Wait, I hear you cry. How can you accuse me of this? I'M the one being used, abused, and fucked with by an evil narcissistic LVM. I'M the one consistently drawing fucked up people into my life. How can you say that I'm narcissistic or think I deserve better when my life doesn't reflect that AT ALL?

Easy. The justifcations you make in your head, when you strip them down and look at them in the eye, are wishful thinking grounded in a need to prove yourself special, especially to someone you deem inferior. The ''Cat Person'' story that went viral a couple of years back perfectly showcased the narcissistic thoughts of a young woman settling for less than she knew she deserved.

We see Margo continuing a relationship simply because a guy less attractive than her doesn't seem to worship her, and indeed she has to earn his attention and affection. This is because her ego cannot handle a guy ''like that'' not seeing her as some kind of goddess. She projects needs onto him and caretakes him as though she is so monumentally important to him that he will crumble without her love. And in the crescendo of the story, the bad sex, we see that the only thing keeping her going is imagining how lucky and blessed he must feel to be sleeping with someone like her when he is... him.

That is not to say that Robert is blameless. He's every bit as insufferable as the text implies. But what we are doing here is focusing on how this strange form of narcissism keeps her coming back instead of leaving him where he belongs.

Former pickme's, raise your hand if you've ever:

  • had fantasies of meeting his family, hearing their delight and good-humored jokes about how someone LIKE HIM got someone like you?

  • been immediately drawn into some loser's pity ploys, often on the first date or otherwise Way Too Soon, with a need to rescue him? Maybe you even believed that you couldn't say no to another date, because a rejection would be the last nail in the coffin and destroy him?

  • been outright warned by former women that this new guy is no good, and seeing the red flags yourself, but secretly thinking to yourself it won't happen to you, because you're too good and pure and giving? Obviously, we don't like to victim blame... but isn't it apparent she wasn't special enough, or that the ''right'' woman will turn him around?

  • been in way too deep with an abusive man and really wanting to leave, but your pride refuses to admit you were ''wrong'' about him? What's more, you wonder, how will people react when they find out that someone LIKE HIM didn't worship you as a goddess, but rather spat on you and treated you lower than dirt? What does that say about you?

  • blown a ton of smoke up his ass about how handsome and desirable he is, even if he's morbidly obese or never washes his hair? You desperately need to believe that he's not a turd, because he is your point of comparison with regards to your own worth. If a turd is mistreating you and there's nothing you can do about that, your last point of psychological defense is to make it out like he's better than he is. If a polished turd looks down on you, at least that means you're a regular turd, not literally something shit looks down on.

  • come from a family tradition of pick-me-ism, where you're actively steered away from dates with real potential, and it seems like your parents (especially your mother) like a suitor more and encourage you to pursue things with him if he is suitably disrespectful and unambitious? This means you have been groomed from birth to try to prove your worth by comparing yourself to a loser, because actual success is too much for the bucket of crabs to handle.

This stuff is insidious and it is poisonous. Many only know these kinds of attitudes were at work many years after getting off the pick-me train, and to FINALLY understand what was really behind the ''broken picker''.

Could it explain any of your past? Have you overcome the urge to prove your worth by standing next to a pile of shit (that answer better be YES or working on it!!)