Message for side plate pick me’s. You’ll never win by disrespecting yourself & other women.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-10-20T13:55:45+00:00

This is me @ the girl who is now married to my ex. Like you started as the side piece. This is not going to end well. He’s not a catch and he started on his “dad bod” waaay before you announced you were having a child. Those two having a child is mildly terrifying. Bullet dodged for me!

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-10-20T11:53:53+00:00

Preach sis.

I was cheated on once, and felt so much self-doubt. Cheater logic is so surreal too; these people both had me blaming myself with all the dumb tropes any woman that's experienced this knows too well. To add insult to injury, I found out I was pregnant while it was all happening, and had to navigate that decision, all alone, while I'm sure no one else involved felt a shred of guilt.

It's been 4 years, and I'm happier than ever. I dodged a bullet, even though it was painful at the time. You ladies should see me: I don't tolerate anything anymore. Absolutely not a whiff of bullshit gets to come my way. A guy I was dating for a few months started acting up in my car on a weekend away, and I fucking dropped him off at a gas station 300 km from home. That's how ruthless I've become.

The guy that cheated? He's blocked everywhere, but sometimes he makes new emails to try getting in touch. I don't care, I see it for what it is. He ended up losing his job, because when he tried to cut things off with his side piece, she went nuclear & involved his boss. As for her? Well, she just broke up a friend's marriage, and in-between had cheated on a guy that ended up being quite well-liked. She's managed to alienate herself from everyone in our town, and now she's more alone than ever.

I went and got a PhD.

Fight the urge to engage, ladies. If this ever happens to you, just leave. Shitty people make their own karma eventually.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-10-20T15:12:31+00:00

They always cheat down, too! The affair partner is always a hot mess. The woman my ex cheated on me with (and then married) is a fall down drunk. I found out from multiple people that they went to a party together and she ended up fucking their promiscuous neighbor in the bathroom at the party and someone opened the door on them mid-thrust. 🤣🤣🤣

It’s so gratifying to know they screwed up. 😂🙌

Also, I think maybe Chump Lady said this? Being The Other Woman is essentially sucking the cock of the Patriarchy. It’s true, you could not further women’s subjugation any more efficiently than getting used as a tool like this.

samedinuitmort · 2021-10-20T12:19:19+00:00

And don’t even get me started on music that’s all a woman bragging about “stealing” someone else’s man. I heard the other day lyrics literally bragging about “making him cum” and “his hands on my bla bla” (can’t remember) and I’m just like…

Congrats on being employee of the month at the local garbage collection company 👏

That doesn’t prove you’re more desirable, more special, hotter or sexier or anything. It just proves you’re willing to do immoral shit and you have a warm hole or 3.

Cheating. Men. Are. Not. Picky. They’ll fuck a warm sandwich. Get over yourself.

And you’re not some kind of vixen, you’re on a roster.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-10-20T15:08:50+00:00

If he does it with you, he'll do it to you

JulyParade · 2021-10-20T14:39:40+00:00

It's amazing how many people refuse to understand that cheaters gonna cheat! It's an addiction to them.

modernmedusaa · 2021-10-20T11:36:26+00:00

I also don’t trust pick mes dating a guy for months on end who claim they have no ideaaa

Especially pick mes who miraculously always get involved with men who turn out to be taken. Or have wives and kids.

That’s a sign you’re coming off desperate or supremely naive. Your radar is off or you’re deliberately ignoring signs.

If the guy was new, I can understand. Early days.

Buts it’s real hard for a guy to hide a whole ass girlfriend & other life whilst being in a relationship with you. At some point, somethings got to give.

Most times the pick me is getting 5-10 % of his attention and time at best.

That is a CLEAR signal you are not a priority, especially when that’s all you’re getting after 2 months.

A guy having one million excuses why he can’t see you, trying to keep you out the way, making you ring at specific time’s etc it’s clear there is another woman.

The rest of the time he’s with the girlfriend.

And a lot of time’s I’ve seen sneaky pick mes scheme with the guy.

Aka some pick me from work will ring, realise he’s with the girlfriend & miraculously ring back when she’s left the car for 5 minutes, only for the girlfriend to catch the tail end of the conversation when she gets back in. And the guy puts the phone down fast claiming it’s about ‘work’.

Well colour me blind. I must be born yesterday. Or the pick me knows full well a girlfriend is in the picture. And they’re both taking the piss.

Take note of men trying to hurry you away out of the blue for ten minutes. Pushing you off into a food joint when you’re not hungry. Acting schizo about their phone/ laptop. Typing super fast & falling behind you on walks. Staying longer at work. Visiting family more. Starting more random arguments so they can storm off into the car by themselves.

Yes, they are up to no good. Yes, they are gaslighting you.

Most time’s the pick mes know they’re a side plate and don’t care. They’ve done it before.

And they’re usually the type sleeping around on apps too which puts the girlfriend at risk of getting something.

