Why does she no longer care?

U_feel_Me · 2026-03-26T12:15:22+00:00

A need that is satisfied ceases to be a need.

Plotnikov34 · 2026-03-26T05:54:34+00:00

She stopped caring a long time ago. She was performing care because women are expected to. She has moved past. What will you do? Bitterness is not the answer. Love yourself and learn to love with new boundaries.

Gattsama · 2026-03-26T05:39:25+00:00

Cut and paste. Look up the light switch effect:

I call this the light-switch effect. And it happens when a woman is no longer attracted to you and is moving on, whether or not she cheated.

It's not that she's discrediting all the past good in the relationship, she actually believes it never existed. Let me expand on that a little, and tie it into what we call Briffault's law.

Women use their emotional state to define reality- we already know this. When a man feels an emotion, he asks, what could have caused this emotion? Is it reasonable and rational? Perhaps it is, or is not, but exploring this line of reasoning is how he determines whether or not his feelings match objective reality. If the facts don't line up, perhaps his reaction was wrong.

When a woman feels an emotion, she uses this as her objective reality. Why would she feel betrayed unless somebody had betrayed her? Why would she feel sad unless somebody or something made her sad?

Therefore the decisions she makes based on her reality may seem like total nonsense to a man (women are crazy, right?), because she has determined her reality based on the only prime truth she knows: her emotional state. If a woman is sad, she tells you "you made me sad." She didn't decide her emotional state, you did. Changing her own emotional state is outside the purview of her control.

So that means the emotional state she is experiencing means that you've done something to create that state, intentionally or not. Since she is sad, you've made her sad. Her objective reality states that you've done something wrong to make her sad. This is where a lot of arguments begin, because the man mistakenly will argue "you've taken what I said the wrong way, of course I didn't mean it that way," and to her, it doesn't matter what is rational or reasonable. She is sad and she wouldn't be sad if there wasn't a reason to be sad. Her sadness defined this reality for her. If you hadn't done something worthy of her being sad about, she simply wouldn't be sad.

So back to the light-switch effect. When you've dated a woman for multiple years, and things start going sour, you experience the revisionist history where she claims to have "never loved you" or that you were "always abusive." Yes, the always/never statements. And what they reflect isn't a reality, rather, they reflect her new reality based on her emotions.

The thought process looks much like this: If true love is permanent and real, and I am not feeling true love for this person, but rather disdain and anger, then I must be feeling this way because of who they are. They make me feel bad, so they cannot be good. And since this person makes me feel bad I could not have loved them, because I would never love somebody who makes me feel bad (the qualities he exhibits now must have been inherent qualities he has always had). So I must have never loved them. The entire relationship must have been a lie. Real true love would be permanent, and this is not permanent, so it was never real true love.

And just like that, her emotional state defines a new reality, where nothing was ever good and everything was based on a lie. Like a light-switch goes from on to off, everything that you two had built disappears into the off position, as though it had never existed.

Many men at this stage try to bargain. "After all we've been through together, how can you throw this away? We can still salvage this!"

And it's a pointless question. What is she throwing away? Absolutely nothing, in her mind. If there was any value in the relationship, she wouldn't feel this way. Therefore there must not have been value in the relationship.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-03-25T23:24:40+00:00

They have an amazing ability to stop caring. It’s like you never happened. It’s a weakness and not a strength, though.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-03-26T05:22:01+00:00

Why do you care if she does not?
Were friends is past tense.
Look towards the future perhaps?

tonyway7293 · 2026-03-26T02:06:10+00:00

I care. We care. Many men who have been in your shoes before care.

She may not care, the family court may not care, but brother you have an entire army behind you who cares.

You matter, regardless of her caring or not.

totallydone2020 · 2026-03-26T01:00:17+00:00

You may never know. I was told this was a long time coming, conflicting with handwritten cards ong the way.

This week I discovered a helpful exercise for myself. I opened a notes app and started listing all of my issues prior to D Day. It helped me get some perspective.

Who do I want? Damn sure not the person who wants to leave me. Do I want the person who chose to not change a single thing when I told her I was lonely? Do I want the person that requests a divorce months after I inform her I'm having a midlife crisis? No. I want the sweet women that smiled when I walked in the door, the one kissed me goodbye. That woman is long gone. I may not live with her in a few months, but I will have to live with myself every single day.

KingJon85 · 2026-03-25T23:50:56+00:00

It's just how they're wired. I was in shock while my ex just dropped a replacement in and didn't skip a beat.

The good news is that i dont care about her anymore. The bad news is that i still have lots of healing to do due to the psychological damage that she caused and the trust issues.

the-don-carlo · 2026-03-26T00:25:31+00:00

Best friends?
You can’t be best friends with a wife. Shes a wife not a partner or buddy.
You lose frame that way

Consoleforever93 · 2026-03-25T23:45:42+00:00

It doesn’t matter. My ex wife said the most disgusting things ever when we were divorcing. A year later she sends a long apology saying it was anger. But by that point I had moved on and found someone better.

Cufflock · 2026-03-25T23:26:52+00:00

The reason “why” is because she feels she deserves a man better than you despite if it is aligned with reality or not, her reality is her feelings.

Terminal-Earth · 2026-03-25T22:44:09+00:00

I hate to break it to you brother, but she likely stopped caring about you long ago.

We all went through this and it’s not easy to digest.

I will say that if you give yourself grace, and put in an honest effort, you can heal from this.

TheConjugalVisit · 2026-03-25T22:37:20+00:00

So panful;.

damn I love that woman

Title	Why does she no longer care?
Author	TheConjugalVisit
Upvotes	23
Comments	35
Date	March 25, 2026 10:33 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1s3poa8/why_does_she_no_longer_care/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-does-she-no-longer-care.1576398 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576398

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