I legitimately hate men now and am heartbroken

guava_jam · 2023-03-08T18:43:48+00:00

You are in the perfect place to start living a better life. I know because I was in the same spot you are 8 years ago, though not so far into redpill. I let the men I liked use me and it destroyed me. My self esteem was in the shitter and I was not OK.

What saved me is thinking this way. Deciding not to let anyone trample over me ever again. Deciding to take care of myself first and foremost. Deciding to be honest with myself and the men I’m with. Deciding to let go of any relationship that isn’t good for me.

Don’t be good for men who aren’t good for you. Don’t listen to them. Shout your feelings from the rooftops and see who stays. The right person will hear you and listen and stay. The right person won’t pressure you or manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do. The right person will wait until you are ready. Don’t be nice. Be you, and the right person will see you and love you.

creamerfam5 · 2023-03-08T17:19:53+00:00

The truth is trying to be good enough for any person or type of people is always going to make you feel like this. This is the downside of belonging to a world that is both a meritocracy and afraid of human emotions, especially the negative ones. It creates a world where we end up believing you need to earn your sufficiency through the approval of other people.

You would have value even if you lived by yourself in a cabin and never spoke to another individual again for the rest of your life. No one else defines you.

dongtouch · 2023-03-09T00:40:21+00:00

You say you hate men, but I hear what you really hate is the situation you are in and your experiences. They sound painful and traumatic. If all men disappeared tomorrow, that pain would still be there, the experiences would still be eating at you.

I’m not trying to invalidate you - I know how toxic and harmful our experiences under patriarchy are. I understand the anger and revenge fantasies. Right now that idea feels empowering when you are in a profoundly disempowered place. But I also think there’s a risk of letting that anger be an armor you put on, and putting focus on men, something outside yourself, when it’s important to give yourself time to process and grieve what’s happened to you. If there’s a way you can take time for yourself away from romantic and sexual relationships (and social media around RP etc), take it to slowly unravel your feelings. Allow time and space for everything to come up. Journal, take walks, watch all those movies you've meant to. Learn to cook. Take yourself shopping. Lean on supportive friends, or make new ones. You deserve time to focus on yourself and heal. You deserve being treated as a full human being. There is a life out there away from all this RP garbage and let me tell you, it’s pretty great.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2023-03-08T16:49:23+00:00

My sympathies for your suffering. I suggest:

Take care of yourself first
You are under no obligation to go along with what a man wants if it isn’t what you want
You are not responsible for men’s happiness or pleasure
Stay away from misogynistic internet ideologies

AceArguments · 2023-03-08T18:34:47+00:00

The sole basis of anyone's entire being shouldn't be to appease others by playing a role. Expectations is a moving goal post that no one should try to meet unless it stems from a true desire to do so.

Basing your entire existence on something other than yourself is a road to hell. Everyone knows that road right? The one full of good intentions.

When I was young, I never really liked the idea of living for myself. It seemed rather selfish. I didn't want to be utterly useless to everyone around me but I also didn't want to act solely to appease others. Finding a balance was hard.

I resolved it some years later when I started to think about it differently.

Did you know humans are made of stardust?
The cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff. We are a way for the universe to know itself.

Pretty cool right?

I very much like the idea that I exist to perceive and experience the world for the universe rather than for myself. I'd like to think that while I'm on a walk, I'm secretly transmitting my experience to the universe and giving it a glimpse of something nice on Earth.

I like your novel. Hope that helps you move on from your sorrow and suffering.

coffeetablestain · 2023-03-08T20:54:18+00:00

If you swapped the genders and some of the details this would read exactly like something written by any MTGOW or Redpiller or incel who has also read too much and too deep into the internet and feels fed up trying to live up to societal expectations.

I get you've had some bad experiences, but I say this to the guys who post these messages here, which is that it's your choice how you want to make progress in your life. You can leave relationships behind (,and probably should) and work on yourself, get your head to a less hateful place and start choosing to see the good people who have good lives together, and there are far more of them than the opposite, it just doesn't feel that way when you're feeling miserable and alone.

