Reminiscing

ragingredditir · 2022-10-26T13:23:43+00:00

I think you would be crazy if you didn’t have those days

crunx22 · 2022-10-26T13:38:15+00:00

I’d give anything not to think about her.

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-26T13:28:50+00:00

Of course it’s normal man.
It’s good to remember the good memories.

It should help as you get older with the kids that you had those memories.

If it is slowing you down then channel the energy into working out. Do you have a gf or remarried?

ABBucsfan · 2022-10-26T13:24:52+00:00

Tbh it's hard for me to remember that many good times with her even though we had 10 years and two kids. The odd birthday dinner, like when we found out she was pregnant the first time. I dunno, was pretty hard from the start and realized by the time it was over things only seemed hopeful leading up to when she wanted something like a kid or upgrading house. A lot more bad memories than good. I miss being with the kids every day in the family home, but don't miss much about her even if she's the one that wanted to end it and I was always trying to keep the family together. Traveling together to see her family had its moments, some of the silly things I teased her about I guess.

I don't think I've ever really looked back on us actually. Only as a father who wishes hr could have given his kids two loving parents full time. It's been a year and a half since I moved out but it did feel like years that I had to work out any regrets and say goodbye to the relationship. We struggled for a long time to the point where I can say I did everything I could and nothing I could do would satisfy her

Cheese2012 · 2022-10-26T13:29:15+00:00

It shows you care mate. You can have good times again just gotta ride out the storm.

ThrowAwayAccount__0 · 2022-10-26T14:21:06+00:00

Active hobbies that are physically and mentally stimulating. They help.

I read books and go to the gym. Both of those will leave you tired, but with a feeling of accomplishment.

Regarding books, get some that are written to support mental strength, and they will give you tools on how to frame your thoughts in ways that can be beneficial for you, rather than hold you back.

superfaip · 2022-10-26T14:00:36+00:00

completely normal brother. Don’t wall of your feelings, work through them

playerknowmore · 2022-10-26T20:04:18+00:00

It's okay to think about the good times, but you have to balance it with the bad. Be honest about the narratives she created to not make you worthy of her love. Trust me at some point you will realize that wasn't you it was a tool to get away from you. If you ever watch who she picked after you; you will notice he is not that different than you. Don't make her into a mythological magical thing. She gave up on you without a fight.

forkintheroad_2022 · 2022-10-26T18:13:33+00:00

I am early in my divorce but I can truly say I can't think of good memories with ONLY my STBXW. I tried to rack my brain and I really couldn't. All my fond memories involve the kids or parties with other couples, etc. I can't even remember much about our honeymoon, at least nothing specific and happy.

Any yet...I still have days where I, for some fucked up reason, imagine how it could have been if my ex was not a raging narcissist and terrible person. The cognitive dissonance messes with my head. I'm hoping time will help there.

LonghornAndAstrosFan · 2022-10-26T15:16:01+00:00

I'm just starting my journey through this. 6 weeks separated. My world has completely changed in the last 6 weeks. I do miss some of my old life. I don't miss being the bottled up closed off jerk I was to my wife the last few years. I've buried that version of me completely and I've opened up to her quite a bit over the last 6 weeks. I do miss her terribly. I thought she was the one that I would spend the rest of my life with. We were together for 33 years. She hasn't ruled out reconciliation and says she just needed to take a break. Those type of words give me hope even if it's just false hope.

waternickel · 2022-10-26T15:25:23+00:00

The best way, for me, to stop reminiscing is to hook up with college girls from the bar.

Definitely not the healthiest way, but is definitely healthier than the bottle.

US_Paratrooper · 2022-10-26T17:10:38+00:00

Time will heal this all my brother. Feelings are normal and you thinking of this is a final stage for your brain to make way for what’s to come. Keep your mind occupied on other things.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-10-26T18:25:34+00:00

Your relationship with your wife closely mirrors your relationship with your mom.

It is worth doing the unpleasant Family Of Origin work in 1-1 therapy with a male therapist to help understand this dynamic.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-10-26T18:33:12+00:00

Yes it's normal because you haven't given yourself closure. One of the first things I did when my ex-wife went to the police station and falsely accused me of historical rape, is write in a journal and telling her goodbye and thanking her for the marriage. Tell her goodbye in your journal and that you will be moving on as you have to survive.

upvotersfortruth · 2022-10-27T01:27:17+00:00

It’s the worst. Some days it’s like places, songs, anything. Worst days I swear I found something in every woman I saw that looked like a part of her. Hair, clothes, legs, anything. What a sad sorry person I can be.

Edit: I guess what I’m having a hard time doing is not creating an unrealistic avatar of her in my mind, idealizing away the bad shit. Just watched Inception again - the last time I watched it we were still together and I didn’t pay all that much attention to DiCaprio’s dead wife - but that movie speaks volumes more to me now than it did.

Zealousideal-Duck670 · 2022-10-27T02:42:50+00:00

I think we all have those moments mate. For me every Thursday is a rough day. That's when i drop my daughter off to be with her mum. I sometimes wish I could just hug my ex one more time and make peace but she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. She only communicates via email, but even then we haven't emailed in over 4 months. It's tough but such is life. Hang in there my friend.

rhett342 · 2022-10-27T04:16:13+00:00

I miss having all my family together so much it physically hurts.

Buckyohare84 · 2022-10-27T10:54:46+00:00

Practice forgiving out loud. It will speed up the process of dealing with this. The brain is working hard at reorganizing thoughts. It will pass.

MightBusiness7231 · 2022-10-27T14:27:40+00:00

I keep having dreams that my ex loves me again, and it's like water in the desert. I'd probably pay $1000 to get just one hug from her. But I wake up remembering that she's not capable of that, that she knows I need her affection and is/was purposefully withholding it. My kids are the only ones I get affection from. So I have to remind myself that my Ex is not a nice person, that the kids are all that matter, and that I need to love myself and not mourn a myth that never existed.

Crazy-Championship-4 · 2022-10-27T15:41:28+00:00

Personally, I think it’s beautiful that you mostly think back on the happy moments, even if it didn’t work out. There are some people who leave your life that you’ll always feel that way about. You carry them everywhere you go. It gets a little easier all the time, but don’t be too hard on yourself when the waves of nostalgia come. People were meant to connect, so focus on building up the other parts of your life that make it worth living (friends, your kids, hobbies, little moments of joy), and slowly you’ll start only looking back fondly on those moments as a family, rather than soaking in the “should have been” of them.

4rdfun · 2022-10-27T16:46:37+00:00

It's tough, been separated for 7 months now, praying the divorce is finalized soon. It's tough because we build a life around our family, it becomes our identity, we invest om our most precious commodity in it which is our time, we plan for retirement together, etc. etc.. So yeah man, you're not crazy, just human, Best of luck.

beatlecereal · 2022-10-27T23:50:17+00:00

I'm having one of those days today. I saw her all dressed up when I picked up the kids. She is beautiful and I wonder why I filed... she wants nothing to do with me now. It sucks.

Title	Reminiscing
Author	Crazy-Championship-4
Upvotes	44
Comments	59
Date	October 26, 2022 1:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ydxwmr/reminiscing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/reminiscing.1137247 https://theredarchive.com/post/1137247

Comments