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[–]s_slayerFDS STRATEGY COACH155 points156 points157 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
My ex husband would do this all the time. He’d get me upset then the focus would be on my reaction rather than what he did to cause it.
[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice65 points66 points67 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, mine did the same and he'd throw this line in for good measure too: "If you're upset, it's because you upset yourself." Implying he had nothing to do with my reaction and I'm just overreacting for no reason.
[–]InevitableHulkFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s like that White Stripes song. They take the effect and make it the cause.
[–][deleted] 90 points91 points92 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yes, they're highly sensitive to their needs, but that sensitivity is forgotten when caring about other's needs.
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That's why I strive to find someone who's empathetic, not sensitive. Them being sensitive just means they're sensitive to their own feelings, not anyone else's. The most "sensitive" people I know (they referred to themselves as this) have said the cruellest things. 2 extra points if they say they're "sensitive to criticism" yet happen to be the most criticizing & judgemental people you'll ever meet. When someone figures out why that's the case tell me because I really want to know.
[–]myousernameRuthless Strategist5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So basically a covert narc
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So that what that is. I need to read up more on “covert” narcissists because I seem to attract a lot then
[–]littleredpartydress_FDS Newbie215 points216 points217 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
The idea that everyone has to control their emotions but not their actions is so backwards. It’s like anyone can do anything to hurt people but the hurt persons reaction is the wrong thing
[–]TropicalPrairieFDS Newbie110 points111 points112 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I notice this not just with men, but with toxic family and friends too. There's always a ton of excuses and making the person who is reacting to being hurt/disrespected as though they are in the wrong.
[–]Rasaya87FDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
My whole ass family is like this, as well as my childhood "best" friends it turns out. FDS helped me realize that I have been used as an emotional punching bag for far too long, not just in my romantic relationships.
I'm sure if I were ever to call them out on it now, they'd just deny the emotional abuse they've put me through for the better part of 15 years. They already couch it in "but we love you!", "don't be angry!" and "why are you so butthurt?" 🙄
[–]TropicalPrairieFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yup, same. It makes you believe that this is just the way it is. I've only recently starting cutting out friends that treat me like garbage.
[–]Rasaya87FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You and me both. I'm glad I did, too. High five to you!
[–]MagpieMelonAt-Risk Pick Me Youth28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My mum is exactly like this. If she does something and we get upset by it then we’re acting too sensitive and she doesn’t mean it really and we need to understand that. But if it’s the other way around suddenly we hate her and are horrible people.
I can’t wait till I can move out.
[–]stormyeyed94FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh my god, this happens too much
[–]FleetingDaisy104 points105 points106 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Oh I had a cool exchange with a LVM yesterday evening. Personally, I drop guys when a phonecall has been arranged for a certain date and time, and he does not call or give a plausible excuse on time (family emergency, work delay, etc.). Happened yesterday. Told him not to contact me again. His response was that I'm giving him drama :D
[–]royaldetourFDS Newbie83 points84 points85 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Oh he thinks 'don't contact me again' is an intro to a bunch of bs back and forth. He must not know about you, sis 💅
[–]FleetingDaisy57 points58 points59 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
To me, “do not contact me” is precisely what it says, but indeed not to men. They understand it as “please contact me again in 3 months because I have the memory of a gold fish”.
[–]kahootofficialFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
lol I actually do have the memory of a goldfish and it’s always used against me when someone wrongs me but later I can’t remember what they did, I had to start writing down what they did and blocking so I don’t get gaslit into thinking I’m overreacting
[–]ThrowRAshipsRhardThrowaway Account13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry this has happened to you so much that you feel the need to do this. But I applaud you for taking steps to verify your sanity. Even if it's just so you can give yourself permission to feel angry, sad, vindicated or whatever other emotion you need to process the event that caused you to write it down in the first place.
I think I'm going to take a leaf out of your book and start doing the same thing, it might be less stressful for me when I do question realty vs being told how it happened.
