Emotional labour

dath_bane · 2021-11-30T09:52:03+00:00

I experience the same on the "single side" of life. It's so tiring to chat with girls that contribute almost nothing to the discussion. It could be so easy: we meet on time X on place Y and have a coffee. Instead they want to write for two weeks before they agree to meet at a public place. It's so refreshing to talk with guys sometimes. The Communication is goal oriented and they contribute some input.
Trying to get in contact with women in real life is as depressing as dating apps and giving up completely feels also depressing.

gratis_eekhoorn · 2021-11-30T09:36:31+00:00

Men not showing emotions?

Toxic masculinity.

Men opening up to other men?

Toxic bro culture.

Men opening up to women?

Emotional labour.

Aissir · 2021-11-30T11:30:21+00:00

Emitional labour is what retail workers, helping your partner manage their emotions is a part of healthy relationship

ubertrashcat · 2021-11-30T09:58:41+00:00

I've started sharing my feelings with my wife following psychodynamic work, e.g. saying how something makes me feel instead of rebutting and she's been calling me oversensitive ever since.

StupidSexyQuestions · 2021-11-30T15:32:48+00:00

I cannot stand the discussions around emotional labor.

According to wikipedia emotional labor is fulfilling the emotional component of a job. I.e. Pretending to be happy listening to a customers shitty joke. Or pretending that you're not bothered by being dressed down by customers/management because you messed up.

Being upset that your partner is not helping around the house is just... labor. And if they are unhappy about their partners contributions around the house they certainly aren't putting any emotional labor in because the vast majority of people know they aren't exactly happy about doing it.

It strikes me as incredibly ironic that feminism has essentially co-opted a term that is supposed to analyze the true cost of what workers do.

I know tons of men who constantly put in countless hours of emotional labor and literally never tell their wives/girlfriends they don't enjoy listening constantly and being an emotional rock when they know there is likely going to be minimal reciprocation. Or think they are bad people when they feel they aren't enjoying it.

I also know a ton of men who put in god knows how much actual labor. Working themselves to the bone either at work or in the home. They do the vast majority of the physically strenuous tasks that can even be damaging to their physical (and mental) health down the line.

And that's not even including on an emotional level most men are expected to help their SO feel safe and secure from intruders, knowing full well he also has to put in the emotional labor and be happy putting their life on the line for this person. If that isn't the definition of emotional labor I don't know what is. God knows when something actually happens and the rest of the labor has to be done in those terrifying situations.

These discussions completely underestimate the (actual) emotional and physical labor men put forth.

Deadlocked02 · 2021-11-30T10:23:36+00:00

Emotional labor is yet another symptom of the transactional nature of most relationships. Yet another instance of feminism actively encouraging women to weaponize their efforts against men, mostly by magnifying female efforts while completely erasing male ones. I mean, we’re talking about the same movement that includes things like “talking to your kids or watching cartoons with them” and all sorts of manipulative shit in time use surveys to make a point about women being subjected to “unpaid labor”.

az226 · 2021-11-30T13:46:09+00:00

In terms of household output, labor is only valuable if you value the fruits of your work (so you do it because YOU value it) and/or if your partner values it. If you provide emotional labor and your partner doesn’t value it, it has zero value. Same goes for physical labor. I don’t value the labor of someone fluffing the pillows on the couch. It adds zero value in my view. Fluff the pillows all you want, knock yourself out, but don’t pretend I see any value in it. Same for emotional labor. Spending extra time to pick out the perfect greeting card isn’t valued as much as the person investing the time thinks it is. Given laws of entropy, it’s always the one who likes things a certain way who will end up with a relatively larger burden to keep it that way. That’s the price of control.

Emotional labor definitely has its place, but it needs to be valued, otherwise it can and should be skipped.

BloomingBrains · 2021-11-30T21:12:57+00:00

Lets also remember that emotional labor done by men doesn't just go unappreciated in relationships, but often also goes unappreciated in courtship itself. As a single guy, it can get very frustrating to:

Always have to be the one who musters the courage to make a move
Always be the one who risks rejection
If rejected, be expected to take it in stride and accept that its solely your fault
Be expected to "improve yourself" so next time you'll get a yes
If 3-4 repeat too many times, accept that you're hateful incel who deserves to be alone

If none of that is emotional labor, I don't know what is. Certainly, none of it is less laborious than simply being the one who gets to choose. But in a way I'm glad I've had to go through those tribulations, I feel they've helped me mature emotionally. Which I suppose raises the question of whether the privilege of less emotional labor is actually a good thing in the long run.

BluesForBoltzmann · 2021-11-30T15:23:07+00:00

Whenever I hear women talk about being compensated for their emotional labor I wonder who is going to compensate men for the emotional labor of constantly having to listen to women complain about all the emotional labor they do

sypherprince · 2021-12-01T02:24:03+00:00

Our emotional labor is silencing ourselves

a-man-from-earth · 2021-11-30T10:58:20+00:00

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Party_Solid_2207 · 2021-11-30T15:33:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DrOrgasm · 2021-11-30T09:28:24+00:00

I'm going to answer this the same way I answer when people say that society expects them to do all the housework, feed the kids and work a job etc. etc.

This isn't a problem with society.

This is a problem with your marriage.

If you want to go off and have a high flying career find a partner who's willing to support that. If you're happy to be the supporting partner that's fine too. This is THE PURPOSE of partnerships & marriage. One person simply can't do it alone. You can't spend all your time tending to your family and expect to have a career not because you're being oppressed, but because there just aren't enough hours in the day. This is not a societal issue.

Likewise, if your partner is making your life a misery with constant overbearing emotional work, find a new partner. Sorry to be the one to say this, dude, but it sounds like she might not be the one for you.

bonobo-no · 2021-11-30T22:26:31+00:00

I don’t think emotional labor is a gendered term. I’ll have to look more into it though; I’ve never heard anyone use it in real life or online besides people saying it’s meaningless or dumb phrase.

Title	Emotional labour
Author	Party_Solid_2207
Upvotes	170
Comments	45
Date	November 30, 2021 8:48 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/r5iziz/emotional_labour/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/emotional-labour.1089557 https://theredarchive.com/post/1089557

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