How do you do it- child support and alimony.

Curlygirlrocks32 · 2025-04-18T11:24:08+00:00

²Sorry, Wow 1k for a month for a Prius or car note is a Bad financial decision. The most expensive car notes I ever had were 400. I think that was too much. I like to keep it 250 a month just In case I get into a financial pickle. I don't even do car notes anymore bc it's a waste of money. I paid in full for an older Acura with low miles. 12 x 1000 = 12000 can get you a reliable miles Toyota, Honda, or Acura.

If I were in your shoes, would you give the overpriced car to your wife and ride the bus or beg her to stay in the garage or get back together for the sake of the kids? I will find two jobs. Walmart, fast food. Anything to not be homeless. Try Salvation Army or Goodwill or Workforce they help you get life together and trade. .

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2025-04-14T01:23:20+00:00

You are not alone. The system is broken. I am surprised that you mentioned zero visitation. Whatever you do- always have ur kid(s) in mind. You are living and doing what you are already….and will be doing for them. I was in the same position- homeless and living in my car. Today, I am living in my basement-of my house! I am house hacking my way back. The rest of the rooms are rented out as room rentals/roommates. Divorce is a complicated thing. One thing I learned- they can break you. They can and will destroy you. But they can’t never take away your mind and knowledge.

Fun-Conference1361 · 2025-04-13T01:15:39+00:00

This was a lot to read. Might’ve missed some responses. Lawyer? Bankruptcy? If homeless - move to where she is for 50/50 to cut child support. It’s a struggle unless you can jump your income. Leave the car running in a bad area.

regertsrus · 2025-04-12T22:36:19+00:00

I dont understant you spending 1k a month on a prius?

regertsrus · 2025-04-12T21:21:48+00:00

Your car note is 1k a month? What? I have a good job that pays me real well with a side biz and properties delivering rent money. I dont struggle but due to the 40k yearly child support i have to watch my spending considering i have 5 kids under my roof more than half the time. I work a normal 7hr day. My car is 13 years old with over 200k miles on its last legs. I can easily take money out the bank and buy a brand new truck no fcks given but i dont. You want to know what the problem is besides your 1k a month payment? Its your storyline. You missed something here. It starts with your 1k a month car note and ends with a brand new iphone and all the other luxuries you can NOT afford. How the hell do you have this small violin with a 1k a month note? Sorry man this really rubbed me the wrong way. Why dont i have a 1k a month note? I can easily afford it.

No_Pen_3200 · 2025-04-12T15:46:35+00:00

Dude. I hear this. I have no idea how they calculate child support. I was paying 50% of my net to child support. Living off 1200 a month. Riding my bike 100km a week. I had my kids 35% of the time. And paying for court.
I was right in the edge of just pan handling and collecting bottles. What is the point of working 40-50 hours a week for 1000?

Negative-Effective11 · 2025-04-12T05:49:59+00:00

I didn't say how to get there that one you gotta be responsible for how long you need a cell

Not_Professor_78 · 2025-04-12T03:20:33+00:00

Sadly, this is actually more due to the fast rising cost of living than anything else. Getting changes to court orders takes age.

DSanchO83 · 2025-04-12T02:27:31+00:00

We should change the name of the group to “Costco Hotdogs”

Patient_Basil9497 · 2025-04-11T23:19:23+00:00

File for hardship maybe?

Negative-Effective11 · 2025-04-11T21:52:46+00:00

Stop paying go to jail get free room,food and sex.

jimmy5007 · 2025-04-11T20:42:02+00:00

You need a cash job. They can’t take what they can’t see. Temp jobs are also exempt in some states.

yeldellmedia · 2025-04-11T17:17:12+00:00

Why do u not have 50/50 equal custody?

Natural_Importance18 · 2025-04-11T15:31:14+00:00

Conjugal visits should be a requirement for alimony. If the ex gets to continue enjoying some of what the husband was providing during the marriage then the opposite feels appropriate.

redragtop99 · 2025-04-11T14:53:14+00:00

You need to get a better job, or get your order modified. No one wants you to be homeless. Are you a felon? Is there a reason you can’t get a better job?

fives_gw · 2025-04-11T14:48:15+00:00

Imagine a system where a man in this guy's dire financial situation is ordered to pay ALIMONY. Yeah, OP really seems like Mr Moneybags over here, better order him to nakedly subsidize some woman's existence. Absolutely unconscionable. Sorry, OP, stay strong and keep grinding, you don't deserve this ridiculous injustice.

northdakotact · 2025-04-11T13:48:23+00:00

I'm very sorry about what happened to you. It's terrible.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-04-11T13:06:56+00:00

So you have $1680 per month to live on. That is plenty. Find someone to split an apartment with.

