Getting started? STFU

alphabeta49 · 2016-06-22T21:51:08+00:00

Gonna pick up where u/NaturallyAlpha left off.

The "C" word (Communication) gets a bad rap because when blue pilled pussies say it, they mean that expressing your emotions and venting about all the ways you depend on your spouse is the best way to actually get what you want. The problem is, this type of Communication comes with a covert contract. THAT contract is NOT communicated. THAT'S ~~what fucks guys over~~ how guys fuck themselves over, and why NMMNG is on the sidebar, and why its such a demonized word around here.

There's a good kind of Communication though. This type of Communication is masculine, i.e., overt, well-planned, and meaningful. Women are the ones who communicate covertly, i.e., with gossip, hints, beating around the bush, acting coy, leading questions, etc. As a man, it is your duty to not be pulled into that frame of Communication.

Chump_No_More · 2016-06-22T16:49:50+00:00

to take ownership on solving a problem "I got this"

This is the perfect conversation closer. Whatever it is, crush it and not another word. Next!

Few things get a woman wetter than watching a competent man, effortlessly getting shit done.

killingblueme · 2016-06-22T15:56:04+00:00

As a noob (married 25+ yrs, in NMMNG territory for whopping ~5 months, MRP and lifting strongly for ~3 months), I will tell anyone that THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ADVICE YOU WILL EVER RECEIVE HERE.

You may want to use AM and A&A, you may think you are witty and funny, etc, but if you have NEVER used that in your relationship, you probably don't have the frame to do it yet. Your best pattern is to just STFU and see what happens.

Mini case in point: recently my wife tried to corner me and bitch about something I had done poorly in her eyes (initiate sex in this case, which she had said "no" to the night before). She rambled on and tried to blame me for all kinds of stuff, but I said nothing. I just listened, I was present but not concerned. She asked no questions, just spewed words. By the end, she was apologizing after realizing that all the things she had been complaining about feeling were things I would also be feeling, sex ensued and things were good...not perfect, way more room to grow here. I DIDN'T SAY ONE WORD WHILE SHE RAMBLED.

In the past I would have DEER'ed the shit out that situation. If I had said ONE WORD it would have been me DEER'ing and she would have justified everything she had "felt". AM and A&A are a little out of my reach right now because my frame is not quite solid enough for her to feel safe in. Working on it.

In hind sight, there were several things I could have done with AM and A&A, but I also realize that while I am changing, I am not to the point where she believes it enough to submit to AM and A&A...working on it, I will get there.

I realize that STFU is not the best long term solution across the board, but doing it early on can be very educational and NECESSARY. Don't miss out on the education, don't think you are a black belt from reading some manual on the internet.

Scurvemuch · 2016-06-22T17:30:50+00:00

There is a post like this every couple of months. Apparently that's the cycle of newbies fucking up and not reading older posts.

Can we auto post these?

irateMD · 2016-06-22T22:02:27+00:00

Good post. Only disagreement is this:

bragging, stroking your ego, complimenting yourself

That should be on the STFU list. Don't talk about the hot girl who spontaneously gave you her number. Don't talk about how much you lift or how great you are at work. Don't brag. Let her hear about those things from other people.

I've had publications, awards, and had my name in the media. Before the red pill, my wife didn't give a fuck about those things because she heard them from me. Earlier this year I was quoted in the paper. She heard people talking to me about it at a party, and suddenly she was proud of her husband and was extra enthusiastic in bed that night. She bragged about it to her friends and family for the next few days.

Don't talk about how awesome you are; just be awesome. Don't talk about how much women want to fuck you; just be the guy that women want to fuck.

captain_my_captain22 · 2016-06-22T16:04:21+00:00

Thanks for the reminder. And don't forget to lift! Deadlifts do the body good!

screechhater · 2016-06-23T00:37:10+00:00

Wow, a gotten concept of shutting the fuck up long enough for her to talk herself into circles, then acknowledge most of it was verbal diahrea, then apologizes, cause if you think about it, that 15 year old teen spark in her eye actually means, I am going to "conquer you, I don't really want to, but I will do my damnest, but if you are strong, I will live to please you," but so many cannot understand this, that they talk themselves into the Sarahara. Then wonder, why is she such a bitch and the downhill slide ensues

NaturallyMasculine · 2016-06-22T15:46:36+00:00

I see the line you are trying to walk, so I will be that voice that says there are situations where this does not apply - hopefully guys understand that they are not to follow your post as a rigid guideline - yet most will.

There was a post where his wife would not buy him a certain food when she went grocery shopping. I told him to explain to her why he wanted that specific item. He got back to me raving about how it worked and explaining that item A was needed because it was better than item B because reasons resulted in her not only buying it, but choosing to start eating the same way and now they improve together.

It is ok to have a vision and it is ok to share that vision at the right time and place.

Talk too much and you're a fuck - too little and you can lose the support you would otherwise have from your lady.

Men take the notes and apply what is needed for their specific scenario - none of this is clear black and white, remember that.

redearththeory · 2016-06-22T16:30:55+00:00

I think its important to talk only when necessary. If a man unnecessarily talks about something before or after he does it, his wife (and any one else) will rightly assume that he only did it looking for approval. Unnecessarily talking about action is literally the best way to turn an oak move into a DLV by approval seeking.

OpiumPhrogg · 2016-06-24T14:55:09+00:00

Funny, I was just thinking over STFU and what it all means. I was going to make a post about it, but since this is already here, I will just add my thoughts -

Along with Acta Non Verba I would also suggest Don't speak unless it improves on the silence.

We say STFU not because we wan't you to just roll over and take whatever bullshit argument or comments your wife is making. We say STFU because you are still learning how this is all supposed to work, and you can't effectively study if you are engaging in pointless and ridiculous squabbles. If you don't know how to deal with your wife's constantly bitchy attitude then don't try. Shut up, study, and learn so you can start passing all those (shit)tests.

ProMathlete · 2016-06-22T18:21:00+00:00

Thank you sir

druganswer · 2016-06-22T17:51:14+00:00

to express affection, often for comfort tests

Starting out I would expect guys are all too often thinking shit tests are comfort tests. Even our "I" vs "You" statement comfort/shit test vetting isn't really that great of a way to figure these out. Assuming something is a shit test will almost never decrease attraction or respect. Assuming things are comfort tests that are not will put you on a bumpy and confusing ride.

coffee_and_lumber · 2016-06-23T18:46:18+00:00

I want to add, (though it's already been covered here plenty before) don't just shut the hell up, get the hell out of the house entirely as much as you can.

Join, or better yet form a gang of other guys you can hang out with. (This is right out of Jack Donovan's playbook.) Go and do challenging masculine stuff together, especially things where you need to depend on each other. If you want to accelerate your progress in your household, go and find out where you stand with other men. Make some attempt to lead those other men. Leading women is easy. Men will straight up challenge you. Put yourself out there and be a strong part of your group. Achieve some real shit. This will bind you all together. I think ultimately, this gives you real IDGAF, story telling skills, A&A, ownership, all those good things.

And it makes you scarce. She wonders where you are and what you're doing. Keeps a nice low hum of dread going, and keeps you where you can improve yourself without letting her see the effort.

ecrasez · 2016-06-30T06:09:55+00:00

Great post - I fuck up a lot through talking. It's very helpful to have all this spelled out so clearly.

Title	Getting started? STFU
Author	spexer
Upvotes	89
Comments	55
Date	June 22, 2016 3:37 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4pb9vk/getting_started_stfu/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/getting-started-stfu.199835 https://theredarchive.com/post/199835

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