Thinking of leaving

Particular_Mix_4160 · 2024-06-16T23:11:35+00:00

Hahaha, you’re a dude? This is the reasoning that I find in women; not men. I will assume that you are a man because you state so and I’ll reply to you as I would a woman. I believe that you’re having an affair. Here’s why: you mentioned your physical appearance and you work out. Also, you’re complaining that your wife isn’t going the extra mile. So I guess that she’s responsible for the divorce because of that. I have had the misfortune of being married to a woman who is an unempathetic narcissist and you have the same verbal tells that she has. So you want to leave a faithful woman to date other women after 20 years of marriage. I don’t really know why you would ask anyone here for advice because we all know that you will do whatever you want to do. You’ll only listen to people who agree with what you want to do. So I’ll play along and tell you what you want to hear. Go for it! Dump the faithful wife after 20 years. Forget about kids or what they’ll think. They’ll have to learn that “family” means nothing. And please don’t try to think about the feelings of others. Remember: yours are the only thing that matters! Also the women will all be falling over for you! You’re successful and in great shape! And these ladies will be going that extra mile even when you’re 70: which is 20 years from now, the same years as your marriage.

Visual-Effect-3340 · 2024-06-16T15:52:21+00:00

Midlife crisis. It will pass bro

ofbdcb36 · 2024-06-16T13:01:24+00:00

This is such a toxic post. “I’m bored in my marriage and I’m amazing and fit and in good shape.” This is like a narcissistic post. How about communicate and work on your marriage. If you can’t work through simple issues like this, you should have never gotten married. This is the cold hard truth.

mercedeszzzz · 2024-06-16T08:43:29+00:00

At 50 you’re trying to find yourself how?? At 50 you should know most things your half way through life. You’re married, kids, working but you’re still not satisfied what do you need variety in that? Or for what? It sounds like you’re having a midlife crisis.

MistakeIndependent12 · 2024-06-16T07:57:07+00:00

Certified mediator, exit planner and pre-married and marrieds coach, finance professional. Also 50. Three adult kids.

It sounds like you're at a crossroads in your marriage, feeling a desire for more excitement and variety in your life. Contemplating leaving to date a variety of women might seem like a solution, but it's important to reflect on the underlying issues.

I call it the 30% rule. You see a woman who has 3 of the 10 things you married your wife for - maybe younger, fit, outgoing, etc. You take the jump, and now you are short the other seven qualities. Is it worth it?

Marriage requires both partners to give their all. 100:100, not 50:50.

If you feel your wife isn't pursuing you, it's worth asking yourself what you might not be doing as well. Are you both putting in 100% effort to nurture and grow your relationship? Communication, effort, and mutual respect are key.

Instead of immediately seeking fulfillment outside your marriage, consider talking openly with your wife about your feelings. Explore ways to reignite the passion and excitement together. If, after honest efforts, you both find that the relationship isn't fulfilling, then making a respectful and thoughtful decision about your future may be necessary.

Finding oneself doesn't always mean leaving what you have; sometimes, it can be using your creativity to rediscover and reignite what made it special in the first place.

Happy to take a short call to discuss further. No charge.

APixelWitch · 2024-06-16T05:47:14+00:00

I think you should leave. You're hot shit, spread that love. Also, I wanna read your post in 6 months when "that bitch took half and woman aren't really that into me" do it.

Boolit_Tooth_Tony · 2024-06-16T04:37:18+00:00

So uh, there's this thing called communication . . . You need to try it.

Dry-Archer-4277 · 2024-06-16T04:07:39+00:00

True story. My wife insulted and called me names so often that when I was 30, my then 2 yr old son and I were walking to supermarket. Out of nowhere, he says to me "Shut up you stupid jerk"! But he some how used same voice inflections as her. Long story short, she's been living in her car 5 years. We were married over 20 yrs. She got NOTHING in alimony. She wouldnt work, She kept screwing up on all of the paper work and judge just threw alimony request out.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-06-16T02:47:39+00:00

OP, your reasoning sounds like that of a woman …

stupididiot78 · 2024-06-16T01:15:22+00:00

So you're willing to trade something perfectly decent because you think you're so wonderful and are going to find some young hot thing that's going to be your dream come true?

