Pressured into marriage

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-12-19T10:15:21+00:00

I didn’t get pressured, I made that mistake all by myself 😡. My friend was pressured into it because all his GFs friends were getting married and she wanted some of the attention too. Needless to say it didn’t last long as she was far more invested in being a bride than she was in being a wife.

AudreyTooTwo · 2022-12-19T12:31:56+00:00

Older dude here. I am from that era when a young man was expected to marry the girl he accidentally got pregnant. Well, it didn't happen EVERY time. But two of my good high school buddies were both married (one at 19, the other at 24) to girls they got pregnant. One of them was an idiot. But the other had a strict religious upbringing (which, ironically he rebelled against) and a love/hate relationship with his father. I think he ultimately got married to get his father's approval, which, unfortunately, never came. Human relationships can be complex and woven.

Anyway, both got divorced. I think both wives eventually cheated on my two buddies.

That's the main reason I can think of why a man would feel pressured into marriage.

And as much as I champion the Traditional Nuclear Family, I think marrying some rando girl you happen to make pregnant is a horribly stupid idea. Maybe that worked 100 years ago. Hell, some of us have great-grandparents like that: married at 18, stayed together for life. But that shit doesn't happen anymore.

I suppose if you've dated for a long time, your family (and her family) might be pressuring you to tie the knot. Honestly, I don't know anyone like that. You see that in movies. I'm sure it's true for someone, but, anyway, if that's you, you need to step back and look at the bigger picture.

xjeeperx · 2022-12-19T15:15:00+00:00

Yep, my dumb ass thought that all of our problems stemmed from her “wanting commitment” now I know that she wanted to be committed to taking as much as she could in the divorce.

Upset_Opportunity_43 · 2022-12-19T16:50:07+00:00

I never got married but have been broken up with many times while dating due to "can't commit" or whatever nonsense excuse. I lived with a woman for 3 months and saw how much of a disaster that was. What I realized is that the dating phase (especially honeymoon phase) is the best relationship style to be in simply because women are trying to impress you. Once you move in together, that's when the mask falls off.

Personally I prefer just dating a woman for 6-12month and then breaking up. Not moving in together or getting married. No kids thanks to the snip!

North-Tangelo-5398 · 2022-12-19T19:35:02+00:00

I was pressured, she left on our 20th anniversary.

kdthex01 · 2022-12-19T12:54:33+00:00

I wanted to get married. I wanted to be married, still kinda do. But just not like this. Marriage changes a woman somehow.

ProcedureAltruistic3 · 2022-12-19T20:02:24+00:00

I definitely was made to feel pressue because everyone around her was getting married. Worse was once everyone started having kids. One of our couple friends came over to tell us the were pregnant and when they left she cried and screamed at me that we weren't first. Down hill from there. The minute she had some of her own money she got a boyfriend and moved out with the kids. I had no say in any of it. Been a whirlwind year so far, ready for it to end now.

CharleyVCU1988 · 2022-12-19T13:39:47+00:00

I was pressured into marriage and now I’m filing for a divorce. I started dating her a year after I finished residency and I wanted to wait until I passed my medical certification boards before I proposed. When I failed I tried to tell her I couldn’t marry her, but I still wanted to be with her, even if I was going to be long distance temporarily for a year for additional subspecialty training. She pulled the ultimatum on me and said “marry me or I break up with you” after only 10 months. She was 2 years older than me but apparently has a disorder that cuts down on fertility. I was 31 years old at the time. Such bullshit. “Oh I don’t want to waste time on someone who isn’t committed to me.” Seriously? I wanted to be financially ready to provide for her, but without a secure job and board certified, that’s not possible.

Her mentality of being a feminist didn’t help. She projected onto me “it’s not about you” but tried to overrule me (and I buckled) about when to have kids (well before I was board certified, our son now is 17 months, and I had a mental breakdown when she said she was pregnant), she rushed me into moving places to accommodate for the baby, only to run back up to another state to have her family help her take care of our son.

The nerve of these “feminists.”

