Being a LVM is a lifestyle choice.

Summerisle7 · 2020-11-06T17:23:22+00:00

but but but every relationship sub on Reddit has told me that I can cOmMuNiCaTe them out of being LVMs

LostInContentment · 2020-11-06T18:39:56+00:00

I told my ex husband I was leaving on a Wednesday night. He kept me up until 4 am trying to convince/manipulate me into staying. He swore that he would change. That Friday he begged me to come back in a gas station parking lot. He begged me to go to counseling after years of me asking for counseling and him refusing. Saturday he was on POF/OLD looking for his next victim.

LVMs will not change for you. They will however get better at manipulating/gaslighting you or their next victim.

My ex is now dating his best friend’s ex wife—who has incredibly low self esteem from losing her hair and bladder to cancer.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2020-11-06T17:13:15+00:00

Yes, Lundy Bancroft goes over this in his book about abusive men and their mindsets in Why Does He Do That. They are like this because firstly, they feel entitled to behave this way and secondly, it gets them what they want so they have zero incentive to stop. That’s why all the reasoning, begging, explaining, or even compliance in the world won’t stop it. The only way to win the game is to not play (ie, get the fuck out and stay out).

Samvanderkamp123 · 2020-11-06T18:05:24+00:00

But have you tried learning his love language?

redwineandsolitude · 2020-11-06T17:25:02+00:00

I think a LVM can change into a HVM if he wanted to. I used to be a hardcore PickMe and I have completely changed. I legit feel like I was an entirely different person. But what made me change was getting hurt over and over, and the benefits of being single outweigh any minuscule benefits of being with a LVM. Like you said, there are benefits to being a LVM because they are worshipped and the bar is in hell. There’s not much motivation for them to change. Doesn’t mean they couldn’t if they wanted to.

2020-11-06T23:01:21+00:00

Us: acknowledge that LV behavior is a choice and men are not inherently like this

Men: “WHy U HATE MEN THoUGH!!!1!1! This is female inCeLs!!1”

CapeCod_KwassaKwassa · 2020-11-06T22:53:55+00:00

AMEN 🙏🏼 literally how simple the answers are: you wake up one day- realize you’re a miserable cheap scumbag leeching off of the kindness of others/women and decide that TODAY you will do EVERYTHING differently in order to become: clean, hygienic , polite, doting, caring, well-dressed, knowledgeable, cultured, successful and FIT. Why is that so hard ? Women do this/ have done this every god damn day since college (or earlier).

hvwthrowaway · 2020-11-07T02:09:10+00:00

It's true that it's a choice, I saw a guy I dated go down that path. When I met him he has a good job, education, was studying and had intellectual hobbies/interests and dressed well.

He then quit his job/studies. Took on random jobs that were below his skills and didn't last long. He also started to change his friend circle from lifelong friendships to LVM people.

His appearance declined, he used to be someone who loved to go shopping for clothes and he turned into someone who walked around in sweatpants and took pride in not caring. He used to have his own apartment but moved out to share a flat with his new LVM BFF (he was in his late 20s) which was his ultimate demise.

I dated him on/off during this time, we were kind of long-distance but I saw it all unfold. He also didn't treat me well anymore, he used to be romantic but started to only care about sex, he got rude and selfish and I also saw a shift in his interests. I was no longer able to talk about the stuff that connected me to him.

It was a mindfuck for me cause I was still hanging onto the person I used to know, so I stayed, hoping that person is still there somewhere until he ended up dumping me for a LVW to match his new lifestyle.

I didn't have any contact since then and deleted him from all social media, but I lurked 2 years later when I heard that they broke up.

He still didn't have a stable job (in his early 30s now) and this was someone who came from a wealthy family, had studied and planned to work in education few years before! So he had everything he needed to succeed but he kept job-hopping from tattoo-parlors to restaurants, takeaways and working in a warehouse while looking like a slob.

We was also a musician and kept changing bands - I don't know what the happend but I don't think it's a good sign to keep changing bands, I noticed that the other band members remained the same and he just kept dropping out and joining new ones, so he must have been the problem.

I mourned a long time for the person I met back then. I know I wouldn't have been happy with his LVM self, it's just hard to accept when you see someone go down that path.

emtoots · 2020-11-06T22:54:07+00:00

Also why I don’t feel bad at all for shutting down LVMs in my own dating life as well as other relationships and areas. You’re choosing to be low-value and mediocre. If you put in more effort, maybe you would have a chance

fireforestfairy · 2020-11-07T05:53:07+00:00

Yup, in the same sense that being an asshole is a lifestyle choice.

highoncatnipbrownies · 2020-11-07T07:42:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

EveSerpent · 2020-11-07T03:41:27+00:00

I see you’ve met my ex.

AutoModerator · 2020-11-06T16:57:37+00:00

[1] - We Just Launched a Website: wwww.TheRealFemaleDatingStrategy.com. Click here for registration information. Please also join our Twitter and Instagram Pages for updates!
[2] - Please read the FDS Handbook and Wiki before commenting. Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.
[3] - Please REPORT any comments that do not follow the sub rules. If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.
[4] - PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION from images (Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc). Failure to remove ID info will result in a 1-2 day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban.
[5] - This sub is FEMALE ONLY. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!! Please DOWNVOTE and REPORT immediately.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

IAteTheDragon · 2020-11-08T09:56:50+00:00

I think in some cases LVM can change. I know because I was a LVW myself back in the days. I used to not respect my caring partners, openly cheated on them, tormented the poor guys with my shitty behaviour just to see how much they can take. It was a terrible terrible behaviour. I have left my horrible ways long ago, apologized deeply to the men involved. Now that I don't have time or patience for men's bullshit, still as a fellow human being I cannot imagine not showing human decency and respect to a man I choose to engage with, even just sexually. When I have reservations towards him I just walk.

Title	Being a LVM is a lifestyle choice.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	340
Comments	47
Date	November 6, 2020 4:57 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jp8q6i/being_a_lvm_is_a_lifestyle_choice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/being-a-lvm-is-a-lifestyle-choice.1193618 https://theredarchive.com/post/1193618

Comments