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d33n3r_
[â][deleted] 110 points111 points112 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Weâre made to feel useless when we donât want to be used anymore. Itâs so easy to get caught in that circled thinking until you realize you arenât a tool for fixing nor are you a lightening rod for menâs issues. Youâre a human being deserving of a full life!
[â]RowbloksFDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Weâre made to feel useless when we donât want to be used anymore.
This is really well worded. It really resonated with me.
What we forget is that we're still useful even if we don't let that guy use us, because our most important usefulness is the one that we have toward ourselves. We deserve to take care of ourselves and be happy even if it doesn't benefit someone else. If the way you are makes you happy and doesn't harm other non-parasiting good people, screw what that guy thinks.
And yes we're social creatures, we can't be an island, but even if that parasitic guy doesn't find us useful anymore, some other types of people (like female friends) can find value in what we have to offer. We can satisfy our social needs with them. Men's opinions are not the only ones that matter, there's also plenty of value in being useful to other women.
[â]iwfdyaFDS Newbie 319 points320 points321 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
We're raised to be Pickmes. And Pickmes always choose to side with men. đ¤Ą
[â]fresiparFDS Newbie 67 points68 points69 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
pickme's want testosterone attention like their life depends on it. any other woman is competition, so they throw her under a bus when there's a chance.
i never understood why women don't cultivate quality relationships with girl friends. like, you will cry alone when he eventually dumps you.
[â]TopJunket7249FDS Newbie 333 points334 points335 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
I have always felt as though I was in competition with the daughters of my motherâs friends. âOh, XX takes such good care of herself, oh she is such a good dancer, oh she dresses so nice, oh she is so smart!â Instead of my parents focusing on me and helping me improve myself as a child, they expected me to just figure it out on my own. I always felt triangulated by family members, by the boys in school. It really made me grow up with feelings of jealously over other women. It wasnât until my late 20s when I stopped comparing and started celebrating women, and had the âabundanceâ as opposed to âscarcityâ mentality. If I see a woman liking trim, having a nice bag, winning an award, drawing well (random examples), I now think âwow, she must really have worked hard and sacrificed and was consistentâI need to learn from her.â I donât view women as my co petition anymore, I view them as individuals I could learn from on how to get to the level I want to be at.
[â]ninetiesbaby16FDS Apprentice 190 points191 points192 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Ok sis you just blew my mind. I was constantly truangulated with random female peers by both parents. They were always like âso and so is so gorgeous/talented/politeâ and âwhy canât you be more like so and soâ. That explains so much. We are groomed to hate each other. Iâm working hard to overcome my jealousy issues too
[â]TopJunket7249FDS Newbie 70 points71 points72 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly! Solidarity!!! I am not aware of your situation, but my parents didnât invest in me because they were trying to survive (immigrants), while their friends were employed and well paid and had the time to take care of their children and not be in a stressful mindset. This is not to excuse them in any wayâbecause these comments were just not needed and impacted my friendships with these girls, turned me against other girls, made me anxious just being in the same room as other girls when my parents were there because I knew my parents were comparing me. Itâs like my parents were comparing my lows with other kidâs highs. Like the Instagram reelâyou only see the good stuff, nobody sees the effort and investment and grind. Work it sis, we got you đđ
[â]NotSoSmartChickFDS Newbie 78 points79 points80 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My parents did the opposite, but it had the same result. I was always told I was prettier, smarter, better than my peers. That left me feeling like wherever I went, I needed to be the prettiest, thinnest, etc.
It took years before I could genuinely celebrate other women and not compare myself.
[â]rainbowicecoffeeFDS Newbie 59 points60 points61 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I experienced this too. My mother would tell me about all the âcrazyâ or âwildâ stuff her friends kids were doing. None of it was wild, just teenagers growing up. I was always pretty calm and well behaved so my mom really put me on a pedestal. However sheâd also highlight others achievements and let me know she was disappointed when she couldnât brag about one of my achievements to her friends. As I grew up I realized those kids I was compared against are just awesome normal people. I finally realized I didnât have to be the best dressed at a party to have a good time.
Sucks for my mom, I just donât tell her anything thatâs happening in my life, good or bad, because I donât want to be a pawn in her comparison games.
