I don't know how people can recommend dating apps for men

achyshaky · 2022-12-01T01:53:27+00:00

Dating apps are trash period. Not only do they instill a false scarcity mentality, they encourage people to be extremely superficial and make instantaneous character judgments based on what minimal information a person is willing to share about themselves online. 90% of the time it's just a recipe for incompatibility and resentment, even in those instances where people actually get together.

You don't date on dating apps. You make yourself a product and advertise yourself as best you can, and it turns out most people suck at advertising (not to mention, a lot of the people who don't are too good. Like, fraudulently good. Catfishers, manipulators, etc.) And I don't blame them. We're not products.

It's good for everyone's mental health to avoid dating apps - man or woman, conventionally attractive or not, wealthy or not, it doesn't matter.

Irl dating isn't "easier" but it's far less toxic, trust me. And I also agree with the other commenter that you're probably better off focusing on yourself for a while, because dating should never be viewed as a competition to begin with - it's not a zero-sum game. Other men aren't "beating you out" when they get with people, even on dating apps.

NoAd3740 · 2022-12-01T01:20:54+00:00

I just set one of my buddies names to Chad Thundercock on the boys group as that really made me laugh, thanks!

SweelFor- · 2022-12-01T16:58:36+00:00

I also believe that dating apps are very unlikely to work for me, which is why I've never used them and never ranted about them.

I don't really understand this fight against an ennemy that you can just completely ignore. It doesn't work, ok, so don't use it.

fathergoose77 · 2022-12-01T03:49:19+00:00

At the end of the day, it’s a business. They want your money/ad revenue and they’ll design the app in any way they can to try to get it. While some people find success with them, that’s not really the company’s true priority.

xvszero · 2022-12-01T17:58:44+00:00

It's not a competition though. You're trying to find a partner. That can take some time and some energy. No one is going to claim it is easy. But stop looking at it like a competition, competitions have clear rules and scores and there are definite winners and losers and such. Trying to find a partner doesn't really fall into that framework.

With that said, relying solely on dating apps is probably not the best approach. Apps are just one tool, and a relatively new one at that. There are many other ways to meet people. Meet up groups, activities where you share interests. If you're still in school, join clubs. Friends of friends. Etc.

Even with apps, I'd say all apps are not equal. I haven't done this in a few years but my cousin has and he was having trouble on all of these free phone apps but said he tried a few pay sites and found much better matches on them. That's anecdotal though, not saying you should go run out and pay for dating sites, but there is some logic behind it. If a woman can get all of the men she wants on free apps but goes on pay sites, she probably wasn't finding what she was looking for on the free ones, right? Pay apps bring along a little bit more of a seriousness to them. Maybe just a bit though.

AND... the part you haven't quite grasped yet is your future partner isn't even looking for / interested in Chad Thundercock. There are all kinds of women out there and they're interested in a variety of men. You're not looking for one who wants Chad, you're looking for one who wants you.

Now, if you think "But why would anyone want me?" then you have a large self esteem issue and that needs to be addressed. But that's your issue to figure out.

kirbyplayer · 2022-12-01T05:05:01+00:00

All the people I've met (non romantically) have described me as completely average, basically a literal NPC/background extra. Personally, for me, it helps make my personality shine for better or worse.

I agree dating apps are just, bad for 90% of people. Most people go on dating apps because they don't have much luck irl, so it just makes lonely people feel lonelier when they don't have any matches of substance. I think for guys, the issue is having no matches/standing out among a sea of equally or more attractive dudes. For women, sure they can get more matches but it's hard to find a guy who's remotely decent and doesn't come off as down bad/a creep.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-12-01T01:35:48+00:00

Dating apps are just toxic in general both women and men it keeps you in a state of browsing and a lack of fulfillment. They capitalize on you swiping and staying on their app and generating ad revenue for them. Men especially since more men pay for premium to potentially meet more people so they won't pair you average looking women or just realistic level women. It uses operant conditioning, when you get a match it gives a dopamine hit. Keeps you swiping more viewing more ads. It's really insidious.

Hence why most of the apps don't actually focus on the quality of connection with the people you match with it's based upon algorithms and stuff. How many people swipe with them, how many people are in the area. It's a mess and it's not a good way to meet people and a system set up for failure. It's based upon instant gratification for least amount of effort put in. Relationships can form on there yes and people who do more power to them. But average people struggle on them male or female.

Sometimes with dating the best thing to do is meet people in the wild. Social Circles. Hobbies. Extracurricular activities. Hell even bar crawls more points if it's like a themed bar crawl. Apps work for some people but not everyone and it's not something to beat yourself up.

Academic_Type624 · 2022-12-01T08:36:41+00:00

I can understand why it's frustrating for men.

I did meet my current partner online but I genuinely have to say if he had messaged me a couple of days later, probably wouldn't have responded to his simple hey how are you? Because by that point I'd had 50 message and 200 likes. This isn't a boast as the system kept telling me I was in the bottom third of women getting responses, so what was their inbox like. I was basically spending my time doing basic screening such as are they looking for a relationship or not and have they bothered to write anything on their profile and did they put a tiny bit of effort into starting a conversation.

In case you're wondering my partner had wrote a bit about himself and was looking for a relationship and when I messaged him back teasing him about someone on his profile he responded well and asked me out after about a day of messaging. He chose somewhere public and involved doing something together.

My point being I was so overwhelmed with messages from guys looking for a hookup it was harder to go find the type of men I wanted to meet. So I can see why less aggressive men lose out.

sshlongD0ngsilver · 2022-12-01T05:50:09+00:00

I’m no longer in school and have no other means of meeting women.

