What double standards do men face?

ChimpPimp20 · 2024-02-19T15:52:12+00:00

When a woman reports being a victim of violence, she is supported and nurtured. When a man reports being a victim of violence, he is invalidated, laughed at and dismissed.
Women can show affection to children, even unrelated, without any backlash, meanwhile men showing affection to children are suspected to be paedophiles.
In some countries, men are more often conscripted to the army, when women have a choice anyway.
Some people expect men to be chivalrous: hold door for women, giving their sitting seats in buses, trains etc. when shortage of seats occurs, pay for the whole bill after a date, meanwhile women are receivers more often, without reciprocity.

Of course, this list isn't meant to fuel hatred of women. We should respect both men and women equally, and work together to dismantle every double standard.

CimZim · 2024-02-19T14:07:23+00:00

It is okay for a single woman to walk/sit near a playground or school, whereas a single man is viewed as highly suspicious and likely a pedo.

It is okay for a woman to insist that her date pay for the entire thing and still be seen as a capable, financially independent adult. If a man tried to do this, he'd be seen as a broke ass loser and severely decimate his dating opportunities.

It is not only socially accepted but sometimes openly encouraged for women to use sex as a form of coercion on their bf/husband, like dangling a cookie in front of a dog to make him do tricks. I cannot begin to tell you how many women I've had tell me they only have sex after receiving gifts, being taken to expensive restaurants, or being sent bouquets at work. If a man tried to treat his gf or wife this way, not only would he possibly be labeled "gay" for not just giving it up, but he'd be lambasted as sexually negligent.

These are just 3. I have a list of about 14, if you need more.

AdamChap · 2024-02-19T16:01:04+00:00

We are no doubt going to get into the weeds about what is actually allowed vs what is only demonised or rejected but w/e that's not the point.

Women are allowed to use violence and receive far less criticism for using it, especially against men

Women are allowed to say cruel things and receive far less criticism for it, especially when against other women.

People look the other way when women sleep with minors, especially when they are male.

Women receive in general less punishment for the same crime.

Women are allowed to complain, and will have complaints listened to. Males will usually face shaming from women in the form of "man up" (often the finger is pointed by feminists at other men who use "man up" without understand that men say this to each other as a spurring action because we know women reject us upon showing weakness)

You have to understand that there are not just the legal differences in how the genders are treated but the different sexual selection pressures that women and men face. For as long as women pressure men by preferring them strong and stoic, men will be forced to act within certain parameters.

We know men seek risk-taking behaviours despite the danger whilst women are prone to anxiety and do to opposite. Given this, one should understand that men are never going to be afraid of women like women are of men, whether or not men or women have anything to be afraid of in the first place. The result is that women will be afraid of men and demand high standards from them, whether or not men are dangerous. Men will however never place the same pressure on women to act safe towards them regardless of how dangerous women could become.

This is why women can do things that men cannot. For if a man was to step out of the bounds of what is considered "safe" for a woman, panic ensues. Men however are even shamed for being scared of women, justified or not. If a woman was to step out of the bounds of what is considered "safe" for a man, nothing would be done.

Take modern dating as an example. Both genders have a desire to control their mating output. You want to make sure your partner is yours, and loves you and that you can have successful offspring in the long run. All the things women might need to do to defend that are praised; society sends the message it's smart to be anxious what your man is up to and a woman's controlling behaviour is minimized.

However if you consider how a man might be controlling out of his distrust for his lady and suddenly there's an urge to blame him for his feelings. Men unlike women cannot guarantee that the child that comes from the womb is his. Despite this men are often seen as abusive for setting any kind of boundary that could threaten his chance at passing on genes successfully.

And really in most of these situations the man in question gets no attention from the opposite sex whilst his wife or girlfriend get lots. You'd think men get more of a pass here to be insecure yet male insecurity worries women so much that it becomes scary, demonized and removed from the gene pool. On the other hand men just deal with female insecurity, mostly because they get less choice in mate and place less selection pressure on women overall.

Finally I do find it curious that you don't see double standards that men face whilst you, me and no doubt everyone else here widely understands the double standards women face. I question if its just that we were taught one and not the other or that the empathy goes one way? What do you think? I've personally come to believe it's the latter.

