So officially divorced this morning

blinkyvx · 2025-02-26T00:59:37+00:00

appreciate everyones input, been watching YT vids on divorce on this. A lot of grief and a lot of loosing "who i was" i.e husband... i am in therapy have been over a year, for first marriage and now individual. A ongoing theme for me has been" what do i enjoy" what do i want out of life....and aside from my dogs video games ,and health iues [ fixing them] i've discovered really nothing...

CarnageTheBear · 2025-02-23T02:17:56+00:00

Nearing the end of mine. Out of love a long time ago. Started losing weight immediately. Started gym in Oct. Putting on muscle like crazy. I am getting my ass in the sun as much as possible. No, seriously!! Get outside. Fish, hunt, sports, walk, hike, garden, etc. Fill your time with constructive activities that produce good endorphins and the feeling of accomplishment. Get masculine again. Poke that chest out. Hold that head high even when the tears flow. Get religious. Find answers to questions you've always wanted to know. Fixing my character flaws. Setting new boundaries with people. Yesterday, I put myself on a dating site just for self-confidence. Didn't think there'd be any interest. (Suggested by my brother). Woke up this morning to 4 hits on my profile. Kinda gave me a little hope. In all seriousness, throw the book out the damn window and do what you want. Who cares what others think and who are we trying to impress. If there's another future woman, she will just have to like the 2.0 version or keep stepping. Hope this . Good luck.

Clean-Row2269 · 2025-02-22T23:53:31+00:00

Join travel groups, cycling groups anything you enjoy they have a group for it. Get specific on what you like and don’t settle

blinkyvx · 2025-02-22T13:35:49+00:00

Appreciate all the comments fellas.

Aggravating_Bug_6267 · 2025-02-22T07:31:59+00:00

Bro, this is the most important step for your freedom and happiness for the rest of your life. It is a huge step and a huge relief. You should celebrate with a great dinner tonight. It is understandable that you are sad rn. And probably feeling negative, like there is no hope etc.

Good thing is your situation is going to improve from now on. The process of divorce sucks and is traumatic. The lawyers, judges and the otherside make a mockery of everything. Just fuck all of them. They are idiots and assholes. Dont believe anything they say. Whatever happened is part of history now. Move on and try to make your life better, one step at a time.

The next few months may be bad and depressing but then things will improve, as long as you dont give up all hope and sit at your home and think negative stuffs all day. I went to therapy and it helped big time. Gym is an amazing thing. I also started learning guitar (in urbanpro) at the ripe age of 33 and it has not disappointed. I am a big introvert but I still try to get out and talk to colleagues and friends.

I didnt realize but over time things started to really improve. I still have a few bad days (1 or 2 out of 7 instead of 6 out of 7 before) and feel lonely sometimes but that is life. It is not always what one plans for and we have to accept it. And there are many good things/people in life which we often tend to overlook in tough times. So be grateful to them.

AnnoyedCucumber · 2025-02-22T04:58:55+00:00

What do you play and you should post your twitch in here man. I’ll def drop a follow. As for what’s next idk. I’ve been separated and living separate for 6 months now and still haven’t finalized paperwork.

quadaba · 2025-02-22T04:49:08+00:00

The only thing that helped me feel somewhat bearable (as oppose to completely unbearably lost and hurt all the time) was setting up a routine of doing things with the same group of people regularly. I joined a broad game club that met regularly, and a bjj club with only a handful of people, and would have dinner with close friends on a schedule. I don't remember how I ended up joining these things, I guess my subconsciousness somehow figured that I'd probably hang myself soon enough if I did not do that, so it pushed me there out of self-preservation.

IcyMycologist4837 · 2025-02-22T03:49:34+00:00

Congratulations on doing uncontested. Enjoy freedom as a grown adult. Marriage bonds are not mutually equitable and the failure is part of human nature. Now you can grow and go slow or fast as you want.

derpMaster7890 · 2025-02-21T23:27:44+00:00

It gets so much better! You feel like complete shit now, I did too, you wont later. I've embarked on a new life. I've discovered new things, and I love what the trauma of going through all this turned me into (odd but true, sometimes pain can be growth).

Do things you like, don't date until you want to, find all those things you put off, and do them. Feeling rudderless is okay, it's how we ALL felt.

You won't feel normal for months, maybe even a year or two. That's okay as well. Divorce is some mad trauma, pets really help, family and friends really help. Focus on that, and what you want to be doing. Go to the gym, or don't, pick up a board game group, or don't, try it all.

I wish you the best of luck. Dumping feelings, when they get super intense, on reddit does help. Just writing them all down helps. People care about you, and people have gone through it. People are here, and there, for you.

GudFrenchToast · 2025-02-21T23:23:51+00:00

It’s typical to have the “What the actual fuck happened?” feelings, even if the divorce was warranted.

Here’s what you can do: You can start to make this chapter of your life whatever you want it to be. Fitness? You’re already working on it. Getting back into gaming? Nice.

Look into other ways to self-improve. Take free certification classes, seek therapy if you haven’t yet (never hurts to have objectivity), or plan a road trip for yourself.

