Dating is supposed to be fun

SayNad · 2020-12-04T14:18:54+00:00

I think that being in relationship should be as easy as spending time with your (healthy) bestfriends - the conversation is comfortable, the communication is comfortable, the silence is comfortable, even being around them is comfortable and peaceful. You feel good around him because the respect, loyalty, kindness, trust, faith - all the things you appreciate in your bestfriends, you got it with him plus the protection and sex.

Healthy relationship is peace and calm and just living in the moment, the ups and downs comes from life and external situations, but the relationship itself keeps the balance and it is where you come to relax when life exhaust you. NOT the other way around.

Pure love is simple yet deep and unwavering - anything other than that is, in my opinion, is servitude that does not benefit women.

i_said_what_i_said_ · 2020-12-04T13:26:31+00:00

If you are ever dreading a date, cancel it

This is a big one for me. I realised about a year ago, if I wasn’t actively looking forward to a first date, I never came away wanting a second date with that person.

Now, if I feel in any way negative about going on a date, I cancel. It’s not worth the effort.

super_thinker_ · 2020-12-04T15:22:00+00:00

Thank you for this amazing post!!!

As a pickme, dumping and blocking LVM and NVM felt impossible. I felt indebted to them. I felt bound to them. I was scared to hurt them because I was scared they would hurt me.

Now that I've found FDS, I've dumped and blocked so many men, I can't even count. The world didn't explode. It wasn't hard. Nothing bad happened. I barely remember their faces and I'm sure they barely remember mine.

You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings but your own. And if your gut feeling about someone is bad, you have to remedy that situation asap. It's up to them to handle their own emotions after that.

everythingandlove · 2020-12-04T13:57:43+00:00

Honestly, I’m starting to enjoy being with myself.. 😊 Hvm can find me if he dares lol

astrophylite · 2020-12-04T16:20:43+00:00

Thank you for this reminder. I just dropped a guy who wasn't putting in NEARLY enough effort. I actually told him so before I left and he was upset and tried to make it seem like I was asking for too much. His response was actually so absurd and out-of-touch, it confirmed that it's absolute no loss on my part and a huge loss for him because he 'really likes' me. Okay lmao then show it, dumbass. I feel soooo much better/freer without him.

Diamond_fairy · 2020-12-04T13:11:30+00:00

This is definitely some great advice for every stage of the relationship, as men can turn into dead potatoes at any point in their lifelong middle-age crisis.

Basically, we have to vet forever.

S_sounds_11 · 2020-12-04T16:42:56+00:00

I just canceled a date after a video call. I was not physically attracted to his physique. Old me would have berated myself for being shallow, new me exercises daily, eats healthy and knows she deserves a partner who also looks after his body.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2020-12-04T15:15:18+00:00

Thanks for the reminder. My latest "relationship" made me feel like dating was minesweeper.

planethoneyy · 2020-12-04T16:50:36+00:00

Correct. The handbook says dating/relationships should feel effortless on the women's behalf. If he's adding stress and negativity just let him go and cut your losses. Trust your intuition.

FirePreferred · 2020-12-04T13:25:59+00:00

Thank you for this reminder! If I ever date again will reference this post. It should be fun!! If it's not fun, I shouldn't do it!

rightioushippie · 2020-12-04T18:18:25+00:00

My thought of the day while I was getting a massage: we shouldn’t have to do cost benefit analyses of our relationships. Relationships should feel good and bring us company and support.

UnhappyMedia · 2020-12-04T19:14:12+00:00

✂️✂️✂️ **cut off everyone who makes you uncomfortable the first time **✂️✂️✂️

lollykpops · 2020-12-04T16:51:17+00:00

I was about to say “yeah but I’ve bailed on every date I’ve ever been invited on cause I was dreading it” but that is a reflection on my poor self esteem and reaffirms why I shouldn’t be dating in the first place lmao, back to FLS I go

GlaeWitch · 2020-12-04T14:19:50+00:00

Should have read this one yesterday. I would have avoided a dreadful experience. Totally lost my cool and peeled out of the parking lot.

somegenerichandle · 2020-12-04T18:50:27+00:00

It's good advice, but since my therapist said i have social anxiety, it's really difficult for me to tell if my nerves are justified. I was trying to read "The Gift of Fear" to figure it out. This sense of dread i get when i hear a text or get an email, which magnifies when i find out who it is. It's the sense that these people always want something from me. Some small favor or some work i need to do. I donno. The author of "The Gift of Fear" encourages us to trust our intuition, but how do we know if we are being overly sensitive and missing things... Anyway it's funny for me all these posts about not texting back, because i am usually the one not texting back. My advice is to ask a question, otherwise i don't think it's required.

