We need to talk about Non-consensual BDSM

companyofwolves · 2021-02-18T05:35:54+00:00

Anything "non-consensual" is rape. End of story. There's no grey area. It's assault. imo consensual BDSM is a form of assault in and of itself, but there is truly a legal definition between the two.

randomgirl34861 · 2021-02-18T05:40:54+00:00

It’s okay to take a step back from sex, for as long as you need it. Even if the relationship was healthy, I take long pauses between partners too. I think that should be more normalized. I’m glad you’re able to do that and start to heal.

I hope more women realize these things aren’t okay as well. Why would a man who loves you want to see you in pain? Why would a man who cherishes you want to be rough with you? Why would a man who connects with you emotionally want to call you degrading things? Why would a man who thinks your body is beautiful want to rip your hair? You simply can’t make it make sense.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-02-18T04:45:04+00:00

If the "sex" continued after these assaults I think that should be considered rape. Assaulting someone is intimidation and keeps people from being able to process what's happening and tell the person to stop. That's why I consider it rape. You can't remove someone's ability to consent and then claim that's consent.

alwaysonalongtrip · 2021-02-18T06:03:59+00:00

There’s no “correct” way to strangle someone. You can die without warning the first time someone strangles you.

greenshadownymph · 2021-02-18T08:31:50+00:00

Yeah non consensual violence is just abuse, plain and simple. I have kicked men out of my house and they're shocked that I'm serious.

gingerwabisabi · 2021-02-18T06:00:33+00:00

I'm sorry you were raped and strangled. Strangling is an indicator of 7x risk of a man killing his partner, and is also NEVER safe no matter what - there is no safe amount of oxygen deprivation to the brain. Please take care of yourself and be very gentle with yourself as you heal.

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2021-02-18T05:59:26+00:00

It does. Badly. That’s all I’m comfy posting.

InternationalRule479 · 2021-02-18T09:44:56+00:00

That is 100% rape to me and normally should be brought up to court. Unfortunately it would be considered as a normal sexual act there.

space_cataz__ · 2021-02-18T06:54:23+00:00

I'm just so sorry you had to go through that. You take a step back from sex for as long as you need sis. I'm so glad women like you have the strength to share messages like this, you are helping to make the issue more visible; doing that while you're in pain just shows how strong you are. I hope you can find some ways to treat yourself kindly, and work through this trauma.

pao664 · 2021-02-18T13:29:50+00:00

Honestly if choking and rough play is what constitutes sex these days, I’d rather stay celibate.
The divide between what turns men on and women on has now become a chasm. We have escalating porn use to thank for that.
To the male lurkers- we don’t want to have “kinky” sex with you. I can’t even bring myself to say what the majority of women want because we will only be mocked.
“Good sex” is love making. And very few of you asshats are capable of that anymore.
Celibacy is a better option. Women are tired of engaging in kinky and degrading sex in an attempt to get your “smol pp” awake. You flooded your brains with so much porn that now you can only get hard when choking a girl? Y’all have a SERIOUS problem- and women are not willing to work with you to fix it.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-02-18T11:30:18+00:00

Non-consensual BDSM - aka rape & violence?

it makes me think that these people using these labels are so far removed from reality and living in their pornotopia-addled brain that if it rains outside they'll say you spat on them.

Lumplebee · 2021-02-18T07:14:03+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you. I went through a similar thing where a guy slapped the shit out of me on the first date while kissing me, no consent, like 30 seconds in. He raped me a month later, I should’ve ran at the first sign but I didn’t. And now the fucker is gaining fame on YouTube. I hate how normalized it is now, I’m so scared for the next generation of girls. If you don’t mind me asking, How do you deal with understanding it as assault later rather than sooner? I didn’t realize how fucked up it was he didn’t ask consent for that stuff until later.

K0rla · 2021-02-18T09:38:35+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope you feel better soon. Therapy could help you process this. We need to start teaching children more about consent, and insist during teenage years about sexual consent. Never assume something is acceptable just because it’s common or your partner “loves” you.

EarthKveik · 2021-02-18T14:30:12+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Stories like these re-enforce why FDS tells women to stay away from these depraved idiots.

My last ex loved to give himself big pats on the back for how respectful and nice he was being to me because he was "restraining himself" from indulging in this kind if behaviour. In reality, he was trying to work it in anyway and continually having to assert boundaries with him was exhausting.

Never again.

Lazy-Design1979 · 2021-02-18T17:39:07+00:00

This needs to be taught in schools...I truly believe that a large portion of rapes that aren't reported are because of encounters like this where the victim only realized it was rape much later, after it was too late to collect evidence. They felt shaken and uncomfortable after it happened, but weren't comfortable with the word "rape", even though that's exactly what took place. Our laws are based on the idea that rapists are people who corner their victims in dark alleyways, even though that's the least likely scenario. We need to change our laws so that rape has a better conviction rate, or we will continue to see people not reporting it for fear of lack of prosecution.

fdssavedmylife · 2021-02-18T17:53:05+00:00

I directly told a man that I don’t allow choking and he did it anyway. Same with attempted anal sex. I hate hate hate being a victim, but I was assaulted. I need to accept that if I can heal from it.

nieces-pieces · 2021-02-18T14:19:45+00:00

Jeez did we date the same dude??

Peak_Tree · 2021-02-18T14:19:47+00:00

We need to talk about consensual BDSM too. Getting excited when strangling/ hitting/ degrading someone says something about the person who does it, doesn't matter if the person being hit/degraded/strangled consented or not. We really need to stop falling for all that smoke and mirrors of "sane, safe and consensual" and start pointing fingers where they should be pointed to: to the ~~Doms~~ abusers.

ScalesHaveFallen · 2021-02-18T21:03:28+00:00

‘Non-consensual BDSM’ is a phrase that needs not to used. It is assault.

Maude2010 · 2021-02-19T03:16:57+00:00

With my last partner, we always had “vanilla” sex. Hot and enthusiastic but nothing BDSM at all. Then one night, he SPITS on my face. I was so stunned I didn’t do anything. We finished and the next day I was just like WTF. I was angry at myself for not doing anything about it but it’s like I was paralyzed.

I think men get away with a lot just by sending women into shock. Nearly every time I’ve had sex I wasn’t okay with, I couldn’t even process it until later. I once had a guy slam my head against a wall on a first date (not in a sexual situation) and I carried on with it. It wasn’t until the next day that I’d even realized what happened and I broke down.

Title	We need to talk about Non-consensual BDSM
Author	SaltyAdss
Upvotes	208
Comments	30
Date	February 18, 2021 4:15 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lmdgdq/we_need_to_talk_about_nonconsensual_bdsm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/we-need-to-talk-about-non-consensual-bdsm.748012 https://theredarchive.com/post/748012

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