Are there red flags in this conversation? Are there signs of a potential LVM here or is this a candidate for HVM?

Anonimica_X · 2021-12-24T07:11:22+00:00

Please blur out the girl's face in the convo. This community sees a lot of lurkers who hate us.
The timing of these texts is a red flag. It starts from Friday night until Saturday morning. It shows too much availability on the girl's side and potential issues on the guy's side. When in doubt, I always refer to The Rules guidelines on texting a guy back. That book has some issues, but they got a lot right.
There is too much engagement from the girl's side. Even jokingly, he is getting his ego massaged by the girl.
I think this has already been pointed out -- "I'll give you an internship and a massage" is creepy and unoriginal. The FDS handbook is strictly against sexual innuendos too early.

Conclusion --- Very high chance of LVM.

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2021-12-24T06:05:00+00:00

Both people in this convo sound kind of awful, tbh. They’re just complaining about their lives and then talking about how they want to date / marry each other? Kind of like they’re just using this fantasy as an escape from their real lives.

Also, I no longer date men whe are about to quit their jobs to start their own business. I’ve done that in the past - not a good phase of life to start dating anyone.

As for your friend - sometimes you have to let people make their own mistakes. However if she’s actually asking you got your opinion I’d say hard pass.

guava-cat · 2021-12-24T06:11:04+00:00

“I’ll give you a real internship and massage ;)” 🤮 This is where I had to stop reading for a minute. This guy is love bombing, future faking, and is likely exaggerating his accomplishments. If he opens a business I will be stunned. Your friend is being a pick me in her replies. Given that she’s just gotten out of a long abusive relationship, she really should take some time for herself and not date.

Traumarama79 · 2021-12-24T05:40:14+00:00

I could only make it through half the convo before I gave up and was like wow what a fucking tryhard this guy is. I'm sorry, but nobody talks like this in real life. They're on Tinder. They don't really know each other. This isn't normal. Just my 2c. I don't trust people who come off this strong asap.

EternallySlumbering · 2021-12-24T05:45:48+00:00

There are a lot of these kinds of guys on dating apps and I tend to avoid them.

To answer your questions, he’s definitely very practiced at talking to girls and selling himself. He probably uses ‘babe’/‘sexy’ etc to develop a sense of closeness. He’s not alone though, a lot of people on dating apps have conversations that look exactly like this, it’s a very normal dating app convo (I would say).

asoww · 2021-12-24T07:25:02+00:00

I have very bad vibes from reading this whole conversation. It's just too much too soon. The best dating that I've done this year was to go slowly, very slowly. Poeple reveal themselves without you having to put any effort. Your friend may want to consider that.

saragc92 · 2021-12-24T08:00:54+00:00

Nope. I don’t have to read past she meet him on Tinder. He’s a fuck boy.

Sorry harsh reality of men who use that app,

backforbeskar · 2021-12-24T08:20:00+00:00

The only red flag here is how hard OP is trying. Texts should be one liners, they should be doing most of the lengthy narrations and do not text them back when they message at 3am ffs.

tuberkuloza · 2021-12-24T08:24:40+00:00

A big nope, too much of grandiose promises too soon + already using "babe" etc.. guy is a fuckboy and faker. he brags abt starting his own business but notice how loose everythung is, he has no idea nor plan of what he wants to do or how. he just putted a nice wraping paper around his life.

BasieSkanks · 2021-12-24T08:38:26+00:00

The trauma digging is a massive red flag. Men who want to know all about your past traumas never have good intentions. They’re storing this information so they know what you are willing to tolerate. This is why I always tell men i date that I was treated well in my past relationships. I never tell them that I was in an abusive relationship. Women believe we are just being “open and honest”, but men don’t see it that way. They are asking this information so they can use it against you later. Your friend should really not be dating. She needs to learn boundaries. She’s disclosed way too much to a man she barely knows.

