Ladies, in your experience, what are some examples of sneaky condescending behaviors/words that a LVM will usually throw at you as an attempt to lower your self worth?

volcanic_equation · 2021-02-21T21:07:31+00:00

Triangulation. Examples include:

Actively engaging in or encouraging flirtatious behavior with other women. Especially in your presence.
Habitually discussing and comparing you to other women that he finds attractive. (This includes celebrities, IG models, cartoon characters, etc.)
Instigating a situation where he pits you up against, or creates conflict between you and another person. (Bonus points if the subject of said issue, is him)
Liking/ commenting on “thirst traps”, and saving images of scantily clad or nude women.
Gawking at other women while he’s out with you. We all have eyes, but he can notice a pretty girl without being disrespectful.

Edit: To answer the original question, I believe that the dating phase should be a no-tolerance zone for all “red flag” behavior.

Husband or your SO: You may state your reason(s) for leaving, if you wish.

“Not official” or FWB: Block & delete 👻✌🏼

purasangria · 2021-02-21T19:48:46+00:00

Referring to me as "high maintenance" for calmly expressing any preference.

Any man who does this immediately gets dumped now. Yes, I do have high standards. Thank you for showing me how low value you are by commenting on that like a whiny manlet.

NetflixBingeQueen · 2021-02-21T23:27:01+00:00

you’re very bossy, does that not put men off sometimes?
I don’t usually go for women who are insert attribute
It’s very rare to find a beauty with brains
It’s good to meet a woman I can have an intelligent conversation with
trying to one up you in your profession/anything you’re knowledgeable about -Anything that ends with “I’m just joking” , “don’t be so sensitive”

I could go on. Insecure losers wanting to bring you down with them. I usually play dumb and ask what they mean and you see them waffle about trying to walk out of whatever rubbish they said.

ThrowRA_lantern · 2021-02-21T23:45:53+00:00

My mother always reminded me with dating that you can’t change someone! So I was raised to voice my opinion to my partner, set up a boundary (if needed) and if they didn’t adhere to the boundary or didn’t agree, that i was to accept it and simply reassess the relationship.

So what happened is my ex’s friends kept handing him their tinder so he could chat up girls for them (his friends sucked at talking to girls and needed help). He kept coming home telling me that he did these things to help them, but also saying how WRONG it was, then we agreed on a boundary not to do it (so that neither of us would touch dating apps even if it was our friends’ profiles). BUT then he kept doing it and telling me and so i just pulled back and said “um ok. Well that says a lot about you and I need to think about this.”

And his response was “No, it says a lot about YOU! I keep doing this tinder thing and you’re not reacting. I’m CONCERNED with how PASSIVE you are.” He said that last part a lot. But I honestly wasn’t being passive though because i expressed how disappointed i was when he told me. I just wasn’t getting all emotional about it by bawling/wailing about it or smashing plates or something like that.

So once we broke up I realised he probably kept doing that tinder thing for his friends and proceeding to report to me about it to me simply to say/brag that “my friends clearly needed me coz i’m a smooth talker. So basically u need to see that i can definitely woo chicks and you better watch out” but he must have totally taken it as an ego hit when i wasn’t freaking out. I wasn’t suddenly accusing him of straying away or visibly expressing feelings of being threatened/jealous. Essentially, he didn’t want to admire my calm, mature and level-headed response... he WANTED me to be wailing and smashing plates and having a tantrum and begging on my knees for him... and he was probably disappointed that i didn’t do any of that. I did have my little angry moment behind closed doors but damn... for him to spin it onto me as if I’M the one with the problem for not reacting enough to his constant disrespect... glad that LVM is an ex now.

Davina33 · 2021-02-21T19:50:09+00:00

Negging. I remember once a guy old enough to be my dad, ugly and out of shape said my hair was nice and asked if it was my own or Brazilian? I'm mixed race so of course I can't have long hair/s. I promptly blocked him without replying.

lucidlotus · 2021-02-21T22:57:19+00:00

Compliments that seem like compliments but are actually subtle negs.

Him: You're so beautiful. You're like an 8.

Me: Thank you... (Internally: why did he say 8? What keeps me from 9 or 10? Why did he give a number at all?)

Interesting_Day1188 · 2021-02-21T21:06:13+00:00

My ex started to tell me that he thought it was more attractive when women wore 'flowing or loose fitting clothing', after I had just started to feel comfortable with my body against after gaining weight from a surgery that barred me from working out.

I had stopped wearing tight clothes for a bit as I got some shitty commentary from guys, but when I started to date my BF I felt safer wearing what I wanted as he was a Special Ops guy, and all I had to do was drop that when a shit-head hit on me and they'd leave me alone. Which is dumb, because they should just respect a NO, but that's not possible, because they see me as an object that should be thankful for the attention.

