Throwaway here for obvious reasons.

I'm struggling today. I (37) wish I had a better group of guy friends to ask for advice, though I'm sure there are some people here who can certainly relate. First, some background. It's been a couple of years since I caught my wife and her friend and was told she was gay and wanted a divorce. Like many who have experienced something similar, it was all my fault, and she is not capable of loving me. The shock of it all brought the usual depression, loneliness, nightmares, and despair. For some time, I believed what she said.

Things have become better, thanks to many here. I went and still go to therapy, work out, and do things that I've always wanted to do, like hiking and camping regularly. I've even been doing better at work and in school.

Thanks to my attorney and therapist's recommendations, I was good about dating, and after sock day, I finally tried dating again. Whenever I was about to get frisky, I couldn't get or keep it up. It sucked. The last person I dated ended it just by saying, "She doesn't want a sexless relationship." I totally got that, but the ghosting that followed after that didn't help. I again felt rejected. I even tried going to a strip club a couple of times to get danced on to see if I could get it up to see if it was a temporary thing. Nothing.

So I decided, "This ain't worth it. I'll deal with the loneliness". That is until a couple of months ago when my therapist challenged me to try again and that my issues were me just getting in my own head. So I did as she suggested. I met a girl who is awesome in a lot of ways but I don't think someone that I can see going the distance with (don't think I ever want to again). Last night, we tried to get it on. The same thing happens, and I can't keep it up.

She asked me how I was doing today, and I was somewhat direct, saying that I was being kind of hard on myself but said nothing had to do at all with her. She seems to be okay with it, saying, "A relationship isn't just sex", but I feel like that's a ticking time bomb unto itself. Even the "it happens to a lot of guys" doesn't help because I don't think she understands the feeling behind it.

I'm feeling low today because of all of these emotions going through my head of inadequacy, worthless, and, in some ways, broken. I know it's likely trauma/psychological. However, it doesn't make me feel any better. Also, reading "Less than 2% of men with erection problems reported their symptoms first started before the age of 40" just makes me feel more broken. I'm also kind of angry because I feel like that is another thing that my ex took from me. I want to have sex, I really do, and it sucks that I can't. I'm now also under some pressure because the woman that I was seeing wants to know what this means for us.

To help me out, has anyone here encountered anything similar or have any advice that might be helpful?

Thanks, brothers.