I feel like I've done literally everything possible in my power to hedge my bets with women and dating and it's never mattered

Healthy_Television10 · 2024-05-17T18:01:52+00:00

I have a background in sociology and I'd say the simple answer is size of social network. It's the same as looking for a good job. It's not who you are, it's who you know. The most common new connection is ' friend of a friend'. It's rarely about your individual qualities. How do ya think all the dumb ugly people get hooked up.

luridlurker · 2024-05-17T18:31:12+00:00

Being desperate for a partner and being so fixated on finding a mate is a very unattractive quality. Unattractive enough it eclipses anything else you are and anything else you do.

You should improve because it makes you a better and happier version of you. Not so you can get poon. If you're not content and happy when you're single, a relationship will not fix anything.

bluffyouback · 2024-05-17T18:25:32+00:00

Seems like you’re doing everything “in order to attain” something you yourself have slapped a “value” on. Like you improving yourself is just a means to an end, and having a partner is also just a means to an end. When you don’t have the right values that determine why you want to improve yourself, it can feel pointless because you don’t have the right “purpose” for the sacrifice you’re willing to endure.

SweelFor- · 2024-05-17T18:21:09+00:00

What are you expecting from us that you haven't already been told through the hundreds of comments you've already received?

VovaGoFuckYourself · 2024-05-17T18:01:27+00:00

I say this not out of malice, but you sound desperate. A desperate guy wanting to date me isnt attractive AT ALL. To me, an ideal partner is someone who is content and comfortable remaining single and doesn't need someone else to "complete" them. I have been single and celibate for a half a decade at this point (mid thirties F), and i love my life. The only reason i might ever try a relationship again is if i meet someone who actually enriches and improves my life - and that i can do the same for. I don't want a "provider" , "defender", or "man of the house". I don't need any of that. My ideal partner would be just that: an equal partner. Someone who makes me laugh and smile and feel good about myself. Someone who doesn't NEED a woman on his arm to be happy.

Imo, the people most desperate for relationships typically make terrible partners, because they eventually realize that a relationship doesn't magically cure their depression or solve all of their problems, or that they got with someone totally incompatible because the alternative is "being alone" and that scares them. Feeling desired by anyone can be intoxicating at first if you have low self esteem (believe me, ive been there), but ive finally gotten to a point where being desired by the wrong people repulses me.

This sounds cheesey, but i really think you should get to a point where you love yourself enough to be content with being single. When you get there, you might be surprised how much easier it is to meet and hit it off with members of the opposite sex. It could very well be that you are simply trying too hard out of desperation, and that desperation is painting your interactions with women.

I honestly wish you luck.

xvszero · 2024-05-17T17:41:28+00:00

Ok let's see a picture of you.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2024-05-17T19:20:47+00:00

Here are some things you can try:

Learn dating skills and actually use them.
If looks is your insecurity do what you can to improve them.
You might be trying too hard to the point you are desperate. Cut that out.
You might have some mental health issues and maybe need to try out a therapy session.
Find someone about as physically attractive as yourself.
Look for women who uniquely find you attractive.

I want to clarify my last point because you've debated people here before about it. Women have far less agreement on what is attractive than men do. For example a lot of women prefer men with dad bods over fit men. And there are some women who love gingers, love beards, love long hair, love asians, or love nerds. The vast majority of men are attractive to at least some women.

A big reason for this disagreement is what you call "emotional beer goggles". Most women's views on what is attractive is highly influenced by their emotions. For example many women like nerdy looking men because they had good experiences with nerdy people and really vibe with them, and may not like muscular men because those men seem too focused on being attractive. And this isn't logical or analytical for them, its just that past experiences have influenced how they feel by certain looks.

Now if you have a problem with emotional beer googles unfortunately for you this is a big factor in most relationships and attraction IS emotional. Most men are attractive to their partners because she had past positive experiences that makes her like his looks and good experiences with him. This is just how female physical attraction works and a lot of male attraction too. I have absolutely fallen for women who others didn't think were attractive but I did and now I can see the emotional reasons why I liked their look. Their look said something about their personality I really liked and found hot.

Now you may see attraction that comes from emotional reasons as less "real" than based on objective attractiveness. But the problem is all attraction is just chemicals in your brain reacting to random physical features. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the closest thing to objectivity is when a majority of people have a consensus based on similar brain chemistry. The only difference is one is emotional beer goggles formed based on experiences, while the other is emotional beer goggles most people were born with that makes them think Brad Pitt is hot. Its all still hormones and neurotransmitters and experienced based emotional attraction is involved in most relationships.