I’m board certified now and I just got a raise at my job, and campaigning for another raise to help with recruitment. Hopefully I won’t be mauled badly financially. But that sounds like a pipe dream. We don’t own anything jointly, we rent a townhouse currently.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-12-19T10:37:32+00:00

If you were pressured into marriage, then your marriage is doomed because you're living within her frame. In every relationship, one partner enters the others frame. It is therefore incumbent on you, as the man, to ensure that your woman is in your frame. You cannot let the balance of that frame shift to her. Far too many men get married and actually believe the vows they take: “In sickness, and in health… for richer or for poorer… ‘til death do us part.” The fact of the matter is, women divorce men all the time if the circumstances of the marriage change and she now deems you of lesser value to her. If you get fat, go broke, can’t hold down a job, or are utterly useless around a house, then a woman reserves her right to untie the marriage knot. Command respect, don’t demand it.

You must lead your relationship. Like ballroom dancing, men lead and women follow. If you want to be treated like the captain of your ship, then act like it. Be strong, wise and delegate to your first officer and trusted advisor. Never expect her to intuit what you want. A good woman will submit to a strong leader, and compliment her man. Women crave to be led. They will scream, shout, and insist otherwise. But in the end, historically and empirically, women want men to lead. All the protesting is merely a big massive fitness test to see if you have the confidence, spine, and temerity to be a real man and stand up to them. Demonstrate leadership, do not explicate.

treborcj · 2022-12-19T20:40:20+00:00

I got my girlfriend pregnant right out of high school. She cried when I told her I wanted to wait. I had a full scholarship to go to two colleges; one out of town and the other out of state. She kept at it and married her. I did not go to school. 6 months later my son was born. Divorced 16 years after that.

Later she would say, she did it because her sister and friends were getting married and she didn't want to disappoint her family who were deeply religious.

I did eventually get a degree 6 years into the marriage, still paying on the loans.

DocHolliday80 · 2022-12-19T23:20:20+00:00

I was pressured into buying a house and into marriage. Things got worse in the relationship with my then wife each time. After the wedding she began to treat me as property and so did her family. Thing got a little better after 6 months or so, and then sloped down until the relationship died and divorce came a bit later. Never getting married again.

MrLondon87 · 2022-12-19T16:19:55+00:00

I have been given an ultimatum to get married or break up and said No to marriage. I just didn't feel that the contract I was supposed to be signing was fair to me.

corradoswapt · 2022-12-20T00:37:57+00:00

Very much so. Our relationship started out like a wild fire. She craved constant attention and I spent almost all my time with her. We got pregnant and she demanded commitment. I proposed 6 months after we met.she had a miscarriage 2 weeks before our wedding and I told her I didn't want to get married and that we should wait. I was guilted into going through with it as it was a destination wedding and everyone's plans were set on it. We got married and we had a beautiful daughter together but beside my daughter I was completely miserable with how controlling and demanded my wife was. I feel like I lost myself just months into the relationship

ToddHaberdasher · 2022-12-19T12:28:22+00:00

The oldest story in the book. I was dating a girl, after about six weeks she started to worry that I was going to break up with her, so she activated her ironclad security policy.

Our son was born nine months later.

Eagleseekr · 2022-12-20T06:44:31+00:00

WALK NOW....Never feel pressured a d the alternative is so much better!

xadmin123 · 2022-12-20T23:47:44+00:00

I got pressured after 1 year of dating. Her concern was that if I don’t marry her, I will eventually leave her when I find a younger and better woman in the future when I am bored of her. I still resisted, so she cheated on my over the pandemic, and I was devastated. 7 years together total

HeadButtTheBar · 2022-12-20T03:25:52+00:00

Grow up. Stop looking for the internet to make excuses for you.

Own it.

Creative_Patient_146 · 2025-11-21T23:00:16+00:00

I feel pressured to get married. Feels like if I don’t, that I won’t be a success in life. And I do worry about not having kids. But in general, I’m kind of questioning long term monogamy? I got out of a long relationship, and I was so happy to be single for awhile. Ended up back in a relationship now. Love my current gf. Year of dating and now we’re having more serious talks of marriage. I told her I was still pretty unsure about marriage in general early on in dating. But I feel this immense pressure to get married. Maybe it’s biological tho.

Title	Pressured into marriage
Author	Small_Quarter_3673
Upvotes	24
Comments	43
Date	December 19, 2022 9:13 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zpmta5/pressured_into_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/pressured-into-marriage.1143356 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143356

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