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NaturalRattle
[–]persephones_torchFDS Disciple438 points439 points440 points 6 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
When we relate our stories of abuse, rape, neglect, trauma, we are "damaged goods", "daddy issues".
But when it comes to them we're expected to understand, have empathy and CoMmUnIcATe no matter how shitty their behavior is. 😒
To LVM, they are the only ones that exist as three dimensional characters while women just orbit around the narratives of their lives as the flat supporting vagina-having characters.
[–]ManchurianCantaloupeRuthless Strategist257 points258 points259 points 6 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link
Yup. Almost every single woman I know has been in at least one legitimately abusive relationship and still has this amazing capacity to want to love someone fully and without hesitation.
Meanwhile, every fucking LVM and their brother is like "Yeah my 8th grade ex cheated on me and it really fucked me up so I just can't commit rn."
[–]spoderduchess99 points100 points101 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Spot on. Guy I tried to get to know told me that a girl he dated in 6TH GRADE “changed his outlook on women forever”.
[–]MakingBadDecisionsFDS Newbie80 points81 points82 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Meanwhile I was raped at 4, emotionally, mentally and physically abused by my dad since birth til I ran away at 16, raped and sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend at 16, blatantly cheated on and used at 17...
And yet still I have been open and trusting to men because I haven't wanted to tar all men with the same brush and haven't wanted to close my mind and heart.
Men have one, ONE, even slightly negative experience with a woman and that's it- apparently traumatised for life and all women are out to get them.
[–]Discordia5FDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What could an 11 year old girl possibly have done that would still affect what is now a grown man? That's embarrassing.
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist38 points39 points40 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pathetic!
[–]woiashenseeaFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
STOP HAHAHA
[–]Meccha_me_2FDS Newbie123 points124 points125 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I literally had to tell an ex bf to fuck all the way off because he always turned to the same sob story about his dad being a little emotionally distant growing up (which, while I understand these things are subjective, really wasn’t all that bad) to explain why he was completely incapable of being attentive or emotionally supportive or appreciative toward literally anyone in his life at 24 years old.
Meanwhile I’d experienced significantly more trauma (my dad was abusive everyday of my life and tried to murder my grandfather in front of me multiple times ) and I still managed to be a better partner and friend to him.
When we broke up I told him he needed to find a woman who hasn’t been through shit because the excuses didn’t work on me 🤷🏾♀️
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think they're mostly full of shit. My ex would moan about how his dad cursed and chased a friend off in probably 3rd grade. And how he wasn't popular in school. So that gave him an excuse to be an ass. Moaning about the same thing in his 40s. I now doubt abuse. I think he was very spoiled and had narcissistic tendencies.
I was abused by my mother and in a relationship. Ending up in the hospital a couple times, but gee i managed to turn out to be a decent person who didnt hurt others or have weird ways people needed to tiptoe around.
[–]Discordia5FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Your observation seriously just blew my mind.
[–]nymphaetamineFDS Disciple93 points94 points95 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I have read so many posts from men who say it’s a “red flag” if a woman tells them she’s been raped or abused. Guess were supposed to just keep that to ourselves to avoid making men uneasy 🤷🏻♀️
[–]Davina33FDS Newbie61 points62 points63 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Like we had any choice in the matter. I shouldn't be surprised. I've lost count of the amount of times I've heard men blame women for being raped, even if they were just a child like I was. Yes, we have control over men who are significantly stronger from violating our bodies.
[–]nymphaetamineFDS Disciple68 points69 points70 points 6 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
They assume that our trauma is going to affect the relationship and make us act "crazy", thereby causing THEM to suffer because they might have to do things that are just egregiously out of scope like comfort us if we're upset, or refrain from rough sex or yelling at us so as not to trigger a flashback. And of course it's ALL on us cause we should have just never gotten raped or abused to begin with! Why didn't we fight back, or just leave? Several years ago I foolishly confided in a now former male friend about a different male friend raping me, and he told me I shouldn't have gone over to the guy's house to begin with. Sigh... yeah totally my fault. I should have just assumed that a family friend of almost 10 years who'd never expressed any sexual or romantic interest in me before, who'd never ONCE behaved inappropriately with me or my family, had evil intentions by inviting me over. Yup you're right bro, I got MYSELF raped by visiting a longtime friend who I'd felt completely safe with until he suddenly decided to pounce and force himself on me.