[â]PumpkinTalkariFDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh my goodness, I too saw other women as competition for far too long. Thatâs so toxic! Unusually perhaps, social media like Instagram has actually lessened that thinking in me, because everyone shares so much about their beauty tips and where they got their clothes or their mental health struggles. And so it feels like I really am learning from other women, instead of comparing myself to them...
[â]XRozeFDS Newbie 160 points161 points162 points 5 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
behind ever male sob story is a woman or several women in his life suffering 100x more! when you see this bs, read between the lines to look for those women and call it out.
the inverse of this is true too - most men would never be half as successful as they are without their moms and wives. how many dudes at work have their wives washing their laundry, laying out their clothes, and making their lunches/dinners? if these guys don't become CEOs w/ all the support they get they're fucking incompetent.
example sob story- that story in here the other day about the guy crying about his wife not putting out and regretting his children even tho he's the one who forced his wife to get preg when she never wanted kids and she had twins + serious medical complications from the birth that still have her bedridden most of the day 2 years later. AND he forced his mom to move in to help w the kids. 1 man single handedly destroying the lives of 2 women and 2 children yet he's the one begging strangers online to empathize with his situation.
[â]WatzooFDS Newbie 58 points59 points60 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
This is especially true with the single dad or remarried dad situation. Youâll see them posturing because they have a solid portfolio or thriving business or top notch career, and the new girlfriend is bad-mouthing the ex for expecting him to plug in and do coparenting personally and financially .... sis, how do you think he got all his swag and stock? The ex had a lot to do with it. Why do you think ex is mad and has none of it? Did he threaten her in the divorce or try to take the kids when she tried to take her fair share of their success?
I know they always pass on a sob story, but men with insane, deeply ill, wildly aggressive, cheating wives arenât usually flying high financially or on their careers. Theyâre exhausted and overwhelmed just trying to hold life together, keep the kids safe, and get mom to the doctor on time. Not flipping houses, launching a start up, managing a corporate team, and playing in their corporate soccer league on Saturday.
It blows my mind how often we just refuse to assemble the basic puzzle pieces about the men in our own lives, how we - as HVW- are their type because we have more that they can use to build their own dreams. Their ex was their type too, as hard as it is to admit and as depleted as she may look by the time he moves on. Iâve been guilty of being super obtuse about this too, but when I look around, itâs everywhere.
[â]XRozeFDS Newbie 31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Youâll see them posturing because they have a solid portfolio or thriving business or top notch career
YES! exactly!!!! ugh i've unfortunately dated the guy you describe before. luckily i was smart enough to see through it (still naive enough to date him tho), and it only reinforced that he would've never gotten to where he was (CEO) without his ex. bitching about her 'taking the house he built her' yeah ok buddy. the hilarious thing is he then went and built his own new house which took millions and forever to do, and as soon as it was done she sold their old 'dream house' lmfaoooo and he cried about it. he wanted to buy it!!!! but he was already $3 mill in the hole. -and yes i was way too young for him. i told him my parents would be ashamed of me dating him & he was perplexed. he thought i would want to join the second wives club at his son's private school (his description not mine).
how do you think he got all his swag and stock?
i replied to another comment w/ this but this shit infuriates me bc THESE R THE MEN WE HAVE TO COMPETE WITH FOR JOBS AND PROMOTIONS!!! While we manage both the home/kids and work, men only have to work!!!!! Sexism in the workplace is 10000% a giant part of the picture, too, but there's no doubt that the gendered division of labor contributes to why there's more men named John on US corporate boards than women period!
(https://corpgov.law.harvard.edu/2015/03/04/women-on-us-boards-what-are-we-seeing/
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/04/24/upshot/women-and-men-named-john.html
https://www.spglobal.com/marketintelligence/en/news-insights/research/changepays-there-were-more-male-ceos-named-john-than-female-ceos)
we - as HVW- are their type because we have more that they can use to build their own dreams
YUP - they only see as as a resource for their own monetary benefit - just like Exxon executives see oil
[â]WatzooFDS Newbie 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Youâve absolutely nailed it. And they are who we compete with at work- itâs unfair and itâs so infuriating. Completely agree!
