Setting Standards for First Dates - OLD

RiasXgremoryX · 2020-10-10T17:22:21+00:00

I did OLD once and promptly stopped because men do not try anymore. No matter what changes I made to my profile men just kept trying to get a cheaper deal out of me(I never gave in).

The choices are horrible: men on there have bad hygiene, bad teeth, bad skin, receding hairlines, they're about 50lbs overweight and 10 years older than they actually are.

The internet is a cesspool for LVM and the pandemic has made it worse, OLD is basically a catalog, women are the product, men are the consumers so they feel like they're "ordering you" off a menu and you better be cheaper than the #6 Mcdonalds combo meal.

Men on OLD do not want to give effort or pay for anything unless sex is guaranteed, and even when they buy you a cheap $3 coffee or after a walk in the park, they will expect you to buss it down on the first date. The risk outweighs the reward and its just not worth it to me.

FirePreferred · 2020-10-10T16:43:36+00:00

I think I give up. OLD never ends well. 🤷‍♀️ I got another cat instead.

thruAblue-eyedhaze · 2020-10-10T20:23:18+00:00

Whenever a guy asks me out for drinks, coffee, walk, to “hangout” “chill” “meet n see what happens” or any of that other no effort type shit, I always say either

”No thank you. That’s not my scene”. “No. That’s not for me”

Best part is, I learned these phrases from a women here who uses it and it’s effective.

They know what they are doing and this lets them know your onto them, lets them know who they are dealing with, and that they are clearly shopping outside their price(effort)range.

Thank you FDS!!

NoMoreLVM · 2020-10-10T17:08:06+00:00

How old are you and what age range are you looking in and what dating apps are you using? I sincerely doubt there are many men in their early 20s who would be able to step up so it might not even be worth investing much energy dating at that age. Ive had some success and some HV dates so far. Usually I have to reject the first idea which is drink dates and say I would prefer not to drink and I do not want to go to a pub. I will say so politely and say that pubs are too casual for me. The ones with potential will then come back with a dinner date or activity. The men I match with are exclusively in their late 20s and early 30s with well paying jobs. I only use hinge because then I can quite effectively screen them before even matching (you can also find out wages using glassdoor). Avoid broke men and freelancers because they will prioritize keeping things cheap rather than impressing you, or will be angrier if ultimately the date doesn’t work out and they feel like they wasted money because they bought you a £15 meal. They also just tend to be more of a liability because whether they admit it or not, men do base their egos on their earning potential and those in creative fields tend to overcompensate in self importance to make up for their lower incomes. I avoid most men in creative fields (despite being in one myself) because they tend to just want to get a pint and leave it at that and are used to “cool girls”. I avoid men who label themselves as either conservative or are particularly left wing, even though I’m actually extremely left wing. The left wing guys tend to have a more insidious sort of misogyny and I’ve found it easier to explain to HV moderate men why billionaires shouldn’t exist than to try and explain to “Marxists” why “ethical non monogamy” and 50/50 relationships aren’t for me.

Other than that it’s mostly just consistently vetting until you find someone decent and also levelling up. I would make sure you have really good photos on your profile as well, as ultimately men are shallow and will try harder the better looking you are, which is just a sad reality. And when you say you’d prefer a diff kind of date, it is still important to be polite but not apologetic. I always say I don’t like to drink on the first date, as that’s true and doesn’t sound demanding but is also obviously non negotiable.

WildTenderness · 2020-10-10T18:22:58+00:00

Something that I would recommend: saying you're available only in the evenings. That eliminates coffee dates, and since it starts getting dark pretty early now (at least where I am), you can day that you wouldn't feel safe walking in the dark. I would avoid explicitly stating what you like, because they will interpret it as you trying to get a free meal.

There are some subtle ways to say that his suggestion was inadequate in the handbook. If they still don't get it, just unmatch. If they try to pin it on you, unmatch. Don't feel guilty, even if you've been talking for a while and you guys seemed "compatible." He clearly doesn't respect your time and comfort if he's not going to suggest something worthwhile. I struggled a lot with guys who claimed they were new to the city, although it's crazy how I still managed to find a guy who was capable of googling a new place neither of us have been to 🙄 we weren't compatible, but the lack of effort from other men is ridiculous. I've since deleted old because men were just draining me with all their disappointing BS.

quaintrell · 2020-10-10T17:16:15+00:00

I just went on a Bumble date last night that went surprisingly well. He was very kind and respectful. We got sushi, appetizers, and lots of drinks. The tab was likely over $100. He was happy to pay, and said he can't wait to take me out again!

redwineandsolitude · 2020-10-10T17:36:53+00:00

It’s not just you. In my experience, it doesn’t matter what kind of man. I avoid broke men like the plague. But they could have a good job or be a graduate student in a lucrative field and they all suggest drinks. But I will say that it may be your profile. I recently deleted a selfie of me with rainbow hair (a silly filter) because I think it was giving “cool girl” vibes. A LOT of men would comment on that picture in particular so I think it drew too much attention in a bad way.

yfunk3 · 2020-10-10T22:24:52+00:00

Due to the fact that they swipe right on everyone to cast as wide a net as possible, they go on as many "dates" as possible. Their way of thinking is literally, "Well, if we have no chemistry and I don't fall in love with her at first sight, then I can at least get a potential orgasm out of it and move onto thr next victim."

This is why I stopped OLD after a month. I don't like having my precious time wasted. There's too many things I'd rather be doing.

nat890 · 2020-10-10T22:48:27+00:00

I’ve managed to get a couple of first dinner dates on OLD. Then you know what they’ve proposed for second dates? WALKS OR COFFEE/DRINKS. Or for ME to organise something! Just goes to show you can’t win.