ThrowRA_lantern · 2021-02-21T23:29:29+00:00

Everytime I called him out for saying hurtful/offensive things or try to manipulate/gaslight me he’d say “I’m not being manipulative or gaslighting!! That’s what abusive people do! My father had an abusive family like a father that beat him up and THAT’S abusive you don’t know what you’re talking about!”

We both studied psychology I’m pretty sure I can work out what he was trying to do.

16February2021 · 2021-02-22T01:25:40+00:00

Projecting their insecurities on you.

I have been eating pretty healthily, I don't eat sweets, I don't eat much of red meat. My ex would always come over weekend and he would sometimes see me eat meat. He would go through my sweets cupboard (I still buy sweets, it just takes me very long time to go through it).

He would frequently claim that I have unhealthy eating habits and didn't believe me when I said that I eat healthily. Only whe we have moved in together (mistake), he finally began to question things as he inhaled all the sweets and were always the one to put red meats in the cart.

Calling someone 'bossy' when standing up for yourself. My ex hated it that I have been standing up for myself from him

InaneObservations · 2021-02-21T20:37:49+00:00

Expressing surprise at your ability to demonstrate man-level competence at something, especially if it exceeds theirs. My personal most efficient shutdown response for these comments is, "Oh yeah? What's your excuse?" Like, if my skill makes me man-like, then your non-skill makes you...

This also becomes even more enormously amusing when their backup plan for you taking offense would have been "CaN'T YoU TaKe A JoKe," which tends to evaporate when the joke turns out to be pointing out that they're either dumber or less "manly" than you.

jollycanoli · 2021-02-21T21:57:06+00:00

Constantly correcting what women say. Completely regardless of whether he is speaking from a point of authority based in knowledge- purely because they are men, and therefore know better. The minute you question their sources and cite yours, they get defensive and call YOU out for being a know-it-all or conceited about your education. Once you start noticing how much this happens, it's a spiral, and it's maddening. It's literally OMINIPRESENT. Men teach, women listen. And while women are still busy questioning themselves and double-checking their sources, man walks away in victory. By the time you caught up to him, defending your original statement and proving you were, infact, right, he will ridicule you for being so hung up on something. There is no winning for women in this regard. Accepting their (often false) criticism is weakness. Ignoring it is weakness. Arguing is defensiveness, and therefore weakness. It's disgusting.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-02-22T12:47:02+00:00

I'm wary of any kind of therapist phrases coming from a man. I'm talking about things like:

>🤡"You can't control what people do, you can only control the way you react."

>🤡"You can't rely on other people to make you happy.

A man who tells you these things is a manipulative bastard who is about to treat you like shit, and then blame you for having any reaction at all. It's very effective gaslighting, because they twist accepted pop psychology into situations it was never meant for.

justforfds · 2021-02-22T03:37:52+00:00

Attempting to get you to allow them to police your personality or be the arbiter of fact or correct opinion.

You're too sensitive / chatty / quiet / suspicious You shouldn't feel like that I don't remember that happening I don't agree with how you feel

Their opinion of your mind is not relevant. It's take it or leave it with my personality or boundaries.

I guess it's all the condescending gaslighting tactics.

sassyheather · 2021-02-22T08:42:22+00:00

One of my LV exes literally texted me “ngl sometimes I wish you were smarter” and I DID NOT dump his ass on the spot 🤡 instead I said “I’ll try to get better” 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

I have my current HV boyfriend to thank for the figurative slap in the face he gave me asking “So your ex called you stupid? And you let him? You, with the bachelor’s degree in German and speaking 4 other languages, going to one of the highest ranked European universities, let this 20-year-old child speak that way to you?”

electroloop · 2021-02-22T05:17:54+00:00

“At your age I had two masters degrees and flew to Mars.” “I am in such a higher position than you, must be nice to have less responsibilities!”

Like no shit, you’re 12 years older than I am, of course i’m not going to have the same sort of life experience as you do.

You just leave without explaining in this instance. They certainly know what they’re doing, it’s not a “joke.” They’re actively trying to put you down.

mzammy · 2021-02-22T01:27:14+00:00

It’s always ‘I want to see what you look like without makeup.’ WTF? I don’t even wear a TON of makeup, but I do take pride and time in doing it. It looks cute and I love it. Don’t tell me how tf you want to see me.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-02-21T19:43:08+00:00

You can also post this to r/askFDS. Thank you.

Title	Ladies, in your experience, what are some examples of sneaky condescending behaviors/words that a LVM will usually throw at you as an attempt to lower your self worth?
Author	tuiyibi
Upvotes	66
Comments	29
Date	February 20, 2021 8:22 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lofs9c/ladies_in_your_experience_what_are_some_examples/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ladies-in-your-experience-what-are-some-examples.744517 https://theredarchive.com/post/744517

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