[â]XRozeFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
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[â]my_curated_lifeFDS Newbie 33 points34 points35 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
if these guys donât become CEOs w/all the support they get theyâre fucking incompetent I cackled lol.
So true!
[â]XRozeFDS Newbie 46 points47 points48 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
if the only thing i had to worry about was work, it would be impossible to fail!
i've worked w/ many men in management/director/vp roles with stay at home wives. these guys were frazzled, stressed out or always running around w/ their heads on fire at work. it's become really obvious that without their wife taking care of everything at home/kids related, they would've never been able to make it to their high level position.
AND THESE ARE THE MEN WE WOMEN HAVE TO COMPETE WITH FOR OPPORTUNITIES! How tf are women supposed to manage work and home AND compete with a guy who only has to manage work??!?
[â]dembar126FDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
And then men have the nerve to insult us and call us incompetent because we can't climb to their level. "The wage gap is because women don't work as hard!!!"
[â]XRozeFDS Newbie 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
honestly asking guys about the gender wage gap is the quickest way to know if they're a piece of shit or not!
[â][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It makes me angry that men don't seem to realize that the Nuclear Family was created so they could be successful. How many famous authors are able to BE famous because their wives did all the damn work that let them write for ten hours a day? How many men climb the corporate ladder while their wife works three jobs while raising the kids then turns around and dumps her like an old couch for the 20 year old intern?
[â]XRozeFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
god exactly!!!! i took a course on kinship in the US, with a huge focus on the nuclear family, and one of the first books we read started with a passage that said something to the effect of, 'every woman was subservient to her husband in their home, and suffering because of him. but because the women were isolated from one other, they could not work together to figure out the patterns in their abuse.' i think about this passage all of the time and how FDS is revolutionizing feminism by making it discourse-centric again, giving modern women space to come together and find the patterns in our abuse :) thank you internet, and most importantly thank you FDS.
i wonder if feminists in the 1700s would've predicted women in 2021 would still be having these discussions about the nuclear family. it's uplifting that no matter how hard patriarchy wages war on each new generation of women, we adapt, fight back and continue to gain ground. we really stand on the shoulders of giants, though.
[â]HmtnswAt-Risk Pick Me Youth 60 points61 points62 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I asked my mother why she is always on the man's side and she said because she's met so many nasty women in her life that you can't say it is always the men.
Which is true BUT she NEVERS takes the women's side and just defaults that it's the woman's doing that caused the drama in the first place.
[â]HaveNoIdeaWhatToPickFDS Newbie 52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe she attracts drama herself without realizing it lol There is this saying: "when you constantly smell farts, it's propably you" xD
[â]dancedance_83 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I think your mom has a bit of a point about women. I became pretty disillusioned when I was on the board for a womenâs org within my company. But they werenât really doing it to better opportunities for other women in the workplace, they were doing it for clout. And, the same women I worked with on that board were also bullying me too. One was the HR rep for the location we worked at. They were ruthless and catty to no end, yet were smiling it up and plying kumbayah in the office and with leadership. They really hated when they had no choice but to address my complaints and back off, but they had no problem finding a way to âfireâ me after I put in my two weeks.
I have seen the same with âboss babeâ type groups that seem to be about female empowerment on the outside but are nasty and backbiting underneath it allâ jealous women who would love nothing more than another womanâs downfall but guised with a smile. A man is not involved there.
That said, I donât believe most men either. The ainât shit ones and the good ones all tell on themselves. But I certainly would not hesitate to tread lightly on other women too. I pick my circle very, very wisely these days.
[â]HmtnswAt-Risk Pick Me Youth 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes. I do agree with this.
I have come across my fair share of nasty women. Women I have done nothing to them other than just exist and being part of a group.
But like, she kept talking shit about my ex's mother (who I adored). Stating about how she shouldn't have married a man like 5 years younger than her. How she shouldn't have married a foreigner and that she was a whore because she married later in life and that's why they had separate bank accounts.
I finally gave in and shared that the father had cheated on her when my ex and his brother were in highschool (with my ex's gf at the time mom who was his history teacher). She only stayed with him for the sake of the boys until they got out on their own. So of course she was going to have her money separate from his.
