Your experience dating after divorce?

fixingmedaybyday · 2022-02-12T18:42:00+00:00

I found a woman who seems really into me, is sweet and in much better shape than my ex. She is kinder and more adventurous even. But I can’t help but compare the two and I find myself missing the connection I used to have with my ex wife. I also find myself not trusting much either. It’s as if I lost large piece of my innocence that I’ll never get back.

Protomize · 2022-02-12T20:54:04+00:00

See no point. Women generally add nothing to my life other than sex and the occasional fun activity together. Rather keep things super casual. I’ve been the happiest in life with this new way of living. Focusing on my health, investing and just enjoying life without allowing someone else to get close enough to me to destroy it all again.

Grey_Bear_40 · 2022-02-12T16:22:06+00:00

I met a girl who is just as busy as I am. We text maybe once or twice a day and I see her on Saturday or Sunday - and not even every week. We both are career minded with no kids and I run and lift weights while she runs and does yoga. We're both in great shape and have good money and we've been on 5 dates without sex. I'm in no rush post divorce and she's relatively conservative (i dont mean politically) and doesn't mind taking it easy. You just have to find someone whose mindset matches your own. But honestly that's the hardest part.

Edit: by once or twice, I mean literally like: "how did your meeting go," or, "I hope you had a good day, I'm off to bed."

Nonamesfound · 2022-02-13T00:27:07+00:00

It sucks

“All parties appear to be selfish “

☝️….. yup and very very childish.

No one invests in anyone anymore… everyone is disposable now.

Ultra high standards with NOTHING to offer back 🙄.

Rough-Area4765 · 2022-02-12T16:02:58+00:00

Why would you ever want to date after a divorce? Genuine question.

I am single, focusing on my purposes, being the best dad I can to my kids, living debt free and have full control of my own time. Why mess it up by introducing someone that isn’t going to add much to my life? I find the hookup culture as the best thing that could happen to divorced men.

awesomeroy · 2022-02-12T18:55:25+00:00

yup.

no nuance. nuiance? damn i dont know how to spell that word. lol

doesnt matter, man. at the end of the day we're men.

do what makes you happy, handle your responsibilities, no one cares, we're all gonna die.

enjoy your time on the spinning blue rock. whatever comes will come.

stiff_muffins · 2022-02-12T17:10:29+00:00

Exact opposite. People want real connections. Use trash, find trash. You’ll come across some duds, that’s true for everyone, do your vetting up front. Met some amazing women getting back out there.

SwamiSweatSocks · 2022-02-12T17:48:11+00:00

Mostly this. I date, longest has been a year or so then break up and on to the next one.

I always hope, this will be the one when dating but it is kind of like the old comics where Lucy holds up a football for Charlie Brown to kick, always promising this time it isn't a trick and she'll pull away at the last moment.

zugabuga · 2022-02-12T18:14:46+00:00

I live in a relatively small town and other than work and going to the gym I don't go many places to meet women (which I know is an issue). So far on dating apps I have talked to many but it always fizzles out. My problem is I have only dated one girl, my ex wife, back in 1994-95 and then we were committed and it was more like spending time with the girl I would marry and not typical dating. We did date stuff but we knew we'd get married.

So now I have no idea what to do. Everything is so different. I feel very plain compared to all the filtered pictures I see. And my ex wife made me feel like I was lucky to have someone as pretty as her. So my confidence is zero.

BetterDad33 · 2022-02-12T20:16:03+00:00

My full intent was to not date until I was completely healed from divorce. My friends pressured me into doing the opposite. I mostly wanted to hook up, but having been married for so long, it took a while to learn how to go about arranging that. Strictly speaking as a man, there are a lot of needy women/borderline crazy out there. I'm sure the ladies would say the same thing about men. A lot of women out here hooking up hoping they can lock you down. I've been on a lot of dates with women, few of them went past one or two dates. Only had sex with a handful. Had a lot more opportunities, but it just didn't work out for various reasons. I live in the south, I feel like I get quite a few matches for a man, but a lot of women down here don't like to hook up. Matter of fact, they can get down right ugly when you are honest about what you want. When I go up north to visit family, it's a different story. I match with more women that tend to be more attractive. It's all fun and games until you find the one that has green flags and everything you are looking for, but she lives hours away, so you be driving to see her. Just stay single.

Specific_Astronaut53 · 2022-02-12T23:37:42+00:00

I echo many of these comments. Currently separated and my wife has jumped in headfirst into dating with a guy with kids. I don't feel hurt/sad about any of it anymore. It honestly just blows my mind....she spent the day today with him, his kids, AND his stbxw (lol) at an extracurricular event for one of his kids. Meanwhile I went out and had a wonderful day flying solo with our kids doing outdoor stuff at the park and in our backyard.

For me its an issue of loyalty...simply can't imagine devoting a day to someone else's kids like that. Essentially she was third wheel in that family today. To me it really speaks to her need of validation from a new man. To each their own.

IvoShandor · 2022-02-12T16:30:47+00:00

I've had great experience, but I live in a big city with lots of selection. The apps make it great, it's like shopping for dates, but it takes some practice and lots of patience. I've managed to keep 2-3 in rotation at various times, but right now I'm set on one person and it's been going for a few months. She's also divorced, with kids so there's a lot in common and with that there's a lot of understanding about each other's situations. We both have exes, kids, different time commitments and availabilities.

I have 2 boys, 11/13 and split time 50/50.

bacon-wrapped-steak · 2022-02-13T03:14:42+00:00

I don't even have that much interest in dating. It's been a year. I keep telling myself I'd like to have a relationship with someone, but when I remember what I just went through, my natural reaction is to nope outta there as fast as possible.

childish_badda_bingo · 2022-02-13T17:42:03+00:00

I’ve tried dating again recently. I’m stuck between wanting sex and not wanting to put any effort into any kind of relationship.

I’m not over my marriage.

valo71 · 2022-02-13T14:43:00+00:00

2 dates in 18 months.

RepresentativeOk5968 · 2022-02-15T18:58:59+00:00

It's really not. I tried dating website for a few months and received literally nothing out of it. I'm not one for casual hookups either so I don't care for that. I'm pretty old school and classical in my approach to dating so today's hookup culture is just disgusting to me.

CitizenScholar207 · 2022-02-16T01:35:49+00:00

At first I thought it was working great. Dating sites meant at least a painless and easy screening process. I had somethings in common with all the girls I matched with and never had a bad first date from it. Had 2 girlfriends, one for a year and half the other for two and a half years. In between them I dated a bit and sex wasn't a problem (I date my age group down to 10 yrs younger than me). Pandemic lockdown put a stop to that and actually gave me time to get more comfortable being single again-I had started dating 2 mos after my ex walked. As time went on, except for those 2 LTRs I discovered a pattern-women are ridiculously selective to the point that they seek Unicorns. They want a man that doesn't exist. They have a long list of "requirements" and think that the only thing they need to bring to the table is their vaginas. I'm currently casually dating one of those former GFs and do not know if we will get serious again. Not sure I want to.

CaliDude75 · 2022-02-17T14:50:11+00:00

Amen to that! I want someone who WANTS to be with me, not NEEDS to be with me, and vice-versa.

Title	Your experience dating after divorce?
Author	oli_21_
Upvotes	22
Comments	41
Date	February 12, 2022 3:38 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/squ4ud/your_experience_dating_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/your-experience-dating-after-divorce.1101069 https://theredarchive.com/post/1101069

Comments