Never met a side plate who isn’t fooling around with other men & supremely insecure/ immature.

Because if she’s willing to play side plate, she’s clearly desperate and you’re not the only guy she’s serving to out here - so you’re a whole clown too 🤡

No you’re not ‘exciting’, ‘cunning’ or an ‘irresistible siren’ for bonking someone’s boyfriend in the work toilets.

You look desperate. And most time’s the guy respects you even LESS than the girlfriend he cheated on.

If you’re being kept a dirty secret, that’s what he thinks of you. He doesn’t respect women. You are no different.

He definitely doesn’t respect or value you or else he would of left that relationship b4 even getting involved with you.

His girlfriend is probably sick of him and that’s why he’s running to you for some quick ego boost bc he’s about to get kicked for good.

You’re enabling shitty men to shit on women.

Don’t be surprised when it happens to you.

Cos the more shitty male egos you stroke, the more they shit on women, and you are one yourself.

MiaNaim · 2021-10-20T15:10:40+00:00

I was in a long-term relationship with a guy who actually married the girl he cheated on me with (granted it took 8 years) a few months ago. He more or less ghosted me after sex as a way to end our relationship. Honestly, I was blind-sided. Initially, I was so distraught, but looking back there were red flags, flare guns, and stop lights warning me.

AgreeableAge7615 · 2021-10-20T11:28:50+00:00

Exactly! Reminds me a little bit of Khloe Kardashian didn't Tristan cheat with her first, just to cheat on her after?

ello-motto · 2021-10-20T11:34:58+00:00

I mean, by being with someone who cheats, the man is already outing himself as a LVM, and a defective male.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. 🙄

asocialsocialite · 2021-10-21T05:38:36+00:00

This is the utter fucking truth.

Storytime:I was with a guy for 3 years. He cheated on me with a woman he told me to never worry about (because of course). She was pretty well unlike me (not pretty, not accomplished, not interesting, had no friends), but she was certainly okay with him cheating with me. She played the damsel in distress role perfectly (and was also Asian, which is fucking Kryptonite to white tech bros, which he was. I'm Black, and that's not so popular with the tech-bro crowd), and he was at her beck and call all the time. I was a pick-me at the time, and I was just happy to be with him.

Eventually, he breaks up with me, and I'm heartbroken. I find out later that he cheated on me with her and left me for her. She knew about me the entire time.

He got her pregnant months after breaking up with me and then proposed to her when it came back that she was pregnant. They got married when the baby was 1, and not only was their wedding a complete disaster, she didn't sign the marriage license. She refuses to live in the same town as him right now, and I'm pretty sure that she has a guy that she's fucking around with in her home city.

What happening with him now? He bought her a house to keep her happy and to get her to come back down here. She is alienating his son with his previous wife and is trying to isolate my ex so that he can pay attention to her as much as possible. She hates it when his ex-wife texts him anything about their son or at all, and he's always trying to sleep with his ex-wife or has been bringing me up in passing. She knows what he's about, and both of them are terrified that everything that they've done to me and his ex-wife (they did the same shit to her, lol) is going to come back on them.

For me? I'm planning a big move, getting a better job, and have an amazing support system in my ex boyfriend's ex-wife and son, my own friends, and even his mother (who, for the record, dealt with the same fuckery out of *his father* decades previously). The ex-wife and I commiserate and have become good friends out of the whole deal, but we look at our lives and smile. As for him and his pick-me? Well, he's going to cheat on her and she knows it.

Your_Humble_Ferret · 2021-10-20T16:28:13+00:00

Bruh fucking tell that to the people over at r/adultery

brittanynevo666 · 2021-10-20T19:57:16+00:00

So true! I was with a guy for ten years. 17-27. He cheated with a nurse he met at the gym and I was devastated. Left me for her and told me sorry she’s better than you. Broke me. He calls me a lot to try to stay friends a my boyfriend doesn’t mind so I’ll occasionally catch up. Last time we caught up he told me he got an amazing new job. I said good for you, happy for you. Hope it works out. He says “money is great but the girl is unhappy with it because I cheated on her with the secretary there. Whoops. She’s trying to forgive me.” It took four years to happen but it did. And I’m sure like he did to me it’ll be a more than once thing. I feel kind of sorry for her even though she knew about me and decided to home wreck me anyways, I still feel bad for her. She honestly did me the biggest favor by opening my eyes and getting me away from him and his mind games. Now im with a man who treats me great and actually wants to marry me unlike the ex who never proposed in those ten years once (who mind you he also proposed to the home wrecking nurse girl within six months of meeting her to prove to her he wasn’t still in love with his ex he said lol) but she’s still stuck brainwashed with a guy who will do the bare minimum. I hope one day she wakes up too. But how you get them is def how you lose them. It sometimes takes years to happen but it does. If you’re a home wrecker you will get home wrecked. It’s only a matter of time.

Elnoxis · 2021-10-20T20:40:53+00:00

When I first moved into the city I am in, I was naive and didn't know better. I noticed that a friend of a friend seemed to like me.

