Really happy after divorce

Practical-Island-436 · 2024-06-16T18:53:31+00:00

Aside from the stress of fighting for my child in court, it's been amazing idk why I ever got married or entered into a serious relationship, I realize now much of a one way street it was, like aside from monthly bad handjob I was getting NOTHING from being married to her. She was taking taking taking, did NOTHING in the way of housework or cooking or even doing stuff for our child. The constant propping her up, the constant putting out her fires with everyone. The constant harping on me to do this or that and always with these crazy schemes she would cook up in her head, her mom would tell her xyz and I would be expected to do it. Constant arguing and fighting and gaslighting, and then simping to have her "forgive me" every single time over and over again she started the fight and it was always nonsense.

I work a job now that pays good amazing benefits, excellent PTO and I spend most of my days at work fucking around with guys my own age laughing having a good time collecting a paycheck almost double what I use to, when I'm with my daughter we go on adventures went to swim lessons yesterday which the ex refuses to go to because it's my "thing" now. We went to the zoo today and she wanted a big pretzel stuffed animal few new shirts and it's like yup let's get it no problem, before it was like why are we gonna buy her new shirts my sister has hammy downs she can wear, oh she has 20 other stuffed animals, that pretzel is 10 bucks here's some raisins instead, anything I wanted it or my daughter wanted or I wanted smt daughter to have it was like fuck you you guys are getting it, but if it was her she'd go to trader Joe's and drop $500 on nonsense foods to help her with her 1000 different made up allergies and conditions.

Let me tell you how crazy this woman is she went to an allergist and told them she's allergic to gluten they said ok let's run tests they run 100 tests and tell her multiple times you are not allergic to gluten or dairy she says well I think I am, they said but you're not. She says but I feel bad if I eat that and he said fine then don't eat it we left and she started telling people she's an allergist to gluten.

Capital_Release_6289 · 2024-06-15T12:57:23+00:00

The happy guys don’t use this as a support forum. Only the unhappy ones. It’s a kind of observation bias. Most of the happy ones are posting in train forums or singles forums.

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-06-15T01:12:23+00:00

I think it depends a lot on how your marriage was. A lot of guys here describing their marriage, I'm not sure why it lasted as long as it did, so I can see why they're happy.

If it was a happy marriage that ended suddenly (which means cheating) I can understand.

UseResponsible4368 · 2024-06-14T21:43:43+00:00

I remember a week or so after announcing divorce, I was in my RV and airguitaring to AC/DC, Van Halen, LedZep and all the classic 70s-80s rock/metal, making stir fried rice in the wok, with the AC on blast keeping me at a decent temperature, not a hotbox like the STBXW liked it. Oh, and the electric fireplace with the purple flames (but no heat), ha!

Then my then 8-year old son came over and we did flashcards and hung out.

It felt like a snow day back when I was in school!

Gattsama · 2024-06-14T02:45:09+00:00

I am happy after the divorce. The marriage was unhealthy and unworkable. I focused all my resources and being into it, and was emotionally and mentally abused for it. I allowed that to happen because 'love.' I was simping hard during most of the marriage.

I worked, and a lot, she didn't. Again my choice. Post divorce I owe a lot of spousal support, but actually have more discretionary income now than when married. I am 100% debt free, bought a small plane, traveling, working less, emotionally and mentally WAY better.

Also have new hotter, more fit, healthy g/f; who is genuinely attracted to me and excited to spend time together.

In my case, no kids and I filled. I think that's the big difference 🤔 Have 2 years left on spousal support, then 100% free with no entanglements. Choosing to terminate an unhealthy marriage was the best decision I could have made.

UbiquitousFlounder · 2024-06-13T21:48:33+00:00

I love it. Not having to deal with the insecurity of someone who should be over that shit years ago is so good.

Brilliantly_Sir · 2024-06-13T19:19:53+00:00

Yes, I'm free of dealing with someone else's anxiety, need for attention, and overall boring demeanor.
I can parent the way I see fit, which makes me a better dad and my kids are happier. Financially it stinks, but I'll live. And I do things I enjoy when I don't have my kids.

Wacodunk · 2024-06-13T18:22:09+00:00

No I'm not I've been divorced for two years now and still wake up wishing I had died in my sleep everyday. I have no enjoyment in life, I have no friends, the family I had I lost because of the depression from the divorce. I wake up, drive an hour, go to work for 9 hours, drive an hour home, to sit in a travel trailer alone. I have two dogs and a cat that I made a promise to, that I would never abandon them like my ex did and that's the only reason I haven't killed myself

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2024-06-13T17:54:26+00:00

I'm only 7 months into the process. There are way too many unknowns for me at this point not to be anxious. I am a planner, but I have no ability to plan for the unknown. Until then, I really won't be able to be happy (and who knows if I will be able to at that point?).

ajackofallthings · 2024-06-13T17:30:56+00:00

I know I would be once everything is settled.. if I can find a job again (currently out of one) and can afford to get by. I'd prefer to save money, etc.. but rents are so high, cost of divorce will wipe me out, and with no job.. I am unsure of the future. This after 30 years of marriage closing in on 60 scares the shit out of me. I have hobbies and friends/family, etc to keep me going until I die.. but the cost of living is so fucking high right now just about everywhere.. and I have little retirement to speak of. My SSN wont hit till 67.. if I take it at 62 it would be barely enough to afford rent, let alone anything else.. so I need to hold out till 67 to maximize it. If I end up having disability issues/etc.. then I may have no choice. But so far other than some old age pains I am ok.. so hoping to work until 67 to maximize it so that hopefully I can move to a tax free state.. and find a small home hopefully to buy vs rent. Hate the idea of renting at this age because anytime the owner wants to jack prices up, sell, etc.. I suddenly will have to move again. That's getting to be too expensive labor wise and its really hard to find places to live too.

