Would you date Damaged guy ?

Whateverbabe2 · 2020-03-29T06:10:05+00:00

If he's still talking about he's not over it. Cut your losses and leave, you don't need to be anyone's punching bag.

Yianna_F · 2020-03-29T05:08:32+00:00

Is he burned or "burned" sister??? Sounds more like Answer B!

Next him!

He's feeding you a script, framing the story as he sees fit, "warning" you and setting his very high boundaries for you to have very low expectations from him! He says or implies "humble" while he means low or no maintenance/self-respect and self-esteem woman! He's projecting his insecurities and low value/income/career/ potential on you! He's setting the tune of any future relationship! While victim blaming and demonising his ex for everything and virtue signaling himself as the good guy who got taken advantage of!

It's all about power and control for him and he wants to be in charge of your appearance and public image! He's assigning value and meaning to things and principles that are important to you for you!

Both the control and the money issues only get worse! He's shown you his core values and belief system! It's obvious you are incompatible! Wish him well on his low efforts!

It's all a "him" issue! Don't make it a "me" or "us" for no reason! You deserve better than that and he's already made you question things!

When they show you who they are, believe them!

Ms_Tilly · 2020-03-29T12:58:54+00:00

No. Never, ever again. Worst abuse of my life. That one was physically damaged as a teenager, but I believe the mental damage started way before that. Once they start unloading their damage onto you like they expect you to tiptoe around them, it's time to go.

This dude comes with WAY too much baggage. I personally would run screaming from this one because he sounds controlling af. I'm a thrift shopper who has never owned a designer outfit or bag and I still wouldn't touch him.

Milobear27 · 2020-03-29T06:07:25+00:00

Nah, you’re not a hospital for broken men. I agree with your last sentence x1,000. Not attractive and desperate.

redfarmmmmm · 2020-03-29T11:05:58+00:00

If you date this guy you’ll be lucky to get a happy birthday text from him. If you expect or want anymore he WILL accuse you of “using him” or he’ll tell you your acting like his ex but, make no mistake, you will be expected to give him gifts and pay for things for him while he spends his money on himself and his friends.

mouthyhousewife · 2020-03-29T14:02:18+00:00

The thing about damaged men is that you will put more effort into not being like his ex. You may even start accepting unacceptable things in order to prove that you’re not like her and that you won’t hurt him or judge him.

If you can stand your ground and not put up with his insecurity projections, maybe. But I’d say probably not.

theawkwardalli · 2020-03-29T06:23:54+00:00

His outward disdain for that certain type of woman is a “no” for me. Just like another commenter said, everyone has a past and it depends on what mental state he is in and how he outwardly expresses that. I would’ve potentially considered him, up until you stated how he spoke about that specific type of woman. But that’s just my opinion!

level_up_always · 2020-03-29T05:13:58+00:00

hell no he's going to take all his anger out from the other girl on you. and you should be demanding he's setting up the dynamic so that you'll be meak and not ask for what you deserve. the fact that you're even considering this is telling raise your standards girl. men say things like this and 'not like gold diggers' etc etc as a signal to you to shape your behavior and not expect anything out of them. HARD PASS.

dzgata · 2020-03-29T06:56:22+00:00

Only if he sought therapy and it’s been at least a year since said damage. We all can get hurt by certain relationships but it’s how they choose to deal with their hurt or issues. I certainly wouldn’t date a guy who’s talking about his ex in this much detail when getting to know him. He’s clearly not over it. Also beware that many men will get hurt once and use that as fuel to purposefully mistreat every woman they come into contact with thereafter. If he was generous with his ex and now I’m not going to be treated generously, that’s a huge turn off. Id move on from this dude if I were you.

30137509 · 2020-03-29T15:19:54+00:00

It's a way of managing your expectations and your boundaries.

He has to work on himself in therapy; that's not your problem.

Devily666 · 2020-03-29T13:39:18+00:00

Oh yeah he was totally "burned", he is preemptively making this shit up so you feel bad asking for anything. Next thing you know you are splitting everything 50-50 and being "not like other girls" 🙄

purpleprinter_ · 2020-03-29T04:58:58+00:00

It depends on what mental state he’s in. We all have a past. We’ve all been hurt. A lot of us have had bad experiences with past relationships. It’s important that he’s moved on and grown from those experiences before dating you. I think it’s weird that he seems to be bringing her up so much to the point that it’s a turn off for you. He seems stuck on her. It’s a red flag if a guy talks about his past relationships too much. I would end it.

throwahweigh3521 · 2020-03-29T05:08:24+00:00

9penguin · 2020-03-29T20:14:03+00:00

Depends on how he responded to the damage. He uses the experience to be a better person? Yes, I'll give him a chance. He uses his experience to gain sympathy while he's not doing anything to heal from his trauma? Eh, pass. He uses the experience to excuse or justify being abusive to me and or to any stranger women? Fuck no.

popfriday · 2020-04-03T21:58:51+00:00

When a man complains about all the things the ex did wrong, he is manipulating you subconsciously to not “fuck up like the ex.”

Him: My ex was such a gold digger. She Forced me to buy her designer!! Can you believe it??

You: Well I’m not a gold digger. I’d never ask him for designer. How can I show him in different from his ex? Will he not spend as much on me?

See? He’s in your head. It’s a way to train you and make you not want to “fail” like the ex did.

Basically all he’s saying is either he’s cheap and he doesn’t want you to ask him for shit, or he was a sucker for his ex, showered her in designer and is still traumatized she left him (probably because men who buy their gfs don’t treat them with respect).

There has never been a guy who was taken advantage of financially who wasn’t willing and desperate to do it.

ItsFreezen · 2020-03-30T19:08:36+00:00

He want's his ex back.

Laeun · 2020-04-04T13:34:16+00:00

You wanna be a therapist practicing without a license? Then date him. All you're going to get is "muh feelingz. boohoo. muh ex. pouty."

Yianna_F · 2020-03-29T05:14:32+00:00

[removed]

Title	Would you date Damaged guy ?
Author	redfarmmmmm
Upvotes	12
Comments	45
Date	March 28, 2020 9:20 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fqsty3/would_you_date_damaged_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/would-you-date-damaged-guy.679433 https://theredarchive.com/post/679433

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