Divorce was my fault

kdthex01 · 2024-02-13T23:10:34+00:00

Don’t be too hard on yourself - modern marriages are tricky. But do play with your kids every chance you get from now on.

You are grieving. Get some therapy / counseling. Do the work, get healthy, learn from this. In a few months you will likely have a different perspective.

AZFUNGUY85 · 2024-02-11T11:29:31+00:00

Marriage can bring out the worse and best of us. At some point you have to move forward and fix what you mentioned above with a therapist.

Long-Review-1861 · 2024-02-11T11:11:07+00:00

Why would you give her the silent treatment? That's what women do and it's abusive and toxic dude

RedFridged · 2024-02-10T04:55:57+00:00

We are all imperfect friends….

netboygold · 2024-02-09T20:23:46+00:00

It takes a strong person to admit that. but can you tell why you avoided her and your family so much?

I avoided my wife too. I stayed the hell away from her made sure I was not around when she was but I did that because I've gotten used to her being so incredibly mean and angry and not very pleasant to be around most of the time. And we grew apart and now she's somebody else's problem. my son completely understands.

rhpeterson72 · 2024-02-09T19:03:28+00:00

It's easy to find fault and place blame. Shame and guilt makes this a normal part of human experience.

But it's more important to learn and grow. We all fuck up. What did you learn? How will next time be different? What do you have to bring to a relationship that you didn't before?

Answering these questions turns failure into future success.

OkFlamingo9226 · 2024-02-09T18:15:53+00:00

It's crazy how clear it can all be in the rearview mirror. I have experienced the same.

But while we are in it day in and day out, we can't really see how things really are and what we should do immediately to help change the trajectory of the failing marriage.

It's a good post you made and hopefully can help somebody self-reflect and make changes before it's too late.

Unfortunately, if someone is reading this forum, it may well be too late.

organicwilly · 2024-02-09T17:31:37+00:00

I filed, so technically it was my fault too

CreepyCamel6301 · 2024-02-09T10:55:48+00:00

I feel you...my divorce is still not final but it was my fault so i get why he wants a divorce

upvotersfortruth · 2024-02-09T10:27:34+00:00

Whether or not it was "your fault" you are not condemned to a life of misery and poverty. Don't let your prior mistakes compound into even worse mistakes. People get divorced for many reasons and you deserve a fair financial deal and parenting time.

Grand_Alps9214 · 2024-02-09T08:49:00+00:00

We all had some play to in it one way or another. Directly or indirectly. You live. You learn. You can’t change it.

Remember the best. Learn from it. Appreciate the past.

(Easier said than done right?). Don’t get guilt eat you up

After my separation all I was to go through my last 7 years and relive every moment. To understand where it went wrong. What I did wrong. Etc. not healthy. Not good. Not beneficial.

lifeisallihave · 2024-02-09T06:55:42+00:00

Glad you are doing some self reflection. We as men need to communicate better with our partners, share our feelings with them. Not saying what was on our minds and internalizing it hurts us in the long run. Imagine what could have happened without the silent treatment? You probably could have had better outcomes.

Mine was sucking the life out of me, even the mediator noticed that and wrote down my concerns when it comes to having the kids, she's not allowed to dump them on me whenever she feels like it. Huge win

Reflog1791 · 2024-02-09T06:41:39+00:00

Maybe being too hard on yourself. Did you have redeeming qualities like working full time to support your family?

isocluster · 2024-02-09T06:27:19+00:00

It's good to come to terms with that. I hope my ex does the same.

No one is perfect. Both are usually to blame.

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-02-09T01:48:13+00:00

It was my fault, but she put the nails in the coffin.

pandatitanium · 2024-02-09T01:47:56+00:00

I think an obvious takeaway from reading this forum is that relationships just staying the same and remaining fine is rare. It takes a lot of work from both parties.

I saw a stupid instagram lady making her whole thing about putting the marriage/relationship before everything else (kids/work/etc) at all times, and it kinda makes sense. I can see that strategy paying off actually.

The hard part is that you can’t realize it until it’s too late. Just a painful way to learn from experience. But it happens to most.

probebeta · 2024-02-09T01:43:48+00:00

Yes. It was pretty much my fault as well, in a lot of ways.. I'm not going to say that she's not a piece of work though :)

I think resentment starts as she's walking out and you see each other's true colors. Woman you marry is not the one you divorce. So at this point whose fault it was becomes irrelevant. Now it's about trying to survive this journey, hopefully with my skin on.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-02-09T01:36:54+00:00

I commend you for taking a hard look at yourself and acknowledging your mistakes.

Taking accountability for your actions can be incredibly difficult - most people don’t have the guts to do that and instead shift the blame to somebody or something else.

I truly mean that. It’s difficult to say you screwed up. BUT it is a victory. You lost your wife. She’s not coming back and that sucks. Now that you know your faults you can address them instead of continuing your ways and dumping excuses all over your ex. The victory is the ability to change your perspective and moving forward with being a better person.

Love your kids, work on yourself and be the best father you can be.

Again, I admire your honesty and self reflection.

berniefl44 · 2024-02-09T01:17:27+00:00

I begged for “another “ chance but by then it was too late. The damage was already done . So in the end I don’t blame her for not giving me another chance. Now I’m just trying to win the kids back.

myxyplyxy · 2024-02-09T01:13:39+00:00

So how do you move forward with rhis knowledge? Make sure you are kind to yourself

Title	Divorce was my fault
Author	berniefl44
Upvotes	56
Comments	33
Date	February 9, 2024 1:00 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ambjzf/divorce_was_my_fault/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-was-my-fault.1244934 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244934

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