Do you ever fall for someone again the same way you did your first wife?

stpetesouza · 2025-04-21T14:30:02+00:00

Better, much better. This after more than 30 years of marriage too

CrazySanta7 · 2025-04-21T13:20:33+00:00

No. Why? Because you should learn more about women. They always have their 'Wifi' signal going looking for something better. Most will act on it, and few will not. Blame disney movies, ocial media, feminism, 'independent' woman culture, etc. Women get tons of likes, messages, and follow requests, even when married/in a relationship. Even 5's get this online from thirsty men. Women see all the 'happy' couples on social media and think it is 'real' life. Lol. Social media is maybe 20% of all the happy moments in someone's life.

'In love' is the first 12-18 months of a relationship. After that is gone, most women feel something is missing. They don't realize 'in love' is a chemical, not an everyday feeling. They look at you as a roommate (especially after kids or pre-menopause). Then, all those messages they get seem more appealing. It validates them into thinking 'i can do better' or 'the grass is greener', etc.

Good luck, but i really feel social media (mainly) has ruined relationships/marriage. Im def not getting married again. It's a joke to most women. They want the wedding day. Their prenup IS the divorce.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-04-21T02:37:18+00:00

Don't marry your rebound.

sidhaarthm · 2025-04-20T23:25:55+00:00

Nope, never again. After getting absolutely destroyed with my divorce (4 years on and still ongoing), I've completely sworn off women. I'm going to get a dog and live out the rest of my life in peace.

redragtop99 · 2025-04-20T21:23:18+00:00

I doubt it. I doubt I could ever trust anyone that way again. Fully. Before I knew how horrible humans could be.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-04-20T19:38:50+00:00

No, every relationship and love is different. And that is a very good thing. You only know one kind of love, now you get the opportunity to explore the infinite other kinds of love.

You have been eating vanilla ice cream your whole life not knowing there are other flavors out there. Once you get to try strawberry and chocolate your mind is going to be blown and while you may still look back at vanilla fondly every now and then you aren't going to ever want to go back to it.

BatGuano52 · 2025-04-20T19:00:56+00:00

If I start to fall for a woman the same way I fell for my stbxw, that's going to be my signal to run.

The next one needs to be a friend as well as a girlfriend/lover.

I'm not planning to ever get married again, but we all know how that works, so I won't say never.

But my relationship with my stbxw was chaotic, there were definitely good points, especially in the first three months and when we had our sons.

But the rest? Fucking rollercoaster constantly going off the tracks and me constantly trying to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it. Except, to unbeknownst to me, the rollercoaster was too broken to ever be fixed by anybody, let alone me.

I'm not looking for perfect, but I'm looking for a woman who is self-aware enough to identify that she has issues and then addresses them on her own and all I need to do is provide moral support.

And she will get the same from me.

And all of that is not what my previous marriage was like, so no, I don't ever want to fall for someone like that again.

Now, to rephrase your question: Will I ever fall for a woman who loves me for me and we can have a strong emotional bond that benefits us both?

I'd like to think so. I'd definitely prefer that.

But, ultimately, whether it happens is not up to me and I'm accepting that.

Good luck.

BlackFire68 · 2025-04-20T16:27:09+00:00

It’s tough once you understand that divorce can happen to you too

OldGuyNewTrix · 2025-04-20T15:09:00+00:00

I think it depends on how your marriage ends too. Like I was blindsided, madly in love with 3 kids, together for 18 years, then boom. I haven’t been happy, I want a divorce and no therapy. Having my life turned upside down like that makes me not want to trust again, because I thought so highly of this woman. Thought she was more honest, caring, ect. She changed, and I think it might unfortunately change my outlook on love for awhile. It’s only been about 7 months, and it’s still soul crushing especially with 3 young innocent kids involved.

Maybe time will help heal. I’ve seen people say their second marriage is by far better than their first and some people just have trouble moving on. So I’m sure you’ll get different answers based on various factors, how did it end, kids, length of time, ect.