But you know that is what she gets for not marrying an American man of her same race ("foreign men have no loyalty to America"). He only married her to get his green card (which he only got a few years ago in his 40s) and wants to move back to his home country country he retires. That is also what she gets for marrying later in life and being a party girl and not dating someone her age or older.
And it really bothers me because I'm almost 30 and haven't married because I was in a long term relationship of 5 years and it fell through and so here I am. Just because you haven't married by the time you're in your late 20s or mid 30s doesn't mean you were a "whore."
But like, she didn't know anything about my ex's mother other than her age and who she married and blammed everything on her. For what??
[â][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You just described my last job situation. I worked for the government, took minutes for fifteen different groups, many of them run by women. Women do a lot in the government and many of them are just as nasty, back stabbing and power hungry as the men.
I had to leave because I was getting eaten alive for being 'nice'.
[â]dancedance_83 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I know exactly what you mean. Iâm working on being less âniceâ from the get go and being consistent with it. I was meek and âniceâ for the first 2 years or so on the job, but I started to grow a pair and challenge some of the things I was seeing and they did not like it. And they thought they had the system on their side. To an extent, they did. But I documented everything. They thought I wasnât smart enough to do that so they played fake nice until I quit to try to stab me in the back. It sucks but having a firm but kind exterior prevents you from attacks a lot of the time. I donât believe in work friends either unless theyâve been vetted for a really long time and you understand their character. Remember how Linda Tripp did Monica Lewinski?
Note: Monicaâs actions werenât right either. But look at how she trusted Linda as her âfriendâ and girl was plotting on her the whole time bc she was gunning for a position.
[â][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Monica was done so dirty. I'm impressed with what she's done with her life. I didn't fight the abuse in my position partially because I was part-time (the government does NOT like giving out full time positions) and it just wasn't worth fighting for but mostly because I knew I would never fit into the culture within the office.
Yes, this year is the year I am officially Done With Shit. No more nice, no more helping everyone, no more letting assholes scream in my face with no repercussions. Seriously, fuck that job it was horrible.
[â]dancedance_83 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Raising my glass to âFuck that Jobâ for you! I agree. You deserve it.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
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[â]XRozeFDS Newbie 83 points84 points85 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
the fields of psychology and neuroscience were made by men for men, as clients whose brains and thoughts were studied by male therapists and scientists were men. yet ânobody cares about menâs mental healthâ?
damnnnn im borrowing this argument. brilliant and you're so right about the gaslighting.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[â]WatzooFDS Newbie 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks so much for calling this out.
Itâs also frustrating because the misdiagnosed folks then say their BPD essentially was cured/got better - and they most likely did, because PTSD can be improved; autism, ADHD, and bipolar can be managed well - giving false hope to the people being exploited by real BPDs in their families and inner circle. So those folks hang around longer and get used more, waiting for that magical cure.
[â]XRozeFDS Newbie 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
omgggg hahaha he was prob such a perv to all the women he studied too!!!
[â]Ancient-CucumberFDS Newbie 69 points70 points71 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
99 times out of 100 those sob stories are to get you to like them/get in your pants.
[â]505ithyFDS Newbie 27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Menâs stories are fabricated half the time anyway
[â][deleted] 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The main reason I wound up in abusive relationships is because I had too much empathy for men.
[â]DisastrousSundaeFDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
It's sadly true. I've had female friends manipulate and disrespect me right after complaining about their boyfriend at home they never raise their voice around.
[â]my_curated_lifeFDS Newbie 50 points51 points52 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Meghan markle (in the states, idk about the UK) being blamed by women everywhere for the decisions of her Husband. He is sympathized with as a poor little boy and she is demonized as an evil manipulative bitch. Womenâs sympathy for men is when I think âbelieve all womenâ and âwomen support womenâ my fucking ass. Every woman for themselves is the culture fabricated as a cutesy, kumbaya SiStErHoOd.
[â]RowbloksFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Female solidarity is the biggest lie, men are the only ones who have an actual brotherhood that is the most likely to support them through thick and thin, good and evil.
[â]DangerousRiver9FDS Newbie 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And their sob stories are âI was rejectedâ, not âa felonious, traumatizing crime was committed against me by multiple women multiple times throughout my lifeâ.
Pickmes, scrotes, and any other manosphere dwelling lurkers creeping around here, stop fucking comparing normal yet unpleasant human experiences (such as rejection) to literal human rights violations.
