Don't let men play stupid.

inventivesquid · 2021-03-02T22:24:37+00:00

It's funny how the stereotype is that "wahmen pretend to be weak and helpless" when it is actually men who do this when they're capable of helping themselves

missgirl649 · 2021-03-02T20:58:15+00:00

Strategic incompetence. Do not ever fall for this bs from men, they’re grown adults who can learn how to take care of themselves and not have the intelligence of a five year old. Women are not educators, therapists, or mothers for grown ass men.

MixWide · 2021-03-02T22:04:48+00:00

During the early years of my parents' marriage, my mother clipped a one-panel cartoon out of the Sunday funny pages:

It shows a man banging a can against a kitchen counter, while the can opener sits right next to him. A woman (presumably his wife) is peering in the doorway at him.

It is captioned, "The less you appear to know, the less you will be expected to do."

That clipping was taped to the fridge all through my childhood. At some point we got it framed. Forever a testament to my mother's refusal to put up with that particular line of bull crap.

queen_beastmode · 2021-03-02T23:29:10+00:00

When I have a male partner, I have a strict no-nagging policy. Nagging is what they want you to do, because it's a form of clinging. It means you're attached to this drama and exasperation cycle that they're creating with their malicious compliance rather than deciding to detach from him.

When you're thinking about how to cOMmUnICaTe to a grown ass man why he should behave like an adult, you're not thinking, 'I should leave this dude becuase his behavior is clearly malicious and disrespectful.'

Don't nag, give yourself the space to judge his behavior and accept what he wishes to bring into the relationship. If what he wants to bring is strife and conflict then you dump as necessary.

Kimpractical · 2021-03-02T20:55:39+00:00

Yes. I’ve mentioned this before but there was a stickied post from a former sex worker. Her clients were usually married with families and they would always pretend to not remember important dates/events with the wife and kids, leaving all the planning and details for the wife to do. But would be perfectly capable of making elaborate plans with the mistress, making sure she had everything she wanted without having to lift a finger herself . They love to play stupid and it’s fucking dangerous. They will excuse sexual assault and other forms of abuse by saying things “oh, I thought you liked when I did that” or “I didn’t hear you say no” or “I have so much passion for you I can’t help myself”. Men are not stupid and underestimating their intelligence is one of the most harmful mistakes we can make. We have to keep this in mind and always stay one step ahead

Davina33 · 2021-03-02T21:07:59+00:00

So true! Stinks of malicious compliance. They know what they are doing.

Throwawayrightaway28 · 2021-03-02T21:48:56+00:00

Nothing but malicious compliance. I always say men say they don’t know how to do domestic chores or clean but they didn’t know how to do their jobs in the beginning either, right?! They LEARNED. And if by the end of training, they hadn’t learned well enough, they got fired, the end. Women need to do the same. If a man acts like he can’t handle the basics, give him a brief training period to shape up and let him know what the consequences are. (This is only for women who are stuck with their scrote , like married women. If you’re dating, just leave him.) A week tops. He needs to do what he needs to do to learn. Just like he can research Cheat Codes for video games, he can read some articles on how to do laundry or watch some YouTube videos on cooking. If he doesn’t follow through, go to nuclear. I’ve always said that women whose husbands refuse to do anything for their babies should be left solo with them for a weekend. Leave the schedule and breast milk, if necessary, but leave and turn off your phone. He will have to figure it out.

relationship_reddit · 2021-03-03T06:05:04+00:00

I am so glad something like the 2 oz. of leftovers in a 2 quart container was brought up. Even when men do contribute to housework, they are NEVER on our level.

Ask him to load the dishwasher, and he'll either load 10 things and run it nearly empty, or he'll pack it so full and have pots on their sides and two plates to a slot, so nothing gets clean. Ask him to fold towels, and it will look like a first-grader did it. Ask him to pick up a tomato from the store, and it will be mushy and bruised.

It makes you so angry, but, in what I can only assume is your brain trying to protect you from a breakdown, you start to do mental gymnastics to justify why a grown man can't be expected to do an acceptable job at basic household tasks. "Maybe it IS ok for the socks to be wadded up into a ball as long as they're in a pair. I mean, who is going to see them anyway?" God forbid he does a chore without being asked; you certainly can't criticize his half-hearted attempt then, or he'll just stop doing chores all together. If it eats at you long enough and you finally decide to confront him about his lack of effort, he'll just tell you that you never appreciate what he does, you're overly critical, and if you don't like how he does things, you can do them yourself. It seems like we are doomed to either live with the results of men half-assing tasks, or just doing it ourselves. And THIS is why we say 50/50 is bullshit, men.