Just put one foot in front of the other and take it day by day. And be kind to yourself; no one gets married with plans to divorce. Whether or not it was your call, learn from any mistakes and be humble about it. You’re gonna be ok.

jimsmythee · 2025-02-21T23:04:52+00:00

When I was officially divorced from the exwife? I texted all of my friends the good news.

I focused on my kids -- as I got 50/50 custody.

I focused on my finances -- time to get that in order.

I focused on my housing -- time to get re-furnish my house.

I was already dating a nice lady, so I didn't need to work on that.

Lonely_Panda4322 · 2025-02-21T22:47:43+00:00

Congratulations brother…get some wine and enjoy your evening brother! Sucks but your next life will be better.

Exciting-Throat-2002 · 2025-02-21T22:43:03+00:00

Atta boy!

koalaganja · 2025-02-21T22:33:45+00:00

Mine was not only mutual but initiated by me. Felt like shit for like 8 months. As a man, you still care about her. It’s so fucking wild to go from being willing to die and kill for her, to having to forget about her. I can’t tell you how much time it’ll take but believe me, once you’re over it, life feels fucking amazing. I’m grateful to have made the most difficult decision of my life to better my life and hers. Give it time bubba sparx.

CharacterProper8732 · 2025-02-21T22:26:17+00:00

Be kind to yourself today, and don't stand for folks being unkind to you ever.

Sad_Hamster_8504 · 2025-02-21T22:25:34+00:00

Divorced raped since aug 2024. Lost more than half my salary weekly, 1/2 annuity 1/2 pension and zero dollars from my marital home at least until April 2026. There over 250k (split) when she decides to sell or buy me out. Basically id be homeless if it weren’t for my sister. She was a stay at home mom for the last 19yrs and did the finances. My fault for trusting in that species to do the right thing for her family. Especially her kids. Like as if cheating on the family wasn’t enough for the past 10+yrs. God is good though. At least I can sleep peacefully not having to worry about where the hell or who the hell she’s with anymore. I just want to be able to provide and be of service to my kids. Just in limbo now not having a pot to piss in. Having to work more now when I should be able to be present more. 🤦🏻‍♂️

MickeyWallace · 2025-02-21T22:19:35+00:00

I had the same result last month as you it seems.
In addition, I got sole custody of our 13-year-old boy, and I pay her NO alimony!
It's lonely and it hurts like hell right now and being ice cold out doesn't help either BUT the relief I get waking up every day knowing I don't have to fear her alimony coercion tactics any longer with her signing of the waiver!!
Woooo hallelujah, praise baby Jesus!! 😁🙌
Best of luck to you in your bounce-back year, have an awesome 2025 and beyond!

Standard-Cucumber264 · 2025-02-21T22:03:22+00:00

Get ready for nothing but the best headed your way. Don’t look back!

Chasdava · 2025-02-21T21:57:51+00:00

Jealous of this post title…

Puzzleheaded-Yam1718 · 2025-02-21T21:57:44+00:00

I haven’t felt like dating. I watch movies and play video games. I’m only now (1.5 years separated and 2 months officially divorced) starting to feel like my life is worth living. I’m starting to see a future ahead and take care of my health with vitamins and eventually exercise again. I can’t believe how much emotional control this woman had over me and how much I gave her, and she knew it.

CopperTylenol · 2025-02-21T21:57:01+00:00

Get a golf membership and a membership to a cigar lounge.

InternJimmy07 · 2025-02-21T21:33:17+00:00

I do whatever the Hell I want when I want and how I want and don’t need to answer to anyone. Enjoy the freedom before diving back into the dating world.

rationalvet · 2025-02-21T21:32:26+00:00

Your life isn’t over. It’s just changed now. Not wanting to date is normal for men because good men love for real and we didn’t say I do thinking it would end. Find the good in the little moments. Find a routine that works for you and stick to it. I’m sorry man. About to put one of my two dogs down today actually. It was my grandpas dog that I got when he passed. The universe likes to see how much it can throw at ya I guess. And then I’m going to drink myself to sleep. Tomorrow I’ll wake up good to the gym, get new tires on my car, go get my suit from the tailor, meet up with friends and keep living.

NewPerformance7662 · 2025-02-21T21:32:13+00:00

You start the next chapter of your life brother. I tried the whole dating thing when my divorce was finalized and trust me you’re not missing out on much. That’s great you have your pets. Super thankful for my two dogs. They keep me busy when my daughter is at her mom’s. Keep hitting the gym hard, sounds like you have something going on with your video game streaming, which is awesome. Obviously when we got married we never expected to be in the position, but the freedom you have is such a relief. The constantly walking on eggshells (at least in my situation) no longer exist. I protect my peace and I continue to work on myself each and every day so that I can be the best version of myself for not only me but for my little girl.

Title	So officially divorced this morning
Author	blinkyvx
Upvotes	60
Comments	40
Date	February 21, 2025 9:23 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1iv248o/so_officially_divorced_this_morning/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/so-officially-divorced-this-morning.1544550 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544550

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