriend was being sued by his ex wife for more child support around the time when she initiated her lawsuit against me for parentage so it possibly gave her the idea and then she saw him suffer with 6mo or more of hearings. And her sister's divorce finalized recently to the tune of something like 30k (and she put it on credit cards) so when I threatened my ex with "you want to have a disputed custody battle and lose 100k to eventually land on 5050 custody and some child support?" Got through to her. I've also said that if she follows through with this in its entirety, it's possible I will completely ghost - "just because you win, doesn't mean you collect anything from me... just so you're aware... and it is possible it could get me to completely ghost our child if the outcome is very poor for me."

Anyway, assuming this does go back to court, I expect legal costs to run about 20k for me.

Flashy_Yam967 · 2023-12-08T13:50:51+00:00

I spent 2500, ex spent 5000. Divorce was uncontested and done in 5 months. I proposed a fair financial settlement to which she immediately rejected. One month later she came back and said she'd accept my proposal. After hearing so many horror stories here, I'm thankful for what our result was.

My focus and goal was to remain calm and bite my tongue no matter how pissed off angry and hurt I was because I knew it would prolong the inevitable and cost me financially. I'm thankful my ex was head over heals for another guy and wanted the divorce over quick.

What still gets me was her asking for me to pay her attorney fees, screw that! I get cheated on several times and all the other bs, and I have to pay her attorney fees because I make more money than her? I was willing to die on my sword and spend every cent to avoid paying her attorney fees. In the end I did not pay her attorney fees.

Ecstatic-Shopping313 · 2023-12-08T18:24:40+00:00

I'm at $12k right now before buying the ex out. Looking at a $10k equalization payment to her, but I'll be getting child support, so I'll get it right back in a year.

Title	Costs?
Author	telangn
Upvotes	7
Comments	23
Date	December 7, 2023 3:31 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18cmdl0/costs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/costs.1240218 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240218

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