HOW DO I LET GO?

beenthere7777 · 2026-07-23T19:16:59+00:00

A book I'm reading is called "We can do hard things", I like it. It has helped me. I also see a therapist that has helped. One of the chapters is titled "How do I let go", so it might help you too. On Amazon it's like $11. I borrowed mine from my local library.

ColdEstablishment172 · 2026-07-21T22:30:36+00:00

You need someone to talk to and hold you accountable. That helps more than people give it credit for.

Overall-Passion-7374 · 2026-07-21T18:19:04+00:00

I think we let go by going through a very profound mourning period. I was six months post divorce when I hit bottom flat on my back looking into the abyss alone. Helped to realize —- we don’t lose out bloodline family and our love. Gotta experience the hell first to then get through.

Agreed with everyone stating focus on health. For me that meant — sobriety, Wellbutrin, refocus on cooking and eating well. If your sleep goes zealously attempt to get it right. Exercise — as play - was key. Fuck I used to love riding bikes, hiking, climbing trees, playing ball —- and I wasn’t doing any of it!!

OkJaguar5013 · 2026-07-21T17:32:07+00:00

Literally force your attention onto yourself and move on. You clench the past and suffer that you haven’t let go. It’s painful of course & im sorry to hear you have to go thru this but you must let go. It’s like a shipwreck and you’re hanging on to a chest of trinkets sinking to the bottom of the ocean. At one point those things were valuable but now it’s your life that is in question. Let the fuck go and choose to live. Slowly and deliberately things will change. My love to you really. Set some goals and go after them. Include physical goals as well. You got this.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-07-21T15:21:02+00:00

Gym, dog, and good nutrition (single ingredient foods only, no alcohol or other drugs). It really is that simple. Do those 3 things and everything else will fall into place.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-07-21T15:11:31+00:00

It’s time. It sucks bc there’s nothing you can do to “control it”. You can control lots of things in your life but not this. Grief will come and visit you in waves. When it comes, it washes over you and you feel helpless. Just when you think you’re going to down, it goes away and lets you breathe. Just when you think you’re past it, another waves sweeps you out to sea. Over time, you spend more of your life above water than getting pummeled in the surf. Then another random wave knocks you back down.

It’s a really tragic and beautiful process. The beautiful part sounds like a lie but it’s near universal to people. It serves a purpose. I think it’s to tear off the skin of our old life, expose what wasn’t meant to remain with us, and begin to grow a new skin. It’s painful. It’s the worst feeling I’ve ever felt. But you start to get glimpses of the new skin and it’s not all that bad.

Muffassa · 2026-07-21T14:43:42+00:00

You have to take time to learn about yourself, Some quiet time alone is a good thing. Figure out what healthy outlets you enjoy and start doing them. No need to find a new friend group or relationship immediately, figure your damn self first.

I was in a 13 year relationship that ended 8 years ago. I took the time to see what I had lost or given up in those 13 years. I loved, cycling, snowboarding and playing volleyball. We had to live together for a year before we could get the house on the market. I took that year to get back to the things I enjoyed. Instead of sitting around the house all winter and moping around with her, I joined a ski club. Jus to get out and enjoy the snow again. Thru the ski club I met a bunch of people that hiked, mountain biked and camped. These are some pof my closest friends now and I get to do the things I enjoy again. I even met my fiance thru this club. She is ending my 20 unmarried streak.

vervii · 2026-07-21T14:15:11+00:00

Just feel it man. It sucks and I wish there was a switch. I have no clue if there is any trick versus just building new habits with time.

Accept what is, feel the suckyness of it, put one more foot forward each day and continue to build a better life with the lessons you learned.

Over time it will get better and there's hope you can build something better.

Bishop-Caldwell_290 · 2026-07-21T12:09:11+00:00

You're not getting in your own way, you're grieving, and grief doesn't care that the thing you lost was a marriage instead of a person dying. It's normal to keep replaying what was for a while. A decent starting point is stop trying to force yourself to feel differently and instead just build small new routines, gym time, a hobby, anything that's yours alone now

Train2Perfection · 2026-07-21T11:27:42+00:00

I focus on the future and the things I can do now to achieve the future I want. I also remember the pain she caused.

Far-Balance1854 · 2026-07-21T10:55:10+00:00

The mind's exceptionally good at playing the highlight reel from a relationship — you get the rose-tinted version, which doesn't do you many favours trying to get through the other side of it.