You'll have to give back the ridiculous car and get a job that does not require you to have a vehicle.

Over time save cash and buy a sensible car and rebuild your credit. If you make smart deicisons in 5 years you'll be doing very well for yourself.

yeldellmedia · 2025-04-11T12:38:46+00:00

I was in your situation. What helped me was being a consultant / one man army working under my own llc…. That way i couldnt be garnished. That way i could use my business cash flow to pay me and my bills first and catch up on alimony later from month to month..while never getting too far behind but providing myself enuff wiggle room to manage my own finances without worrying about paying taxes…. In the short term… doing it this way u get ur bulk gross pay upfront taxes not witheld…

It doesnt matter if someone makes 20k a year or 200k a year, alimony is crippling

streetsmartwallaby · 2025-04-11T12:25:36+00:00

I'd suggest stopping by r/personalfinance if you want some help with the money issues.

I mean this gently but it sounds like you've made some bad financial decisions (hence the IRS, expensive car note and expensive insurance) and they can help you make some better ones. If there is a food bank close to you that has non-perishable food that may help with meals.

How much do you owe in alimony / child support? Where do you live? Any free legal services to help reopen support payments? The child support may be modifiable if your income has changed.

Bankruptcy may be your only viable option.

latinalover215 · 2025-04-11T11:43:37+00:00

I been in your situation, had to move back with mom, I did the right thing was still financing everything for my kids. Your fighting an nearly impossible battle. I was able to over come it by grace. I’m to old to start over again so If I can’t live happy she won’t either

PurpleVeg742 · 2025-04-11T10:29:21+00:00

How long is the alimony for? When was the child support amount determined? And have there been any changes to your situation since the child support was determined?

I would definitely look into seeing if in your location if there is a way you can file your modification due to hardship. Or to appeal the child support order.

stevenfernandez247 · 2025-04-11T07:36:32+00:00

You’re right—it’s not as simple as “cutting back” or “picking up a second job” when you’re already working 14–16 hours a day, living out of your car, and skipping meals just to stretch a dollar. This system isn’t built for people in your situation, and I hate that you’re being forced to carry so much alone.

I don’t have a magic answer, but I want you to know you’re not alone. If you're open to it, maybe we can brainstorm a few options together—legal aid for reducing support payments, resources for folks in your line of work, or even just support systems to help you get through the next few days. You don’t have to keep this all inside.

Please hang on. You’re fighting an impossible battle with nothing but heart and grit, and that says a lot about your character. You don’t deserve this, and I hope you can give yourself the same grace you’re giving everyone else. Let’s talk through this if you’re up for it.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2025-04-11T05:28:52+00:00

@SireSweet you need to go ahead and file for bankruptcy. No reason to get a second job when you're working damn near overtime if not already so. I was homeless as well and was in your situation, this will hurt your credit sure, but you're in a horrible status financially and you have to protect yourself. You can still get yourself a place to rent once you file bankruptcy. Just rent from the actual home owner not through a property management company. Also I'm not sure if the home you were in was being mortgage or rented. Whatever the case, if it left you negative and you ended up homeless, and it tanked your credit, bankruptcy certainly is your best option. Thank me later

Eric_C_Productions · 2025-04-11T04:17:56+00:00

Look, I know how you feel. I was married and my wife forced me to sleep in my car while she and the kids lived in the house that I owned and paid for. I was the bread winner and my relationship with her had gone down the tubes at that point. Anyway, you need to find ways to support yourself and take care of yourself. That means getting a side job or selling stuff on Ebay or Offerup or Facebook Marketplace. You have a phone. You have a car. I know what it is to be homeless and it sucks. Maybe move in with a friend or parents or a relative. As for food, check your local food banks. They offer food for free and you can find multiple ones to sustain yourself. There is help, check the local churches and community centers and seek out help through them. You would be surprised how much they can help you and your situation out. Stay strong my friend.

PlatypusExisting5317 · 2025-04-11T04:01:30+00:00

Be depressed and not working. Go grab some cash job. Do not pay child support. Your ex will cover all expenses by herself. In USA the family court is broken. It’s not fair for men.

lurkermurphy · 2025-04-11T03:58:17+00:00

does the court have an accurate estimate at your income? because i'm in california and not even at 50% custody, and self-filing i just got my child support payment down to $130/month for 2 kids because i'm just that damn poor. they even adjusted my income up to full time at minimum wage because i make less than that

what you need is to have a home so you can have some custody? are you at zero visitation?

Title	How do you do it- child support and alimony.
Author	SireSweet
Upvotes	60
Comments	54
Date	April 11, 2025 3:52 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jwgxfi/how_do_you_do_it_child_support_and_alimony/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-do-it-child-support-and-alimony.1549200 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549200

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