[â]PumpkinTalkariFDS Newbie 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen
[â]smothered_realityFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Iâve had to accept the fact that my oldest friend is like this. Sheâs convinced herself in a twisted way that sheâs not but also admitted that she will put more effort in calling the men sheâs interested in daily whereas with girl friends it may not be so regular. In her reasoning, sheâs putting more time and energy when sheâs calling her gfs. Except that she doesnât really. I canât even get her to text back properly đ lol I have to let her realize that on her own bc she really doesnât get it.
[â]dancedance_83 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I had a friend like this. She was my best friend. She was very supportive and generally loyal. But she had this bad habit of keeping around her âfirst loveâ that she was never technically in a relationship with because he would cheat on his actual girlfriends with her. She already wrote off her other friend as jealous when she told my friend that she never liked him (I wonder why). He dropped her when she became seriously ill and years later ignored her calls and texts when she moved out to NYC where he was living. He only started picking up the phone because he was lonely in quarantine (he told her as such and faked like they could meet up and then ghost her) and when he was going to have surgery and needed someone to take care of him. I told her that is so insulting and degrading, but she was seriously considering taking care of him! Legitimately at a crossroads about it!
Around the same time, we had a falling out. Turns out my friend is a racist and she disrespected me. It took her a week to apologize to me because, at first, she said she was really busy (which is a lame excuse), but she let it slip that she was taking care of this dude and that it âmeant somethingâ to her because they hooked up on the way to the hospital. I was like.... you are kidding me. So youâre a racist and you are putting some low rent guy who uses you over patching up a 6 year friendship? Alright. Sheâs still âwithâ him (not officially, of course, he never claimed her) to this day. You are right, some people need to see things for themselves.
[â]smothered_realityFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Jeez. Iâm glad you walked away from that! Sounds like she never truly valued you or your friendship AND sheâs a racist? Yeah let her stew in her miserable existence. I canât even get to the point of calling the dude LV because honestly he seems like an opportunistic leech but she chose that garbage over her healthy support system.
Yeah my friend came out of a bad marriage a few years ago and I helped her through it. Sheâs not all bad, sheâs been there for me a lot as well and I always appreciated it. So I donât think weâve fallen out. But she has a really big problem with communication with gfs. Like everyone knows to to just communicate if you get busy when someone made an effort to reach out to you. She gets into periods where she goes weeks without reaching out or responding to a phone call or text. She claims sheâs just trying to work through something but meanwhile sheâs posting on social media and is clearly online. Responding responding to a message however may as well be coming via carrier pigeons. But sheâs freely admitted that with men, she makes a daily effort to talk to them even if they wonât. She explains it as if itâs like her feminist spirit to take charge or something but like....whoâre you fooling? Iâve regularly tried to talk her out of chasing LVM that gaslight her but she would insist that she was in control...only for it to blow up in her face. She claims itâs to boost her self esteem but again....whoâre you fooling? I just realized that if you donât respect me enough to prioritize my time, itâs wasted on her. And if you donât respect yourself enough to filter out LVM, my efforts are also wasted on her.
[â]karabnpFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right in the feels.đ
[â]kycakeFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i always try to make people realize this. ever since i have.
[â]dancedance_83 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And thatâs really sad because while itâs wise to not trust men, thereâs a lot of women you canât trust either
[â]321tina321FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I dont get it. I dont get how this makes you feel like you have any worth. It would make me feel in conflict with myself as well. . So what do you think of yourself? Do you just deeply distrust yourself and hate yourself from the get go? It would make me feel like I'm attacking myself ngl....
[â]U_nhoelyFDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This right heređđž
I remember seeing a comment on a post here a couple of hours ago from one of our fellow FDS sister who said that every Male problem (rape, misogyny, etc.) Is blamed on society and toxic masculinity but when it comes to any sort of violence and harassment targeted towards women it is ALWAYS the woman's fault.
Everything in society is targeted towards men's needs and what makes them comfortable.
Š TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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[â]dancedance_83 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[â]smothered_realityFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[â]karabnpFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[â]kycakeFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[â]dancedance_83 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[â]321tina321FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[â]U_nhoelyFDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link