The “creepy ugly guy”

matrixislife · 2021-09-09T02:04:04+00:00

Simple: if a guy flirts with a woman and he's attractive to her, he's bold, dashing etc. If he's not attractive to her, he's creepy. It's got very little to do with personality, and almost everything to do with her personal preferences.

He's generally unattractive in media because they have to portray that to everyone, can't have someone thinking the creep is actually cute.

ortakvommaroc · 2021-09-09T02:12:02+00:00

There's a reason why so much of current pop-culture feminism is focused on "Nerd Misogyny", on unmasking the hidden danger behind shy, unassuming, socially awkward and non-masculine men, all while your average frat bro is much more likely to commit sexual assault than the vast majority of "creepy" nerds.

AverageUnique · 2021-09-09T02:10:43+00:00

Also the fact that if "ugly" people, usually men, complain about discrimination based on their looks, they are called incels, which is an easy way to shut down or invalidate their experiences.

Final_Bruh · 2021-09-09T00:28:00+00:00

This is why I think men need to stop apologizing just for existing and perpetuating the idea it's okay for some women to be paranoid about half the population. The way I see it, if it isn't creepy if you flip the genders in your head, it isn't creepy. Period. And I'm sick of men with internalized misandry pretending otherwise because it's making a lot of men hate themselves.

Carkudo · 2021-09-08T23:11:24+00:00

Yeah, over the years I've become pretty sensitive to such portrayals in the media. There was a TV series I watched that had an episode in which one of the characters, a woman, was driven to suicide after having a particularly bad day while dealing with mental illness. The bad day included a cancelled date, being late for the train, getting yelled at by her boss and, glaringly, receiving words of reassurance from a creepy ugly coworker. It was a tiny scene that lasted all of two seconds, but somehow it just got burned into my memory. Probably because the guy they used for it looks so much like me.

Deadlocked02 · 2021-09-09T00:05:15+00:00

Feel free to call me out if I’m being biased, but the impression I get is that humiliation of male characters is much more prevalent in media targeted at female audience than the humiliation of female characters in typically male medias. Like, I’m capable of recognizing some tropes that feminists have complained about for years, specially in old movies, like femme fatales (which apparently are only a problem when men write them) lacking in personality and goals or female characters forsaking their dreams and aspirations to be with a male character, but you also have the exact same tropes for men in productions for female audiences. And while I do think some of these tropes can often make the production less nuanced and enjoyable, they are not necessarily humiliating or played for laughs. But there’s a whole other section that involve humiliating characters or demeaning them to elevate another, and it really feels like the humiliation of male characters is pretty much mandatory in most productions for female audiences these days. I just don’t see anything equivalent in typically male medias. People don’t usually take pleasure in watching a female character in such position. I’d also say that some writers seriously need to learn how to write good female characters without demeaning men in the process. I mean, what does it say about your character? Do you really have to resort to such trick to elevate them? Aren’t they good on their own?

AWastelandWanderer · 2021-09-09T12:25:14+00:00

You know what's funny? For all the talk about how women are less shallow and less 'obsessed' about sex and attractiveness than men, women sure do love making sweeping judgements about sexless, unattractive guys, as though sex/attractiveness (or lack thereof) is somehow indicative to how moral a guy is as a person.

ThrowAway640KB · 2021-09-09T03:46:19+00:00

How likely a man is to be seen as “creepy” is directly proportional to how ineffective he is in giving women the tinglies.

This is best seen in 50 Shades of Gray. Had Christian been an unemployed layabout in a four-decade-old double-wide mobile home, it would be an episode of Criminal Minds instead of a soft-core porno. The single largest aspect which turns the story from a horror movie into irresistible female spank material comes down to the № 1 thing that gives women the tinglies - obscene levels of wealth/power.

His confidence and dark-triad narcissism are the buttresses that just make the entire premise that much more seductive for women, which is why you often see so-called “losers” - drug dealers and thugs, gainfully employed or not - also attract undeserved levels of female attention.

magus678 · 2021-09-09T02:16:50+00:00

Whenever this subject comes up, I'm reminded of this skit.

