Fun story - a couple of weeks ago, I was taking my morning walk in the wee hours of the morning when a man approached me asking for assistance. In the old days, I would have fallen into my fear response of "fawning" to keep safe. Instead, I coldly told him that I couldn't help him and when he persisted, I told him again that I couldn't help him, using as few words as possible and staring him down until he walked away.

Just six months ago, I asked a neighbor to move their car (it was blocking my driveway) and when they argued with me, I asked them louder to move their car, staring them down. But, in that instance, I was shaking with adrenaline and thought I had done the most amazing thing by standing up for myself.

Six months before that, I had a truck blocking my driveway and I tried to use "niceness" and fawning to get them to move and when they didn't, I had to get someone else to help me. I spent the rest of the week feeling shaken by the event.

A year ago, I would have placated this stranger and felt overwhelmed by the experience. That morning, I just felt pissed that he had interrupted my walk and made me feel unsafe. How did I do it? I deliberately practiced saying "no". I set out to say "no" at least 3 times a day. I kept track of it for a month, until I felt comfortable. I kept the bar low at first, just finding any opportunity to practice my "no"s - even if it was at the grocery store.

I also practiced asking for things. For some reason, this felt waaaaaayyyyyy more difficult, so I started out with asking for something just 1 time a day and building up. Its so strange how, as women, we're conditioned only to give. But, beyond the occasional asshole, people will typically give you what you ask for. It also helped me learn what I wanted and didn't want.