New-Audience2803 · 2024-06-13T15:05:31+00:00

My ex wife cheated on me in addition to years of a dead bedroom not due to lack of me trying. The second we divorced I was out enjoying myself. Went through a bit of the post divorce hoe phase, focused on myself, and traveled the world. Best two years of my life.

NilEntity · 2024-06-13T15:00:07+00:00

"plenty of fish in the sea"

Kinda hard to be confident to be able to catch another fish if the one you chose, for life, rejected you. That's my problem right now.

I'm glad to be rid of her bullshit but I'm struggling to have the confidence that I'm "good enough" to attract other women. Like, there's so many more successful/witty/charming/attractive/... men available, why would they want me? What do I have to offer?

My confidence in general - never great but better during marriage due to the reinforcement received by being chosen and loved and found "good enough" by her - as well as my sexual confidence are pretty shot.

Trying to rebuild my self-confidence without relying on external approval ("what she giveth she may taketh away") right now, living a self-respecting life, trying to change my thinking/mindset (getting away from "being good enough" for women-thinking) etc. I think it's working but it's slow going.

I'm not miserable but I'm also not "happy" yet I think. I miss companionship and sex but I don't want to miss it, I'd rather be able to be happy without it but still able to get it when I want to.

KingOfAllPixelz · 2024-06-13T14:51:33+00:00

It's more my daughter. I wanted more than anything to give her that nuclear family. For me, it's like I failed her, not my ex.

Melodic-Grapefruit-4 · 2024-06-13T14:29:45+00:00

Im generally happy. Im in the best physical shape that I’ve been. I take my dog on runs. I work out a lot. I eat healthy. I try to plan my day out as best I can. Tv time is at a minimum.

When I have my girls, my sole focus is on them and making sure we have solid memorable moments, whether that’s just going out to eat and enjoying each-others company or riding our bikes in our community.

I’ve grown a lot since my separation. Theres times where I wish she was around to see it for herself, but then I remember the shit she said and the videos I caught on our blink cameras when she was moving out and I’m like yea fuck that.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-06-13T13:52:33+00:00

This situation was abusive from her direction, not to mention the cheating, towards me and my eldest. I am over it, but still have flashbacks if I see something on tv similar. I am “happy” I am out of the hellscape it was, but stuff like that doesn’t just disappear.

Snowbirdy · 2024-06-13T11:06:49+00:00

It took a while for me to get over the trauma of the marriage and the even more loony-tunes divorce, but now I am happy. Right now I’m lying in a bed in a hotel room drinking coffee while a beautiful woman hand feeds me little chocolate chip cookies.

True story.

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2024-06-13T11:00:00+00:00

Children, children are the difference for many. The loss of family to most men is the hardest thing to overcome. Especially when it was not your choice. Pleased your doing well,nice to hear a different perspective. pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice.

roshi-roshi · 2024-06-13T07:08:56+00:00

I know I need to lean into some of this. I still just pine for my old life and struggle with guilt and shame. Also struggle with depression. I do have fleeting moments where I enjoy having my own place in a cool area of town etc. I tend to look to the negative or make shit up to worry about.

I’m still going through the process. I think the toughest thing for me is still trying to understand how/why this happened. My wife has never given me a chance to clarify things or try to explain myself. There’s definitely some misunderstanding there. I guess I’m going to have to come up with my own narrative and stick with that. I don’t want to be the person she is making me out to be. I don’t think I am, yet questioning etc. is seen as gaslighting. I don’t even know why I want this shit resolved. I want to make amends. Of course she claims she did nothing wrong.

Incidentally, if I understand correctly, my mental health (which I have been working on for years) just got to be too much for her. She claims now it was emotional abuse and traumatic. I can see how it can feel that way to her, but I absolutely was not emotionally abusive. I can see living with someone struggling with mental illness being traumatizing. Of course, there’s much more to it. For whatever reason I just want closure. I asked her about this a few weeks ago and she said all she wants to do is scream at me. That just freaked me out. Am I that awful? That’s been a tough one to bear. Hell, maybe I am and am in such denial. I don’t think so though. I have to stop ruminating about all of this, accept that this is over, follow through with my plans and be the best dad and coparent I can. My family is convinced I was depressed because of the marriage. Probably some truth to that. All these behaviors from each of us obviously point toward projection and family of origin issues.

Ok, done rambling.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-06-13T06:23:03+00:00

At first I felt shame but now I happily tell ppl I’m divorced, they all have that same reaction oh I’m sorry to hear that, don’t be I’m happy as a clam

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2024-06-13T05:16:46+00:00

Oh, lots. There's a selection bias here, in that men who are deeply wounded by their current or former divorce are more likely to seek out or post in this sub. But even here, many men who've been through the divorce wringer and emerged out the other end, and then thrived (even after starting over with nothing), have told it how it is.

Puzzleheaded_Monk_39 · 2024-06-13T05:01:06+00:00

I agree! I just go to work and have a blast and then come home walk the dog and do whatever I want whenever I want! Just waiting for mediation to rape me and then figure out my finances but mathematically I’m saving money long run since I’m low maintenance. But I’m breathing the freedom already.

Title	Really happy after divorce
Author	berniefl44
Upvotes	29
Comments	46
Date	June 13, 2024 4:05 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1deq3lf/really_happy_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/really-happy-after-divorce.1521388 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521388

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