Confession Time

throwaway23004345 · 2020-03-12T22:35:55+00:00

I’m 27 and I’ve had so many shitty experiences and I fear being alone forever

CSardothien_1 · 2020-03-12T22:37:59+00:00

I go through cycles of productivity. I accept now it's part of the process. I got very sick last month so I had to stop working out and it just made everything harder. I'm slowly getting back into things. But because I was sick I got into the habit of posting and wasting time on my phone. Now I'm having trouble breaking it. I also question FDS on my long-term mental health. Because it's in a way making me more focused on men than I would be otherwise. But I like writing so I'll allow it for now. I need to get back into my other hobies again. I have been back at the gym for a week though, so there's that.

My work has quarantined us for Corona so its hard to not be on my phone.

I still have moments of "missing" a person who treated me poorly. But I think what's happening is... We often want hurts to be healed by the person who did the hurting. And I have to accept that that's just never gonna happen. Even if he wanted to he wasn't emotionally mature enough to. I do not want him in my life. But emotions are a thing and they are not rooted in sense.

I relate to you OP I basically am way more easily susceptible to crushes after I have felt rejected or mistreated. It's normal.

Inez_Honeyfox · 2020-03-13T00:33:43+00:00

I’m here because the man I’ve been in love with for over a decade, the one I thought would never hurt me and was my soulmate, hurt me really badly and I made the terrible, pickme decision to stay with him. He hurt me really badly again this last year and I’m trying to de-tangle myself. I’m 41 and it feels like my life is over. Not because of my age, but because I’m so hurt and broken by it that I can’t imagine letting any man in again. I’m just trying to absorb the strong woman power in this group so I can move forward the best I can.

But I feel like the worlds biggest idiot.

asoww · 2020-03-12T23:04:38+00:00

Getting the last guy I was interested in out if my head because he is not available and he missed my timing. It's not that I'm struggling cause I feel 0 urge to see him again but I wish he'd get out of my thoughts in a speedy way lol. Like, just, bye. I wish I could just do that for any guy who doesnt meet my standards ! Just, bye ! No thoughts nor energy wasted !

fullplumage · 2020-03-13T00:59:46+00:00

I dated a LVM for 2 years. He showered me with love and gifts but constantly tried to date other girls as he felt he was not ready to settle down. As the pickme that I was, I accepted a nostrings r/s on the condition that he didn't lie to me. Well of course he did and he claims it's because he knew I would be hurt. The last straw was when he tried apologising once again and asked to meet me and I told him to give me one week away from him first. Well lo and behold one week later I had to push him to meet until he confessed that he didn't want to meet me at this point.

So glad I found this sub so I realise how pathetic I was acting.

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2020-03-13T00:58:42+00:00

I’m in a good relationship right now, but I’m starting to feel kinda bored and a really hot guy who I barely know is interested in me and part of me wished I was single so I could say yes to his advances. Like my relationship with my boyfriend is good, I just don’t know if what I’m feeling is the passion running out (it’s been like 5 months so not too long) or if it’s just this Henry Cavill looking dude messing with my head.

Part of the reason I might be feeling bored is that I’m a math major coming up on midterms so I’ve been crazy busy and not able to go out a lot, but midterms were just cancelled for the coronavirus so maybe I’ll be able to figure this out in the next few weeks.

Maybe I just shouldn’t be in a relationship at this point in my life, go on dates, have fun, but not be committed to anyone until I’m emotionally in the place for that.

nosynobody · 2020-03-13T03:24:35+00:00

I am 29 and am nearing the 2nd year of my relationship. Even though we've talked about marriage I don't see him making any concrete steps towards it. Worse yet am in a bad place in my career and tbh I would rather focus on that than marriage.

Yet it bothers me that nothing in my life seems moving ahead. What should I do?

ames0630 · 2020-03-13T04:23:33+00:00

Here goes the confession.

I'm coming off a two-year dating detox needed to work through years of repressed #metoo-triggered trauma.