2020-10-10T20:03:41+00:00

I am not OLD right now. I have for many years and I got tons of dinner offers. I believe that with the pandemic, men are now able to date for free because they can convince women to meet them for free because of safety. I actually think this is good news because it would save a lot of time with dinner dates with LVM putting on a charade. You have to remember out of 1000 men you might only have 1 decent match and he might not be one you are physically attracted to. When men offer you coffee, zoom, phone call, park, all you need to do is not respond until they offer you more. Don’t respond at all. Wait for them to apologize and offer you more. Now that they can meet women for free, expect a lot less dinner offers.

randomgirl34861 · 2020-10-10T18:33:23+00:00

Ok, so I think you’re 100% right in thinking that the vast majority of men are unsuitable because they literally aren’t suitable. You cant get guys to propose more exciting and effortful dates.....but you can find the kind of guys who want to propose exciting and effortful dates. I don’t know what your profile is, but there’s ways you can be strategic when you create your page that will help deter a good chunk of the LVM (although some will always slip through the cracks). On my page I wrote a post about it. It’s specifically for Bumble (I wrote how I answered my prompts and why, what pictures I’d chose and what I’d omit and why). Guys get literally 4-6 matches (at least on bumble) PER MONTH. About half don’t even message. They need to impress you way more than you need them.

redfarmmmmm · 2020-10-10T17:36:07+00:00

I’ve been taken to fine dining or nice dates on OLD. But they’re not american men.

If a guy suggests low effort date, agree and ghost. Tell them “ i found something about you and dont feel safe meeting you”.

I’m in mid to late 20s and i dont date artist, freelance types. Those guys are never worth it. Phd Students? Nope.

I dont date french, american, israeli and indian guys.

Also i screen them with their degree. If he went to low end school, i swipe left.

If they have photos which show their abs, its no for me. Or something like party or drinking, its also no for me. Which signals they’re redpill of some sort? No

If a guy doesnt state specifically of their bio and where they work, its also no go for me.

I also dont date guys who are certain race as i’m not attracted to them.

I only swipe on east asians from east asia, central/western/northern EU men. Thats literally all. Sometimes canadian men.

Also dont give out your real number. Tell them you prefer to meet them first.

I put lot of effort on my looks and outfits on my first date and if a guy suggests going back to his place make some excuse and block him.

esthermaniii · 2020-10-11T01:14:58+00:00

You’re not doing anything wrong. Don’t internalize men’s behavior. The truth is, most men on OLD are there because they want to get laid. I think most HVM aren’t on these apps, they’re too busy living their lives & don’t rely on virtual communication to approach women.

midnightoflight101 · 2020-10-11T15:25:24+00:00

My first date with my boyfriend was at a restaurant bar that I really like, he took the bill as soon as the waiter set it down. It was probs around $40, which is kinda a lot considering we’re both college students and he’s in between jobs atm. We went out for breakfast the next morning and he did the exact same thing. Didn’t even give me a chance to offer.

He’s paid for every date minus 2 that I wouldn’t let him pay for, though we agreed that now we know each other better we don’t need to go out to eat everytime we go out and do something. I think how a guy acts on not only the first date, but the following dates, are a huge indicator to who they actually are.

honeybeeroll · 2020-10-11T17:01:25+00:00

I went on 9 first dates when I used OLD. 4 were dinner, 3 were a cafe, 2 were drinks, guy always paid. Their ages ranges were late 20s to late 30s, some American born, some not. I think all times except 1 the guy asked me out first, but half the time I made the suggestion of where to go (cafe included). The let's get a drink was suggested by two guys - one did the bait and switch on me, asked me to dinner and then texted me that day to change it. Shouldve dropped him then, dude was very charming in person but mad flakey, didn't text much, ghosted me 2 weeks later. Actually he was flakey and didn't text much before we even met up, lesson learned.

2 guys I didn't do a 2nd date w/ cuz no chemistry, but any that got a 2nd date were LVM or just looking to get laid, and I ignored the red flags. I haven't dated in months and have 0 desire to, but if I ever want to date again, I sure as shit won't use OLD.

Partypuppers · 2020-10-11T20:06:30+00:00

I recently got fed up with LV date suggestions and have been trying a different tact on Hinge which is to explicitly state that the best way to ask me out is 'to plan an interesting date that is relatively covid safe (fyi I'm not a big drinker).' Then I also mention that I think digital first dates are underrated in these unsafe times.

What do you guys think about this tact? On the one hand I don't want to have to spell out what I expect since guys can fake their value. On the other hand I think a lot of guys would see this and rule themselves out because they're inherently low effort and looking for a quick lay. I also think mentioning the digital first date weeds out people who want to meet up for a quick shag because they value sex over safety during a pandemic and don't have the patience to get to know a woman at a distance before getting to meet her.

Imo any man who sees my standards and is ok with them passes a test. If we chat and then he later suggests getting drinks I'll know he hasn't really read my profile and was only interested in my pics.

werker115 · 2020-11-14T20:23:02+00:00

I have the same experience, I go on way less dates since FDS bc most offers are a walk or coffee and I now turn those down. I even put my ideal first date in my profile prompts...but guys still ask for walks.

I did have a guy plan a dinner date 4 days in advance after I declined his invite for last minute drinks this week. Another guy asked me to a museum exhibit a week in advance but canceled the day of. Dating is a lot slower with FDS but I am saving my time and energy. I can use my time to do better things, like improve myself.

Title	Setting Standards for First Dates - OLD
Author	GlitteringContact8
Upvotes	119
Comments	38
Date	October 10, 2020 4:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j8n6zj/setting_standards_for_first_dates_old/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/setting-standards-for-first-dates-old.308926 https://theredarchive.com/post/308926

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