Reading this shit, these relationship and gender communities will absolutely wreck your psyche if you absorb and internalize the fantasies and frustrations of sexually frustrated teenage boys. Turn it all off and don't look back.

If you're done and don't want relationships and sex or anything of the sort, that's FINE, it's great, follow your heart and it's probably the right choice right now.

BUT, you should not be hateful. You make the world worse and you may miss any potential opportunity for something good. The only person you're punishing is yourself, and the filter of hate is very likely to hurt others who are most likely just sad, complicated humans like yourself, or even good, kind people.

Yesm3can · 2023-03-09T06:38:41+00:00

OP, my bestfriend could have written this. If you have bestfriend, reach out to them. They will be there for you, and this comes from someone who is relatively anti-social.

My bestfriend, let's call her Jane, has always been a 'ride or die' lady. Eversince her very first relationship fresh off after college.

Jane was star student, who went on to become brilliant worker who got promoted fast. She was always the breadwinner...and the sex kitten and the maid and the cook and the therapist. No guy wanted to stay for long somehow. They took what they wanted from her and went on with another woman.

Jane is pretty and stylish too. She put a lot efforts on her appearance. So what went wrong? I cannot say for sure and just have a theory that the guys who came up to her, were predators or users/takers at heart. They tolerated her when they still got something from her and dropped her for another later when they are in a better position.

I don't know what the answer to this, except that hating on a group of people felt like something that will hurt only yourself. I don't have anything against abstinence, but when it is based on trauma, maybe there is something that is needed to be worked on. Abstinence for the right reason can bring a lot of peace indeed.

I wish you well.

rainispouringdown · 2023-03-09T19:44:03+00:00

You are allowed to be angry. You have reason to be angry. I honestly think it's healthy and appropriate for you to be angry. You've taken so much shit you shouldn't have. Sucked it up for too long. You are allowed to be angry. Anger can be a massive tell of what your boundaries and values are.

Let yourself be angry. Disengage for a while. Allow yourself to rage about the awful treatment, the unfairness, the suppression, the lies, the pain. Be angry and sad and outraged. Connect with other women and minority groups that have experienced the same, seen the same as you have, realized the same as you have. That this patriarchal bullshit is fucking bullshit. I can recommend /r/twoxchromosome

Don't hurt men, of course. Do set hard, firm boundaries and let yourself worry about yourself for once

After you've had some time to rage, it'll be possible to introduce some nuance. Like, all this bullshit isn't inherent in men. People who are assigned male at birth are socialized into toxic environments, mindsets, behavior. They are basically groomed into adopting behavior that harms themselves and those around them. They also suffer under patriarchy. They are also I'm need of liberation from this toxic, sexist, white supremacist, ablist, cis hetero normative bullshit.

The bullshit is not inherent to men. The issue is the mindset, the narrative, the value system, the ideology that many men has been coaxed to adopt, not the men themselves.

Each man has been taught, and can be untaught and retaught. Many are already on that journey, at many different levels.

The issue is systemic. The enemy is not each man, and will not be fixed by attacking individuel men. The enemy is patriarchy. The real fight is with the system.

I am further down my rage-path than you, and every time I get upset with men who've been socialized to behave that are destructive and unacceptable, I try to funnel my trade into activism that aims to dismantle the system that's taught them this behavior and normalized it. Whether that's through street art, Reddit posts, taking to friends, protests ect. It can be big or small. I just so my best to redirect all that energy to attacking to main cause, the unjust system, rather than the symptom.

But it's hard. Sometimes I just wanna disengage from anyone who's been socialized in such destructive manors. Sometimes I can't seperate the person from the ideology. Sometimes it doesn't feel like a joint fight. Sometimes I feel really hateful. I totally get it.

I am really lucky to have some guys in my life that's unlearned a significant portion of them harmful parts of their socialization, and who are up for discussing with my and for trashing the overarching system with me. That's honestly a major help for me to regain nuance when Id otherwise be dupped to believe it actually is all men. They help disprove that. I hope you will gain some of those in your life as well

But for the time being, you are okay to be angry and lose the nuance for a bit. Nourish your sense of right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable. Discover what is important to you and what is with fighting for. What treatment you accept and expect.