Currently in early stages with a great friend turned love interest. Things are going well by FDS standards. We're taking things super slow, he's initiating all contact, planning great experiences/dates based on stories or statements I've shared over the years, he's paying, and he's cool with/supportive of abstaining from sex until I'm ready and NEVER guilts or makes stealthly advances despite one or two sleep overs. (Like who are you?!!)

Naturally, there are things I could call out as teeny tiny baby red flags, but I'm really struggling with the feeling that I cannot trust my own perceptions about what I'm observing considering they skew so harshly against all men. Said another way, I cannot shake the feeling that I've become too jaded, judgmental, and harsh when it comes to evaluating the motivations of men. This includes professional settings as well where I've also been burned. (For reference, I'm in my mid-30s and live/work/date in NYC for 10+years)

Yes, I am absolutely in therapy, and it is helping tremendously. Also leveling up hard physically, spirituallly, professionally, and financially so all good there.

TokiMarvel · 2020-03-13T01:52:46+00:00

I’m afraid y’all will ‘tough love’ me. Been doing a very pickme thing that I went in knowing wasn’t conducive to building up myself towards HV. I realized yesterday I don’t want to continue doing it. Nice girl in me doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Evil_Rao · 2020-03-13T03:04:29+00:00

Both my mother and close friends have pointed out recently I'm a serial monogamist and it's been really bugging me lately. The sad truth is that the only way I feel 100% over a breakup is by falling in love again with someone new. My ex broke up with me in December and by the end of January I already had someone I liked. We decided not to see each other anymore and now I'm looking to replace him with someone else already. It just doesn't stop, I can't figure out how to be alone. I'm nearly 29 and haven't been single for more than six months since I was 17!

I'm going back to therapy in May or maybe June because I know I need help figuring shit out. I'd start going sooner but I'm moving to a new apartment soon and I'll be out of cash for a while.

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-03-13T03:26:02+00:00

I miss the kissing and sex I had with someone who I had to end things with because he has "trust issues". I guess he was just using me for sex and ego boost and ironically now the sex is the only thing I miss....

girlWproblemz · 2020-03-13T06:06:23+00:00

I absentmindedly have the thought of living life as a single woman as 'punishment'. "Well, that's what I get for....". But I've been great at quickly correcting myself. I need to finish a cross-stitch pattern and start some doodling. I've been journaling regularly and studying for midterms. So the recent win of leaving behind a LVM has been good to me and I've barely thought about him.

Haltthemoon · 2020-03-13T06:17:02+00:00

Dating wise? Hmmm...I think my story might trump everyone's stories.

Today, I found out my first love got convicted of murder and was sentenced to life in prison. So..yea...

I've been crying a lot even though we broke up over 10 years ago. I am just in disbelief that someone I fell in love with is capable of this.

cannedboelyn · 2020-03-13T04:02:00+00:00

Things were going well in terms of leveling up. I started applying to jobs every week I didn’t feel good enough for. Now that every thing is being canceled because of this virus my anxiety and depression are trying to hang out with me.

I got a call from an employer( wasn’t an ideal job) but I called back and left a voicemail but I haven’t heard back. It’s the HR department and I personally don’t know of any HR departments they close on Thursdays!!!

sealevelsup · 2020-03-13T17:35:58+00:00

I have given up my FWB and deleted dating apps. I have never in my adult life gone this long without sex and It's starting to feel difficult. I am being strong but the urge is always there. Hoping my self-respect holds out!!

throwdawholemanzaway · 2020-03-13T04:29:13+00:00

I'm still stuck on being in love with my best male friend who, since I moved back to my home country, has become way less of a friend and barely ever reaches out. I wish it didn't bother me! It bothers me on a friendship level and also because I have strong feelings for him. I KNOW he doesn't return those feelings but any guy I meet I just compare to him. It's been nearly a year and I'm worried I'll be stuck on him forever. I know the behaviour is bad (mine), I just don't know what to do! How can I become a badass when I have so many feelings? I've been going to the gym and have lost like 15 pounds, I've taken up hobbies, I spend more time with my friends, my job is good, I'm saving money... But I think about him all the time. My confession!