Seriously man, work with what you've got. You told this woman you'd love her until you died. Don't be a piece of crap and turn into a liar who will lose half their stuff and rip your family apart for something they'll never get.

Dear-Aide3030 · 2024-06-16T00:43:33+00:00

Dude. Absolutely. Leave your wife.

I was in the same situation, aged 52 at the time and I'm doing great

My current girlfriend is 46, avid cyclist, and we get to have brunch every Sunday.

Make sure your teenager doesn't take the situation too hard and take that hardness and put it somewhere else.

HoneydewLeading7337 · 2024-06-16T00:11:21+00:00

As a man at your age, no matter how much of a catch you think you are - you aren't.

Best case scenario - you're fit, cool, good looking and extraordinarily wealthy. If you get divorced you'll be half as wealthy, and every fit, cool, good looking guy younger you is all those things and younger than you.

If you think dating as a 50M divorced man will be anything other than an unmitigated cluster fuck, I want some of what you're smoking because it must be amazing.

Go look at the the dating over 50 subreddit, or any of the online dating subreddits.

Get therapy. Get a grip. Get your head out of your ass.

Significant_Water999 · 2024-06-16T00:06:50+00:00

Just have an affair and you will have best of both worlds

kellyjj1919 · 2024-06-15T23:45:21+00:00

You need to really think this through. Being bored is a temporary thing.

Remember that the grass is greener where you water it.

Capable_Luck_2817 · 2024-06-15T22:51:07+00:00

You aren’t going to get a lot of sympathy around here thinking like this. Most of us are victims of the same “grass is greener” syndrome. Guaranteed you will regret giving up in a fit of boredom.

Unique_Angle_1754 · 2024-06-15T22:45:28+00:00

Bro, you sound like the woman most men here complain about ☕

roshi-roshi · 2024-06-15T22:06:15+00:00

If there is any way you can give up these thoughts, start over, remember being in love. Anything. I’m 50 too and divorce has absolutely ruined my life. Ruined. I would do anything to reconcile. I would suggest really looking into the effect it will have and converse about it with your wife. Get all the secrets out, drop the fantasies and adore her. The outcome and personal growth I believe that comes from staying together is totally worth it.

AirSailer · 2024-06-15T22:06:02+00:00

State? Incomes? Assets? Dead bedroom?

You've basically said "I'm bored, my wife doesn't show interest in me". But there's a lot more to deciding on a divorce than that. Is she dragging you down financially, physically, emotionally?

Also, the world of dating has changed significantly over the past 20 years, are you prepared for the possibility it won't be as awesome as you think?

Knightrider319 · 2024-06-15T18:46:33+00:00

If I had the chance to fight like hell for my marriage I would do it every time. I wouldn’t wish this shit on my worst enemy. Plan something fun and focus on each other now that the kids are older.

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2024-06-15T18:32:33+00:00

Just curious ... have you tried really pursuing her lately? As in, if you were to get a divorce, the way you'd pursue new tail. She's probably just as bored as you are (If not more so). It's great that you're taking such good care of yourself ... my stbxw did the same ... and I felt like that was more important to her than spending time with me. Just a thought.

I say this because most guys here, including myself, will tell you that divorce is an absolute nightmare and if you can avoid it, you should.

Wise_Serve_3140 · 2024-06-15T18:24:03+00:00

If you can absorb the financial blow you're always better leaving if you're unhappy alimony and asset split will be the main hurdle

Title	Thinking of leaving
Author	DopeCyclist
Upvotes	2
Comments	38
Date	June 15, 2024 6:18 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dgo306/thinking_of_leaving/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/thinking-of-leaving.1521716 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521716

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