VaselineB · 2021-12-24T06:13:50+00:00

If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. He claims to be introverted, but is highly socially skilled which is a huge red flag. Lots of humblebragging and motivational speaking, ready to take over the world & make millions, he just needs her love LOL. His hobbies also seem incompatible - the gym, raves, and self isolation. He seems like he wants to create the impression of someone who needs to be in a relationship and is a great catch, but if he's busy painting pictures, how can you see who he really is. The woman sounds like a genuine person, the man sounded very fake with ulterior motives.

amphora_ · 2021-12-24T07:17:06+00:00

I bet this guy follows Jordan Peterson or any of those other “motivational intellects”. 🙄🤮

Regardless, he’s is full of it. Lots of bloated language, i.e. ~adventure~ and ~business empire~. Comes off as manipulative tbh, as if he’s done this before. Or, he read to use this tactic on some dumb PUA site. As others have mentioned, he’s trying to make himself sound much more impressive than he actually is. He’s selling this girl a fantasy, not his reality. How is he vying to leave his job to start his own business in a year when he doesn’t have a set business plan in place? Fintech or pharmaceuticals??? If the girl questioned him on specifics in these industries, he would just spout out some vague, 30-second-google search-answer. You can’t just waltz into these industries even as just an entry level employee, let alone a business owner. But of course, he’s NeTWOrKing 🙄

His whole starry-eyed shtick comes off as disingenuous. There’s nothing wrong with pursing passion and dreams, but the way he’s conveying it in this conversation comes off as bloated and trying too hard to impress.

aclassy · 2021-12-24T07:23:31+00:00

I haven't spent any serious time on dating apps either... but geez, this gave me the ick. The beginning literally sounded like a pitch for an MLM or something. After the weird business talk, his mentioning of enjoying raves seemed kind of out of character for how he was trying to present himself. Again, I haven't spent time on dating apps, but if someone mentions that they like raves I tend to see it as an immediate red flag, apart from all of the other weirdness of this conversation having already been mentioned in other comments. This is because of the drug/alcohol culture associated with the activity.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-12-24T07:43:46+00:00

All I can say is that I will never again date any man who tells me that he's looking to change careers 1+ years away. They won't take any real action on it, but they will always use it to stave off real commitment to you in the near future. Just like with this guy, one of my shitty exbfs never finalized anything about his plans, they were always a year away, but he would present his pipe dream of the moment to others like it was a done deal. I have no idea how much he actually believed, or how much he was just bullshitting in public, or future faking me. All I do know is that it's been over a decade, and he hasn't done anything. It was all hot air. He spent years judging me and my plans (real plans based in my crummy reality) for being unambitious, but the only nice thing I can say for him is that he has been continuously employed.

Platipus6 · 2021-12-24T05:29:59+00:00

NVM, liar, future-faker, grandiose delusions, love-bombing, shit-testing, and collecting trauma ammo and her low standards.

He opened with a cheesy "take my hand", together we can conquer the world, already forced teaming (see Gift of Fear).

"pivoted" 🤮 "cure for covid" delusions, this douche is in econ and sales, not microbiology or virology.

"so WE can get you out for OUR first date" more teaming.

She complains, he digs for trauma - why don't you like it there, what are people doing to you, what are you tolerating so I know how low the bar is?

"jet-setting" pretending to be impressed (called ego-up in an interrogation) but a subtle neg - oooh look at you, so fancy.

"I admire you leaving" pretending to be impressed again. He's placed himself as an authority on what's cool. "Some people are too TIMID to take a hold of the adventures (ME) in front of them" yeah this little comment is going to come back to bite her when she doesn't want to relocate to be isolated with him. "You're not afraid are you? Not too timid to move to bumfuck nowhere are you?"

Vague answers, pretending to be impressive. Director of sales, yeah right. Dangling the carrot of an honest answer which I bet he'll never get around to.

"Looking forward to the long answer" he got her hooked.

"5 week unpaid internship, racist boss" OH HONEY NO tell him all about how much shit you eat for no pay.

"I can save you! We'll do all these fabulous world-domination plans!"