SvitlanaLeo · 2024-02-19T16:52:04+00:00

People police men's gender behavior much more aggressively.

ilike2talktomyself · 2024-02-19T18:54:45+00:00

Men are demonized for their sexuality like it's something disgusting and shameful. Women are courted and get attention for their sexuality. Men are always expected to have agency and are expected to fix themselves no matter what the context or problem. And therefore never worthy of help or concern. They hv to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Women are allowed or even perceived as never having agency and are always deserving of empathy and help.

Women have problems but men are problems.

It's the difference between seeing a person with problems and asking " what happened to you?" versus asking " what's wrong with you?"

Seeing equality only in terms of women's issues. Seeing mens issues as self inflicted.

Check out the work of academic James Nuzzo https://jameslnuzzo.substack.com/

Showing heavy bias against men and boys in the UN and WHO.

Seeing all problems in the world as stemming from misogyny. While claiming misandry is honorable and necessary. Misogyny kills but misandry only hurts feelings.

Saying that violence doesn't hv to be physical- it can be verbal and emotional and comes in the form of abuse. Unless it's a male on the receiving end as it's only his feelings are hurt. He's a man child. He's insecure.

Violence can be systemic and institutional- unless it's a man on the receiving end in which case it has to be physical and direct. ( hence misandry does not hurt men apparently)

Ignoring the bias against boys in education whilst girls are nurtured and encouraged.

Assuming men don't take jobs in health fields because they are misogynistic rather than seeing the discrimination they face.

Ignoring female forms of relational violence and bullying and assuming only men do that.

Ignoring that men can be misandric esp if they are in powerful roles - because men are not victims unless it's a female perpetrator.

Women are never at fault for their own violence as it must be due to men that force her into violence.

Women's violence isn't coded as violence - like Hilary Clinton being responsible for many innocent deaths but because she's female she's not seen as responsible.

Feminist misandry such as valerie solanas' book SCUM manifesto is seen as just ironic humour but make comics tell a slightly off coloured joke and he's cancelled. But Solanas is lauded and praised with no criticism. Same for Sally Miller Gearhart wanting to reduce men to 10% of the population. She's seen as an innovative thinker and her phrase " The Future is Female" is widely adopted.

Lesbian separatists who want gender apartheid are celebrated and lauded.

Deep_Instruction4255 · 2024-02-19T15:36:47+00:00

Men pay most taxes but have fewer services like emergency shelters, therapy programs, male specific health programs

Digger_is_taken · 2024-02-19T16:38:04+00:00

FGM is illegal in the US but I got circumcised.

If I am forced to have sex with a woman, it isn't considered rape.

There are still woman-only college scholarships despite the fact that women have been the majority of US college graduates since the 80s.

Should I go on or do you concede the point?

CimZim · 2024-02-19T19:26:48+00:00

It all comes down to this: we live in a society where children undergo gendered learning from a young age. Men are taught what’s expected OF them FOR women. They’re taught how they should treat women, but NOT how they should expect to be treated. Women are taught what to expect FROM men, without being taught how to treat them.

The standards of western women in dating are astronomically high these days. High such that if I as a man had standards like that, not only would I never get a date, but I’d be subject to ridicule. Women, however, feel entitled to it. Our society has come to place women on a pedestal. They will overlook wrongdoing in favour of clinging to narratives in which women are superior in terms of morality or value.

I, as a male rape victim, was told by a woman to my face that my experience didn’t matter. Well, we all know that if the same thing happened, I’d been a woman, and she’d been a man, people would’ve lost their goddamn minds. If a woman claims rape, it’s a tragedy. When I did it, it was chalked up to attention-seeking.

So many women expect the men they date to give them the world. Simultaneously, they delude themselves into believing that gracing their partner with their presence alone is a fair trade. So many men are supposed to be wealthy. They’re supposed to protect. They’re supposed to work their asses off for the women they support to live beyond their means. They’re expected to bring SO MUCH MORE THAN THEY ARE to the table before they can even expect to have a shot. Well I’m sorry, but just existing isn’t a redeeming quality. If a woman is going to give a man a laundry list of expectations, then she’d better come prepared to give back. It being compulsory that I run myself ragged for the “privilege” of being with her is not a fair trade. Not in light of how if I’m not prepared to practically live in servitude to my partner and forego my own wants and needs, I’m not a “real man” in her eyes. Why on earth would I want to subject myself to getting such a raw deal?

