“Why did he marry her and not me?”

May-rah10 · 2021-07-28T21:00:15+00:00

My NVX that I wasted 4 precious years of my youth sent me a friend request on social media 8 years after we broke up….& 2 months after he got married. He wanted to “apologize” and see how I was doing. The question is “Why though?” If you’ve been married for 2 months then you should be happy with your new spouse and not thinking about an ex girlfriend! I stopped thinking about him months after we broke up. Most men truly are trash and they almost always have ulterior motives.

Inspection-Critical · 2021-07-28T21:06:23+00:00

Oof, this post is bringing up memories for me today.

We talk a lot about LVM "stringing a woman along for years", but love bombing and moving ridiculously fast are just as bad.

I know a guy who proposed with just a few months of Covid dating a woman he swore he'd never marry because "she's nuts." But I guess he did a cost/benefit analysis and appreciated the gifts she gave him.

They're now married, she lists herself as "married to [guy's name]", and he still tells people she's his girlfriend.

Don't believe what you see on social media. Look at the guy's character. If he's LV, you dodged a bullet. Marriage doesn't mean anything to a dishonorable person.

lillylilacladybug · 2021-07-28T19:37:10+00:00

Why did he choose her and not me? Idk why do some people choose to walk while texting, or choke because they talked with their mouth full, or got sick because the didn’t wash their hands when they came in from outside? It’s not for me to figure out why some people are dumb as shit. Those are the mysteries of the universe. I’m just glad I’m not connected to this dumbshit anymore.

myoklife · 2021-07-28T22:48:50+00:00

Honestly we act here like men stringing women along never gets to marriage but it totally does. Men marry women they don't like all the time.

vbych76 · 2021-07-28T19:46:34+00:00

Because she is more compliant with his BS.That's why.

Equestrian-Bitch · 2021-07-28T23:10:34+00:00

UGH there’s so many posts in relationship forums: “I want to get married eventually, but my bf (wHo Is So PeRfRcT DoNt TeLl Me tO LeAvE) is against marriage.”

I have seen this situation so many times: a man will say he doesn’t want to get married ever… the woman will give up what she wants and stay a GF for years. The guy eventually cheats and marries the new girl in record time.

When I post about this the scrotes get angry. “Men don’t get anything out of marriage” “men have to be careful” etc 🤢🤮

Edit: also I have nothing against women who don’t want to get married… I just feel there’s this scrote mindset taking over to be anti-marriage. There are a lot of pickmes and inexperienced women pressured into giving up their dreams of marriage in order to stay with these LVM for years.

These men end up cheating and marrying other women anyway. The women don’t realize they’re just place holders until they find “the one.” (Or like this post said trap a woman before he loses his hair, etc.)

katiekat0214 · 2021-07-28T21:26:36+00:00

I have a question, though... what about those of us at any age who just don't want to marry, who just want companionship, nothing legal? I would think vetting still applies, even if you're living apart together. I for one at 53, widowed and divorced, amd super happy to be a "forever girlfriend" because marriage at my age would mean I'd end up a nurse and a purse. Not doing that again, as much as I loved my late second husband.

warinmymind94 · 2021-07-28T19:40:18+00:00

Ohh, you're actually right though they know their clocks are ticking before they go bald and sperm are less viable.

One of the neighbors added me on Facebook a few years back anyways my mom would use to to message back and forth coordinating community yardsales with him and his parents, who lived nearby but didn't use Facebook. Of course, the scrote used this to shoot his shot with me. He saw I wasn't interested and the next DAY was posting publicly how he met someone else. Anyways, she dumped him and almost immediately he was onto the next woman who he got pregnant super fast. He's obviously a cheater. He was going bald when I had first interacted with him and within not even 4 years later, his hair is completely gone. He hops to new relationships and quickly had a child because he is insecure, scared to be alone, and thinks he needs to lock down whoever he can get.

I saw the same behavior in this nurse who was trying really hard to get with me the entire time I was in college (and still a pickme). He would keep trying to hit on me, and then would come back being desperate and trying to offer "more". He started offering nice dinners, invitations to his parents cabin and their vacations, bragged about his cooking skills, etc. I would always reject him because he had sent my best friend inappropriate, lewd, and fat shaming comments and I had seen the conversation screenshots. But I was a pickme who still wouldn't block him 🤡. Anyways, he tried again this time saying he owned a house, then told me how he fixes up the house and made it so nice and he "could give me a nice life and would be such a great man". I kept declining. The last time he asked me he BEGGED me why won't you give me a chance, im a nice guy, and asked me to a dumpy bar for drinks 🤡. Still rejected, he found some insecure pickme who he picked up at that bar instead. This woman is in so deep she makes posts raving about how "im so glad he tolerates me, let's me shop at craft stores, and puts up with the fact I wanted to carve a pumpkin!" Ugh. She negs herself. It's BAD. Every photo he posts of her she has her eyes closed or is literally drooling in her sleep and he negs her "love you stinky morning breath" ☠ "my best friend has crazy birds nest hair" (when she just rolled out of bed)

Guys with the whole "a woman's clock is ticking" is a projection. So many men i rejected settled for a desperate pickme with much less to offer them than me, no offense to the pickmes. They tend to love bomb them, rushed into big commitments of moving in /buying a house/getting a pet together/long distance trips off the bat/getting her pregnant and her delivering the baby, all before a ring would be given. You can see the pattern of creating the false intimacy and trying to make her feel like "she needs him" by trapping her into these big and expensive commitments.... and in the end its so he can get that bangmaid. Scrotes are desperate.