Talik1978 · 2021-09-09T13:10:24+00:00

The attractive but bad trope is the Gaston trope. The "yes, I look good, and i know it, and everyone knows it, look at me", and is also often portrayed as a creep. I do believe entertainment portrays "undesirables" as clearly undesirable, by exaggerating negative qualities to the point of absurdity, where the audience can easily say, "of course this man isn't fit for the protagonist."

It does tend to make the story less relevant to the real world, where things aren't as exaggerated and it isn't obvious.

helloiseeyou2020 · 2021-09-09T20:39:52+00:00

It's a bit of an oversimpification but there is a lot of truth to it as well.

A more nuanced and accurate-to-reality way to talk about this concept is that there is a bold/creepy spectrum and the threshold to cross over it is much higher for hot guys and lower for ugly men

It also bears mention that attractive men are going to have had more positive interactions with women, which creates a positive feedback loop because they fain more experience and confidence, as well as a greater understanding of where the line is.

Guys who work their way up to making one move every several years have had far less experience with which to refine their social intelligence.

BloomingBrains · 2021-09-10T23:14:18+00:00

I notice this trend too, but its so much more than that. For instance: you'll notice that the creepy guy with a bad attitude about women is hardly ever a popular, handsome, attractive, charismatic guy--even though that person is much more likely to hurt women than a lonely nerd. (Reasons being things like easier access, reduced suspicion, desensitization, over-inflated ego, etc.) Which is the other problematic aspect of this trope: the creepy, ugly, weird guy is almost always an intellectual/introvert. And that is harmful because it conditions people to automatically associate those types with creepiness, regardless of whether they are even ugly or weird in the first place. Not that being ugly or weird should be a crime in and of itself either or that they logically go hand in hand.

I really wish I remember where I heard it, but it was something where a female character reacted to a man being shy around women by saying something like "That's good, I would distrust you more if you seemed overly familiar with women". And that made so much sense to me. Isn't it natural and healthy to be a bit unfamiliar with the opposite sex? If someone is completely smooth then is that not a sign of psychopathy and/or a serial pick up artist?

Sadly, it seems like the halo effect is highly influential aspect of most people's psychology, which is probably why this trope exists.

peanutbutterjams · 2021-09-09T03:23:17+00:00

Attractive men have more to offer women. An ugly guy is far more likely to be unfairly considered creepy than a handsome one.

To be fair, that's human nature though. Wanting a physically attractive person to be attractive in all other ways too is pretty common to both genders.

InteractionOriginal7 · 2021-09-11T18:19:07+00:00

To be fair, that type of advertisement is dangerous for women. We are made to believe that the attractive guy can do no harm, when in all actually, hot guys are just as much jerks, just as much abusers, just as much rapists. It paints a certain picture and makes women ignore red flags. Doesn't mean that those ugly guys aren't creeps, it means that hot guys get away with being creeps far more often and women suffer the consequences.

Wild_Zookeepergame56 · 2021-09-10T19:19:39+00:00

He used to haunt my sleep. I was real scared of him but not anymore. I bet he sucks balls.

helloiseeyou2020 · 2021-09-09T08:42:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

beefmcstuffin · 2021-09-09T15:14:45+00:00

Female targeted media is different than female made media. Birds of Prey was directed by a women and they made Ewen McGregor an attractive well dressed creep. The problem is you’re probably looking at stories made by men about women and not the other way around.

Edit - cling to your confirmation bias it’s really working out for all of you.

Dustin_Bromain · 2021-09-09T21:07:39+00:00

Hahahaha yeah

Title	The “creepy ugly guy”
Author	Lordkeravrium
Upvotes	204
Comments	84
Date	September 8, 2021 10:41 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/pkkzd4/the_creepy_ugly_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/the-creepy-ugly-guy.1069712 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069712

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