Women get coddled when they express insecurities. Men get blamed for theirs, and effectively get told to change it if they don’t like it. Yeah, thanks. Great help.

Depp Vs. Heard was a complete farce much of the way through. Depp produced a wealth of evidence he’d been abused, and after the trial, Heard said to the press (I’m paraphrasing) that it was a societal failure of women. She believes, despite cutting the tip of that man’s finger off, that she deserves face no consequences for her actions. And you know what? Droves of feminists agreed! Thats batshit insane! It’s important to bear in mind here that this was a defamation suit filed by Depp for Heard calling him a wife-beater. But god forbid anyone say similar things about her, even if they’re true. Now, I’m not saying Depp is perfect. They were both shitty to each other. But Depp lost out on roles because of that case. You know who studios refused to fire from their projects? That’s right, Amber Heard.

Why should all this be expected of men, when women dodge accountability all the time without any kind of rebuke, and moreover, when we as a society allow them to get away with it!

I’m not saying men shouldn’t be held accountable for their actions. I’m saying that women should. And as of now, they aren’t. At least, not nearly to the standard they should be.

CR9_Kraken_Fledgling · 2024-02-19T15:31:26+00:00

Court double standards are a very big one in my opinion. Divorce court is the classic example, but even in criminal court, men face harsher sentences for the same crimes.

Hugeknight · 2024-02-19T18:09:51+00:00

To a woman, womanhood is automatic.

To a man, manhood has to be constantly affirmed.

BasedShortGuy · 2024-02-20T00:33:40+00:00

Body shaming:

Check out r/ExposingHeightism. The subreddit shows just how normalized talking about men’s height and shaming them for it has become.

trafalgarbear · 2024-02-20T05:12:14+00:00

A more minor but nonetheless annoying one: If a guy buys women stuff or gives her money it's expected, if a woman gives a guy money or buys him stuff he's a leech

Whole_W · 2024-02-19T21:57:29+00:00

In my culture (I'm a woman from the northeastern U.S) it's acceptable, at least in certain contexts, for women to sexualize male babies - granted, this goes for men too, but point is I could get away with saying that babies of the opposite sex "just look better" with their genitals forcibly exposed in a manner that just so happens to make them look artificially aroused and erected due to surgical modification, whereas a man doing the same thing to a female baby would be utterly demolished socially.

EDIT: I'm not saying women who say their babies "look better" are literally sexually aroused by them, but you can't deny how bizarre saying a baby's exposed genitals look good is, or the double-standard this is in many cultures.

ezra502 · 2024-02-19T22:12:10+00:00

women are allowed to dress like men but men aren’t allowed to dress like women

Proof-Opening9174 · 2024-02-19T16:03:27+00:00

Well, don't women receive lower prison sentencing compared to men for the same crimes and similar criminal histories? Women are more likely to avoid jail time compared to men. There have even been debates in government (e.g. the UK) discussing whether to abolish female prisons as prison is a male punishment.

Isn't domestic abuse another one? I've seen a number of examples where a woman hits a man and people often justify it as, "he did something to deserve it", "he's stronger, it won't hurt him", laugh at him, etc. Watch these 2 videos as evidence: #ViolenceIsViolence: Domestic abuse advert Mankind, and WWYD Woman Abusing Man.

I've seen far more examples of people justifying and thinking it's okay when women sexually assault men compared to the other way around (excuses like, "men always want it", "men always think with the other head", etc. Comments made by men and women).

Oh, and the biggest one, it's not illegal for women to rape men. Most countries don't even recognize female on male rape. Some countries tried to change the law to gender neutral (e.g. in India and Israel) but feminist groups protested against it.

Living_Accountant_67 · 2024-02-20T05:04:06+00:00

I have to say... almost everything in many aspects nowadays, like the whole society or even us tend to ignore or find natural many things women do, but when I try to think about it being done with gender reversed, it suddenly becomes a crime or some severe "moral issue".🙂

Hot-Capital · 2024-02-20T06:04:59+00:00

They have the privilege of life the highest privilege of all. In case of a disaster they are rescued first. Second they can vote politicians into power who can start wars and send men to die without any consequences. They get more government monetary and other support.