Allow yourself to detach your value from men. Your with us but defined by men. You do not have to attract men. You do not have to be attractive to men. You don't have to appeal to men. You don't have to have sex with men. You don't have to bend yourself out of shape. You don't have to conform. You are allowed to exist without contact to men. You can have value, and have valuable, fulfilling relationships in y your life without men.

You are free to do what you want. Close contact with men is optional, not obligatory.

All of this is highly, highly in conflict with how women are typically socialized. It's okay to give room for the other extreme for a bit too balance out the extreme you've lived in.

You are allowed to choose how you live your life and who are allowed to take up space in your life

You can reintroduce nuance when you've had some time to soak all that in. Again, as long as you don't harm anyone. That you don't attack any and all men for shitty things others have done. They might not look it right now, but they are allies. Whether they know it out not.

Tl;Dr Be angry in safe environments, funnel your rage into activism, gain nuance with time

You got this

Academic_Type624 · 2023-03-08T21:21:56+00:00

I understand you're hurting and angry at the people who hurt you.

You need to take time out to heal.

From looking at your post history, you've had a brutal time of it recently, and it sounds like it's really shaken how you see yourself and the world.

I'd suggest doing some work on yourself to understand why you dated abusive men, by healing that you can move forward. Looking at attachment theory might help. You can then choose whether to stay single or not in the future. I hope you can move past the hatred for your own sake more than anything.

No_Jelly_6635 · 2023-03-09T14:29:06+00:00

Sis I feel you! The concept of “the Wall” really did a number on me. But once I reached “the Wall” at 30 and the number of interest I had didn’t decrease i realized it was fake.

Take therapy and time to be single there is honestly no rush to getting into a relationship. And please stay away from FDS and red pill. I’ve been feeling so much better after filtering content I was consuming.

Life is honestly so rich outside of relationships. And we need to realize there are people that would give up everything to be where we are so practice being grateful and focus on what you do have.

Remixthefix · 2023-03-09T23:34:45+00:00

Hey lady you and me are in the saaaaame boat.

MysticLeopard · 2023-03-10T12:58:14+00:00

Sounds like you and I are in similar boats

Coollogin · 2023-03-08T18:35:20+00:00

From your post, it sounds as if you’ve never just tried to enjoy being single. Why do you think that is? You can decide to be single for as long as it suits you. You don’t have to take a lifelong vow.

Ifhes · 2023-03-08T21:58:38+00:00

It took a lot of courage to say that and I respect a lot people that stand up and declare what maked them uncomfortable. Your hate on men is a very valid feeling and of course something that you must work on because it mainly affects yourself. Thanks for sharing this, it's a great show of the kind of damage and toll RP can take on a wonderful person that just want to be happy...

...and yes, we all have an issue with us, some of us are people pleasers, some are just too caring. The fact is that nobody should end up hating aspects of themself and suffer for an clinging hate on a group of people just because of a pretty common psychological trend. RP and all related misogynistic ways of thinking are to blame on how horrible it ended up making you feel OP, I am so sorry.

Today is 8M, I think this is a great chance to realize RP and all this manosphere communities are not harmless, they are a real threat to men and specially women wellbeings. Thanks OP for bringing up this, it certainly made me think a lot.

Banestar66 · 2023-03-08T20:31:04+00:00

For your own sake please get off social media. It’s incredibly toxic and will just destroy you as a person.

PublicDomainKitten · 2023-03-08T23:32:07+00:00

First, let me acknowledge your pain and say that I'm truly sorry you hurt. What you've described seems to be the result of societal conditioning, both having it impact you and fighting against it. However, let me remind you that when we remove all the excess, we are left with a great spot to begin again. Please consider getting a good therapist to work with, someone who can help you rebuild your relationship with you, and please be good to yourself. All the best, my friend.

