It's final

Mission-Carry-887 · 2025-12-02T16:04:02+00:00

I feel happy for you and sad for your kids.

Heisenburger19 · 2025-12-02T02:29:29+00:00

Full custody without alimony sounds like a win. Good luck with the second part of your life.

DanHitt · 2025-12-02T01:53:00+00:00

Figure out a purpose you can pursue. You'll be surprised how much time (a.k.a. heartache) it can swallow for you. It'll fade, though, count on that. I went through a rough one and I for sure cried the night she didn't come home. But my life is so much better now.

nomohydro · 2025-12-01T22:53:42+00:00

That hits home brother, I'm very sorry. I'm going to be right there with you in about two weeks and I'm sick about it. I met her on Thanksgiving and I don't even recognize her between the GLP-1 and insane exercise program. She was nice enough but the hugs and kisses felt completely hollow.

The whole thing is like I'm in the Twilight Zone.

Anyway, you sound like you're doing great all things considered! I anticipate being a fucking mess - hope not and at this point I'm just ready to have it behind me because the build is just a bad.

gratefulstudent76 · 2025-12-01T21:54:35+00:00

Fuck man. That's rough. At least you don't have alimony. Think seriously about a nanny or housekeeper to help out. Its a lot all by yourself.

Aggravating_Chip3285 · 2025-12-01T21:15:55+00:00

Dude I’m sorry for your pain . You do not sound like a failure by what you stated

dharmattan · 2025-12-01T20:40:31+00:00

Why do you have to drive the kids to see her? She can figure that out herself.

IcyMycologist4837 · 2025-12-01T19:50:27+00:00

You may find over time that she just did you a favor if you decide to move on with your life because you were not in a happy relationship. Work through it and get yourself settled into the new reality. Things will be better for you after the adjustment period.

koskesh122 · 2025-12-01T17:24:57+00:00

Well bud, join the club.

50% of all marriages end in divorce. 2nd marriages have 60% divorce rate and 3rd marriages 70% divorce rate.
90% of all divorces initiated by the women. • Child support, Alimony, your pension + retirement savings, government support + housing incentivizes them leaving you.
90% of custody awarded to mothers.
False allegations of abuse are prevalent in family courts. • You will be called abusive in order to stress you out so you give in to their unjust demands.

What to do now?

Settle your case ASAP. • The leeches (Judges, Lawyers, Therapists, Legal system will want to bleed you dry by leveraging your kids against you) The system gets paid by you fighting for you children.
Find a hobby.
Focus on your career/start a side hustle/Make more money.
Hit the gym daily.
Stay away from SINGLE moms at ALL costs and anyone who claims their ex was abusive. Do NOT raise another man’s child. You may end up being on the hook financially (Child support) for their kid if you leave.
Travel once a year.
Read books like No More Mr. nice guy
Open up the New Testament and start reading daily + listen to Charles Stanely on YouTube. • Learn to forgive your ex. This will set you emotionally and mentally free so you can begin enjoying life once again.

rb5775 · 2025-12-01T16:36:55+00:00

I feel she may discover that the people in her life were not the problem...she is.

SpaceFish24-7 · 2025-12-01T16:33:22+00:00

Thats great no child support or alimony. And she cares so little that she didnt want the kids. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Good luck with your new life.

CherryEuphoric3557 · 2025-12-01T16:27:08+00:00

Interesting that you said failure because I literally used that same exact word in therapy this morning. Mine was in the context of failing our children since we couldn't make it work as a married couple. My therapist said that we all fail our children in a variety of ways, regardless of relationship status or if people stay married. That helped me because I can just focus on being the best possible father for them regardless of what's happening and removed the shame of failure. You didn't and won't fail unless you take out this pain on your kids.

Focus on yourself and those kids, that's my plan.

Good luck with everything, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this.

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2025-12-01T16:23:51+00:00

Congratulations on the good terms. I would be overjoyed to have full custody once this is done.

If she wants to see the kids make her take the fucking train.

FUMoney · 2025-12-01T16:18:59+00:00

In your case, she wanted out. Tired of the marriage, and her life, after two decades. I'd say, it happens. No one's fault; people change.

You have positives. No alimony. No child support. You have the house. Those three, alone, are tremendous. Frankly, sounds as though she did everyone a favor with a clean break. Most divorcing men would kill for those terms.

Odd-Zone-2635 · 2025-12-01T16:07:10+00:00

I am so sorry, man. Twenty years is not a small amount of time, and the feeling that you failed is massive right now. That grief is real, and you absolutely have the right to feel every bit of it. It’s the mourning of a life you built and a future you believed in.

Do not let the feeling of "failure" eclipse the fact that you just achieved a massive victory.

You are entering the next phase of your life with three incredible advantages that most men here dream of:

Full Custody: You got the kids. They are your anchor, your focus, and your greatest responsibility. You have the opportunity to build a stable, loving home for them without the daily conflict. That is not a failure; that is a win for your family's future.

Financial Freedom: No alimony and no child support means you maintain control of your finances and your future stability. This is HUGE.

Clarity: It's done. The agonizing limbo is over. You can finally stop fighting for the marriage and start fighting for yourself and your kids.

You are 53, a single dad, and you are starting over. It’s terrifying. But you are also strong, stable, and now, finally, free to define the next 20 years on your terms.

Keep leaning on this group. We're here for the next fight: navigating single parenthood. We are stronger together. Stay strong, brother.

Title	It's final
Author	wallydog71
Upvotes	72
Comments	30
Date	December 1, 2025 4:04 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pbgms4/its_final/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/its-final.1567847 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567847

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