This-Register · 2020-03-13T04:29:14+00:00

TBH, not much. I've been so focused on completing these assignments and worrying over this Corona thing that dating is the last thing on my mind.

Lovelywings2 · 2020-03-14T04:59:54+00:00

I haven't been in a committed relationship in over a decade.

Yet, you know what I don't feel as bad as I used to. Because I have a narrative. My narrative is that for all my life I have KNOWN that I would only be comfortable loving a certain type of man (HVM), yet for much of my adult life I haven't been the kind of woman that sees herself as ready to attract or deserve such a man. Now I do, and it's only in the past few weeks I've discovered this. So now, I'm ready.

lival42 · 2020-03-13T03:10:40+00:00

I have a FWB thing where he declares clearly that he is in no way a suitable partner to date. Also buys me linens for Christmas. He has clearly and deliberately taken steps to keep from me details about the depths of his divorce’s financial effect on him. Also replaces my car battery by handling it himself. Tacitly tells me he is “holding back” at every step, because he is broke and still has one more objective with the ex.

He pointedly had nothing to say when he visited and I had ALL the roses out even before St Valentines Day. Did send me a cheery VDay text at 9am but otherwise was quiet. I rejoined OLD that next night, and told him so.

He is currently restoring a piece of furniture he bought for me. He lavishes most everything he has on his children and is happy to work his tail off to do his parenting. He is all about their development and how he can coach that. He will not let me buy things for his kids, he insists on paying that. He always pays for everything when we go out.

He always does as he’s told with any heavy lifting request. He prides himself on cleaning. Nothing is forgotten, he remembers many days after, of things I barely started talking about. He brings groceries and wine. He did a horse-trade with me and then realized I was taken advantage of. It stresses him out. He uses psychotherapy and strongly promoters it. He will wander the property I live at, and future-fake what the next steps are to make repairs happen. ALL of the above happened AFTER I told him he will never again have my ass after that first time. He has never touched my ass again.

This is a lopsided FWB. We get together about every two weeks. He’s always calling me to talk and frankly it’s hilarious. Total emotional labor though.

BellaBaby19 · 2020-03-13T04:17:49+00:00

I have been sleeping with the same person on/off but mostly very on, for 3 years. We also have a lot of fun together and are compatible but he has certain issues with commitment and we’ve never made it official. I’m 25 and he’s 32. I’ve been going on dates because I really want to get married and have a family, and haven’t found anyone I like at all or enjoy being around. The guy I hook up with has his faults of course, but I know that I enjoy his company and he’s also 100% able to fully provide for a family which is a turn on (he’s a trust fund baby to old money & a successful family business). Anyway I randomly had the idea that if I’m 26 and still haven’t found someone else to date/marry and this guy is in the picture, I would want to get pregnant and have his kid. No I don’t want to be a single mom, but if I had to choose between being single with no children and being single with a child, I would have a child. I know it’s a wild thought...but I’m getting anxiety about not meeting someone in time to have children so I kind of was thinking if I have a child with him young I wouldn’t have to worry about it and could date freely and look for the love of my life (who wants to settle down), with no rush.

FDStrategist · 2020-03-13T18:43:24+00:00

I’m struggling with coming to terms with the fact that the guy who I thought was HV turned out not to be. He showed me his true colours this week and I’m working through the disappointment of it and letting go of the future I was imagining.

So now, especially with Corona virus everywhere, I want to focus on myself and levelling up instead of dating, but not sure what to aim for next

Title	Confession Time
Author	Radtron3000
Upvotes	31
Comments	62
Date	March 12, 2020 10:25 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fhox6x/confession_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/confession-time.680326 https://theredarchive.com/post/680326

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