FDS isn’t about men

ps9939 · 2020-09-20T15:52:42+00:00

Yes! Exactly! I had a similar lightbulb moment recently. It is so incredibly freeing! Thank you for sharing.

mynameischihiro · 2020-09-20T16:15:21+00:00

Happy late bday! Mine is this week (32!) and I am spending my day very similarly; dog on my lap and coffee in hand, window open, looking out on a beautiful day filled with possibility. And none of those possibilities involve being let down by a man.

Freshweave11 · 2020-09-20T16:38:26+00:00

YES M’AM! I had a similar epiphany in the shower the other day when the thought came into my head “I have a greater purpose in life than to be someone’s wife”

Idk what it was but it resonated with me on a level I had never considered & suddenly, my “problems” with finding a man became minuscule & trivial & I no longer feel the pressure of it or any feeling at all. I feel truly dedicated to myself and whatever comes with that will be meant for me.

Congrats sister & happy belated birthday :)

LieberAal · 2020-09-20T19:09:05+00:00

I dated a string of narc abusers and ended up so traumatized that in between some of them, I was single for years on end and didn't even go on a date. I was so incredibly lonely and starved for human affection at the time that I felt physical pain.

It didn't help that so many people told me that I needed to date and that I needed to hurry because I was getting old. After 4 years being single, not having sex, not even sharing a kiss with someone, I fell for another abuser, dated him for a year until he found another girlfriend (and informed me about it in a 2 line email when he cancelled our planned holiday because he was "dating someone I'm finally excited about. So I won't be free to go to Berlin in summer, sorry about that, hope you can still cancel". Then I was single again for another whole year until I met yet another narc, who luckily only robbed me of about half a year before dumping me too in order to return to his ex. Then I was single again for almost two years.

Every time I was single, I had well meaning (?) people tell me that I really - REALLY - needed to get back into dating quickly, because the longer I was single and able to live on my own, not forced to take a partner's whims into consideration, the more difficult it would be for me to adjust once I'd be living with a man again. Women told me in a very concerned tone that I was living an "unrealistic, unsustainable life" right now and that it would ruin my personality because it would make me selfish to become too used not to come second after a guy. They warned me that the longer I stayed single the more chronic this condition would become (like it was an illness). This fucking terrified me and I truly thought I was becoming more unloveable with every day I was unable to submit myself to a guy. Eventually I resigned myself to being a leftover woman, chronically single as if I was coming to terms with an awful terminal illness. It wasn't a happy realisation, more like accepting a horrible fate and giving up.

Then I found FDS and within a couple months, my entire outlook has changed. I wouldn't want to date ever again, being on my own is infinitely preferable. It's amazing what societal gaslighting can do to us and how easy it is to break free of this the moment you find a supportive community that helps you to make sense of your experiences. 🥰

totallythrowawayyy · 2020-09-20T20:42:20+00:00

It blows my mind that people want to lump this sub in with literal hate groups like incels and MGTOW which preach malice and violence against women. FDS is just out here teaching women to have standards. Just because some fragile boy got his feelings hurt by a post here doesn’t make us a hate group.

DrildoBagurren · 2020-09-20T16:38:17+00:00

Exactly. That's why it's good. Most relationship advice is about trying to find someone as soon as you can - changing yourself, not for your own benefit, but to make yourself into someone into a the type of woman a man wants. This is wrong on so many levels. When we enter the dating world, we barely know ourselves and we end up giving up a lot and trying to tolerate and change for someone who has been taught from childhood that they get to be the one who makes demands. FDS teaches women and girls to love and get to know themselves, that being single isn't necessarily a bad thing - it's even fun. It teaches people to unlearn the ideologies which do damage to us. It teaches us to be ourselves and that the people who reject us for who we are aren't worth persuading - if someone is interested , they shouldn't be out to change us and we should not accomadate these people. It warns us against the wrong kind of men and shows us how to learn from our past mistakes and mentally evolve. It teaches us to question a lot of what society says and be at peace with not following the crowd.

It's not about finding a man. It's not about hating men. its, as you said, not about men. It's about you. It's about us. It's about how we can all build eachother up and respect ourselves and other women so we can be happier in life.

When we are happy and satisfied without a man, we make better choices. When you feel lacking in something which you believe is necessary, you tend to take what you can get. We shouldn't look at relationships like that; they're an option, they're not a must.

AliceInDatingland · 2020-09-20T17:30:42+00:00

Love hearing how content you are! That is the goal - a life you are happy with. Happy belated birthday!

manisfestationqueen · 2020-09-20T18:08:34+00:00

Exactly! It's about being in love with yourself, radiating from within. We could meet the "perfect" man and if we ourselves have issues, the relationship will still fail. This is why I love being single, I can put it the work for myself and evolve. I also love spending time with my friends, I been giving them the attention they have always deserved.

localgirlcult · 2020-09-20T21:12:45+00:00

It's true. And it's honestly shocking when you open your eyes and realize what's going on around you and how many women ended up. Yeah, you need to get yourself straight first. Terrifying things can happen when you prioritize things you're told you should want over yourself. Get yourself in a good place and then you can decide if you want a man in your life.