[–]sxfjcg9900FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It’s not that they don’t notice it, they just don’t care about our feelings, LVM just wanna have no consequences to their lack of emotional maturity.
[–]oddcharmFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I refuse to dignify any more attempts at feigning ignorance that people try with me. I’ve stopped communicating/ explaining when I feel like someone’s actions are due to them thinking I won’t leave aka taking advantage of my kindness. This goes for friends and relationships. Trying to play stupid or confused is now the fastest way to lose me.
These people can 1) remain confused about why their obviously hurtful actions made me upset (🙄) or 2) feel stupid for it not working on me and having lost a good friend/ significant other. Either way, my mind is at ease.
[–]Downtown-Temporary52FDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Geee this is very my ex. It's always been me to comfort him back when I confronted him about his behaviours to me.
[–]idiopathictendenciesFDS Newbie50 points51 points52 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ugh yes! “Oh, why am I crying and being so emotional? It certainly has nothing to do with you ignoring me without explanation the last three days.”
[–][deleted] 83 points84 points85 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"ComMunIcAte!" No bitch, stop and reflect
[–][deleted] 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I had an ex that would tell me " you need to communicate!", but then get angry when I communicated.
[–]WWisMyCo-pilotFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I tried to talk to Barnacle about how I hated when he talked over me so much and he got sulky and LEFT THE HOUSE FOR THREE HOURS. He comes back and pretends nothing is wrong and proceeds to continue talking over me. It was one of the last things that led me to settle on divorce. What is even the point anymore? How do you communicate with someone who literally walks away when you are trying to communicate? I never advise women to communicate anymore. Men don't listen anyway.
[–]WonderrednowFDS Disciple10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
And this is why I forgive myself for all the dumb shit. They're never at home worrying about how they did you wrong. Let go, level up, move on!
[–]javagarbagecollectorFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is it. They never ever ever sit at home worrying about anything they did. It's very noticeable.
[–]llamasinspace420FDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Oh God this was my whole relationship with my ex.
[–]Downtown-Temporary52FDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
did we date the same person?
My ex blamed me when I sulked at him for forgetting our video date, telling me I was not empathetic because I didn't remind him.
Whaaat????
[–]llamasinspace420FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol I mean we maybe did. He used to get mad at me for not answering a video call at the exact time he wanted. So many red flags and I just ignored them.
[–]ChocolateBiscuit96FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re mad at me bc I’m mad you for liking other girls pictures and following random women... gotcha. Instead of changing your behavior, apologizing, and not doing it again, you gaslight and invalidate my feelings.
Thxxxxxx :/
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is literally my ex. He could never see the beanpole in his eyes...
[–]tweinerrFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If this isn't facts on so many levels......
[–]babyelsFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My parents are like that. I just can’t 🙈
I need to send this to some people ... of the male gender.
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[–]s_slayerFDS STRATEGY COACH155 points156 points157 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice65 points66 points67 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]InevitableHulkFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 90 points91 points92 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]myousernameRuthless Strategist5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]littleredpartydress_FDS Newbie215 points216 points217 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]TropicalPrairieFDS Newbie110 points111 points112 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Rasaya87FDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TropicalPrairieFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Rasaya87FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MagpieMelonAt-Risk Pick Me Youth28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]stormyeyed94FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FleetingDaisy104 points105 points106 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]royaldetourFDS Newbie83 points84 points85 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]FleetingDaisy57 points58 points59 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]kahootofficialFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ThrowRAshipsRhardThrowaway Account13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sxfjcg9900FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]oddcharmFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Downtown-Temporary52FDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]idiopathictendenciesFDS Newbie50 points51 points52 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 83 points84 points85 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 21 points22 points23 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]WWisMyCo-pilotFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WonderrednowFDS Disciple10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]javagarbagecollectorFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]llamasinspace420FDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Downtown-Temporary52FDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]llamasinspace420FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ChocolateBiscuit96FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]tweinerrFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]babyelsFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link