[–]Davina33FDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Big hugs to you as well. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
[–]nymphaetamineFDS Disciple13 points14 points15 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sorry it happened to you too. Nobody deserves that shit.
[–]Davina33FDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's so disgusting! It makes me so made when they blame us. They haven't got a clue. How about they try fighting off someone twice their size or strength. No way would you expect to be raped by a friend of 10 years who showed no signs of fancying you. You are not to blame in any way at all. You're right the do expect the trauma to to trickle in to the relationship. I have had years of therapy and self help techniques like CBT and DBT. At least we are willing to do the work on ourselves unlike a lot of them. I've only opened up to one boyfriend about it. Thankfully he was empathetic and didn't use it against mr but so many would.
Uh their dating pool is literally no one then
[–]finalbosskittenFDS STRATEGY COACH184 points185 points186 points 6 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
my brother tried to literally choke me to death when I was 10, I was abandoned and locked in a room for weeks as a child with no one to talk to. I have never said this shit to anybody besides my best friend and my fiance (which he hasn't used against me) and now you guys. I can't believe people use completely unrelated baggage to justify being a flaming pissant. I mean, my baggage taught me to treat the people I love well...because I want to make them happier, and not suffer like I suffered from vicious people.
[–]SeaNegotiation8FDS Newbie87 points88 points89 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Isn’t it wild how some people use their trauma to actually become a better, more compassionate person??
It is truly a trait that is central to any HVW.
[–]TheOGJammiesRuthless Strategist44 points45 points46 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Jesus Christ! I’m so sorry that happened babe, but glad to hear you’ve got your head on straight! ❤️
[–]DazzlingMolasses7FDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope your brother suffers. I’m glad you have a great best friend and fiancé.
[–]supremelyparanoidFDS Apprentice184 points185 points186 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Every single one of these guys I’ve dated in the past has come with a sob story and here we’re being told women are the emotional ones 😒
[–][deleted] 95 points96 points97 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
They rely on using guilt trips to manipulate women into staying with them.
[–]pinkliquorFDS Newbie51 points52 points53 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
My ex tried that on me all the time! It was always a sob story about his childhood and I’d be like but you’re 29 years old that does not excuse your shitty ass behavior and attitude. Always tried to make me feel sorry for him so that I would do shit for him. Pathetic.
[–]PrincessLeiLeiKINKmeisha™️ on parole13 points14 points15 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If it's still that hard to deal with for him, he should go to a therapist... 🤷🏻♀️
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. They figure our conditioning, which often tells women they must martyr themselves to make others feel good, and to put our needs last, will force us to stay with them in order to "heal" them.
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist48 points49 points50 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm like Yeah, me too and then continue being a productive member of society that doesn't constantly bring up my past. I dated a 43 yr old who kept excusing his behavior like this. Really, dude?
[–]supremelyparanoidFDS Apprentice36 points37 points38 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah that one woman who broke up with them 25 years ago in high school is still a real bitch according to them and that makes all women bitches 🙄
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's nearly always some minor thing like that too.
[–]xxritualhowelsxxFDS Newbie47 points48 points49 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My 31 year old ex did this all the time. “Must be because I’m an only child why I don’t ever want to share my apartment with you.” Yes, that’s exactly what you are, a child.
[–]greatmanatee2FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Men without siblings are the worst
[–][deleted] 28 points29 points30 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Declan 😂
[–]ivy176FDS Disciple54 points55 points56 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Hahaha. My ex husband used to say his childhood was so rough but it really wasn't! Mine was rougher than his so he had no excuse to be abusive. So many violent people feel like little victims inside.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I dated a guy for a short time who just could not get over his rough childhood. Rough is relative, but his issue was that his parents divorced when he was 10, and his mom went to nursing school for two years before she got a good job - he claims she neglected him because she didn’t go to his games. They had two broke years because his dad was shitty about money but hey, he went to his football games! When he was in his 20s his mom married a dr, they moved to a really nice house with a pool.