ChimpPimp20 · 2024-02-20T06:59:11+00:00

This might be too edgy to talk about but something I realized is that people are more willing to kill male criminals than female ones.

There's entire compilations of male chomos (child molesters) getting murdered but I could only find a couple women who were killed. Obviously people take one more seriously than the other even if it's the same crime.

levelate · 2024-02-19T18:33:02+00:00

i think this op is fishing for something.

they were over in mensrights asking the same thing, and was not very involved in the comments.

TURBO_SCROTUM · 2024-02-20T11:04:22+00:00

It is legal to discriminate against men as a group by charging them higher car insurance rates due to their gender.

It is not legal to do the same to women for health insurance.

(Not advocating for the latter. Just want to fix the former)

Witty-Cardiologist76 · 2024-03-22T18:14:49+00:00

-Im a shorter guy. If I get angry or defensive its immediately linked to my height and brushed off.

-men cant get angry or frustrated without making everyone uncomfortable....but its also the only emotion we can show

-my body can be made fun of all day

-i can't complain about dating without everyone saying "well are you approaching girls?!"

-my boss had her shoes off in a WORK MEETING and i couldn't say it made me uncomfortable cause then i would be implying her feet arent worth seeing which is a no no

FirsToStrike · 2024-02-21T07:33:10+00:00

This one is less "institutional" but very widespread- the assumption that women are not causing their own problems, only men are causing problems for both themselves and women alike, is not only very popular in feminist spaces, it is practically dogma. If some women are indeed causing their own problems or have "problematic beliefs" (those that don't agree with the orthodoxy, like say, wanting to be a tradwife), even that is usually explained away by internalized misogyny caused by patriarchy.

So men can't help but be at fault- how does this look like in practice? Imagine a stereotypical case in which a woman keeps dating assholes. She keeps dating them until eventually she snaps, goes on a huge rant in some online community about how men all suck. Everyone affirms her opinions on how men suck. No one bats an eye.

Now imagine a man who keeps dating terrible women. At some point he snaps and goes online with the conclusion "women suck!" Who will affirm this man? Only misogynistic redpillers, no? The conversation in any online space other than that would usually involve convincing the man that he's the problem and that he should stop being such a bigoted incel.

Now imagine if I, a man, were to hint that maybe the woman is partially at fault for dating assholish men and that she should work on her own psychological problems so that she could start picking better men. Unless I know the woman and this is a personal convo between us- in any public forum I'd be seen as a victim blamer! A persona non-grata! Rather than admitting an issue with the person who does the picking, apparently I should be aware that men do indeed mostly suck. And this assumption in my experience is inherent in almost every liberal space, not even particularly radical ones.

This "women can do no wrong" bias is very problematic for all involved imo, first because it doesn't allow women to be called out when maybe they need to be, in order to learn from their mistakes, and secondly- when something does go wrong, if it can't be because of women then by default it must be the fault of men.

I obviously understand why it is the case that we're at this point- it's because women were and perhaps are still victim blamed a lot, particularly in cases of sexual abuse. But if the commitment is towards protection then being able to let a person know what they're doing wrong is part of this- "don't go there dressed like this", "I hope other girls are escorting you" or "I don't like the guy you've chosen to date" is a valid thing for a father to tell his daughter in some cases.

CanIRant76 · 2024-02-21T08:01:22+00:00

A personal example of mine. When I was younger, if my sister hit me and I retaliated, she would get chastised along the lines of "you shouldn't hit your brother." I on the other hand would get "you shouldn't hit girls." My sister's violence against me, was looked at as only being against me. My violence against her was looked at as being against every girl. My sister would use that as a shield, as what was being enforced wasn't "violence against people is wrong" it was "violence against women is wrong." My sister is older then me, at that time she could hit harder then me, yet I would receive a harsher punishment.

Illustrious_Wish_383 · 2024-02-21T09:55:16+00:00

Insecurity in women - tolerated, understood, viewed sympathetically, even expected I would argue

Insecurity in men - "lol git gud scrub"