Insight into the switch

Joocewayne · 2025-01-25T02:58:48+00:00

They actively sever their attachment, albeit most do so unconsciously. It is a reaction to guilt and shame felt when around the betrayed spouse. So, this guilt and shame becomes “anxiety” and “emotional abuse.” They feel bad around you, (cheating) therefore you are bad.

They commonly sever the emotional bond by focusing entirely and only on the spouses perceived “negatives” while actively cultivating new emotional and sexual bonds. New friend groups. New cheerleaders who can’t call her out on her BS.

It’s scary how much of their behavior is a ruse to convince themself they are heroic followers of their heart, instead of selfish, betraying monsters that rip their own family apart.

PadreDe22 · 2025-01-24T22:40:01+00:00

She grew cold because she found a new person. As time has grown, she has taught me that if women want to be with a man, she will be. If they find someone else, they’ll grow cold and move on. All we can do as men is know our worth in the relationship and find someone who appreciates our value!

Two_ents · 2025-01-23T12:35:13+00:00

I've only been able to surmise that it's psychological. For me, i believe it was a combination of postpartum and menopause. And with postpartum she refused to seek therapy or do anything about it and her depression turned into something strange, something that her new divorced book club friends latched onto and took her in. From what I observed directly and indirectly, the hatred of men is really incredibly strong. The thing is I think a lot of these other women genuinely had terrible marriages, whereas my wife and I really didn't, we get along very well. Sure we both had and have our issues but they were not insurmountable, if she would have just worked alongside me as my partner we could have worked through them very easily I think.

And then of course menopause, or perimenopause at least played a big role as well. And now she's extremely fit and working on her emotions, something I asked her to do years ago. Had she done what she's doing now when we were together we would probably still be together. Instead she's with her affair partner and living her best life.

Meanwhile I'm struggling to do what's best for me mentally physically emotionally. It's going on 2 years now + I'm worse than I was 2 years ago. And I'm sober. Every friend that her and I gained over the 20 years together, they all took her side. So I don't even have any friends, I literally have no friends. And my work buddies, we used to be a really tight-knit group and for whatever reason I never expected my peers at work to shut me out but they have. My guess is and the business culture that we find ourselves in today if anybody shows any sign of weakness or that they can falter well that's a risk a lot of people aren't willing to take and lose their job over. So they've distanced themselves from me and I'm having to walk that path alone.

It's a lonely fucking place.

CharlesDanceFan · 2025-01-23T10:36:36+00:00

Men are bound by honour. We live life following an unwritten code and we are conditioned to put our happiness aside in order to create stability.

Women will literally give their husband 3 days worth of weaponised silent treatment because they had a dream that their husband was banging one of their friends

The point I’m trying to make is that we’re wired differently man.

You just have to accept that this is what they do so that you’re not surprised when it happens again

Confident-Crawdad · 2025-01-23T04:25:29+00:00

I get that the woman I married isn't here anymore, but dammit it's been 35 years. Can she not be civil? Polite? Do the standard stuff everyone does to get along in society?

What the hell happens in her head?

probebeta · 2025-01-23T01:50:17+00:00

I heard someone say women treat men like men treat jobs. If there is the perception that she might get a better deal elsewhere, whatever that deal is, she'll go cold and brutal to the old deal. Notice I said perception, because grass might not be greener, new deal might not last, but it's at least what shes feeling at that moment.

Detroitred8953 · 2025-01-23T00:45:10+00:00

YOU TOO , myFupxw would so far as to move to another state with my portion of the judgment.2 yrs of evilness , i don’t even know her . And the way these women ladies talk to men , I’m surprised they haven’t changed the domestic violence, law l, from what I read and seen ,on YouTube, that there defenses mode. U are already on the path, the path of God , He will see you through it, because you’re expressing it, God bless you

THX1138-22 · 2025-01-22T23:58:46+00:00

If it’s a midlife divorce, menopause probably plays a role. Estrogen helps to contribute to empathy and emotional regulation. Levels drop dramatically during menopause. She is indeed not the person you married.

https://news.sky.com/story/many-women-blame-menopause-for-marriage-problems-survey-says-12723405

It’s not your fault-it’s just biology.