Now, I don't normally entertain men who are using me to cheat on their partners but his guy was the only exception.

We had a lot of similarities and were both really attracted to each other. I have no plan on acting on my attraction because I know he has a gf. However, one time when we were hanging out with two other friends, they left us alone (something about meeting another friend). He shoot his shot then.

He told me he'll break up with his gf when she returns from her trip in 3 days. He said their relationship is messy and already ran its course (yep, I know. Classic). I, being the clown that I was back then, got all excited and had my hopes up. So I went on a date with him the next day (didn't sleep with him, thank God). But guess who didn't break up when his gf returned?

I got played by the oldest trick out there. He apologized and told me not to hate him and wait for him a bit. I gave him two weeks but he never broke up and I cut my losses and never spoke to him again.

Don't be a fool like me. Even if they leave their SO for you, you'll be left with a bitter taste in your mouth because at the back of your mind you know your happiness was at the expense of someone's tears. Not worth your peace of mind.

P.S. I wanted to tell his gf that he cheated but I don't have a way to contact her. Poor woman.

FDS-GFY · 2021-10-21T15:13:59+00:00

“When you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you Marry a man who cheats on his wife.” -my granny

smarterthanyall · 2021-10-21T03:56:48+00:00

Just to say, it's always the cheater's fault

inhoeue · 2021-10-20T17:17:25+00:00

I hate the "don't blame the other woman" trope. Yeah sure if she was a stranger who didn't know about the relationship, that'd be the only case I understand. But if the affair partner is your own sister or friend, or his friend, or even a stranger who knew about the fact that the cheater was dating someone, then hell yeah the woman is just as garbage. Just a shitty person who wasn't the one in a relationship with you but could've had the decency to prevent the cheating and tell the tell and yet they didn't because instant gratification is more important than their morals. And I just sit and laugh when they date these losers and end up getting cheated on. What else did you expect? You really thought it'd be the typical "bad unfaithful boy changes his ways for the woman he loves and becomes a better person" trope? Cheaters deserve no sympathy. But women who hide these cheating antics or help the cheater get into such affairs or get into affairs with cheaters instead of helping fellow women are equally shit and worthy of all shit they get.

BedazzledSwashbuckle · 2021-10-20T17:28:52+00:00

And it's not a popular thought (I've realized in talking to friends over the years), but ... wives aren't insignificant.

A lot of wives have the capacity to absolutely wreck you. I've seen it happen to a few pick-me pals over the decades. Listen, sis, regardless of the man, she is coming for you forever. And you're not the only one discounting her - she can get you fired, audited by the IRS, deported ... and no one will give her a second glance. You think Monica Lewinsky is going to make a comeback as long as Hillary is alive? Do you think anyone is looking at a candidate for President as the person behind Mon's iffy media coverage? Or questioning why the articles from her prior affair partner's wife who has suddenly just decided to go public?

And if you do end up in a marriage or relationship with the man, it only gets dramatically worse. You can tell which posters in stepparent forums started their relationship with an affair by how present, centered, and vindictive (without a lot of effort, honestly - it's a high ROI for the ex) the ex / co-parent is. Decades and decades of misery, giving the ex-wife the kind of focus and emotional energy you'd be best served to give her on day one (and then save the rest of your life).

We've all wished men came with placards that told us who they really are. That's honestly what a(n) wife/ ex-wife is. She is who he produces after a woman has a relationship with him - if you don't want to be her, you definitely don't want *him*...

Eliavah · 2021-10-20T14:54:04+00:00

My ex cheated on me with his employee and got her pregnant then kicked me out. At the time I didn’t know what was going on until 8 months later. Of course I was in my pick me days trying to get him back before i found out she was pregnant. I only wanted him because how “well” he treated me. He was literally a HVM but at the end A NVM. They’re still together to this day and I’m still single because there isn’t many HVM out for me since I raised my standards. I’ve been very discerning ever since he did me dirty and sadly looking like I will be single for rest of my life.

Whatssthewordd · 2021-10-20T15:03:22+00:00

Love the message & delivery

ALysistrataType · 2021-10-20T18:35:51+00:00

"Lose 'em how you got " em "

xfelugirlx · 2021-10-21T06:43:58+00:00

Amen, this also counts if you start talking or dating right away that his ex relationship ended like you were wsiting for it, sis he’ll do the exact same to you, waste your time and then change you.

just_because_needed · 2022-02-15T17:11:47+00:00

Your old position is open sis.🥳🤡

Title	Message for side plate pick me’s. You’ll never win by disrespecting yourself & other women.
Author	modernmedusaa
Upvotes	1072
Comments	56
Date	October 20, 2021 11:26 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qbymmz/message_for_side_plate_pick_mes_youll_never_win/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/message-for-side-plate-pick-mes-youll-never-win-by.1078473 https://theredarchive.com/post/1078473

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