XRoze · 2021-03-03T01:25:39+00:00

This is facts. True story: I "dated" (cough was groomed by) a much older man when I was in my early 20s. The guy was/is a total womanizer - has a wife and convinced her to have an open marriage (like for real, I even met/hung out with her several times). He was wealthy so that's how she justified the arrangement to me. BUT the point of the story is anytime I had a conflict in my life with another person, his advice was always the same: "Play Dumb" - you know that men are giving this advice to each other, too. It's like ancient male wisdom passed through the generations.

wolf_town · 2021-03-03T08:46:02+00:00

Men live only to please and impress other men. I’m certain that if men competed over which of them was the better husband and father at home, they’d get more stuff done.

frogchickenhorse · 2021-03-03T03:35:42+00:00

When in doubt, google the answer. Or ask a family member, it’s how I learn. Read a book once in awhile. I’ve had a few people try to tell me they don’t know how to use a domino’s app.

HumanAdhesiveness360 · 2021-03-03T03:24:10+00:00

Also, telling the scrote that he's lazy and entitled will get you nowhere. Get out when you can

advice1988 · 2021-03-02T20:55:25+00:00

Why I never believe anyone’s faux ‘naivety’, if I’m Intelligent enough to do it, so are you my friend, don’t ever let this happen at work, home or socially. Man or woman. Friend or family or coworkers. People at my job try this sometimes ‘ I don’t know how to use the scanner, can you show me?’ I tell them to find a manual, sure I can show them but no amount of being considered ‘nice’ is going to get me to do anyone’s emotional/ physical / financial/ intellectual growth for them.

Let them do it without you, even if they mess up it’s not your job to fix anything or anyone. At what cost? To be liked ? To be considered clever? For whom? The start of disrespect when your kindness is taken advantage of and you think your helping them, when in reality they are helping them with your labour. No amount gratitude is enough for the self respect you will lose doing this.

It’s a scam and the cost is your time, energy and self worth.

Edit : Should add ; you don’t do it either, if you want to be self sufficient, don’t accept help from others that will only serve to cripple you,it’s how you end up in positions, where you have to ‘wait’ for so and so to help you do something because you ‘never learned’ how to do it and ta-da codependency & something to be held over your head. How women in the past ended up cut off and unable to function on their own. In the world and time we live in with its resources, take classes, read books, watch YouTube and ask educators who have nothing to gain from your education. No excuse not to be autodidactic.

Sonshinesas54 · 2021-03-03T00:19:09+00:00

👏👏👏👏👏

SayNad · 2021-03-03T16:19:43+00:00

They also play on the need of the partner to be "right" - like don't you feel that adrenaline "high" when you say/do the correct thing and people applaud you for it? it could be helper's high or the ecstasy of finally getting the spotlight because you are the "smart" one.

I see this phenomenon most commonly in women because when your whole life you lacked attention and affirmation that you are worthy and inherently amazing, you will easily fall for the trick when you finally find the platform to prove that you have the "smart". It can be a workplace, or it can be a partner.

Men have been able to so successfully played the "hopeless husband" stereotype for so long because their partner, while grumbling about the man being "useless", is still secretly happy that she can "show" him who's the "smarter" one. The men know this, and they have no problem playing dumb while applauding you for being the "most amazing wife omg you know everything!!!!"

We need to let go of the need to "prove them whose smarter" and "it has to be right" and let them deal with the consequences of their strategic incompetence. Learn to be lazy too - when they see that you have no desire to right their wrong, and don't care what happens, suddenly they will step up and do the right thing.

Because they know, they always know. They just didn't want to do it because they know you will do it for them.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-03-03T01:14:05+00:00

And if he is quite literally half deaf? His wife gets blamed for communication issues. He takes no responsibility. Doesn’t sign. Refuses to repeat back what he heard. Refuses to acknowledge that he heard NOTHING. Just assumes he knows. Screws up. Says it’s not his fault, he didn’t hear. Oh yeah, has $6k hearing aids he wore three weeks before quitting. Then blamed his wife for not having any money to spend on a bicycle.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-03-04T09:33:45+00:00

this is faux-learned helplessness!

they actually know what to do and would survive just fine without us.

they just get a high by exploiting our free mental, emotional and physical labour.

why do you think they got a wife? to have free, unlimited access to sex and all the household benefits.

vet them like you're interviewing for a job.

KMDMD · 2021-03-03T05:55:13+00:00

With privilege comes responsibly, if you want to be spoken to and treated as an equal, then be my damn equal. I don’t have time or energy to teach you how to manage life.

Title	Don't let men play stupid.
Author	WatermelonSugar47
Upvotes	1128
Comments	42
Date	March 2, 2021 8:38 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lwbx03/dont_let_men_play_stupid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dont-let-men-play-stupid.747512 https://theredarchive.com/post/747512

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