I ain’t a chad, but at this point I’ll just have to take what I can get.

thrownawaytodaysr · 2022-12-01T02:42:31+00:00

I don't get how people are so universally against dating apps. I understand that they don't work for everyone but they absolutely worked for me. And I'm nothing special.

grimoiregirl · 2022-12-01T13:50:16+00:00

So... Tinder is reporting that they make 1.6 billion swipes a day and only 26 million matches.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949/

44% of people on dating apps are "just seeing what's out there" or looking for an ego boost from matching and never talk to any of their matches.

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/most-people-dont-use-tinder-for-love-or-sex-heres-why-they-really-use-it-2017-03-23?mod=article_inline

Literally the people who design the apps only care that you stay on the apps. That's why the match algorithms never get any better. If they wanted to, Facebook dating could take your entire massive FB and Instagram marketing data profile and load that fucker into your fb dating profile along with a few other filters and spit out someone who likes the same pizza toppings and subtitle settings as you and has that one trait you always comment on pics with simpy bullshit comments for and who sleeps roughly the same schedule as you and has the same secret desire for a pet goat or whatever. But you would stop doomscrolling through fb at 3 am. You might even move in with that person and be so busy talking to them that you don't touch your phone for like days at a time.

At least as a man you don't have to deal with the army of fake men on hinge.

https://www.wired.com/story/i-uncovered-an-army-of-fake-men-on-hinge/

Or West Elm Caleb.

Or married men looking to cheat on their wives.

Or weird dms from men you don't know who send you videos of them cranking it at 10am on a Sunday.

Or men who you politely reject because you think they want different things... like one of the major deal breakers most apps don't let you filter for like level of monogamy, and then they keep persistently demanding that you change your mind til you block them.

Or men who lie about their names to you and tell you they are a completely different person

Or... yknow, I could go on and on but I genuinely do know that it's incredibly rough for men too because you're encouraged to think that if no one is dating you you're a loser and that's really fucked up.

You should read that Atlantic article I linked up there. There are a lot of good statistics in there that says nobody is fucking. It's not just you. You're probably completely normal.

Hawanja · 2022-12-01T15:49:16+00:00

You just gotta keep at it. I actually met my wife on ok cupid, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. it's just another tool in the shed

J_drizzle_sizzle · 2022-12-01T18:25:39+00:00

I've just made it a point to go out and try new things, plays, and musicals( I just saw Rocky Horror Picture show for the first time) and join meet-up groups and look for things to do. I recently tried a board game group and taking a trip with a friend to a convention in Texas. I think I really just want to try new things and put myself in new situations to meet people and that would give me a better chance dating-wise. I am also Trying to lose weight and working on myself in therapy. Dating apps never really worked for me but I can't really say dating irl hasn't because In the past I didn't go to social events to meet people. I gave up on Dating apps after paying for premium because they made me feel worse and I didn't like that. My advice is to try new things and experiences find hobbies, and interests that you're into IRL, and be open to meeting people.

vcreativ · 2022-12-03T15:43:38+00:00

Simply put, it works for some. I personally find that confusing, but I've accepted that different existences pertain to inherently different realities entirely outside of easily comprehensible factors like physical attractiveness.

What is annoying is people recommending it that have no idea about its reality. Or women recommending it to men. The base-line experience is too different for that to be valuable advice in my mind.

OkProfessional9405 · 2022-12-05T08:35:08+00:00

Dating apps are for low effort people, using a no effort platform, while expecting exceptional results.

Dating apps are structured they way they are structured to make money.

Perry-91 · 2022-12-13T11:41:55+00:00

My advice would be to look at speed dating in your area. It really helps mentally and admittedly I haven't gotten any dates yet from it, you do really feel like you can actually meet someone and connect at some point.

I have recently come off POF and tinder as they have now became gamified money pits that capitalise on mainly men's loneliness and even when when you do sign up, they make it extremely difficult to match you up l ime POF now limiting your messages to 50 a day and tinder putting you very low in the stack.

Also POF tinder, okcupid and some others are all owned by match.com so you are bascially just getting different 10 shades of brown.

Ifhes · 2022-12-01T01:23:44+00:00

Dating is more than dating apps, starting with yourself is important, and frustration about not being able to date is not going to make it any easier. The best way to make dating easier and frustration to go away is to work in yourself.

oneofamike · 2022-12-01T06:17:00+00:00

I don’t how anyone can be single in this world unless they really want to be. I find there are as many horny, lonely, desperate women as there are men. And these women aren’t always ugly either.

And really dating apps are the wrong place to look for these women. Go take dancing lessons or go social dancing. Or start a social media account around a topic women like. You will find those women.

saito200 · 2022-12-01T14:24:44+00:00

> don't believe finding anything in real life is much easier

It definitely is

Dating apps are hell. Are death. I would never recommend that disgusting thing, not even to my worst enemy. They are a waste of space in your phone and a waste of your time

Yabbari_The_Wizard · 2022-12-01T04:50:13+00:00

You're rarely gonna find true love on a dating app man, at the end of the day it's meeting people in person. That's the only way you'll actually meet the person of your dreams.

None0fYour8usiness · 2022-12-01T16:17:54+00:00

It isn't any better without dating apps.

Once you're out of college it's game over.

Available-Ad-9338 · 2022-12-13T12:35:52+00:00

Try meeting people in your social circle.

Title	I don't know how people can recommend dating apps for men
Author	Pomeranian111
Upvotes	8
Comments	122
Date	December 1, 2022 12:40 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/z98ve6/i_dont_know_how_people_can_recommend_dating_apps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-dont-know-how-people-can-recommend-dating-apps.1141199 https://theredarchive.com/post/1141199

Comments