Remember this post every single time a man complains that his ex/current wife/girlfriend refuses to have sex with him. Makes me wonder how many posts on r/ deadbedrooms are from the perspective of the abuser. No, she's not "asexual" or inherently "low libido", he's probably just an asshole.

Booty_Hair · 2020-07-22T19:05:57+00:00

Honestly, this sub has brought my libido down and opened up my eyes to the nature of men. It takes so much more now for me to be attracted to someone.

Mindard · 2020-07-22T21:49:02+00:00

Yes, absolutely. But that never mattered because he never stopped when I said no. It took two police officers asking me routine questions and a breakdown to realise this is rape. I didn’t press charges.

jjlew922 · 2020-07-22T20:47:36+00:00

The Body Doesn’t Lie is a great book that explains this. Much like recommended book in the FDS Manual, The Gift of Fear....Our bodies instinctively know we are not safe but we rationalize and deny. Emotional abuse is literal psychological warfare with an extreme narcissist.

In lesser degrees, it is said men crave respect and women love. We can not love if we do not respect the man (I.e. a Peter Pan will just frustrate us, grow up dude!). We will lose attraction and desire for sex. It’s that simple. We want to be treated like a prize, a wife...not a play-thing or a mother.

littlestarling123 · 2020-07-22T20:11:27+00:00

Another one here. It was already shut down from lack of intimacy - no affection unless he was walking by me and super aggressively grabbed a boob or butt cheek which he fully expected would turn me on so hot right then i'd want to drop what i was doing and fuck him on the floor- but things got even weirder (hard to believe) when he literally used my body to masturbate and after I said "sex with you feels weird, it feels like you're not connecting with me and you're somewhere else" and he told me how crazy I was. Come to find out he was 100% "just trying to feel anything-something" by using my body. But to all his friends: "she's gained so much weight, she will never touch me, she will never have sex with me. I am sexually starved."

Ready4theRapture · 2020-07-22T22:32:49+00:00

It's about respect for me. Once I lose respect for a man, the attraction is gone. I start to feel disrespected by their mere presence. All their little mannerisms that I once thought were cute, start to fill me with disgust. What was once attractive about them turns repulsive. It's like a switch flipped.

just-peepin-at-u · 2020-07-22T23:39:19+00:00

I have also noticed a trend of women whose partners don’t care to try and get them off having “low libidos.” I would bet if some of these guys bothered with actual fore play or making sure she got off first (through whatever method), their partners might be more interested in regularly having sex with them.

_nylea · 2020-07-23T01:20:38+00:00

My libido almost completely disappeared after the first time my ex screamed at me in a drunken rage for not wanting to feed his ball python for him, after it attacked me the previous time. He backed me into a corner, pushed me into the wall, scraped my arm and threatened to destroy my belongings.

This was the first time he showed abusive tendencies, 2 years into the relationship. I think I refused to believe I was being abused, but my body completely shut down after that incident. He was so angry at me for losing my sex drive that he treated me even worse as time went on.

It's funny how sometimes the body knows more than the mind is aware of...or what it wants to believe.

Orphanedpinkpetals · 2020-07-22T20:19:54+00:00

Hmm so I'm not asexual I'm self preserving

7102a · 2020-07-23T01:30:50+00:00

The same thing happened to me! I had no desire to have sex and it's so ridiculous how much time I spent trying to make excuses for the low libido rather than recognize that I just simply hated him and didnt want to be anywhere near him, let alone sleep with him. Never again!

FewButterscotch6 · 2020-07-22T20:05:20+00:00

Mine shut down when it emerged my ex was only sporadically employed; had the life skills of a child; and would intermittently return to live with his mother. It was like having a son. I thought I was in early menopause.

bbch2019 · 2020-07-23T05:13:08+00:00

Yep, totally lost it with my ex, we broke up, I got back. It was then that I realized did like sex but I didn't like my ex.

Cookie_Duchess · 2020-07-23T00:55:06+00:00

Also as a SWer, men will constantly whine to me about how their ex wife "became a lesbian" after the divorce. Yes that's right, John, she stopped sleeping with you 10 years ago because she's gay, not because you're a disgusting ogre who now needs to pay for it or go without. 9 times out of 10, she's not suddenly gay, you're just awful.

BabyGothQ · 2020-07-22T23:31:45+00:00

Don’t need to remember the post - I lived it.

tellmesomething11 · 2020-07-23T02:13:25+00:00

I hated sex with my ex husband and I was with him for years. I thought it was me and I was so mad at myself for being low libido. We get divorced and I get a new boyfriend....then I remember who I was before my ex husband. Anyway, it was a real fear because I always thought I wouldn’t be able to maintain a sexual relationship after my ex.

A relationship felt like lifting heavy boxes, easy when you’re young, but what happens when you’re elderly? So you get fired? Replaced? That’s how I used to feel thinking about sex and a new relationship, that I would let them down.

The reality is that every man is different and some bring out the worst in you and some bring out the best. Some will try to destroy you because they’ve destroyed themselves. So it shouldn’t matter anyway, whether you can sustain the sex or not. It’s secondary when picking an ideal companion.

FabulousGrand · 2020-07-22T22:34:15+00:00

Wow this really hit home. Yes. I had a 8-year tormenting-ship with a narc and my vagina and labido slammed shut.

crustycube · 2020-07-22T19:55:52+00:00

This happened with me and I tried so hard to rationalize it. I even thought it was my BC. It’s sad to look back on.

MachineryofTorture · 2020-07-23T13:27:01+00:00

I was 100% convinced that there was something "wrong" with me or that I needed to change my meds etc. due to my lack of interest in sex (which still happened anyway). I was told that I needed to get over my trauma from earlier in life because it made him feel bad. I ditched him after way too long, then spent some time with a guy who actually cared if I enjoyed it and it turns out that I really fucking love sex.

I wish that I had been able to find that answer in myself, but abuse lingers.

MademoiselleVache · 2020-07-23T13:51:25+00:00

Helllooo to the LVM who freaked out that I didn't want to fuck him every time we were together and that he'd "have to find sex elsewhere in our relationship" after seeing each other for TWO WEEKS. Felt like shit after that for a looong while.

Blankrabbit · 2020-07-23T09:19:39+00:00

Preach sis! That sub Reddit is full of self entitled men who think it's their God given right to have sex

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