He was pissy because if they had that house in high school he’d have been more popular.
[–]ivy176FDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Omg...
[–]Alec_Delarge_is_BackFDS Newbie55 points56 points57 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I find that people who have been through abuse usually have more empathy and are less likely to hurt others because they understand what it is like to be in that position.
It's such BS when men act emotionally stunted because they had an ex who did them wrong (if that is even true) and therefore they can't treat you like a human. The entitlement is disgusting.
[–]Tkuhug18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep, I’m learning day by day I’m going to tell it like it is and say what’s on my mind. It’s all fair game 😁
[–]Leilani29FDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol apparently "feeling attacked" by a woman's feelings is an excuse to emotionally abuse/gaslight the fuck out of her 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Then if she responds to his bad treatment, SHE is the terrible person & he is the victim.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist30 points31 points32 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
God I wish it were that simple. But I'm honestly happy with just my friends and pets. It's crazy peaceful.
[–]AromaticFormFDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
There are LVW in the LGBTQ+ space too, unfortunately. The most abusive partner I ever had (physically and mentally, and also threatened to kill me, sexually assaulted me at knife-point, stalked me for 4 years after we broke up, and more) was a woman. I have C-PTSD from that person. Unfortunately it made all of the LVM I dated afterwards seem like saints because I didn't know what healthy looked like after all of that.
[–]Davina33FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm so sorry. That sounds horrific. You're right though. My mother destroyed my childhood. She hated women more than any man I ever came across, my stepfather was evil too. My mother had a bad childhood and never decided to seek any help for it, nor could she admit that she had mental health problems. I vowed never to be like that. Big hugs to you. CPTSD is terrible.
[–]triggerfish_twist4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It has been my experience that LVW hate women and, at least disdain, men while LVM only hate women.
It seems like for narcissitic, toxic, unreliable people the go to is to despise women no matter their gender.
[–]Davina33FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes that's definitely true. My mother didn't like men but she made an exception for my 3 younger brothers. They were her precious boys. I don't think I ever remember my mother saying a nice word about another woman :(
[–]alluringivFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh true
[–]UpbeatIncubatorFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My observation has been that USUALLY women internalise trauma (self harm, self doubt, low self esteem, etc) and men take it out on others.
[–]DaneShookFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great observation! I agree.
[–]greatcathyFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Declan 🤣😂
[–]InayahDaneenFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
An lvm recently provided such an excuse and I ended up ignoring him.
[–]d_e_c_l_a_n_3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why me
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Crineeee.
[–]potato5601FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh, my ex was like this. He used his lack of a father figure as an excuse for being a shitty person.
[–]dead_act_here2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Disregarding the fact that some childhoods are rife with abuse can cause PTSD and men and women, but men being less able to expressive with emotions, will act out in anger - doesn't excuse abuse. Belittling someone's struggles is bad, even if your own was worse.
[–]woiashenseeaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
drywall
[–]Sarcastic3FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So tired of this narrative that men has the right to carry their perceived trauma throughout their lives and expecting women to just get over literally everything. It so toxic and so tiresome meeting unavailable men using their traumas as crutch. Grow up.
[–]ashwheeeFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Why the name Declan? Too specific... isn’t the Karen equivalent version Kyle?
[–]readingriyaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes, who is Declan?
[–]ashwheeeFDS Newbie-1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Related to the post I’m not sure but I named my son Declan and he’s a huge sweetheart so 🤷🏼♀️
[–]reveniiso-1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If a guy brings up his sob story or trauma too early on, i immediately regard him as someone with personality disorder and use mirroring by going one step further
If he says hes been abused by Dad? I tell him ive been abused by years at school (which is lie) And still have trauma from it. Its good way to shut up the guy.
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