Something that is worth trying: stop trying to let go of the whole marriage at once — it's too big a target and you'll just keep circling back. Instead, notice specific moments you're replaying (the good ones especially) and ask "what did that moment need from me then, and do I still need that now?" Usually the answer's no — you're mourning a version of things that already isn't there anymore. It starts making the letting go feel less like a wall and more like small doors.

Haunting-Flight-1422 · 2026-07-21T08:21:04+00:00

You let Go Mate Simple. Hold on to something that deserves your…. You. Bob Marley said “ we are all going to be hurt. It’s about finding the one worth hurting for” ❤️ Fuck it do what I Do just get stupid for a whole week once a month. Blow it out and get blown it resets me for the Battle of Daily life these days 🤷🏽‍♂️

Haunting-Flight-1422 · 2026-07-21T08:16:03+00:00

Sorry hit post too early and got distracted with life!!

My sons are actually priceless to me. One is actually the biggest pain in the ass and I still wouldn’t trade him for Elon Musk money. Honest truth, now number 2 is the key for me

I hate that bullshit saying “until you learn to love yourself” it’s absolutely garbage waffle…….it made me sick to hear people roll it out! 🤢. Until it wasn’t.

Feb 10 2026 I finally understood it. It’s completely real and the key to survival, thriving and healing.
When we finally realise Men and Women, Finally realise and truly believe we are worth so much more than what we place on our own existence.
Then we will always accept far less than we deserve, we will make exceptions for disrespect and boundary crossing. Then the boundary starts to erode and tested destroying trust and Respect.
Because Trust and respect is the basis of a solid foundation. ❤️

Routine_Bee9663 · 2026-07-21T04:44:42+00:00

Take your time. You don’t let go. Time passes and one day you will be able to remember without hurting .

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-07-21T04:31:48+00:00

Whole books, poems and short stories have been written on healing. I think you start by accepting your current situation and understand what is in your locus of control and what is not.
If letting go is your aim it will help to know/define what the end result would look like.
It might be individual but some things after letting go I can think of is peace, forgiveness, indifference, acceptance.
Break each down and find ways to get there, reading books helped me so much.

Haunting-Flight-1422 · 2026-07-21T04:12:15+00:00

I Hear you and still going through the most selfish spiteful 23yr relationship split. We have 3 sons absolutely amazing children who will have had to wear the mental scars for life.
Because one wasn’t flexible in expectation of respectful communication and refused to put myself and my wants before the children’s welfare and future. 5 months ago as it was falling apart around us I realised 2 things.

1- I’ve been blessed I came from nothing to a very successful Business. Then it Hit…. I’d give it all Back in Spades to walk away with my sons and not be Angry. They are mya

mason2393 · 2026-07-21T03:43:57+00:00

3 months in and I believe time is what helps the most. There's no substitute for it is what I've found so far. Worst part about divorce imo is losing your best friend. It's like your grieving someone who's alive and dead at the same time.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-07-21T03:33:27+00:00

The loss of a marriage and a partner is similar to when someone dies, in terms of the need to grieve. Grieving has 5 or 7 steps, typically, and different people take different amounts of time to grieve. Generally speaking, if it's been over a year and you haven't made a lot of progress - that would be time to dig deeper. The seven stages of grief are:

Shock: The immediate reaction characterized by emotional numbness and disbelief to protect the brain from overwhelming news.
Denial: Refusing to accept reality as a coping mechanism to buffer against the immediate pain of the loss.
Anger: Frustration and helplessness emerging as the pain sets in, sometimes directed at oneself, higher powers, or others.
Bargaining: Attempting to regain a sense of control by making promises or constantly asking "what if" or "if only" questions.
Depression: A deep sense of sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness as the magnitude of the loss is fully realized.
Testing: Trying to find new solutions, exploring different coping mechanisms, and experimenting with moving forward.
Acceptance and Hope: Coming to terms with the reality of the loss and gradually learning to integrate it into daily life while moving forward.

(stolen descriptions)

For immediate relief: circular thinking - write down your specific thoughts; anger - go for a drive and scream out what you want to say to her at the top of your lungs

Title	HOW DO I LET GO?
Author	dontlookbackitsgone
Upvotes	10
Comments	42
Date	July 21, 2026 3:18 AM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1v26nrk/how_do_i_let_go/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-let-go.1585513 https://theredarchive.com/post/1585513

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