CrossdressTimelady · 2023-03-09T07:55:53+00:00

Please do yourself a favor and read "The Case Against the Sexual Revolution" by Louise Perry. I was like you before I read it, and now I'm looking for love and know how to avoid the pitfalls.

Your_Nipples · 2023-03-09T10:28:52+00:00

You can hate men all you want, it won't bother them as much as you think.

I could have hate women for a lot of valid reasons but I don't. I just stop dating them. Problem solved.

Your hate is similar to incel hate. You're frustrated because you still want a relationship but you despise the opposite gender.

If you truly believe that men are trash, then total indifference should be the answer.

And when it comes to sex, dont worry, after a year of abstinence, the idea of having foreign stuff and fluids in your mouth without an emotional connection will disgust you. I know what I am talking about.

I'm still amazed that humans made it that far. We have no reason to date each other, we are so different, it doesn't make any sense to me now.

I understand you. Good luck.

WorkplaceWatcher · 2023-03-08T22:24:48+00:00

I will start this in full disclosure: I am a man.

I understand. Toxic masculinity impacts everyone. The anger, the need to "be a man" and to "fuck as much as possible."

It's self-destructive, and far worse, it damages those that encounter - such as you. You are not a hole. You are not only a body.

That you have felt this way is a result of toxic masculinity. It seems, to me, that you have never been allowed to embrace who you are, what you enjoy, the future you want to see. That's not OK, and it's clear the men in your life (fathers, uncles, boyfriends, etc) haven't allowed you it either.

But this is where I get cliche - men are not all like that. It's okay for you to be defensive and closed but don't disregard half of this species if you are still of CIS persuasion. There are some out there that look at Andrew Tate and want to vomit at his behavior.

I'm rambling now, but - don't do what I did and close off because people hurt you. There's love and warmth and understanding out there. And you are armed with knowledge to find them. And you have the added bonus of finding when someone is showing toxic masculinity there's a chance they are simply trying to show it.

Many a man out there are deeply lonely, scared, and depressed. You have the skill to know what is authentic.

TL;DR: Don't hate the gender, hate (or understand in some cases) behaviors.

RedPillDetox · 2023-03-09T12:21:33+00:00

Even in a sub i mod, i roll my eyes at the posts you people often make.

If some random incel came her with a post "i hate women and am heartbroken" - you'd all be messaging me about the dude and downvoting him into oblivion yet have the audacity to make this kind of post?

I mean, no problem with hating men, if you have bad experiences with men, then you should then admit to yourself how you truly feel and then try to work through it, see if they are justified or just your mind playing tricks on you (aka perceptual biases) and learn how to cope with certain things, evaluate your beliefs etc... the kind of exercise one would make in professional therapy.

But if a dude says he hates women, then there's no problem with it either, just do the exact same process to learn about his own shortcoming and perceptual bias, that are usually resultant from TRP exposure and a couple of bad real life experiences.

Naus1987 · 2023-03-09T07:41:16+00:00

Some men care about a woman’s career. The problem is women want a man who already has a career and is successful. But if a man has all his financial needs met by his own doing, he doesn’t really care what his partner does.

But if a woman dates a man who is struggling for money or wants to be a house husband, then he’ll very much care about her career.

—-

There was a lot going on in this post, but I think OP is targeting men based on their looks or wealth if she’s habitually getting with men with bad personalities.

The secret is you gotta judge people by their personality first. Check the personality at the door, and you won’t be inviting bad apples in to hurt you.

SrNetworkEngineer · 2023-03-08T20:14:35+00:00

The bashing of women goes hand in hand with the bashing of men. We as a society need to do better.

Tenagaaaa · 2023-03-09T03:35:18+00:00

Get therapy.

Think_please · 2023-03-09T04:27:01+00:00

Any chance that you might like women?

edlonac · 2023-03-09T17:23:01+00:00

Are you hanging around exclusively with red pilled men? If not, are you only spending time with men who have no interest in potentially having a family of their own or in contributing to the betterment of society?

There aren’t many guys out there who are engaged in building and supporting a family or trying to make the world a better place who think of women as holes. Likewise for any guys that love their mom.

