I've been asked out five times in the past week, IRL and on OLD. All five men wanted to walk/hike/get coffee or alcohol. After the fourth guy I got frustrated and Googled the "coffee date" phenomenon to find dozens and dozens of articles extolling The Coffee Date as a brilliant new strategy, a wondrous time-saver for men and women alike!

...but it's an errand, though. Screening calls are time savers, but getting coffee together is an errand.

I invite my coworkers on walks, short hikes, or for coffee to catch up with them while also getting a little cardio and/or caffeinating. That's not a date. That's multitasking. That's errands.

The fifth cheapskate, via OLD, originally invited me to the gym - an astute choice for him. He probably has a monthly membership and was expecting me to have one as well. Free! Zero effort! Almost completely non-committal! But he wasn't interested enough to actually spend an hour exercising with me, so he conveniently InJuReD HiS HaNd the day before and could now only commit to a walk, hike, or coffee. 🙄

Annoyed, I asked him if he was even interested in dating with such errand-y, coworker-y ideas. Here's what he said before I blocked him:

"It depends on what the vibe is with the other person. Sometimes you meet someone and it feels romantic, sometimes it feels like a casual thing, and sometimes it feels like just friends. I try not to impose a set of expectations on people I meet on the app." (Peep the subtle neg at the end for me daring to ask, and the expectation that I'd want to be friends at all.)

This was on Hinge. The dating app. For dating. You're expected to find a date, not sit around collecting women you barely like just to orbit, triangulate, and call it "friendship."

Screening calls are safer for women, and they don't require us to spend 30 minutes getting ready just to realize he's a steaming pile of raccoon shit within the first five minutes of meeting him. But LVM prefer the coffee date, because it allows them to look at our full bodies and decide how much they'll pretend to respect us according to our perceived hotness. No matter how much he dislikes you, he won't bow out of the godawful coffee date early, because you're still immediately useful to him as a "friend," therapist, stand-up comedy audience, ATM, or sounding board for him to consider date ideas with women hotter than you. You're not The One, but he has access to you right now, so he might as well use you for something, right?

Next time a guy suggests a low-effort coffee/walk/hike/drink date, if you're reeeally opposed to blocking him from jump, suggest a call instead before he proposes a REAL date. If he insists on the damn coffee, he is telling you that he expects your undivided attention for free.99.

It's in the handbook for a reason! Don't accept shitty coffee dates from LV men. You probably don't even like him that much anyway 🙂