Now you may be unwilling to date demisexual or sapiosexual women because they don't find you attractive for your look. But this is a misunderstanding because its those emotions, positive experiences, and intellectual experiences that cause them to start finding you physically attractive. They are just on the extreme end of the spectrum of "emotional beer googles" that both men and women are on and have a lot of.

And you have to ask yourself whether you'd rather be forever single or be in a relationship with someone who finds you physically attractive for emotional reasons.

FellasImSorry · 2024-05-17T21:07:48+00:00

In an earlier post you said you don’t understand how a person’s personality can make them more attractive.

This suggests an extreme lack of empathy.

It’s hard to imagine how a person who so completely fails to understand what other people think and feel would make a very good partner.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-05-17T22:50:45+00:00

Going by your thread history, it sounds like you really have not done everything, especially since you refer to it as "hedging your bets". If you do not understand how a better personality can be attractive, and if you get upset seeing other guys with women, that is part of the problem.

Also dude, drop the "incel" identity. Stop telling it to yourself.

BrokenArrows95 · 2024-05-17T18:56:50+00:00

I don’t know what you’re actually doing because you just made generalizations.

It sounds like you need to take a serious account of what you are actually doing to meet women. Where are you trying to meet them? What are saying to them?

WishboneEnough3160 · 2024-05-17T22:24:47+00:00

As a woman, I feel like there are several different things I could suggest. However, you're shooting down every single person trying to help.

So, just be alone forever. Wallow in it.

idiosyncrassy · 2024-05-17T20:40:36+00:00

Tall Promotion is back with his daily topic

bluemagex2517 · 2024-05-17T18:01:56+00:00

Wtf are we supposed to do about that?

This sub has told you what we think about this a dozen times before. You've had your posts removed by the mods, you've changed your username, you've generally been a pest.

If you treat women like you treat this sub, it's no fucking wonder none of them are interested in you.

If we're wrong, then we're wrong. We're not changing our opinions. So leave us alone and go move on with your life or complain somewhere else.

If you want someone to agree with you, that it's all your looks, you're not going to find that agreement here.

TypicalProfit8475 · 2024-05-17T23:25:21+00:00

Hey I want to try and help, genuinely. I have a few questions for you, What have you tried? Gym, job, friends, hobbies? What is your current frame in your thinking? Are you happy in yourself being alone? What is your attachment style? What is your goal here? What do you think most healthy women want? Are you neurodiverse in any way? What will you compromise or not compromise on for the sake of a relationship? What boundaries do you have?

HelenHavok · 2024-05-17T17:51:36+00:00

Where/how are you meeting women?

Raging_Dragon_9999 · 2024-05-18T00:14:01+00:00

Post pictures please.

operation-spot · 2024-05-18T00:19:44+00:00

What things are out of your control?

40yoADHDnoob · 2024-05-18T03:30:48+00:00

Worry about whether you like someone, and not whether they will like you.

Xanax_ · 2024-05-18T04:15:30+00:00

are you neurodivergent? Do you have trouble socializing and making friends?

SufficientDot4099 · 2024-05-18T06:15:13+00:00

Have you tried quitting reddit and other social media?

ashaw7 · 2024-05-18T21:56:26+00:00

First, your OP didn't really tell us much about yourself, and second, you are just negative woth people's suggestions. I'm actually wondering if maybe the reason you have no success is that you have no understanding of manners, or ability to put yourself im other people's shoes and imagine how your words come off to them. If you were into red pill before, that makes sense, because they treat dating like a mathematical formula where you get the desired outcome based on putting in the right inputs. I think you might need some help from an offline source in how to interact with people.

OkFuel9953 · 2024-05-17T17:57:31+00:00

Unpopular opinion: If you are BOTH socially challenged/neurodivergent to a degree where it impacts your dating and not genetically attractive enough then you will have a hard time dating, and there is only so much “self improvement” can do. You might have a better time taking the passport bro route. Either a) passport bro route b) drop your standards or c) keep playing the numbers game until you get a “yes”.

Title	I feel like I've done literally everything possible in my power to hedge my bets with women and dating and it's never mattered
Author	dogickker
Upvotes	5
Comments	63
Date	May 17, 2024 5:28 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1cub3p8/i_feel_like_ive_done_literally_everything/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-feel-like-ive-done-literally-everything-possible.1518765 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518765

Comments