"Sounds amazing!" girl :(

"Your job is a waste of time you dumb woman but you sound perfect for me, as it improves your body for my gratification" "I'LL GIVE YOU A MASSAGE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" "VAGUE ANSWER MORE BULLSHIT"

"Oh your bullshit really tricked me, marry me" I'm a pickme.

"HAHA YOU DUMBASS" "Tell me more about your trauma:)" "Oh wow you're so impressive, me and my bullshit fake future can totally give you everything you want with no mention of the work we're going to do"

"Oh wow, your carrot is so juicy, I'm 100% sucked in. Tell me about your vices tho"

"I accept your vices because nothing can stop me now. Feel free to be a full-on shithead ASAP because I agreed to this vague list".

"HAHA I LOVE THAT"

HAHAHA SNAPCHAT HAHAH OH GOODBYE LADY WE'VE LOST ANOTHER ONE

SwampDwellingPirate · 2021-12-24T12:57:57+00:00

Everyone said it so well, but I'd just like to point out the part where she goes "I have a huge passion for astronomy (not astrology 🙄)"

Like LMFAO I'm not like others girlsssss eewwww who believes in shit like that eyeroll OMG please don't give me shit for it, I know men hate astrology, especially one like yourself, so serious and put together and a businessmen, I'm so grown up LOLOLOLOL OMG PICK ME

Girl... I feel bad for her and of course he's 100 times worst, and he's the one who deserves to be called out since he's the one manipulating her, but Jesus Mary Joseph, she's deep in her pickme game. It's such a classic pickme move to shit on things that are popular mostly with other women, and be all NLOG about it.

I don't see one single ounce of vetting in this. She's just nodding along and accepting everything he says. FDS rescue mission.

Remarkable-Ad-4758 · 2021-12-24T10:54:41+00:00

Yes hes a twat.

Unfortunately they are ten a penny and if your friend already has attracted this type before - without any healing or self reflection she will fall for it again and again.

He is over familiar, the messages between them both are far too long far too soon. (I have been in LTR where we do not text like this) usually when a man brings out the paragraphs whilst texting he has an agenda of feeding into a certain type of appearing.

We have forgot the greenest of the greenest flags is when a stranger treats you are a stranger (both sexes) - I think we need to remember as woman that even female friends who have ended up our closest and highest value never started with paragraph after paragraph of information - we got to know them over a period of time and seeing them in various situations.

Why do we not treat men the same?

ConsistentTip6508 · 2021-12-24T10:12:16+00:00

He sounds very fake - he has the lingo of an online scam artist.

yairina · 2021-12-24T10:19:37+00:00

Is this convo between him and your friend or another woman? Id be more curious to read how he talks to other women (serial copy paster?) because you can always read her side of the convo

LocalCap5093 · 2021-12-24T11:06:05+00:00

HUGE red flag for me is the marry me, babe, etc. Like NOOOO

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-12-24T13:08:53+00:00

“Damn you’re so cool that makes you sexy, Marry me?” That’s a nope from me dawg.

keep_my_stuff · 2021-12-24T13:33:10+00:00

I didn't read all of it.. let's start at the top -- fully dedicating himself to finding the cure for covid? in a year? And he wants brownie points for being such a good person? What are his qualifications?

He's manipulative (wants brownie points for something he is planning to do) and delusional (the cure for covid can be found as a team effort which he can join if he is qualified to work for big pharma or if he has years of experience in pharma and can realistically build a good team to have a shot at it.)

Your friend is eating it all up. He invites her for a massage with a smiley face. OK, I can't read anymore. Of course this conversation is low value.

Title	Are there red flags in this conversation? Are there signs of a potential LVM here or is this a candidate for HVM?
Author	JustTrynaSleep266
Upvotes	49
Comments	60
Date	December 24, 2021 5:21 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rnexik/are_there_red_flags_in_this_conversation_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/are-there-red-flags-in-this-conversation-are-there.1090903 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090903

Comments