It's so insane when I see older women who just...never got it. They never had this kind of peace in their lives. Feels terrible to think about it. My friend works with an older woman who has been a "girlfriend" to a married man for 31 years now.

SummitToThePeak · 2020-09-20T17:42:40+00:00

YES! The kind of content I needed today ❤️

geekyspacegirl420 · 2020-09-20T21:29:36+00:00

Yes! I’m 40 but my life is similar and I’ve never been happier and more at peace with myself. Traveling alone is my new favorite thing! Just went on a solo trip a few weeks back and already trying to figure out where to go next! Life is good when you’re happy and free ❤️❤️

Pudding5050 · 2020-09-20T19:58:08+00:00

So true! Live your life for you! Nobody actually needs a man to live a full life. Do what makes you happy, and build your life around things that make you feel at peace. Cultivate your hobbies, your autonomy and your sense of self.

FancyHoney01 · 2020-09-20T22:45:16+00:00

I don't date anymore. I'm not here for "dating strategies". I'm here because I love the vibes you Queens give me. I'm content, having leveled up a long while back - Gloria Steinem inspired me when I was a teen in the 80's. I just want all women to feel this damn good about their lives. Become the "youest" you and great things are always gonna follow. Keep being such a great example to other women. Hugs to all of y'all!

ChimeraSmith · 2020-09-20T20:38:29+00:00

This is my goal since I discovered FDS. I’m 40 by the end of the year but even though my financials are a mess, I need to believe that if an fix this and I can be a happy, independent woman on my own. I need to figure out who I am and shed my ex’s influence in my taste and personality.

ekkokekekko · 2020-09-20T22:27:49+00:00

Hell yes. I spent Friday afternoon at work going, "I don't have plans." Then I went, "I'm spending the evening with the person who should be the most important to me (myself)." So I made myself a nice chicken dinner and went for an evening walk by the river and then had a long bath with candles (and read posts in this subreddit while soaking, haha). Then I turned on my electric blanket and got into bed all warm and snuggly and put on a guided meditation and went to sleep with my cat at my feet. Best plans ever (of many to come)

vereelimee · 2020-09-20T20:16:02+00:00

I highly recommend spoiling your dog with some homemade treats. Alton Brown's Stinkin' dog treats are a crowd pleaser among all the dogs I know.

Super easy with a food processor and all dog friendly ingredients. Plus you can make cute shapes with cookie cutters. Fair warning this may cause more love and attention from your dog.

washopingyoudask · 2020-09-20T21:16:40+00:00

Love all of this, I feel tranquility through your post

yourscreennamesucks · 2020-09-20T21:46:50+00:00

Totally feeling this as I sit here in my own apartment with my own little doggy.

carameals · 2020-09-20T18:52:23+00:00

Happy belated birthday! Reading this post makes me remember how I've been hard on myself and neglecting my fitness. I'm going to do some yoga and hiit tomorrow. Thank you!

Jelly_Lover · 2020-09-20T22:09:33+00:00

Happy belated birthday 👑💐🍕🐾 I chuckled at your post as I read 'dog eating pizza' and thought: hmm that's amazing, a dog that ears pizza!

Anyway great post, hope you continued to have a wonderful day.

adertina · 2020-09-20T17:19:53+00:00

Definitely, I don’t think there’s an exact poll but a sizable number of us date women and many of us do so exclusively, this would be a straight women only sub if it was abt how to catch a man and not abt self care and finding beneficial relationships

tinykittenteeths · 2020-09-20T23:20:55+00:00

You enjoy, girl. What a great feeling!

hanjaporfavor · 2020-09-21T01:13:38+00:00

These are the success stories I LOVE to hear 😩 you ladies deserving it all!!!

2020-09-21T01:26:01+00:00

I envy you queen. Someday.

LobotomybyWasps · 2020-09-21T01:39:13+00:00

I am so happy for you. You made it! You’re a queen I aspire to be like so keep going! 👏🏼

ceilingkatwatchesus · 2020-09-21T07:49:49+00:00

Yaaaaaasss!! Same, I love baking and cooking. Playing with my cats and in the process of setting up to own my own cat-cafe in a couple of years with having my own mini-garden. I'm not looking to date anyone and am happy in my space that is peaceful, relaxing, fulfilling. Also, having other HVW in my friends' group is also a plus!! So happy for you and other women leading fulfilling lives.

Title	FDS isn’t about men
Author	Snoo989898
Upvotes	668
Comments	34
Date	September 20, 2020 3:42 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iwg4qi/fds_isnt_about_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-isnt-about-men.267098 https://theredarchive.com/post/267098

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