HumorJust7424 · 2025-01-22T22:16:26+00:00

THE WOMEN YOU MARRY IS NOT THE WOMEN THAT YOU DIVORCE. Once I started to realize that it made me realize that your feelings are for a person that doesn't exist anymore. Might as well be dead to you. If you have kids you need to find out how to get over it and do whats right for your kid(s). If you don't have kids you need to not communicate with her. Women make up there mind well before they make this decision .

RespectInevitable479 · 2025-01-22T22:00:29+00:00

Just the nature of the beast don’t get married again

DenyHerYourEssence · 2025-01-22T21:48:38+00:00

Short answer: Do a search on Briffault’s Law.

Longer answer: Women have evolved to love their male blood relatives unconditionally and to conditionally love their lovers/boyfriends/husbands based on how they make them feel and what they provide. It’s pretty jarring for men when they first realize this, but once they truly accept it and adjust their behavior accordingly it’s like gaining a superpower.

Strange_Try7496 · 2025-01-22T21:26:55+00:00

I feel men carry more of the onus of "happily ever after." It's kind of baked into society. A guy makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. A woman wonders if she's fulfilled and, if not, who is to blame. And that's when you get an earful about leaving jelly around the lid.

I'm on the dating apps. One of the common prompts is "You can win me over by ____". And girls almost always fill in "making me laugh." I may have shell shock from my divorce. But fuck. That sounds like an endless chore.

sak144 · 2025-01-22T21:12:14+00:00

Guys, Tom Brady, the GOAT of football with hundreds of millions of dollars, and model-like good looks and charisma is divorced due to his wife running off with her yoga instructor.

If it happened to him, well.....

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-01-22T19:43:27+00:00

Women go cold because they FEEL their needs have been ignored by their partner for many years. This breeds resentment. Once that resentment crosses a certain threshold is when they decide they will divorce. This will be 18-24 months prior to announcing they want a divorce.

Men and women are wired completely differently. Men think if they work hard at a job, pay the bills, do the yardwork, help out with the kids and household chores that their wives will be happy. Women don't care about any of that. They want to feel loved and desired and safe to be in their feminine. They need to get out of mom mode on the regular. They don't teach us men this, and women are taught by society to keep their mouths shut, so there is a huge disconnect. But now you know for future relationships.

Most men appease and avoid conflict because they are afraid to be their authentic selves for various reasons. They have no boundaries and do not tell their women no (and women find being told no a HUGE turn on).

Just a complete break down of polarity.

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2025-01-22T19:42:03+00:00

One theory from evolutionary biology (not saying whether this is true or not): Through most of human history there were warring tribes. After successfully raiding a tribe, all men and children would be killed. This is common in tribe-organized species today. Only the women who mated with the new regime passed on their genes; those who did not failed to pass on their genes. Thus women became more amenable to “the switch” than men, because it’s adaptively advantageous.

DaveTheDrummer802 · 2025-01-22T19:35:28+00:00

I am in the position where I don't think my wife serves any purpose in our marriage. She avoids any physical contact, doesn't say "I love you" unless I say it first. She has literally not shown one sign that she still loves me in the past 6 years.

She also serves hardly any purpose in the household. I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, most of the laundry. I am the one who takes care of our kids the most. I pay alll the bills. I do all the yardwork.

I literally have no use for her. She is someone that lives in my house. Her income helps, but is not needed. She has become someone who lives in the same house as my kids and I. She's lucky enough to be able to benefit secondhand from the love I have for my kids. If she filed for divorce tomorrow, it wouldn't affect me. If she moved out tomorrow, I'd probably be happy.

Detroitred8953 · 2025-01-25T22:36:52+00:00

I getting my money by any extreme necessary from that bitch fuck up fuck up

Title	Insight into the switch
Author	muststayfocused77
Upvotes	14
Comments	42
Date	January 22, 2025 7:26 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1i7jjat/insight_into_the_switch/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/insight-into-the-switch.1541894 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541894

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