It sounds like you are hanging around trash and expecting good outcomes.

What was your dad like? Did he think of your mom or you as a hole? If so, I am terribly sorry, but that is far from normal.

RegularLeadership720 · 2023-03-10T15:46:03+00:00

Well you said it, you're in your feelings. Sounds harsh, but obviously you're not the smartest of the bunch. Any time someone says "I hate men " or "I hate women", they should just remember that men or women as a whole, is half of the population. You MUST be aware that when humans deal with people "different" from them (different sex, race, culture, religion), they attribute the bad in these people to their differences. Example: If tell a Christian that around 8,000 priests were CONVICTED of pedophilia, and the church protected abusers, the Christian would NEVER attribute these acts to the abusers being Christian. Meanwhile if you told him/her that a group of Muslims blew up something, it would be easy for him/her to say "it's because of their extreme religion" (think 9/11). This is not because Christians are racist, it's just human nature to place the blame on the difference. This phenomenon is the same for racism, and sexism. Now if ALL the men that you dealt with were "trash", maybe you're looking in the wrong places. If you take a sample from a prison, you'll find many convicts. If you take a sample from Harvard, you'll find many educated people. Peace.

Wirez30 · 2023-03-10T15:56:07+00:00

Get therapy. You sound like you have a lot of issues, nothing will improve unless you get help. If anyone thinks this way and doesnt want to be miserable they need professional help to fix them. Going on a reddit to vent is not going to do anything to help you and may even enable or encourage your negative thoughts. You sound very confused and you have my sympathy, I hope you can figure things out and become a loving wife and mother and be treated well and accept life for what it is as it seems thats what you long for or longed for once. That being said, you have some underlying issues which need to be unpacked, addressed, and resolved. Otherwise your quality of life will not improve at all.

LuisMiranda4D · 2023-03-08T23:07:35+00:00

I hear non-binary people with dude bits are great about treating their lady partners like humans. I may be biased because I'm an enby. But it doesn't make it less true

Enough_Chemistry3258 · 2023-03-09T00:46:42+00:00

This is very incel ish. Or whatever the relationship equivalent is for woman. We all screw up. But yeah that's absolutely your fault. But we fail so we can learn. So now you know to do things differently.

Mean_Mechanic9889 · 2023-03-09T12:43:14+00:00

I fully understand. I really do. The thing that's worth veering in mind (which helps me) its not mens fault. It is some of there's obviously. But it's some woman's too. It's how we're all raised. It's complex issue. Society disturbs me. I've honestly. Truly struggled so hard through this stuff. But theres so much to learn. So many epic things humans will never know about. Focus on learning or trying to find out more. Leave this seedy, sad little social climbing world. You're better than it. What you don't percieve. Can't hurt you.

Lighthero34 · 2023-03-09T13:10:10+00:00

You're actually in a far better spot than you realize.

There's a TON of women who blatantly and obviously hate all men and NEVER acknowledge it as a problem.

I think the best place for you to start is to try and define this: if you were to create a perfect man, who would he be? Who would he NOT be? What would he do? What would he NOT do? I mean, go absolutely crazy with the fantasy here, he could be anything and everything, stuff that isn't even possible if you want.

Your next step, of course, is to come to terms with the fact that this dude probably doesn't exist. But, someone close to it, someone who still makes you feel how you want to feel, probably DOES exist.

Something I also feel that contributed to your issue is that you were in the red pill manosphere and accepted it. So, the men that you were around were men that acted like this. Disrespectful, only value you for sex. Your socials are comprised of redpill shit because the algorithm adapted to your interests, so you see RP stuff online and your perceptions get reinforced. Not all dudes are the way you described, but you're not at all to blame for thinking they are because everywhere you look are more men acting like that.

Title	I legitimately hate men now and am heartbroken
Author	dirty_mistress_peach
Upvotes	60
Comments	75
Date	March 8, 2023 4:42 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/11m156s/i_legitimately_hate_men_now_and_am_heartbroken/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-legitimately-hate-men-now-and-am-heartbroken.1173161 https://theredarchive.com/post/1173161

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