4BigData · 2020-12-04T15:41:48+00:00

> My tip? Plan a self-date after your date date. Go to your favorite store or restaurant while you’re already dolled up. Go to the movies.

Went to the movies - the last one of Tarantino - instead of going to a bar with a widower just to get compared to this late wife... on a Monday night. No regrets!

Bars bore me to death, with or without widowers. The Tarantino movie was pretty great!

2020-12-04T19:11:39+00:00

I've actually never been excited for a date my entire life. I'm not sure what this means 😂🤔

spicyspa · 2020-12-04T19:41:30+00:00

I've been talking to guy for a month (we've been on two dates) and all of a sudden he stops talking to me...

I know he's got some current health issues and possibly a bad diagnosis... and I'm not going to reach out to him...

Should I just forget it?

roo97 · 2020-12-04T22:10:32+00:00

There's never been a time when I haven't absolutely dreaded the idea of going on a date with literally anyone.. In theory, it sounds good, but in actuality I don't feel good about any dating prospect.

The result has been never going on an official date (I've definitely been on some dates that I didn't realize were dates until after). So yeah, don't go on the date if you're dreading it, but also realize that may mean that you rarely go in dates (or in my case never have been on one).

CuddleLlamaNoDrama · 2020-12-05T00:40:03+00:00

I really like and needed to see this post. OPs right, quit taking it so seriously or badly if they remove themselves. Had a clown cancel a date on me today and it’s gonna be fine. I don’t need to chase him nor worry if he will ghost. His loss.

poopoo_plattr · 2020-12-04T17:10:49+00:00

This is truly great advice. I am trying to embody this mentality but it's hard. I keep being critical and pointing out red flags to myself when I really shouldn't care. I want to focus on allowing myself to have a fun date whether I see myself with them long term or not.

aly666 · 2020-12-04T20:34:29+00:00

I've never dated & it's always seemed like too much work for me

waddamelone · 2020-12-05T01:38:41+00:00

YES! If you’re ever dreading a date DON’T go.

I can count the amount of dates I’ve had on one hand and they were all with people who didn’t even have my interest (I know WTF?)

This year on valetines day I had a date. A few days before I was considering not going because I didn’t like the guy like that. I should’ve followed my instincts because he was a fucking moron, the date was shit and he blocked me in the end as if he was the prize lmaooo. 💀

distewmuch_ · 2020-12-04T16:48:27+00:00

all of this!

2020-12-04T17:33:06+00:00

I needed to hear this, I love this place you're all so supportive 💖

wolfsong55 · 2020-12-04T19:52:38+00:00

Wow this is something I really needed to hear thank you! Especially with the stress part, I was dating a guy for a couple weeks when he told me he was a psychopath and the vibes just were so off after that

ThrwAwayMarshmallow · 2020-12-04T22:16:34+00:00

I had to break up with someone last night. Too shy to make a new post, so here it is in a reply:

I felt like I was getting the raw end of the deal with this guy. He's from Brazil, he's been here illegally for 22 years, he's in 26k of debt, two debts with janky interest rates (whereas, the only debt I have is my mortgage), he's joked with me calling me Mrs. Carvalho. And just recently, he discovered he wouldn't be able to work as a delivery driver because they pulled a background check on him and he has 5 tickets.

This tmi I'm sorry, but when I went down on him the other day, he pushed my head down and when I didn't oblige, he had the nerve to ask me to put the whole thing in my mouth. I told him no.

murdertoothbrush · 2020-12-04T18:03:04+00:00

Great advice!

JessicaRosexoxoxo · 2020-12-04T18:07:00+00:00

Love this 💕

spicyspa · 2020-12-05T06:11:28+00:00

Great advice I'll do that.

kstops · 2020-12-05T00:51:22+00:00

I dread every date lol and they turn out fine... I don’t agree with that one

Title	Dating is supposed to be fun
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	1405
Comments	79
Date	December 4, 2020 12:52 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k6kbwc/dating_is_supposed_to_be_fun/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dating-is-supposed-to-be-fun.637609 https://theredarchive.com/post/637609

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