Last man I dumped because he admitted to me he sought out his ex and was making plans to "hangout with her" it didn't work with that ex and he ended up quickly finding and getting a new pickme pregnant and moved in together within the first month of knowing each other. She was very low self esteem and vulnerable.

You see this is a pattern!!!

There's a country song I heard in the radio a guy mopes about how he needs a woman because he can't do basic adult functions like making a pot of coffee. It's funny, but it's TRUE.

pianist2020 · 2021-07-28T20:15:16+00:00

My father in law's former quartet mate is like this. He left their musical group and hasn't been a good friend so my father in law has moved on from him and doesn't have time for that nonsense anymore. This man is in his 50s. He had so many years-long relationships with lovely women who he wouldn't commit to. One of them is a good friend of our families yet and still in the quartet and we feel badly for her to have to watch him move on. Now he got engaged to the next woman who we also know and who was friends with my mom. All of this is just basic small town musician drama. The lovely woman he is now engaged to after only a year is divorced and too good for him. Her 20 year old son doesn't like the new guy and won't talk to them now but she still wants to marry him. She still tries to be friends with my mom and use her to get gigs and ask her to come to gigs even though her husband to be has hurt the feelings of MY in laws. Which are my mom's family now too. He knows this is his last chance for company and to try to further his "singing career" when really he is mostly just a truck driver who is going to start aging and need a wife to take care of him. So much lovebombing and over the top attention on Facebook trying to look like a perfect couple. It's hard to watch.

Renrenchi · 2021-07-29T06:33:36+00:00

No he didn't meet the "love of this life that changed him" in a short time after you left him. He just went into panic mode after stringing you along for so long.

He is now alone, with a shitty personality and possibly balding - and he is aware of that. He quickly had to reel in some poor woman and trap her with marriage, to secure a victim that will take his bullshit longterm.

Be happy, because you have freed yourself from life of shit.

BasieSkanks · 2021-07-29T10:03:11+00:00

This is why I am against seeing marriage as some sort of 'prize'. Some of the worst people in humanity managed to find someone willing to marry them. Marriage is a legal contract at the end of the day - it says nothing about the character of the people in it. LVM cycle through women until they eventually find one who is willing to put with their BS. Some of the biggest pickmes are married, because they think its better to be with a dud than it is to be single. They have put marriage, and by proxy having a man, on a pedestal.

When I look back at my past relationships, I now feel a sense of relief. I am glad that my first boyfriend's abusiveness is no longer my problem. I am glad that my most recent ex's low self-esteem, insecurity and delayed ejaculation/death grip syndrome isn't my problem anymore. When you wonder why you weren't chosen, you're doing it from a place of idealism and thinking that the relationship and the man was better than it actually was. And even if the relationship was good, I am not interested in pining after someone who has made it clear they don't want me. They are clearly not my person.

Frogspocket · 2021-07-29T11:06:02+00:00

Getting a man to marry you is also a lot about just stating your desires. I was always the "cool girl" who didn't care about a ring. Then I noticed that ALL my married friends had given ultimatums or had serious talks with their boyfriends about wanting marriage. So I followed that path too and told my ex that I wanted to get married or I was done. He proposed maybe a month later.

It deeply bothered me back then and I couldn't put my finger on WHY. Now I know it's because "if he wanted to he would". If I really was "the one" to him he would have been scrambling to lock me down way before that talk. The fact that I had to be the initiation and basically ask him didn't sit well with me. Made me feel settled for. I felt foolish for having waiting around so long and even more foolish for asking him to ask me.

I have found that a lot of marriages sadly start like that. Now that I see it I can't unsee it. I'm just happy I learned my lesson and walked away free instead of being settled for. Couldn't be me.

mamadgaf · 2021-07-28T21:34:12+00:00

I asked myself this a thousand time. We were married for 17 years and together for 23. When I started thinking for myself he got mad and found someone to replace me. She’s a bearded (literally) man-woman who is unattractive inside and out. She faked cancer and lied about a ton of other shit. He didn’t care. She cooks and cleans and fucks the way he wants so he dumped me and married her within two months of our divorce being finalized. They’re currently expecting (he’s in his 40’s and she’s a decade younger).

My kids report that her mask has fallen - I think it’s because she feels safe (married and pregnant a as though he didn’t end things with me when I was his wife and he mother of his children). My kids already think they’re headed for divorce. So yeah… she “won!”

lolmemberberries · 2021-07-30T01:36:47+00:00

A man's behavior is his responsibility, full stop. Good or bad, he chooses his behavior. We've been brainwashed with this idea that the nice, low maintenance, Cool Girl ^TM is the one who gets chosen because she's the better woman who will get the prize of the man who finally acts right. A man who treats you badly won't be better for the next one and she isn't better than you. She just puts up with what you didn't.

That being said, I did have an ex try to circle back and slide in my DMs from a social media account that I didn't have blocked. I blocked and deleted. Given that we had broken up almost five years before that, he had to have been desperate for attention if he was reaching out to me. I did a little digging and found out that he had filed for divorce a month before he messaged me. Low value men always monkey branch because they can't be alone.

Title	“Why did he marry her and not me?”
Author	Aocwannabe
Upvotes	538
Comments	55
Date	July 28, 2021 7:21 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/otgxtx/why_did_he_marry_her_and_not_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-did-he-marry-her-and-not-me.795263 https://theredarchive.com/post/795263

Comments