Hopefully we can all get to that point of what we want soon. Just gotta find some happiness first.

redwzrd · 2025-04-20T12:29:02+00:00

Uggg this thread gives me no hope... 8 months out and I'm still struggling with the loneliness from time to time. Want what I had just not with her. I'm going to delete the apps. Haven't met up with anyone yet but talked with a few. Kinda feels like desperation on there.

AloneListless · 2025-04-20T11:53:57+00:00

I did with my current partner. It’s very strange because every time i experience these passion and love flairs my mind would go back to the memories with my wife. I would say it’s rather strange than good.

eaglistism · 2025-04-20T07:14:39+00:00

I’m going to briefly contribute, I met a new girlfriend recently after 1 year post split, we hit it off ridiculously well, it’s great so far and honestly even if it doesn’t last for long I’ll never forget these early days with her, it’s been so sweet and such a connection that I have literally felt like I’m a teenager again experiencing it all for the first time (PS I’m 46), butterflies, longing to see her again when apart for a few days, the works and it’s been beautiful.

TLDR: In my very recent experience the answer is YES !

Believe that there are so many people out there that there is every hope someone who is an even better match for you exists somewhere and I hope we all find one 🤞

Bumblebeefanfuck · 2025-04-20T06:40:52+00:00

No but that’s okay. It’s an experience that you get once and then you get other experiences better suited for you

InfamousAd2011 · 2025-04-20T06:30:11+00:00

Delusional twice..now that's a nightmare.

IBlockAllWomen · 2025-04-20T06:27:20+00:00

I fell crazy in love with my wife at 21. Now, not so sure I have it in me anymore.

Understanding female nature kinda takes it's toll.

CaptJaxParo · 2025-04-20T05:39:18+00:00

It's how you loved yourself. You love yourself and understand yourself differently. Before you were naively unaware of your true needs and assumed that girl would fill all.of them.

Impossible. But the 2nd relationship..... you know better, and accept them as they are. A human. Not a goddess.

catter3423 · 2025-04-20T04:12:29+00:00

I think it’s very different. I remember our marriage counsellor at the time saying that we’ll never know anybody like we know each other. And I think that’s right. My ex and I were together very young. Basically went through our 20s and 30s together, had kids together etc. Replicating that and establishing a bond the same as that is impossible.

That said, I do have a girlfriend and love her. It’s great and I can imagine a future together, but definitely not the same.

ldbrown1000 · 2025-04-20T03:04:54+00:00

God, I hope not!

jasoncb123 · 2025-04-20T02:11:59+00:00

3 years. Still nothing. Even when I think there might be a spark it’s not reciprocated. Just gonna keep trying to be a better version of myself and the rest will get figured out someday maybe

ofbdcb36 · 2025-04-21T14:27:13+00:00

I’m around the same age and was also officially divorced at 31. Unsure of your situation, so this may not be applicable to you, but I’ll share mine. Long story short, my ex became very unavailable to me. She wouldn’t let me kiss her or hug her or cuddle or anything. My love language was physical touch. Well she ended up cheating on me and decided marriage wasn’t for her anymore. Which is frustrating and is what it is. For me finding success in dating was about two things. Fully letting go and just remembering that my previous person didn’t really care about me as she showed in through her words, actions, etc. didn’t even tell me the truth in the end and still to this day hasn’t even though I know it now. Anyways, I think realizing that your ex doesn’t care for you and isn’t the person you deserve is step 1 and then step 2 for me was truly finding someone who had the character traits I wanted like honesty, transparency, consistency, a good communicator, someone who truly builds people up, and just someone who is good natured. I have found so far that these character traits are hard to find, but to me it’s the core. Because when things go bad or tough or wrong these traits you can fall back on. People really show their colors when times are tough or in stressful moments, so next time you are dating and connecting be real and open and see how the person you are dating reacts in tough moments and this helps for me at least form connection. To me there is no better more pure person I would like to fall in love than someone who is loyal/builds others up, and is consistent.

Title	Do you ever fall for someone again the same way you did your first wife?
Author	macnachos
Upvotes	27
Comments	47
Date	April 20, 2025 2:08 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1k3c707/do_you_ever_fall_for_someone_again_the_same_way/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-you-ever-fall-for-someone-again-the-same-way.1550096 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550096

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